Amending the Way I Love You

The parent here, learned to, adjust HER behaviors, so she could, relate to her own teenage son better, it’s something, that all parents, need to be able to do, to STEP down from that HIGH pedestal of I’m your parent, you listen!!!  Translated…

In other to get the affinities with him this lifetime, other than heading to the temples to offer my incense, I’d also, worked hard, on taking the medications, took my own body temperatures for a whole of four years.  As he’d finally, come from his past life, came towards my embrace, he was, with an assortment of all of today’s illnesses, he’d started wailing, while tears fell from my eyes, endlessly too.

To finally meet him in this life, I’d be, willing, to give my life for him, but, does he know it?

I’m thinking, that he, must.

He’d worked really hard, to be a good son who got into the prestigious schools.  The six years of elementary school, three of middle school, and three more in high school, he’d scored the top of his classes, with scholarships presented to him, he’d, gone, all the way.  As my colleagues, my friends or neighbors inquired, “What is your son doing now?”, as a middle school instructor, I’d said to them plainly, “he’s in the graduate department of T University………”, while, that scent of sweetness came rushing right up into my heart.

圖/蔡侑玲illustration from UDN.com

Actually, I believed, that I’d done a lot, to contribute to his good grades, because I’d, carried the belief of “accompanying” him, watched him, with his too heavy backpack, walked into the cram schools, then, several hours later, I’d watched him, carrying that heavy backpack, made his way into his bedrooms to study.

I’d not take a breather as a school instructor either.  As the leaves changed colors, until the blooms of the phoenix flowers, took the students toward graduation, and made sure they’d taken their mock exams seriously, dealing with the high school placement exams.  On the one hand, there were, my cute, well-behaved, studious, students, and on the other, my cherished, most, beloved son, I’d, loved them all, hadn’t it?

But, I’d found, that I was, dead wrong, after, a serious, argument.

Before the argument, I’d already felt, that there’s, almost NOTHING can discuss as mother and son, that I couldn’t, get deep, into his heart, or what he’s, actually thinking about.  I’d only talked with him on the grades that he’d made, what placement he got in school this time, until his junior year of university, we’d still, just discussed, his grades.

The focus of our conflict was that he’d, accused me of “emotionally blackmailing” him.  A very trendy term of pop psychology.  He got angered, and stomped his way back into his room, slammed the doors, and, pushed me, to the desolate places millions of miles away from where he was.

After I’d calmed down, I’d used LINE to clarify.  Kept telling him, that I was tried, in having him, that how can I possibly be emotionally blackmailing him, using the name of my love?  He’d read, but, his replies were, that he didn’t, believe one word I was, saying to him.

That night, I was, so distraught, so upset, that he’d, not known how much I loved him; but I was, really glad, on the other hand too.  Glad, that he was, willing, to be straightforward in communicating with me.  Until he’d apologized to me, it was, close to midnight.

In order to patch up this distance between us, I’d, worked hard, followed his interests, just to create more conversation topics with him.  In two short years, the two of us went on three self-help trips to Japan, and traveled throughout the country on our own several times; gone to watch his favorite films and series, discussed the novels which he loved to read so much, shared the jokes.

And I’d, finally, found a brand new interpretation of what “accompanying my son” meant.

This summer, I’d, discussed with him the fight of the parties, also, Iron Man, and the Justice League too, we’d interacted, horseplayed, like we were, friends.  Although we still fought, but, we’d, immediately, made up.  What’s more moving to me was, he’d, taken the initiative, to make up.

“Mom, what are we having tonight?”, “Your turn to shower, mom!”, although these are, ordinary exchanges of our day-to-day lives, but they’re so sweet, and, “I’ll do the dishes”, “I’ll take out the trash”, sounded like music to my ears.  Because, my lover from a past life and I, will keep on, loving one another, in this, simplified manner, in our ordinary, day-to-day, living and interactions.

And so, this still showed, how it needs to be Y-O-U, the parents who make the initiatives for change, then, your kids will then, respond back to you, the way you wish that they would, like how this mother figured out, that she can’t force her son to change, that she can only, learn about his likes, his dislikes in life, and, once she’d, let go of her own authority as his mother, and, showed that she cared for him in a brand new way, the dynamics of their relationship changes, for the better.

Not the Cute Version of Caricatures

Coming across people from all walks of life here, translated…

“My fastest record was in forty-three seconds, I drew up the likeliness of someone in caricature.” He stated.  “I’d been, certified as the fastest of the nation.  In the 2018 “Caricature Exhibition” competition hosted by the Cultural Department, I’d received the best caricature artist award: the black-and-white version took about two minutes, the colored, about five.  Other than setting up a stand on the streets, I also do weddings, especially as the caricatures can get turned into the pictures on LINE, I got a ton of cases.  And I am fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, and Taiwanese!”

