A Sea of Anger

A sea of our anger got started, and, before any of us was aware, there was, a HUGE hurricane, comin’ towards us! We’d become, trapped, in a sea of our anger, both unwilling to back down, because we both know we were, right (and yet, how can both of us be right at the same time? One of us MUST be wrong!!!).

A sea of anger, that, was what we’d left the house with, everything was, unsolved, from, a long, long, LONG time ago, there’s, NO changing that now! A sea of anger, left behind, by both of us, we took, our separate seas of anger into this so-called love of ours, and, we’d, mixed and mingled, to make, a collective, sea of anger for us both…

the anger’s just, starting, it’ll surely, get a HELL of a LOT worse than T-H-I-S that’s for sure!!!  Not my painting…

And now, over time, this sea had, expanded, more and more, and the waves, raged more and more frequently compared to before, and, I just, can’t handle it, I have to run out, before, I drown in all of this!!!

A sea of anger, I’d, left behind, I’d, abandoned you, in this ship that’s sinking called “marriage’, because, I don’t want to D-I-E!!! Plus, I am NOT going to give my life, for someone who’s like Y-O-U. A sea of anger, we’re both, taken under by now, there is, NO way, that we will, EVER survive through this huge raging sea of anger, unless, we’re, willing to, work through our differences, and, do what’s best for this love of ours, but, are we, willing, to put everything behind, and, start anew again??? I’m not sure I could!!!

Stare, a Poem

Translated…

Opening Up the Poses of the Moon

It’d, Better be Love

The Poses of the Sceneries

Had Better be Love Too

So, this, is this strong need for being held close to someone’s heart, isn’t it? But, what if the person you’re directing all of this to, doesn’t feel the love you feel for her/him at all??? Then, you’d, lost, for putting ALL those eggs in just ONE basket!

here they are, gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes, NOT my photograph…

The Air, My Friend

A dialogue between a child and his imaginary friend, a lion, the column by Jimi Liao, translated…

“Aren’t you the least bit panicky, seeing how those days just, slip on by?”

“If the days are never-ending, if there are, a million things I can’t finish by the end of my days, I’d be totally, stressed out.”

So, this, is the worries of an adult, because, we feel like, time is running out for us, because, we’re all, busying about, with a million things on our to-do list to handle, but, for a child, the days just, dragged on, and on, and it seems, never ending, because, when we were all little, we’d wish, that we can, grow up sooner, and, when we’re older, we’d wished, that time doesn’t, pass by so quickly…

here’s the artwork that came with the writings, from UDN.com…

空氣朋友

Existence, a Poem

Reflecting on life here, translated…

My Limited Wisdom is Only Enough

For Me to Discover Just How Tiny I am

MY Legs Can Only Get Me to the

Edge of the Oceans

My Eyes, Can Only Reach Up to

Those Nights Filled with Stars in the Skies

My Tongue Can Only Taste

The Various Flavors of Life

what do you see???  Not my photograph…

And, My Arms Can Only Be Around

Just One Woman

My Life is Only,

An Existence, of My Own

A philosophical approach to what the self entails, and, this is probably only reached, by the time you arrived at midlife, because, before midlife, you’d still, LACKED the experiences, the wisdoms, to come to such conclusions about your own life.

My Mother Doesn’t Like My Boyfriend

In need of expert advice here, a Q&A, translated…

Q: My Boyfriend Was Picked On a Lot, it Made Me Feel So Awful for Him…

Ms. E who’s in her second year in the university, told of how strict her mother had been on her since she was very young, even now, as she’d become a woman she’d still, feared her mother, followed her mother’s orders on EVERYTHING. But lately, E started bravely, telling her mother, that she may have a difference of opinion from her too, the biggest reason for this was, E started dating a man, and, her mother just, really, didn’t like him one bit, but E was, love struck, and it was like she wouldn’t marry anybody ELSE BUT him now.

