Wine Glass, a Short Prose

Looking back, perhaps, she had, fallen for him, but, she doesn’t feel that way, now that he wanted a softer place to land!  Translated…what her heart looked like, as she’d gone to his wedding…not my photo…

On his birthday party, he announced he was getting married soon.  Her hands slipped, the wine glass shattered to the ground, making the sound resembling that of a heart breaking.  Everybody thought she had a crush on him, that she’d felt impacted, that, was why she’d, dropped the glass, and so, they’d started, gossiping about her after they finished their meals.  She’d come to the understanding, that if she’d explained herself, it’d only make things worse, so, she’d not said anything.  Several years later, he became unhappy in his marriage, and rang her doorbell, and wanted a soft place to land with her, she’d told him, that she’d not liked him one bit.  Naturally, he’d not believed her.  And so, she’d told him, that she’s, with someone now, and showed him a photo.  Then, he’d, turned around and left, he’d, believed in the lie she’d told him.

what his heart looked like, after he was divorced from his wife…shattered heart 的圖片結果not my picture…

So, maybe, this woman wanted this man who should’ve chosen her to marry suffer, that, was why, she’d turned him away, or maybe, years had gone by, and what she felt for him, was no more, or maybe, she’d come to her senses, in realizing, that what she felt towards him was only, a crush, that it wasn’t ever going to last…and this man showed what a LOSER he was, searching for a soft place to land with this woman who’d shattered her wine glass at his wedding.

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Chasing Down Regrets, a Poem

The understandings that came a bit late, translated…

Many Years Later

They Finally Come to the Understanding

That The Island Snowing

The People Going Crazy Over the Snows

The Day the Snow Covered Up the Lands

Was the Very First Day

of The End

If only you know what you didn’t know then, that, is regret, and, no matter how hard you’d recalled, how hard you’d longed, for those moments of mistakes in the past made by you back again, you can’t, have your lives, to do over again, and, if you keep on looking back, you’ll end up, missing out on the rest of your lives, but hey, what can you do?  You were the ones, who’d made that very first, initial WRONG step, and every single step afterwards, was to make up for that very FIRST mistake you’d ever made.

Searching in the Darkness, for Recent Memories…

I’d been searching in the dark lately, quite a lot, actually, for recent memories, any one, but, no matter how I WRECKED my brains, nothing surfaces to my mind.

Searching in the darkness, for recent memories, don’t you know, that memories only exist, where we can see?  And that, the darkness, that place, was saved, for the forgotten, the gone-away, memories…

what do you think you’ll be finding like this, huh???  Not my photograph.

Searching in the darkness, for recent memories, I’d looked up (not that I can tell which way’s up or down, it’s dark???  Hello, hello, hello???), and then, down, it’s just, not going well these days!  Searching in the darkness, for recent memories, any one of them would do, but NO, there IS none, NOT since you’d left me hanging high, and dry!

Searching in the darkness, for recent memories, and yet, what, do I find?  Absolutely, NOTHING, and, you KNOW that you can’t see diddily SQUAT without light, unless, of course, you’re, a nocturnal creature…what do you think you’ll be finding like this, huh??? Not my photograph.

A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

Troubled, by ALL Their Secrets…

She was, troubled, by ALL their secrets, for they used her, like a Pandora’s Box, and started, pouring their secrets into her.  At first, she didn’t think it was a big deal, but as she got older, the secrets changed and maximized, and, they’d, grown, out of proportions now…

like this…not my photograph…

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, there are, those years, of hidden truths, masked up with lies.  Troubled, by ALL their secrets, there’s, NO way she’ll, ever be free, from it all, she’d been, hearing those, harsh-sounding secrets all her life, and now, her life became, nothing but, this BIG lie!

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, how will she ever be free?  How will she ever be, rid of the secrets now, she’d been carrying them, since her entire life.  Troubled, by ALL their secrets, she’ll NEVER be, free again, she’ll forever be, troubled now.

like this???  Not my photograph…

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, she won’t, not anymore!  For, she’d, given ALL their secrets, BACK, to their designated “owners” now, and, she felt, lighter these days, now that she’s, stopped carrying everybody ELSE’s secrets with her.

 

 

Waiting, on a Dream…

Waiting, on a dream, that, is where you’d, left me, high and dry, way back when, and I’d, waited, blindly, believed that this dream, which turned out to be, a L-I-E, was, NEVER going to make.

Waiting, on a dream, that, is what it’d, felt like, being in love, never knowing, when this love will turn, upward, or downward, or if, it’s going to do that tilt-a-whirl thing that’ll make me, throw up like crazy at any time!

waiting on a dream 的圖片結果like climbing up these never-ending stairs, not my illustration.

Waiting on a dream, but why?  I’m not stupid you know!  Waiting on a dream, that’s something, only the young AND the naïve (yes, you must possess both of these “qualities”…) can have the luxuries of, for the rest of us, we simply, can’t afford it.

Waiting on a dream, for so long now, and, knowing it’s nowhere NEAR, comin’ true, became a part of my everyday life, and yet, I’d wondered at times, late at night, why, I’m still, waiting on………you???  Just can’t, quite figure it all out is the thing.

an empty park bench 的圖片結果

like this, perhaps???  Not my photograph…

Waiting on a dream, no more, I won’t, wait again, been waiting, my whole life, for that train (or that ship???) that’s already, left where I was, and now, perhaps, it’s, my time, to march onward, with the rest of my life, instead of, getting, trapped by these moments, in my past………

The Day & Night Cafe, No. 4

Life, as a fake, translated…

After Sipping Up that Final Sip of Café Vienna, I’d Gotten Up

Decided to Take the Trains Southbound to Vienna in the Night, He, Who’s Japanese-German

Fluent in German, Recalled How His People Were Defeated in World War II

Life was Like an Auction, with the Highest Bidders Winning

like this???  Not my photograph…

And, After the War, Those Who’d Made the Low Bids Dropped out One by One

The Two Still Standing, Fighting to Win;

The Auctions of Love is Full of Dangers

The Auctioneers can Only Laugh & Make Fun of Themselves

And, There May be, Falsified Love Here as Well

We Needed to Wait Until the Show’s Over to Know the Truth

Understanding, How Every Move is Hinting at Something Else

Like a Kiss, that was, a Kiss Goodbye

A Hug, for the Final Last Time

which one is the real me, I’m totally confused here!  Not my photograph…

That Keyring of Happiness, is a Memorabilia

Continuous, the Beginning is the End, the End, Beginning

But, I Couldn’t Get at, that Tear I’d, Wiped Off My Cheeks

From that Bath I’d Taken Before

Pushing the Doors Outward, Feeling the Fourth & Fifth Spinal Column Ache Lightly

Was Virgil, Was Aldermann, Elderly?

Must be, Confused with the Time then?  Everyone Was Once Young & Pretty

The Young Lovers, Flew Away Together, But it Never Lasts, He’d Insisted

the distorted versions of the self, not my artwork…

That Giving Up is Not Giving in, She Does, Love Him, Just Couldn’t, be with Him Forever

Turned Out, that Was, Their Last Time, Especially, Arousing, Especially, Sexual

He’d Walked Toward the Crowd in the Clock Tower, Fully Dressed

The Fakes Looked Good on the Outside, and Only He Knew, His Own, Worthlessness

Afterwards, there Shall be, No Clocks, No Way to Tell Time

Nobody Shall, Ever Know, Nothing Had, Happened Here

So, this, is someone’s realizations, that everything s/he desired, was absolutely, NOTHING of importance, and, instead of changing the ways, changing one’s own behaviors, this character just, keeps on living, in the untrue forms of himself…