L, the Long-Distance Relationship Expert

Reflections on how to live as a single person, translated…

L is the person who’s extremely able in long-distance relationships. Because of work, L would spent several months at a time away from his home in Taiwan, and don’t know why, for a long time, her partners usually don’t live in the same city as she. Every time she’d heard others talked of how long-distance relationships wouldn’t work, she’d just, shrugged it off, said, “Remember how back in school, we only had a ten-minute break between the classes, and, we’d still all wanted, to head outside to play. Because it’s just for those ten short minutes, and, we’d had company, so, we’d, played on happily just the same. And, if you’re given a ball for an entire day on the weekends to play, you probably wouldn’t, have as much fun then!”

L is a hopeless romantic, she is able to turn the limitations of time and space, into endless number of idea. She’d once selected movies that showed around the same time, and, headed out, to go see the separate movies together. When they didn’t have anything to do, they’d, interacted via skype, to tell one another of the things they’d encountered during their days. It sounded, a bit, self-deceiving, but, when you think on it closely, it’s, actually, kinda, cute.

“The distance is NEVER how distant it was between us on paper, but how close are the two hearts to each other.” She’d told me.

I’d replied, “Even so, life should still be built upon shared experiences, something the two of you can share together.”

“So, I’d, needed, a ton of courage, and faith, whether it be toward him, or myself.”, she’d, told me.

“Also, to the love the two of you shared”.

“How so?”

“Love doesn’t stay the same, and, distance became, a reason that everybody can understand.”

“An official statement.”

“Maybe, you’re one who needs a lot of freedom. Need a lot of time and space to yourself.”

“Actually, a lot of the ‘freedoms’, are a way of survival. For people like us, we wouldn’t cry or rant, even if we can’t have what we’d wanted, so, we’d, adjusted ourselves, to make ourselves accept the conditions, and, after awhile, we’d started, believing, that we are really, comfortable alone. Then, we’d, gotten used to this version of our selves, to the end, we could no longer, tell, what kinds of relationships we longed for, and, to what extent do we desire our separate senses of freedom.”

“Could it be because we’re performers onstage? That we’d become, extremely, well adapted.”

“Hehe, at this time, we can always use the excuse of how ‘we’re performers’.”

“This, is our official statement. Where our, special rights came from.”

“And, this sort of a special kind of privilege, only we can understand it ourselves alone.”

here’s someone who’s comfortable alone on her own, not my photograph…

And maybe, “distance” to L, is closer to “needs”. In the long-distance relationships, that simple desire of wanting the other person, needs to be lowered to the lowest levels, in order, for the relationship to keep on going. The environments which performers worked in, are mostly challenges with oneself, sometimes, without the supports from one’s own family or friends. And, some would especially rely on these sorts of romantic relationships, while others, will lean toward becoming even MORE independent. And still, being too polarized would not be at all ideal, the former would engage in this overt tug-of-war with one’s own partner, with one party constantly wanting something from the other, causing pressures on both; the latter, is in how hard it is, to meet an “equal” with oneself, or, after both parties are overly independent, the two can live without each other.

There are, so many friends around me in the same industry, in the end, they’d all, ended up being single for a very long time, and, they could no longer tell, if it’s caused by their nature or the interactions with their external environments anymore, but, seeing how L can enjoy herself, in being alone, living her life in solitary, it’s, I suppose, a very good example for others.

So, sometimes, we’re, forced by our circumstances, to become a certain way, and this way of life, we’d never have, imagined for ourselves, but, it’s just, that we’d, gotten, comfortable, in living our lives in a certain way, that it’d become, habitual, and, we’re comfortable living the way we live, and there’s no need for us to change…


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