I asked him if he’d ever had an awful customer?

He said, “the most annoying is actually the weather here, the summers, the winters, and the sudden rain.  My clients can come and go but I can’t, I can only sit at my stand, wait for my next customer to come.  It’s really hard, but I do love doing caricatures, I want to, draw out their lives on the papers, to increase the depth of the relationship of those who are being drawn, whether they’re families, grandparent and grandchild, lovers, friends.  The divorced couples couldn’t sit together to get drawn, can they?  So, on a lot of the portrait I’d drawn, people are mostly, in smiles.

illustration from UDN.com圖/阮光民

I’m really envy those who are good at portraits, and I can, never quite, manage it, and I truly believed, that the street artists are all, meditators, maybe, they’re, tried in going to and from, getting the people to sit for them to be drawn, but, they all have, enriching lives.

And so, this, is the encounter with a caricature artist on the streets, and, this person is using his hobby, and making a living off of it, doing what he enjoys doing every single day.

Finding Confidence in Day-to-Day Life

How a little practice, can make, such, a huge, difference, everybody can find her/his place at work, no matter how new it felt at the beginning of that new job, translated…

The wholesales mart close to my home, because it’s smaller-scaled, and not systematic in its operations, the workers are closer in interactions with the customers; like I’d gone to shop every day, although I’d not conversed with the clerks, but, I’d known the basics about them.

like this???查看來源圖片phot found online

One day, a middle-aged housewife-like woman was being trained at the cash registers, she was, a bit slower to work, it’d, made me empathize with her, growing older myself, seeing how she’d walked on eggshells as she checked out the customers, I’d started, worrying over her, how many days would she need in working, in order, for her to adapt to working?  I’d, offered her encouragements quietly, hoped, that she can, get through it.

At first, although, she wasn’t, too quick on her hands, but she’d, carried on in conversations with the shoppers, and several days later, I saw that she’s no longer at the cash registers, instead, she’s, laughing and stocking up the shelves with her coworkers, a little while later, I’d found, she got promoted, and started training the newly hired employees.

The new worker is a thin young girl with pale complexion, and her youthfulness couldn’t hide how unfamiliar she was working at her job, and each step of what she did, seemed, a bit, strange, and unfamiliar to her, and, every day as I went to buy my paper, she’d always, stayed silent, looked very shy, and couldn’t, say a word aloud, let alone, the common greetings for the customers, “Welcome to shop here”, even my father, who’d rarely shopped here, noted it, and suspected if the young lady would be, fitting for her post there?  But one day, something changed.

Recently, the shopping mart was pushing forth its app online, to pay by your phone, a store clerk who’s, a bit older than the young girl was, trying to explain how the program worked for the customers, an elderly man told that he didn’t know his own cell phone number, how can he operate the app?  The cashier became, stumped, and turned toward the young woman who was working at the register, asked if the man could call up his own telecommunications company to set it up?  The young girl said, “have him call my cell, then I’ll know his phone number!”, such a very smart answer, the clerk told the young lady to take out her cell, the young lady said she’d left it downstairs, then, rushed to get it, leaving that air of expectation, I could feel, that she’d, finally, found her own foothold at work now.

With every day as our teachers, adding to the confidence levels of this pair of young and old store workers, although, there’s, the speeds to which they learned, but, using one’s own unique personalities, to fit into work.  You don’t need to work too hard, looking for the self-confidence you may lack, life is, our best teachers.

So, this, is how as you started working at a new job, you may feel a bit, unfamiliar with the tasks you’re supposed to do, but after awhile you’d, adapted to what’s required for your work, it’d become, easier, and, you may be like this younger woman, going from totally unable to react to the customers, to now, being able to, offer the help that the customers needed, and that, is growth!

We Found Love on the Clouds, Then We Came Back Down to Earth

How love was, started online, and now, they’re, dating physically, instead of just interacting with each other online, translated…

Autumn started that Year, My Last Love Went Away, with the Summer Going Off. As I was About to Suffocate to Death in the Silence, I’d, Dove into, Another, Darkened Realm…………

The yearly reviews of FB is like that time capsule, the photo of the first time my ex-boyfriend and I went to a concert popped out. We’d sighed on, “it’d been, five years already………”, and we were glad, that the band was, still together now. After all, in this day and age, not changing, it’s, an oddity.

Diving Deep, Seeing that Dying Light

It was the start of autumn, my last love went away, with the end of summer. As I was about to suffocate in the loneliness, I’d, dove into, another darkened water—logged onto PTT.

