Not Ready to Talk Yet

Not ready to talk yet, because I’m still, sorting through all the mismatched and mixture of emotions that came with the events, and, in order to effectively communicate, I must, groom through every strand of emotions relating to the subjects.

Not ready to talk yet, because I’m done, talking AT you!  Not ready to talk yet, because you NEVER hear me, I mean, you’re hearing the words I’m saying, but, you’re TUNING out on the content of my words, why IS that?

Not ready to talk yet, because I don’t want to listen, because listening, is an even MORE important part of communication, and I can’t hear you (lalalalala!).  Not ready to talk yet, because I don’t want to hear ANYTHING you HAVE to say, because I’m just, TIRED, of repeating the SAME behaviors with you, over, over, over, AND over again!

Not ready to talk yet, so, SHOOSH!

Feel Positive!

Yeah, easy for YOU to say, hard, for me to achieve here!

Feel positive?  Why should I?  And, WHY are you on my CASE about the way I am feeling?  I mean, the way I’m feeling, is of NOBODY’s beeswax but mine, and, IF I want to ruminate, then I do it, you don’t have CONTROL over me, you’re NOT the boss of me!

Feel positive, c’mon, cheer up, things can’t get any worse than they already are, uh, thanks, but that, is still NOT helping me, out of this RUT that I’m currently STUCKED in.  Feel positive, why SHOULD I?  Because if I’m not happy, then, you’re NOT happy, your moods will get affected by my foul mood?  And, why is it, that I gotta be responsible, for taking care of YOUR emotions, I’m having a difficult enough time, handling all of MY own emotions here!

And so, no, I do NOT need to feel positive IF I don’t want to, because???  Oh yeah, my emotions are MINE, and, NOBODY says SHIT ‘bout it!!!

Found this online…

When Patching Things Up Became the Most Important Thing in Life

When patching this up became the MOST important thing in life, you have to wonder: are you, out of time, is that the REAL reason behind you, making amends?  And, why must people WAIT, until they’re diagnosed with something TERMINAL, to finally make amends?

When patching things up became the most important thing in life, then, congratulations, you’d finally, had your priorities set up right this time, so, why not before?  Perhaps, from before, you got, too side-tracked by life, too many things on your plate, that you’d kept, pushing what’s really important aside, until, it is, almost too late, then, you come to realize your priorities.

When patching things up became the most important thing in life, because you are in desperate need of closure, because you wanted to make amends, toward those whom you’d harmed in the past, because that, is the only way, you will earn that god DAMN gold star, that’ll eventually be your TICKET into HEAVEN, is that it???

When patching things up became the most important thing in life, then, by the time you realize this, well, there’s NO way you’ll EVER patch things up again, because these realizations, well, they usually, come to people too little, too late, and, there’s still NO way, of knowing, when, “too late” is………

Twenty-Four Hearts of Passion, Fought to Teach at Distant Regions in Taiwan

Because these individuals realized the pressing needs, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Teach for Taiwan Program since last year had provided nine extra teachers for the elementary schools in Taidong and other distant areas, yesterday, the second annual teacher’s qualification training was held, twenty-four young men and women who are filled with passions started exchanging their views on teaching, they couldn’t wait until September when school is to start, to help give back to the children in the distant regions.

Hsu who lives in Peony County, Pingdong, grew up with his parents in Taipei, and on the winters and summer vacations, he’d returned back home, saw how there’s a GREAT difference between the greater environment for education compared to the bigger cities, and that there was, an influx of alcoholism and divorces and separations in the children’s lives there, causing the children to lack self-confidence and that needed sense of security.

He said, after he graduated from university, he’d worked for a logistic company as well as the mechanical industries, but, as he’d worked in both fields, he’d felt more and more, that this, was not the life he wanted to lead, so, he’d come back to his hometown in Pingdong to teach.  After learning that TFT was searching for instructors for the distant regions, he’d signed up, “I hoped, that I can get assigned to my hometown, to help educate the children from the regions.”

