When I was younger, in my first home in Tainan, I’d always viewed that darkened room in the center of the second floor as the center of the world, under the double bed, I can just hide out, and lived out my life like that.
Every child may have thought at one time or the next, that the world revolved around her/him, that everything s/he encounters, is the whole world.
I had, actually, left that room, but until before high school, I’d only took the trains to Taipei just two times, my world was between home and school every single day, the few streets in Tainan, the phoenix trees and cicada calls in the summertime, the sudden temperature drop in the autumn, along with the raging rains of the winters, felt more like the borders of a universe. It’s not that I don’t know that there are, many more worlds that are in existence, but, spreading out a map, finding my hometown on a globe, I can only imagine, and wait on.
What was I, waiting on? Waiting for the universe, to unfold itself? I’d not known, how the universe would, define the existence of everybody else. Later on, I’d read the Irish Writer, Emma Donoghue’s “Room”, and watched the movie, the young boy, Jack, before he was five, was kept inside a small room with his mother, he’d believed, that the room was, the whole universe, and, his world consisted of only two chairs, and the toilet, and the space between the chairs and the toilet, there are only, three people in this world. Until his mother told him the truth, that there is, an even larger world out there. With a million new things waiting for him. For young Jack, he’d never expected or hoped, and so, he’d lost the right to his own imaginations, for instance, imagining what presents will he get on his birthday or Christmas.
Emma Donoghue’s story was inspired by a true story in Austria, but, she’d changed the plot, and focused on the little boy’s perspectives, how his perceptions changed as he got older, projected into that real world, that it’d not made the child happier, or feel any safer. Hope and waiting, are actually, learned, and NOT inborn.
It’s like telling everybody’s story, the mother’s body was like a small room, after you exited it, you’d entered into the incubators, another little room, the home and the classrooms are rooms with windows, we stay inside rooms, and, everything we’d encountered, became our whole world, and, living inside this door, we wouldn’t know what’s going on outside, like returning back to young Jack’s point of view, “Someone keeps opening the door, someone keeps closing the door.” Then, we’d entered into the line of opening and closing the doors. Entered into a room, only to leave the last, sooner or later, just like the Zen masters pointed out, our bodies will become, the last room we are forced, to vacate, a physical, but nonexistent room.
Sometimes, I’d imagined this nonexistent memory, how was I, inside of my mother’s body? That embryonic version of me did exist, so, how come, I just, can’t remember it? Jung in his memoir specified that he’d had memories of when he was just two, earlier, I’d often dreamed that I was, back inside my mother’s womb, surrounded by the warm embryonic fluid. In the novel, Mom told Jack, “You’re already five, I am your mom, I need to decide, whether or not we need to make a change.’, Jack replied, “Then, I want to go back to before four.” Before age four, at least, mom is always there. Retracted back, to a familiar world, although there’s only a window up on the roof, a shell, an empty bottle, a handful of coins you can’t buy anything with, that, is the wish that we all have, that became, unspoken.
As we get older, I’d seen a ton of wayward things in the world and, I’d not longer gotten too harsh on this sort of simple wishes after all, everything that one encounters, will only be found, in a small corner of the world, taking up the space, moved, between the corners, and from room to room. The earth, is a room in itself too.
I think, if little Jack never walked out of the room, if we’re all, assigned to just ONE little corner, then, we should, treat it as our entire universe, and, make it shine!
So, this, is very philosophical, because, we are all related to this world in ways we may not even be aware of, with everything we do, impacting those around us, and strangers too, and we just, don’t realize, that our actions can have such an adverse effect on others.