PTT is the largest BBS site, being a senior member, logging on is natural like breathing, or drinking water. Every second, very minute, on that black platform, there would be a ton of discussion topics being thrown out to the open, and I’d, surrounded myself, with that active, outgoing sense, to help, ease my own, loneliness from losing love.

this is how love letters were sent and received, by doves圖/Y ART - ty.HSUback in the olden days!  Illustration from UDN.com

I’d, normally, remained silent, not used to, replying back, only used my left and right mouse click, sorted through everybody’s words. To the Friends-Connect page, there were, a lot of ropes being thrown out, seeking, for a true heart, with the interesting personalities, with the photos, the truths, those interested can contact. Like the dying light in the depth of the oceans, waiting, to meet someone who’s willing to, connect.

I’d replied back to some of them, the exchange of one word, it was, enough to know, if we could, hit it off. “An-An hello, how old are you, where do you live?”, this was, an outdated greeting, to the point of, joking. I’d laughed, knowing that we’re not on the same wavelengths.

Then, I saw P’s profile, with: winter is cold, wanting a warm company. Don’t know if it was because of how his words felt warm toward me, or that there are, too many autumn leaves that had fallen on my heart, I’d, replied back to him.

We’d started up the connection with messaging one another on the board, and as I logged on by the day, I’d see that red blinker, “you have mail”, it’d become, this thing that we’d, come to share.

It’s interesting, we’d only, needed to exchange our LINE ID or FB account, then, we would’ve, moved fast in our conversations. And yet, P and I, stayed, in the days where we wrote the letters, and sent them by mail to one another. Each letter has a link to a song, we’d not gone anywhere together, but we’d, traveled, ventured together all over the places. We’d sent e-mails, many times a day, using that speed of taking that long stroll, to get to know one another: how we both loved English rock n’ roll, cats, movies…………checking the boxes, added the favorites. I’d started, making out what he looked like, and that slowly put-together puzzle, only had one final piece that’s, missing.

We’d, decided to meet.

The Internet Became, a Part of Real Life

My friends all voiced their concerns, as they’d learned I was meeting someone I’d met up online, told me to be careful, to not get scammed.

And yet, was it all, fake?查看來源圖片like this???  found online

finding love online…

The internet was known as virtual reality, there’s, that ongoing saying, “Honey, I’m going to serve in the armed service”, which showed, how those online relationships, ended up tragically.

I believed, that people are, molding out their real selves, from who they are. All of these masks that we wear in reality, gets taken off in the virtual reality slowly.

Besides, there would always be the tracks left behind. A set of id and passwords, you get to, know someone’s past, whether if you’re using the human search engines, or reviewing over the posts on the PTT boards.

At this day and age, our lives are, tied to the internet, each of the digital footprints we leave, are, inerasable. The internet became a modern day record, tracking our histories.

Is that, not real enough?

The Love Found on the Clouds, Will Eventually, Drop Back Down to Earth

The day we met, it was a colder autumn day, I went to an art gallery with P, to have the ramen noodles. He showed up in a plaid shirt, way more uptight than I’d imagined him to be. After our date was over, I said goodbye to him, but as I was about to go to my friend’s to spend the night, my phone’s battery went dead.

I’d, used what amount of battery power I had left, called P, he just got home, and, without a second word, he’d, run out, to bring the mobile charger to me. We sat in MosBurger waited for my phone to get charged up, and conversed. I still remembered how warm that cup of black tea was, how it’d, kept my heart warm on the cold night.

As this happened, it’d, reminded me of how my parents were: the very first time my father went to my mother’s home for their blind date, the roads were muddied, the tires got stuck in the mud, and, he and his group got out, and joined up the helpful farmers to push their car out of the mud.

The farmers asked my father, who they’re visiting, in this village, with so little population; my father said the name, and the farmer looked surprised, “You’re, being set up with my daughter?”, later on, the farmer became, my father’s, father-in-law, my maternal grandfather.

These stories aren’t at all related, but, the different generations, have different affinities, and, no matter where we are, we’re, all, linked by that affinity assigned to us by fate.

As I told my friends of how my boyfriend and I started dating, they’d all stated, “it’s, a bit, cool but too, old school.” Yes, chatting to find friends, is a sort of a fast-food kind of love, and, writing letters back and forth, that’s, the romance that goes, against the waves of, the high-tech age.

Whether it be new-age or old school, although we loved online, we’d, needed to, get back down, to live together awhile, and that, was the start of the trials.

Thankfully though, we were able to, explore the sights together, and rain or shine, we’d, come to today, almost six years, maybe, we get to, travel, even farther together.

And so, it didn’t matter how love started, the truth of the hearts that’s what makes love work, if you’re truthful to someone you meet, and you show that you love them true, then, surely enough, they will, reciprocate, and the two of you will last longer, but if not, then, your relationships would’ve, ended, before it began!

