Riding Your Thoughts, ‘Round, and ‘Round Like a Carousel

God DAMN it, why is my brain still churning, my body’s already T-I-R-E-D!!!

Riding your thoughts, ‘round and ‘round like a carousel, your thoughts keep on turning, over, over, over, over (you get the picture, don’t you???), over again, and it keeps you, wide awake in the nights, when you should be restin’ up.

Riding your thoughts, ‘round, and ‘round like a carousel, and that, is when you were reminded, how, when you were still a young child, you loved those stallions on those carousel machines in the amusement parks, and how just one ride was never enough.

And now, you’re riding your thoughts, ‘round, and ‘round, like a carousel, and you realized, that it wasn’t the ride that made you feel happy, that it was the thought of riding around those amusement park machines that made you happy.

Riding your thoughts, ‘round, and ‘round, like a carousel, when are they ever gonna stop?  Until the engines overheat, and start breaking down???  Until then, you can only keep on, riding those thoughts, ‘round, and ‘round, like a carousel, and you will find absolutely NO rest that’s for certain.

I’d See You on Every Street Corner

I’d see you on every street corner, you’d become, every person I ever come across now… I’d see you on every street corner, that, was why I ran, because the “ghost” of you just won’t leave me alone, you’re enjoying haunting me, aren’t you?  I’d see you on every street corner, you’re everywhere I’d ever been, and everywhere I ever wanted to go.

I’d see you on every street corner, and yet, I know, that you’re NOT here anymore, and so, am I hallucinating, seeing you, on every street corner, or, are you, merely, a manifestation of my guilty conscience?

I’d see you on every street corner, and, no matter how hard I tried, to escape these street corners, you’d always catch up to me, and haunt me, and it just never ends, and I’m getting really tired of it all………

I’d see you on every street corner, and, I’d start running fast, to get away, and, after I ran, for a few blocks, I’d stopped, because I’m out of air, and then, I forgot, that I had a question for you, the question that’ll probably stop me, from running away: what are you: a memory, or a ghost?

Someone Who Knows Who I am

I need someone who knows who I am, and still love me, regardless (here’s an I-D-E-A: Why don’t you call UP YO mama then!!!).  Someone who knows who I am, someone who will still accept me, love me, unconditionally.

Someone who knows who I am, but W-H-O?  Do you know who I am?  How ‘bout you?  Do YOU know who I am?  Someone who knows who I am, guess I’ll never find, because if I do, I’ll marry that person, quicker than a heartbeat that’s for sure!

Someone who knows who I am, where can I find a man/woman like that?  Anyone have an answer for me?  I’m really in need, of someone to love, and someone who’ll reciprocate the love back to me.  Someone who knows who I am?  If you don’t even know who Y-O-U are, do NOT expect anybody ELSE to, because if you don’t even have a clue of who you are, how the HELL is the REST of this big ol’ freakin’ world supposed to???  Uh, D-U-H!!!

Someone who knows who I am?  Oh, I know, I’ll just write that letter, to my “heavenly father”, and ask Him who I am, after all, if He doesn’t even know, NOBODY else would.  Someone who knows who I am, who’ll still love me, regardless of my faults, someone who’ll forgive me, time and time again, and overlook everything BAD I’d done, that reminds me, I need to get breastfed…

Mapped Out a New Course for Love

Because let’s face it, that old and worn out plan for love that we had, well, it just won’t work now, as love’s changed, it IS no longer the way it once was, and so, we’d decided, to map out a new course for it… Mapped out a new course for love, and, we thought we knew what we were doing, but apparently, we don’t, ‘cuz love’s got a mind of its own, and, it was NOT going to let us dictate how it’ll live out the course of ITS time!

Mapped out a new course for love, but, love derailed from the plan, leaving us feeling insecure, and, eventually, it was love’s inability to stay ON course, and our insecurities, that killed it (love) at the very end.

Had love stayed to the course we’d mapped out for it (this last time), then, things may have worked out fine, but, we still wouldn’t know that for certain, and, besides, it’s way too late, as love had been taken out of this “equation” already!!!

Mapped out a new course for love, but love wanted control over ITS own life, and so yeah, it R-A-N, off, and, it’d strayed OFF of this course we’d mapped out for it, the one we knew it’d be safe on, so, where is the love now?  Neither one of us had heard from it since it’d decided to S-T-R-A-Y…

Rivals in Love

We are two rivals in love, a boy and a girl (biologically speaking, that is…), we were supposed to work together, to keep this love going on strong, and yet, through the processes of time, we’d become competitors.

Rivals in love, when did we become compelled to compete against one another?  When did we start nickeling and diming how much of what we were receiving from one another?  That’s NOT how love’s supposed to go, it’s supposed to be selfless and unconditional giving to each other, without expecting OR wanting things in return.  When, did we place a “set value” on love?  I can’t recall when that started happenin’…

Rivals in love, we’d become, we used to be on the same side, and now, we’re NOT even on the same lines, let alone, the same pages, I don’t know how we got here (wherever THAT may be???).  Rivals in love, we’d turned into, and, there’s NO turning back, from where we are, we keep on traveling down this road, and I already have a clear CLUE of where it’s gonna lead me, and, I know that’s NOT where I want to be with you, and yet, I’m compelled, by some sort of unforeseen forces, to keep driving toward that end there.