Another member of the conference, Tang had worked for a foreign company for a decade, he said, after he had children of his own, he’d started paying more attention to education, hoped to let the children in the distant areas to get the same amount of resources that his own kids have.  After he’d discussed it with his family members, he’d given up his well-paid job, and this is his second year as an instructor in the distant areas.  Tang said, that after his completion of teacher’s training, no matter where he was sent, he will, take his two children along, “Allowing them to have an alternative form of education in the distant areas, I’m sure, it will, benefit their life experiences.”  “Being able to see through a child’s perspective is the most important!”, Wen who taught at a cram school stated, back when he was in school, he was troubled, until in his high school, he had a teacher who understood him, and steered him in the right directions, helped him get back on the right tracks of his life.  The children from the distant regions are pure and simplistic, but they also need the instructors the most, “I’m going to teach students who are different!”

The local department manager of the TFT, Liu said, the Teach for Taiwan program is hoping, that more will put two years of their lives, to help out the kids from the less fortunate backgrounds, those living in the distant regions, last year, there were 180 people who’d signed up, and nine had passed the certification process, and were sent to nine separate schools in Tainan, Taidong; this year, the number of people who’d signed up had doubled, they’d received 311 applications, and, after the screening, there were twenty-four who will go on into the training programs.

The entire training program lasts for about a month, and, those who underwent the trainings, after they’d completed the process, they will be assigned to schools in the distant areas for a two year term, and, they have the choice of deciding to stay or to leave after their first term.

The TFT instructors entered the school with a cooperation plan, the school needed to sign a contract with the program, and based off of the needs of the schools, they can hire full-time formal instructors, part-time formal instructors, full-time substitute teachers, or part-time substitute teachers, after school program instructors, as well as tutors.

And so, this, is a great program, that people are passionate about here, because these instructors realized that their knowledge is needed in the distant areas, because in these distant regions, where there is a lax of resources, children couldn’t get a high-enough quality education originally, but now, with all their passion, they’re making that possible for the kids.

My Time for Creativity

On the self, translated…

I’d worked in my job for eleven years, and naturally, I’d lost that zest that I had, when I was a “freshman”, and now, the purpose of work had been reduced to the paychecks.

As the editors for novels, I not only had to face the pressures of the deadlines, sometimes, the books I was editing were really difficult.  For instance, there were, so many misspelled words, the lines don’t mean what they say, or, the person who wrote the book is just, too hard for me to manage……and assortment of issues had, driven me insane from time to time.  In order to not become cognitively dissonant, I’d learned the ability to make a good situation out of a jam.

The funny pictures, video footages, and writings, are easily found online, when I feel awful, I’d divert my own attention, to find something that’s funny or interesting; or use my own imagination, to change the writer, or the artist’s work into something funny, and, start this script acting inside of my mind, so I become a temporary director of a comedy.

These few easy steps, had helped me chased the upset away, and I could handle the tasks that gets me down that came next, it’d also, filled up my work, with a ton of interesting moments.

And so, this, is how someone can find something interesting, by changing her/his mind on the matter, by diverting one’s own attention on something else MORE interesting than what is currently at hand, the person is able to get away, from the negative thoughts and emotions, and, when one returns to the same job, s/he would have a brand new perspective on things.

The Letters My Mother Cherished

On filial relations, translated…

My mother was born, in an unsettling time, as the second World War was just about to end, she was in the fourth grade, her family needed someone to help with the farm work, and so, she’d stopped going to school.  During the days as she grew up, my mother came to understand, that only through bettering her own education, would she be able to, open her own paths.

At age forty-two, my mother learned of a person who didn’t have the chance of getting an education when she was younger, that’d returned back to the schools to study, she’d made up her mind to do the same too.  She’d told us, “I must take advantage of this opportunity to study.”  My mother often dreamed of returning to school, sitting in the classrooms, she’s filled with this drive, to get more knowledge, she couldn’t hide her joys, after she’d become a student again.

