That Day, I Was, Confused, as to How My First Love Had, Seemingly, Ended…
The Day that Love Went Wrong
I’d once believed, that we shouldn’t, just get our academic degrees in college, it would be best, if, we were able, to learn something from the romantic relationships we’re in during the time, and so, I’d, worked hard, BOTH in the academics, and in love. I was among the highest scorers of my class, in my sophomore year, I’d started, dating a girl in my class too, and, experienced how it was, being in school, and being in love at the same time.
Back then, my girlfriend, Ji was an avid Buddhist, she’d become, a vegetarian back in her high school years already. In order to date her, other than not reciting the Buddhist verses, I’d tried my best, to offer my respects to the Buddhist beliefs, and becoming vegetarian too.
not my clip art…
As we entered into our third year, due to her family’s expectations, Ji switched to the economic majors. During those times without cell phone, it’d, become, difficult for me, to find her, and, we’d often, exchanged love notes when we were running from class to class. Our former days of seeing one another every single day became meeting up three times a week, and, mostly, we’d, eaten our suppers together. At the same time, because Ji was good looking, I’d heard, many times, that an older schoolmate from her major had, wanted, to ask her out. I’d become, more and more anxious, in my twenties.
The turning point came in the summer of my junior year, I’d planned, to take the graduate entrance exams early, and, she’d decided to take over the family business after she graduated. On the summer we’re about to become seniors, Ji and her older cousin traveled to Japan for two weeks together, before she’d left, I’d, talked to her a lot, and, I felt, that she was, looking forward to the trip. What I didn’t realize was, there was, something that was, bugging her; or, perhaps, it was, the calm before the storm, during the trip abroad, she’d, made an important decision for herself.
After she returned to Taiwan, she’d asked me out, but, the way she’d looked at me, felt more like she was, unsettled, than how she’d, missed me. Turns out, she wasn’t, hurried, to share her trip with me, instead, to tell me, “It’s over between us, we shouldn’t, see each other anymore!”, and, she’d, wished me the best, in getting into the graduate department of my dreams.
The Two People Who’d, Separated
That day, my first love seemingly, ended, but, I was, in the fog, couldn’t figure out why she’d, broken up with me at all. Naturally, I’d, tried to find her and asked her about it, but, she’d, become, colder, and colder each and every time we’d met up, and, had cried out loud at me too, seemingly, she’d, set up her mind, on needing me, to part ways with her. And, because my graduate entrance was coming up, I can only, give up the love, and buckled down to study, hoping, that I might be able to, get her back, with my good grades by the time I’d, graduated.
picture from the papers…
In my senior year, I was, accepted, into THREE separate graduate schools, I’d run to the Econ department, wanting, to share my joys with Ji. And still, her classmates told me, that right after she’d finished, taking her finals, she’d, left the school, and never came back. So, I’d, called her home, her mother told me, to stop pursuing her, that she will, NEVER see me.
On the day of my graduation, as I received my awards, I just, can’t feel happy at all. Ji had, vanished, out of my life now, she’s not seeing my success here. As the graduation ceremonies are over, a friend from the economics department ran to tell me, that she saw, Ji by the aisles of the auditorium, watching, as I gave my speech, and she was, crying out of joy too, it seemed. My eyes became red right away, told myself, that she does, care about me after all! That very afternoon, I’d, called her home.
It was her mother who’d picked up, but this time, her voice became, muffled, as she’d told me, “Don’t come to find her again, for real now, she’d gone into the mountains on her own, to fulfill the teachings of Buddhism, to become, a female monk now, she will, NEVER come back again!”
And, at that very moment, I’d decided, that I wasn’t, going to graduate school in N.T.U., instead, to the graduate school of Zhongzhen University in Chiayi. If she’d wanted to live her life solitarily, then, I shall also, leave the noisy city too, to study, at a quieter place.
I’d, run from ALL the memories in Taipei, and yet, the memories, came knocking on my doors every now and then. But, thinking back, love is different than the academia, in order for love to be perfect, the only way is, “being together forever”. And now, what I regretted the most was, that as we broke up, I’d not told her, that no matter what choice she’d decided on, I will, respect, and support her dreams.
So, this relationship, must’ve impacted this woman you loved so, for her, to become, a female monk, and, because you’d helped her realize something, just as, she’d, helped you realized something about yourself, but, the love had, ended…