E’s boyfriend is enlisting after graduation, E’s mother felt, that he wasn’t hardworking enough, that E will have the hard times coming if she were to marry him, the man wanted to work on a ship later, and he’d given that up for E’s sake, and E was willing, to accompany him, as he figure out what he wanted to do in the future, and he actually had now too, but, E’s mother just, didn’t like him one bit, and would find trouble with him a lot. It’d upset E, because the man she was in love with, wasn’t, approved by her own mother.

the parents don’t look too happy about it here, not my photograph…

She’d originally thought, that there’s still time, to convince her mother, that her boyfriend WAS good enough, but, as E went home to visit last time, E’s mother flat out asked her when she’s breaking up with her boyfriend, it’d, stunned E. E felt, that she couldn’t even, TALK to her own mother on this subject anymore.

A My Advice:

I’m more than certain, that E is very clear, on WHY her mother was so against her boyfriend. If you love each other, and the boyfriend is willing to show his honesty and was genuine to work hard, to make E’s mother accept him, E should spend time, talking with her mother.

It sounds like, that E’s mother either thought that he wasn’t rich enough, or, that what his work entails, has no future at all. E is not living at home now, and, there isn’t, any, really difficulties, for her, to keep dating her boyfriend, but, marriage is too soon to discuss for now, and, you should, observe your boyfriend more. After all, the world is, fast changing, and, a lot of things will develop the way they’re supposed to, with time.

how, can I KNOCK some SENSE into you???  Not my photograph.

So, this woman needs to find out WHY exactly, her mother WAS against her dating her boyfriend, if he had ALL those qualities that she thinks he has, or maybe, the mother was just, projecting her own life, onto the daughters, and NOT wanted her to make the same mistakes she had in life, and, the woman needs to figure it all out, before she’s to marry the man, or, to break up with him.

Accompanying You Beneath the Lamplight, Studying

Translated…

That Day, I Was, Confused, as to How My First Love Had, Seemingly, Ended…

The Day that Love Went Wrong

I’d once believed, that we shouldn’t, just get our academic degrees in college, it would be best, if, we were able, to learn something from the romantic relationships we’re in during the time, and so, I’d, worked hard, BOTH in the academics, and in love. I was among the highest scorers of my class, in my sophomore year, I’d started, dating a girl in my class too, and, experienced how it was, being in school, and being in love at the same time.

Back then, my girlfriend, Ji was an avid Buddhist, she’d become, a vegetarian back in her high school years already. In order to date her, other than not reciting the Buddhist verses, I’d tried my best, to offer my respects to the Buddhist beliefs, and becoming vegetarian too.

not my clip art…

As we entered into our third year, due to her family’s expectations, Ji switched to the economic majors. During those times without cell phone, it’d, become, difficult for me, to find her, and, we’d often, exchanged love notes when we were running from class to class. Our former days of seeing one another every single day became meeting up three times a week, and, mostly, we’d, eaten our suppers together. At the same time, because Ji was good looking, I’d heard, many times, that an older schoolmate from her major had, wanted, to ask her out. I’d become, more and more anxious, in my twenties.

The turning point came in the summer of my junior year, I’d planned, to take the graduate entrance exams early, and, she’d decided to take over the family business after she graduated. On the summer we’re about to become seniors, Ji and her older cousin traveled to Japan for two weeks together, before she’d left, I’d, talked to her a lot, and, I felt, that she was, looking forward to the trip. What I didn’t realize was, there was, something that was, bugging her; or, perhaps, it was, the calm before the storm, during the trip abroad, she’d, made an important decision for herself.

After she returned to Taiwan, she’d asked me out, but, the way she’d looked at me, felt more like she was, unsettled, than how she’d, missed me. Turns out, she wasn’t, hurried, to share her trip with me, instead, to tell me, “It’s over between us, we shouldn’t, see each other anymore!”, and, she’d, wished me the best, in getting into the graduate department of my dreams.