She Volunteered for Twelve Years Straight, Received the Special Award of Giving to the Community

Dedicating her time to charitable works here, from the Newspapers, translated…

Chun-Chun Yeh who’s sixty-three years of age now, had volunteered for twelve years nonstop, she’d, received the special dedications award, she’d, entered the volunteer training programs for the Accompanying Angels for Dementia, among others, her skills are that of professional workers, and she’d, accumulated up to 10,000 hours in volunteer services, even her husband, Lu was touched by her, and started, volunteering too.

Yeh started volunteering back in 2007, she said, although she’d, retired early, but believed she still had something to give to the community, she could, use what she has left in her life, “This was the primary motivator of me becoming a volunteer.”

新北志工葉純純(右)服務12年,今年獲特殊貢獻獎,她丈夫呂春吉(左)三年前也加入...the woman, receiving the award from the mayor, photo from UDN.com

Yeh had accumulated a total of 9,915 hours in volunteering, she’s currently volunteering for six-hour shift per day, and in the daytime right now, she’d volunteered, and her husband Lu inquired her awhile ago, “Why are you busier as a volunteer compared to before you retired?”, and she’d, led him to the trainings, and gotten him involved, three years ago, Lu also, became a formal volunteer, and now, they’d headed over to their local Department of Sanitation offices, and other places to volunteer together.

And so, this woman was, driven to help more people, and she’d, even gotten her husband involved, and they have more to share with each other, now that they’re, retired, this is a great way, to live out your retirement!

The Solitude, Expected, and Unexpected

Enjoying everything, as O-N-E here!!! The joys, of being alone, that this person had found, translated…

The solitude that’s, expected, seemed to all be lacking, that element of, surprise: the designers fixing up your hair, what you’d, expected more is, what you’ll, look like, and not how that hotshot designer’s skills worked so very well on your hairstyle. And, there’s, also another, extreme case: as your dentist cleaned up your teeth, fixed them up for you, serviced you, given you her/his, totally and undivided, attention, and yet, you’d still, wanted to get OUT, from that chair of torture you’re, sitting in…………from this, you can understand, how having something on your own, may not always be pleasant.

like this???查看來源圖片just watching on one’s own, as the world, rolls on by…photo from online

If there are, the expected solitary moments, there must be, the unexpected ones, the latter would often, excite me so much that I didn’t know what to do with myself. For instance, as you alighted that bus, and found, that you’re, the ONLY passenger, and, before you get off, nobody got on, it’s like, it’s, your own, special chauffeuring services, and it’s, super cheap. There was also that time, that I’d, hiked up the Elephant Mountain, there was, the hikers, cramping up the passages, and yet, as you’d, arrived at the top of the mountains, don’t know if you’d, walked faster than the rest of the hikers, or others are, way too slow, you owned, the scene from the peak, the sight of the 101, naturally, became, all your own!

Having these moments alone to my self, it brings, a lot of surprises to my life.

And so, this is a person, who’s, very comfortable being alone by oneself, s/he didn’t need anybody else’s company, in fact, s/he would much rather prefer, to be alone, and, enjoyed these, solitary moments, completely.

The Story of Autumn, a Poem

The season, mostly fitted, for breaking up, is there, really such a thing???  Translated…

I’d, Missed Out on the Woman I Loved, in Autumn………

The Golden Rays of the Sun Shone on Her Pair of Beautiful Hands

I’d, Suddenly Found the Branches that had, Split Up in the Autumn, with the Light Fallen Downward

Illuminating, Her Long, Slender Legs

查看來源圖片what, you’re, left with…photo from online

I’m Like the Light, Long, Slanted, Water-Like Light

Passed Through Her Delicate Ankles, Her Beautiful Shoulders

There’s, Nothing Else in the Way She Swayed as She Moved Along

Sometimes, You Miss it, then You’d, Missed it…………

Wanting to Miss that Face that’s Not Made Up

Missing Out What Exactly We Wanted to Discuss

查看來源圖片the love that’s, faded…photo from online

Or Maybe, It’s the Breaths the Pores Took, the Memories, Blurred Out by the Autumn Light

And We Actually, Hadn’t Exchanged a Single Word

There’s, a Lot She Hadn’t, Given to Me

Like the Heat from Her Lips, the Sizes of Her Breasts

That Real Skeleton within Her Flesh, and

What’s Most Fatal Was

She’d Not, Given Me a Minute to Talk

Not Given Me One Minute to Look at Her Straight

She’d, Vanished in the Autumn, We’d, Been in Love a Long Time

An d We’d, Broken Up, Even Longer…………

That, is why, autumn is the season where a lot of goodbyes are said, because, as everything dies down the leaves falling, the weather turning cooler, it seemed right for a relationship, to E-N-D!