Rivals in love, that, is what we are, we are NO longer together, working toward the same goals in life, we’re now, separated from one another, we’d flown too far off course, and we can’t find our ways back to one another again!

Face Defeats Bravely

Translated…

At times in life, we may not reap what we sown, and, it’s normal that things would fall out of our expectations, the important thing is, how we learn to deal with it.

Back then, my eldest son was over 220 pounds, he thought that he gets to escape the service: but, the Ministry of Defense had loosened their rules, and now, those adult males who are overweight, too thin, too tall must ALL enlist.

Even though my son was stunned, but he could only accept this. After he was assigned to his base, because he was physically “apparent”, he’d gotten picked on a lot by the more experienced servicemen, he’d had to handle a great deal of work during the daytime, and at night, he was assigned to the midnight shifts of standing guard, he could only squeeze in three, four hours of sleep a day, he’d lost a total of over sixty-six pounds.  After this, he didn’t get beaten down, instead, it’d initiated his fighting response, worked even harder, and gotten his platoon leader, his row leader’s trust and care, and that, is when the older servicemen stopped picking on him.

Can’t imagine, that this experimental draft plan, because it didn’t match up to the expected results, two years later, it was tossed out, and so, the year before my son enlisted, the overweight didn’t have to serve, and the year after him, the overweight also didn’t have to serve, only him, he turned into a “lab rat” during those two years. And gladly, my son had a positive attitude about it, to deal with his two-year service term, not only did he NOT get beaten, he’d gotten polished, after this, his life became wide open.

Before this, the hands of fate also dealt us a scary hand. When my husband went for his routine health exams, he was told that he had cancer in his alveoli, and that he must return to the hospital for check-up immediately.  Back then, it was no more than a month and a half until my son’s high school entrance exams, in order to NOT mess up my son’s mind, my husband was insistent, on NOT getting that check up, and told me not to tell it to my son, said that after he’d taken his test, then, he’ll be admitted to the hospitals.

During that month and a half, we were both having it hard, on the one hand, we were worrying about that it might delay my husband’s treatment, on the other, we were worried, how are we going to get through it all. I was angered at how stubborn my husband was, on NOT getting his health exams, and on the other, I feared, that if we told our son, he might not be able to handle it, and bombed on his examinations, I didn’t know which way to go, it was all too painful.

I’d cried secretly every single day, and researched information on alveoli cancer, and, when I thought about what’s in store for my husband, my heart wrenched, and I’d worried that if he doesn’t get through this, what will we do? And, the icy cold feeling came from my feet, all the way, into my heart, even though, it was, the DEAD of summer, but I feel like I’m frozen stiff, I can only hold down the pains in my heart, suppress my own fears, and planned out my life, in that small notebook, without the male head of the household………

Finally, my son’s major entrance exams are over, the very next day, I’d accompanied my husband to the hospitals, and he got another X-ray done on him. The doctor squinted, told us, “there’s NO shadow, you’re okay”.  Now, that, would be W-E-I-R-D!  I’d asked the doctor to show me the films from the last time, then, it turns out, that the X-ray wasn’t even my husband’s!  And the man whose film was mistaken as my husband’s, had been delayed in his treatment, and we were all very worried over him.

These two events gave me a HUGE wakeup call: everything, you MUST accept, from the heavens, you can’t force it, whichever way it’d worked, we must face it with bravery, and step-by-step.

The middle school students who graduated this year, because the government waived the examinations, and because the rules had been altered, there are a TON of kids who did very well on exams, but had gotten into not-so-good schools, and, those who didn’t fill out their cards right wouldn’t even have a school to go to, and, a LOT of parents are complaining about it, but, what’s done is done, and, even IF the government tried to change the rules, it wouldn’t come into effect immediately. All of these “lab rats” of reforms in education could only force themselves to accept.  But, getting angry, sad, or blaming someone doesn’t help the situation, being positive, optimistic, and you just might find another better way.

And so, the woman gave two examples from her own life, and, when there’s something bad that happened, most people would immediately start pointing fingers at each other, because that, was how they’d done it for a long time, and, to change this “habit”, it’s going to take time, so, STOP pointing fingers, stop blaming the government, the whatever, for situations that involves you, that you have NO control over, just ACCEPT it, and, make the best of it!

No Room for Unanswerable Questions

Did you NOT see that “NO VACANCY” sign there? So, why’d you barge in here, demanding ROOM for you, and your unanswerable questions?  Do you NOT know, that we’re already booked completely?

NO room for unanswerable questions, because, living with NOT knowing the right answers is simply way too confusing for me, and, I CRAVE stability (still do some times…), and those questions without the RIGHT answers, well, let’s just say, that they DRIVE me N-U-T-S, and I can’t stand to become N-U-T-S here!

No room for unanswerable questions, and, who the HELL posted those unanswerable questions anyways? Are they STUPID?  Do they just want to wreak HAVOC on the world?  Making people confused?  What’s the point, in posing those questions that you can’t even answer?  And, IF those unanswerable questions don’t get answered, then, how do you fall asleep soundly at night?

How many times, must I show you to the door? And, why is it, that you keep on coming BACK in here, when you’d been told: you’re NOT W-E-L-C-O-M-E here, because here, we only “accept” those questions with the right answers, NOT you, who’s way too hard to understand and comprehend…now, SCAT already!