The Two People Who’d, Separated

That day, my first love seemingly, ended, but, I was, in the fog, couldn’t figure out why she’d, broken up with me at all. Naturally, I’d, tried to find her and asked her about it, but, she’d, become, colder, and colder each and every time we’d met up, and, had cried out loud at me too, seemingly, she’d, set up her mind, on needing me, to part ways with her. And, because my graduate entrance was coming up, I can only, give up the love, and buckled down to study, hoping, that I might be able to, get her back, with my good grades by the time I’d, graduated.

picture from the papers…

圖/圖倪

In my senior year, I was, accepted, into THREE separate graduate schools, I’d run to the Econ department, wanting, to share my joys with Ji. And still, her classmates told me, that right after she’d finished, taking her finals, she’d, left the school, and never came back. So, I’d, called her home, her mother told me, to stop pursuing her, that she will, NEVER see me.

On the day of my graduation, as I received my awards, I just, can’t feel happy at all. Ji had, vanished, out of my life now, she’s not seeing my success here. As the graduation ceremonies are over, a friend from the economics department ran to tell me, that she saw, Ji by the aisles of the auditorium, watching, as I gave my speech, and she was, crying out of joy too, it seemed. My eyes became red right away, told myself, that she does, care about me after all! That very afternoon, I’d, called her home.

It was her mother who’d picked up, but this time, her voice became, muffled, as she’d told me, “Don’t come to find her again, for real now, she’d gone into the mountains on her own, to fulfill the teachings of Buddhism, to become, a female monk now, she will, NEVER come back again!”

And, at that very moment, I’d decided, that I wasn’t, going to graduate school in N.T.U., instead, to the graduate school of Zhongzhen University in Chiayi. If she’d wanted to live her life solitarily, then, I shall also, leave the noisy city too, to study, at a quieter place.

I’d, run from ALL the memories in Taipei, and yet, the memories, came knocking on my doors every now and then. But, thinking back, love is different than the academia, in order for love to be perfect, the only way is, “being together forever”. And now, what I regretted the most was, that as we broke up, I’d not told her, that no matter what choice she’d decided on, I will, respect, and support her dreams.

So, this relationship, must’ve impacted this woman you loved so, for her, to become, a female monk, and, because you’d helped her realize something, just as, she’d, helped you realized something about yourself, but, the love had, ended…

On & Off the Busses

How love ended, after three years of high school, of dating together, marching, toward our separate futures now, translated…

The heated up sunlight of the summer, passed through the windows of the bus, came in, I was, sleepy-eyed, I’d, turned my face toward the sun, two months since I’d started in high school, I’d always, caught up on my sleep on the bus ride to school.

goodbye is never easy, but it must be, done!!!  Not my photograph…

On an ordinary day, I’d not felt, the warmth of the sun, shone down on me like I usually would, I’d, opened up my eyes slowly, an arm with a jacket was, pressed against the windows. Turned around, a pair of deep eyes that replaced the sunlight, came into my field of vision, entered, into my life.

When it’d rained, we’d watched the drops of rain, fall off the windows; when it’s sunny, we’d lifted up our heads, toward that never-ending blue clear skies. We’d fought from time to time, he’d always admitted to wrongdoing, and begged my forgiveness; when I’d gotten upset, his shoulders were always there, for me, to lean onto. Three years now, his scent, with the ancient leather seats of the busses, became, that clearest imprint of my youth.

Before I graduated, I just recalled that face that I’d loved deeply once, telling me, that this, was our terminal station, that we should, march toward our separate lives now. In the end, that shadow had, gotten off the busses, with the light and shadows swaying outside the bus, blurred out.

maybe, we’ll, meet again???  Not my photograph…

So, this, would be the bitter-sweet taste of your very first love, and, on the eve of graduating high school, he’d, broken up with you, because, he felt, that it’s time, to grow up, to leave all these youthful fantasies of love behind, as a great big future awaits the both of you, and, it’d, still hurt…