The need, to wear our masks, all the time, translated…
There are two communications app I used most frequently, Facebook and WeChat. All the friends I have on FB are all from Taiwan, and ALL my friends on WeChat are my friends, families in China and my classmate, and these two communications app showed my two sides of life.
The posts on FB are mostly articles I’d submitted to the papers that’s gotten published, for the sake of keeping them on file. Although I’d rarely disclosed anything personal about myself on FB, but, my friends who were tentative can still see what’s going on inside of my mind through reading my posts on FB. There was a friend who’d asked me caringly, “You seemed to be unhappy for some reasons, aren’t you?” Facebook, was my response toward my reality.
let’s see, what expressions should I have on today??? Not my photo.
As for WeChat, with the economics flying ahead in China these couple of years, my hometown of Chuangzhou became very industrial, and, even IF I don’t read the postings of my relatives or friends, I’d known how much they were making, how their standards are living, is now, comparable to the life in Taipei, even, exceeded the quality of life in Taipei. Comparing to how I’m still, struggling in the cracks, I’d be lying, if I say that I don’t regret my choice from long ago, I’d also cried myself to sleep on nights too. But, there’s, NO use in regretting in life, even IF we’re stuck in “Can’t get back the past, can’t see the future”, I can still, virtually live out my present, to allow myself, to believe in the possibilities of bliss, and so, I’d started, a happy life on WeChat.
Because my friends and family in China had NO idea how I was living in Taiwan, as I’d posted on WeChat, I’d always shared the better news and not the bad. Subconsciously, I’d not wanted my relatives and friends in China to know how much hardship I was weathering in a foreign land, because, who will, shed a tear for you for that? Why not, just show my better sides. For instance, when my boss turned eighty, he’d treated all his employees to a meal, I’d streamed my actions “A journey with my taste buds”, and streamed the photos of the friend pigeon, baked shrimps, along with other savory food dishes———and, heaven only knows, that this meal comes, once, PER decade! And, I’d gone to a book signing for a writer, I’d posted a photo of me, looking beautiful, labeled it, “A banquet of literary”. Hehe! Pretending that I’m still writing, literary, since I’d left home, to pretend I have NO excess worries in life, to be able to, pursue these sorts of a spiritual enlightenment in life.
Once, a couple of my better classmates skipped over an article I wrote of my childhood, and started giving kudos to a former classmate who’d done very well for herself, being as sensitive as I, I’d felt hurt, but, I’d wanted to not wallow in self-pity, and so, I’d, posted the photo of my company’s year-end banquet, with “a beautiful evening” as the label, and, two smiley face emoticons, and, it’d, gotten my classmates started. I’d also posted photos of me on outings, making me seem like I’d traveled all over Taiwan, but, life had been, too busy, that I’d never even, step foot outside of the city of Taipei, I’d never even been to Alishan or the Sun-Moon Lake even.
not my artwork…
And just like so, I’d, pretended I was living THE life on WeChat, pretended that life was so easy, like the female protagonist in Maupassant. But, I’d heard, that faking your smiles long enough, your smiles become, genuine, so, faking my happiness long enough, it can, become, real right? I truly hope so. oh yeah, my display name on WeChat is “Happiness Befalls”.
So, this, is actually, really hard, for the individual who wrote this, because s/he had to, put on this façade, to paint on that pretty face to show the rest of the world, even her/his closest of kin, and this, is probably, due to this, deep seated sense of insecurity s/he had since s/he was growing up, and, if s/he keeps this up, then, s/he will become, completely, SPLIT, and, end up having a LOT more troubles than s/he had to begin with!