On emotions, translated…
Mom, Do You Also Have an “Emotional Landmine”?
Do you often get angered by the careless words of your other half, and just exploded? If you can understand what emotional landmines you may have, it would help greatly, in improving your relationship with your spouse.
When your husband gets home from work and asks, “Do you need me to ‘help’ you watch the kids?” or, “How come ‘your’ son still hadn’t done his homework yet?” these two simple inquiries, may cause the mothers who are already stressed out, running around and about to blow up, and reply, “Why do you say I am ‘helping’ you, what does it mean by ‘your’ son, am I the only one this child has?”
Actually, whether you are full-time mother or full-time employee, you will spin around endlessly like a top, around the kids, your spouses, your families, and work as well, not only would you lack the time to groom through your own thoughts and feelings, you’d probably be emotionally tense all the time too, and, a simple word from your husbands may cause the wives to EXPLODE, because they’d misstepped onto the landmines of the wives’.
And people may be curious, as to how a simple line can cause the mothers to explode? The assistant CEO of the Yoyuan Foundation, Huang smiled and told, that she has multiple landmines herself as well, she’d realized, that when the ideals inside of the mothers’ minds were broken, that, was the key to why the mothers would get angered.
Before women married, they will draw out an idealistic picture of their families, they’d imagined that a loving couple standing parallel to one another, holding hands, as they care for their children and families together.
And so, when the husband stated, “I’ll help you”, or “your son”, along with some other words, the wives may feel, that the husbands had destroyed her idealisms of what marriages should be, and, as this thought started taking up root, they’d start to realize, that they’re not standing parallel to their husbands, he’s the king of the castle, but I’m not the queen, just a messenger between the king, the princes, the princesses, their nannies and housekeeper, and, with this thought, the negative emotions would settle in.
So, the reason why women would explode is because of how they feel underappreciated by their families, and, the families usually take the mothers and the wives (1 @ a time) for granted, like we’re supposed to wipe your asses, because that, is the woman’s role, as mothers and wives.
And here are the solutions to resolve all of this:
- Finding a Perspective that Can Make You Feel Happy: the family, the children, they’re ALL yours, NOT someone else’s, moms must believe, that they’re handling everything well on their own, work hard to try to find what makes you all happy. And when the mothers are happy, then, they will be more than capable to face up to other people’s doubting them. If moms believe in themselves, then, they would not get affected by the words of others easily.
- State Your Feelings Clearly: There’s no use, keeping everything bottled up inside, moms must express their thoughts thoroughly, otherwise, there would be husbands and family members who wouldn’t have a single clue of what mothers are angry about. It’s best that you choose the time when the two of you are calmed and collected, to express your thoughts and feelings, sometimes, arguing doesn’t get you where you want to be, clearly telling your husbands how you feel is the more straight forth way of doing this.
For instance, you need to tell your husband, “I’d already talk to the child, it’s just that you didn’t see, what you’d just said made me upset, made me feel beaten.” If you told your husbands that you were hurt by their words, your husbands would have more empathy. When the two of you are dealing with conflicts, you must sort through the emotions, then, the issues. Meaning, that you need to clearly tell your spouses how you feel, and at the same time, empathize with the other person, then, you can talk about your expectations, your needs.
- Talk About Your Ideals of What Family Should be Like with Your Family Members: when family and the ideals for marriage get broken, I suggest that mothers can find a bright day, go out for coffee with your husband, and talk about how you two envisioned your family life to be, and restructure the new blueprint, hoping that you can both respect and comply with the new rules.And so, this, is how to get along with each other in a marriage, when your views are not taken in, maybe, it’s because you’re NOT stating it in a way that the other person can receive it, at this time, you may get frustrated, but, think about how the other person is also frustrated about her/his views not understood by you, and, then, you will have empathy toward one another.
- “Needless to say, there are, greater expectations and stresses placed on the men by society”, Wei-Chih Wei stated, even in today’s world, men needed to work harder, to fulfill the expectations that the workforce, as well as the families place on them, “the couple must understand one another, show empathy, so there wouldn’t be ongoing wars!”