On that Year, All I Had Left, Was My Own Courage, After the Divorce

The process from living with him, having him cheat on you, going through the regrets, thinking about why it’d happened, to finally, finding yourself, and standing back up, facing to the sun again, it’s, truly, a very hard process that’s for certain! Translated…

Last May, I got, a divorce.

He’d given me some money, pushed me out the door, and, four months later, I saw him, with a younger woman, flashing their love online; I sat in front of the computer, watching the way they’d interacted with each other so intimately on Facebook, felt like someone just, slapped me across the face, my face felt burning up.

Two years ago, I’d felt, that something wasn’t quite right with him, he’d started toning up his body like crazy, bought brand new clothes, started applying the hair-growth solutions on his scalp even, and, he’d turned more and more impatient toward me. Then, what followed, the detectives couldn’t guessed right, there were his attempts to ask a younger woman out on his cell phone, and, as I’d confronted him on it, he’d gotten angered for getting caught, then, the six months that followed, he’d given me the silent treatments and the cold shoulders.

the couple, duking it out, not my photo…

We’d dated for five whole years before we wed, and married for seven, and, when his affair got busted, I was diagnosed with cancer, NO more than a year ago. During those six months’ time, I couldn’t eat OR sleep, my weight slid down fast; I’d locked myself up in my room and cried, started shaking all over. Feared that I might have my relapse again, feared that I may lose my life, while he was outside, working on his biceps.

Later on, I’d come to my senses, if I don’t make my getaway soon, I will become, totally, handicapped, even IF I’d survived. So, I took some money he’d offered to me, ran out of the home, I couldn’t even, rebuild back up again.

I’d started renting my property, other than going to and from work, the rest of the time, I’d spent, walking around like a zombie, gotten lost in the memories of our better pasts. I’d schemed through his FB pages, to see if there’s the minimalistic signs of his regret; I’d gone to a therapist, started crying my eyes out in front of the professional therapist. I’d clung on to my families and friends, and just told them again, and again, how unfairly I was treated, I’d gone to class, read books, traveled, and, struggled in the cycles of self-salvation and self-torture.

Until I saw him with his arms around a younger woman, did I come to. For him, I’d become, the past tense, he’d moved on, a long time ago, and, anything relating to him became, NONE of my business, we’d, separated.

the two people aren’t the only ones that the divorce can affect here, not my drawing…

After that, I’d never, log on to see his Facebook again, never cried too. I’d gotten more friends now, I’d slowly, gained my weight back to healthy, I’d looked better, gotten closer to members of my own family. And, every now and then, there would be news of him, and I’d stopped feeling tortured, I’d finally, moved on.

I found, that after the time passed, the events don’t; once your heart passed, the events will pass too. I’d learned, to accept, to let go, learned, to love myself more and more in the future that come.

Imagine being trapped by this sort of negative emotions, of being betrayed by someone you gave your life to, and, imagine how difficult it must’ve been, for this woman, to pick herself up off the floor, stumbled, and then, walked slowly, to now, she can, probably, RUN towards her better future that’s up ahead, it’s a very long and grueling process, to finally recover, from the betrayals of someone you trusted and loved once, very dearly, and yet, no matter how difficult the processes, it’s still, done, step, by step, slowly…

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