Because of my mother’s positive attitude for knowledge, she was chosen by her classmate, as the head of the class, like how the children would call when they’re in class, “Stand up, bow, Good morning teacher”, and, after she came home, she’d shared with us, the goings on at school that day; and the homework assignment that the teachers handed out, she’d done, carefully too, and the speed to which she took, to recognize the Chinese characters has me, who work as a tutor, in awe.

Four years later, my mother graduated, she’d gained the certificate of perfect attendance, as well as first in her class too.  When I’d accompanied her out, she could now, call out the right names for the streets, and, when she’d gone out alone, she no longer feared getting lost, I’m truly happy for her.  Later on, I’d married into the midsection of the island, I could no longer accompany my mother in her studies, but, she’d still loved to read, and, if she has questions, she’d consulted the dictionaries.

One day, she’d called me up, said, that she used to envy how when we’d gotten letters from our friends, asked me if I could write to her too.  It’s been such a long time since I’d written any letters, I’d bought the envelopes and the writing papers, then, I’d written, in perfect handwriting, shared with her, the goings on of my daily life.  After she’d received the letters, she’d read them, over, and over again, then, called me up, to make sure, that she read it all correctly.

And now, my mother’s old, especially, she had three falls, she’d lost her physical strengths, as well as her originally, positive outlook on life.  On the nights when she couldn’t sleep, and felt low, she’d opened up that drawer, where she’d kept the letters I wrote to her, and, she never gets tired of reading, and rereading them.

That night, I was just about to head to bed, my mother called me, said that she’d read some of my old letters to her again, every time she’d read them, she’d gotten moved all over again; she was more than satisfied, that the four of us siblings are all very kind to her, that even if she were to die now, she’d have no regrets.  I’d told my mother, “You can’t die yet, there are still, so many letters I want to write to you, so you can read them!”

And so, this, is how a woman went from being illiterate, to getting educated, the woman is driven toward her goals in life, and, she’d worked hard, to achieve, and, she’d gotten closer to her daughter in the process too.

Happiness Comes from Helping Others

Because helping brings about that positive feeling about oneself, which is what drives you to help out more, because you want to keep feeling positive about yourselves, translated…

Growing up, because of a progressive disorder, it’d prevented me from doing a lot of things, a lot of the things that normal people take for granted, although I’d wanted to do them too, but, because of safety concerns, and how I don’t want to jeopardize my own health, I’d given up on.

I’d often blamed fate, but, I’d had to make myself think positively too, because other than my parents and my siblings, there are, a ton of other people who’d helped me grow, offering me the social supports, in holding true to the thought of “feeling gratitude toward everything I’d been given”, I’d kept telling myself, that if I can, I must, give back to the community any way I can.

As I’d started working, I’d started making small donations, to the places, for instance, orphanages, old folks’ home, rare disorder foundations, as well as other social welfare organizations.  Even if it’s just a few measly hundred dollars, I’m sure, that it would give those who are in trouble, a boost.

And still, I’d seen some of the charitable foundations, not use the donated money as they were supposed to, although the foundations that I regularly donated to has no such problems, it’d still made my heart turn colder.  Although, I knew, that I couldn’t categorize ALL charitable foundations like so, but, I’d still felt discouraged by the news, and, plus, I’d started a family, therefore, I must, nickel and dime even more carefully.

During that day, as I was tidying up the room, I’d accidentally thumbed across the card from the orphanage that I’d made donations to, with the pictures of the orphans, and, it’d sparked my desires to help out again, I’d decided, to keep making the donations, after all, it is, better to give than to receive, being able to help others are, is being blessed.

And so, despite ALL of that negative news of how those money donated to charitable foundations NOT being put to use for the purposes, you’d still found that original helpful heart of yours again.