The Feelings of Coming Home

Thoughts, translated…

We’d arrived back to Taiwan from Poland for three weeks now. Although this wasn’t the first time we’d gotten back to Taiwan, but this time, we’d stayed longer, and had the thoughts, of moving back here to stay for good, so, the mindset was quite different from all our previous visits.

What’s the biggest difference? For now, there’s no longer that mindset of being a tourist here, or being on business trip, I suppose. From before when we’d gotten back here, I’d always wanted to visit with a ton of friends, eat a ton of local delicacies in the shortest possible time (and I’d googled the hottest restaurants too!), to handle most of my affairs, to head to as many places as I possibly can, to set up numerous seminars, and in the end, I’d ended up, overbooking my own schedules, and gotten super stressed out, and not had the needed time to rest.

not my photo…

This time, I knew, that I’d be here, for at least a year, so I’m no longer, in a hurry anymore. This isn’t an intentional change, instead, it’d happened, naturally, like how my body knew, that I’m about, to embark on this new life too, so, it’d told my brains, “slowly, or, you won’t be able to handle it!”

I’d left home for sixteen years, almost half my life already. I’d become, half-Polish already, and had that British flair about me too, returning back to Taiwan, it didn’t feel like “coming home”, instead, it’s a feeling that’s between “homecoming” and a sort of “migration”. Maybe, it’s this scent of feeling scared toward this change, or maybe, I’d felt, somewhat unsettled, of beginning a brand new life here again, about a month before my return back to Taiwan, I’d turned very agitated, feared that my son wouldn’t adapt to the kindergarten here, feared that my husband couldn’t adapt to the weather here, feared that I won’t be able to cope with the crowdedness of the public places, and that personal space (in Poland, we have a farther distance from each other………).

As I’d returned back, some of my worries became reality (my husband became maladapted to the weather here), and, I’d realized, that I’d worried on some of the other things (my son loved school, at least, for now!), and, some of the worries, I’d, anticipated, so, it’d not freaked me out, instead, I’d found, some positive values in them. For instance, in a convenience sotre, because I’d not allowed an elderly person to cut in front of me in the line in the restrooms (as a pregnant woman, I’m in a hurry to go too!) soi she’d talked very loudly to me, and she’d even asked if I’d needed to urinate or defecate, and later on, she’d complained of how I’m cuckoo to others. This would be, the results of being too “intimate” with people, but on the other side, because of this “intimacy”, I’d have people standing up on the public transportations to let me have her/his seat, or the kind words of greetings from strangers too.

not my photo…

And, there was, one other thing that made me feel “wow, I am, home now!”, was how I’d cooked often these days now. Because of my diabetes from pregnancy, I’d had a restricted diet, and it wasn’t convenient for me to go out to eat, so I’d started cooking up the multi-grained rices, and cook up all the other meats and vegetables as well. At first I thought I’d get tired of it, but, being able to use the produce I’m familiar with, to make the foods that are healthy for my family and I, it’d made me feel, more than satisfied. I’d started thinking, on how do I make use of the spaces in my kitchen, what sort of new equipment I’d needed to get, what sort of changes I’d needed to get, to make my work in the kitchen more orderly.

Having come back to Taiwan so many times, and yet, this is, the very first time I’d felt like, I’d, come back home.

So, the reason why you’d felt so differently this time compared to the previous, is probably because you are here to stay, and so, you’d had this different perception, this different feeling about returning back to Taiwan, and you’re about, to start a brand new stage of your life here, and, because you grew up here, and you still felt like this is your home too…wish I feel like that too, but I don’t!!!

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