How Do You Live with the Memories

How do you live with the memories???  They are, an enormous burden to carry, no?  How do you live with the memories, the memories that come back alive, each and every night, to gnaw you, to haunt you in your dreams, and, no matter how hard you’d tried, you just, couldn’t quite, shake them all off, and in the morning when you get up, you feel so very god damn tired.

How do you live with the memories, the memories of your abuse, of the rapes you were forced, to live through?  And still carry your heads up, and walk among the rest of us?  Don’t the world get to you somehow?

How do you live with the memories, the memories of the lies told, no, handfed to you when you were little?  How do you live with the memories?  Guess you do, because you worked so fucking hard, to run away, and, that worked, for just ’bout no more than five second’s time, because now (after the five second’s UP???), you are still, forced, to DEAL, with all those memories, that came flooding back, and soon, you will be, submerged, by the waves of memories that rushed into your homes, and, chances of you ever surviving through that would be Z-E-R-O.

Secrets They Couldn’t Tell Anyone About

There are, secrets, buried, too deep within, the secrets they couldn’t tell anyone about, because nobody would believe them, and nobody took their words seriously, after all, they were, only kids.

Secrets they couldn’t tell anyone about, they’d kept, locked up, deep down, inside their hearts, and, those secrets they kept locked down, they started, affecting them, and plagued them, bit, by bit.

Secrets they couldn’t tell anyone about, they eventually, busted their ways out, and, everything was under this huge hurricane, and, there was nothing BUT chaos that remained after the storms touched down.

Secrets they couldn’t tell anyone about, they’d carried them, to their graves, and, they’d hoped, that those secrets that they didn’t tell, will get buried, and stay DEAD like they would, but, the secrets, they always come back, they won’t stay dead, OR buried, for too long………

Secrets they couldn’t tell anyone about, they’d kept their silences over, and, over time, they got muffled up, and, eventually, they’d lost their ability to speak the truth, and, nobody is listening anyway, so, why bother talking???

Toxic Love

Love turned T-O-X-I-C, and, just like the name suggests, anybody who gets touched by this toxic love, will suffer, endlessly.

Toxic love, how, did something that used to be so amazing, and good, become so toxic almost, instantaneously?  Nobody knows, but, we’re all left, with this NASTY chemical spill that’s now, contaminating this ocean that we live nearby now.

Toxic love, there’s nothing I can do, to make this love less toxic, all I can do, is to watch how it gets worse, worse, worse, and worse, each and every single day.  Toxic love, there’s NOTHING we can do ’bout it now, and, as the day draws on, the toxicity of love became worse, and worse.

Toxic love, once love turned toxic, there’s NO reversing the process, because love can only get MORE and MORE toxic, by the nanosecond there.  Toxic love, what can we do about it, to make it less poisonous, so we wouldn’t DIE, being in contact with it.

Toxic love, how can we deal with that?  Put everything that love came into contact with in quarantine?  What good would that do?  The toxic’s already infiltrated into the body, and slowly, it will, seep into the mind, then the soul, and, at the very end, it will, end up, causing irreparable damages, to the heart, and that would be, when you’ll surely D-I-E!

Making Another Date for a Future Life Together

Because we got along so very well in this life, and, we want our love, our affinities, to extend, to another future life???  Translated…

My wife’s former classmate, Xiang, had a tumor, and got hospitalized for her surgery, awhile ago, when we’d gone to visit with her, my wife stewed up a pot of bass soup for her, to help her get well sooner.

And because of how little appetite Xiang had, even though, my wife didn’t make too much, Xiang just took a few sips.  She feared that there would be this STENCH from the fish when it got cold, so, she’d told her husband, to finish up what she couldn’t manage, but he’d insisted on not to, and, it seemed, as if he’d kept something unsaid.  But, after the group of us consoled with him hard, he’d packed it up, said that he’s going to eat it for supper when he goes home to get cleaned off for the day.

I thought, that Xiang’s husband didn’t like fish at all, but my wife recalled, how Xiang had once cooked fish, to keep her husband fed.  And, all of a sudden, she’d understood it, because Xiang’s husband felt bad for his wife getting ill, and because he couldn’t cook for her himself, and now, someone had brought in freshly cooked items, naturally, he would want his wife to enjoy all of it.

Xiang said, that after the oncology showed that the tumor was malignant, she was the one, who turned around, to console her crying husband.  The depth of their love, was beyond speech, and, it’d also flipped our preconceived notion of Xiang from before.  She looked gentle and weak on the outside, but on the inside, she is, very strong, and, toward the things she couldn’t change, she also chose, to carry a positive attitude in dealing with it.

My wife told her, to cherish and treasure, how she has such an amazing, loving, and wonderful husband by her side, that she must get better.

I’d also placed Xiang and her husband’s hands together, wanted them to make a promise, for a future life together.  Because they’re a looked-upon and envied pair in this life, for the next life, they must be JUST as well together, as they are in this lifetime.

And so, from this, you can see, the depth of the love of the husband and the wife, and, this exemplifies the in sickness & in health part of the wedding vows, doesn’t it?

An Argument

A short piece, on the ways of man (human, that is), translated…

Translating the verbs into exclamation marks

Then, shake out ALL those easily shattered details

This, is very literary, and it’s very accurate, in describing what, an argument composed of, and it still didn’t include ALL the nasty, the bad name-calling, insulting words either, this, is a great use of language.

Love Was Erased

Just like how those teachers waved the erasers across the blackboard, and, everything is G-O-N-E, without a single trace, love was erased, it’s as, if it’d never actually existed, how weird is that!!!

Love was erased, because we decided, that keeping up with it is simply, too troublesome for us both, and so, we took that eraser, and erased that word that kept us bound to one another for too long already.

Love was erased, but how, when love is supposed to be eternal and never-ending, everlasting, even?  Love was erased, nobody knew how, and, as we woke in the morn, next to each other, we found ourselves, feeling NOT love, but disgust, and that, was when we knew, that love’s been, erased, from our lives together, I mean, sure, we can write it again, but, why would we want to?  We wouldn’t!

Love was erased, maybe, you thought, that it was, by accident, but it actually wasn’t, because love got erased for a reason, you just hadn’t figured out yet, and, if and when you’ll ever figure out just W-H-Y, love got erased?  How the hell should I know here???

A Fool

Found online, translated…

You’d Called Me a Fool Once

But, I’d Only Been Your Fool

You Once Told Me that None of It Was Worth it

But I Don’t Feel as if Loving You Was a Waste of Time

That Very Last Time I Saw You

It Took Me All I Had

To Finally, Come to My Senses About Your Leaving Me……

As I’d Walked into Your Classroom

And, Until You’d Left, I’d Finally Broken Down

And Still, I’d Hoped You’d Turn Around, to Give Me One Last Loving Gaze…

I AM a Fool After All

No Matter How Much Time Had Passed Me by

I Still Couldn’t Forget the Days with You Nearby

But This Time

I Shall, Work Hard, to Make Myself Forget

Toward the Very End

All I Can Say is Still Just: Goodbye

The Once Kindness

Goodbye

The Once Secret Spot We’d Shared

Goodbye

My Once Only Love

Goodbye

To All My Memories

Of You

And so, this, is still, how a CRUSH ends, I suppose, with a heartbreak, after all, these sorts of secret likings will never get found out by the person they’re directed towards, because all one can do, is to keep those feelings hovered up inside.