Be Brave, for the Self, One More Time, After We’d Grown Older

Snapping out of that mode, quickly enough, translated…

Guan-Zhong Yu once wrote, “The price for longevity is vicissitudes, that as life grows weaker, that overpowering shadow of death loomed.” My eldest sister who acted more like our mother in our family of origin, after she married, became a mother of three, took care of everything in AND out of her household, had it hard, and I’d already, gotten used to, living in the raucous, the rowdiness of the world; and all of a sudden, time had, changed, and, all that hurrying to and fro, busying about in life, fell back to the quieted state, there’s no longer, that swaying shadow before me now, only the houseful of quiet and silence.

this, is one way to go…not my photo…

One evening, as I was, scrubbing the bathrooms really hard, the cracks in the toilet sliced my fingers, and, blood came, there was, nobody around, I’d stared at my wound, and started, wondering. If I’d died from losing too much blood, would my children who weren’t around feel the least bit of guilt? I’d stood up, with that scent of displeasure, refused, to get the healing ointments, and, that mind just, ran wide, my imagination took over, along with the news headline of “An elderly woman living alone found dead, after an accident.”

But that’s, only in my imaginations, I should, make the bleeding stop and apply on the meds, shook off all that negative thoughts that filled up my mind, and, smiled toward that wrinkled, white-haired reflection, called out to myself, “Hooray! Hooray!”, after all, I’m still, of sound mind, agile, I can eat, sleep, I can even, hike the mountains, and go on trips too, my children are steady and stable in their separate areas of expertise, my small family is healthy and well, what else, can I ask for?

You can’t have it all, but, wanting someone to accompany close by is normal, and, I hope, that I’ll become, stronger as I get even older, and I will get to see, that clear blue sky again soon.

or, you can choose this way of life…not my photo stilltogether, for our weekly Gin Rummy sessions…

So, this, is what living alone feels like, you have NO one you can talk to regularly from day to day, and, you’d feel, lonely, and think to yourselves: hey, if my life ended right now………but, you were able to, quickly, SNAP out of this state of slipping downward, because you come to the realization, that you are, lucky, and blessed, to be able-bodied, and living on your own.

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