Neat Freak

Changes are in order, because of your age, translated…

I’m just, a neat-freak, without the why!

Whenever I saw dust bunnies on the floor, it’s like, that needle in my eye, I’d felt, compelled, to rid of it. My husband always joked, “You’re so narrow-minded, can’t even have a grain of sand close to you”, while my son stated, “You can see something so small, and you say you have eye problems?”, and all I can say about it, is that the things I should see, I just, don’t, while the things that should be ignored, I’d paid close attention to.

yup, that, is what you look like all right…NOT my picture…

There are so many rules of my cleanliness. After I’d come home from the salons, I’d changed my outfit completely; as I arrived home from the hospitals, I’d totally needed to, head into the showers, to wash myself off; the door handles in public, I’d, needed to use a tissue before I open and close it; the towels provided by the hotels, I’d dared not use, I’d needed to, take my own towels on trips. And, as I’d washed my hands, I’d washed them over, over, and over again, until I feel, that they’re, completely cleaned off. I have, so many knickknacks that I’d, lost count of them all now.

As for the kitchen counters, the dinner table or the floors at home, I can’t stand to see any stains. Before breakfast, if I saw breadcrumbs or coffee stains, I’d needed to wipe it all off, before I can find my appetite. But, I knew that this, was unnecessary, I could well just, finishing eating and clean it all together, but, I couldn’t cope with it, and, I’d needed to, do it in secrecy, worrying that my family might see me, and they’d hollered back, “I did wipe the tables!”

Recalling how when I lived in the dorms in college, several times as I was tidying up my room, my coins fell out of my purse, and, I’d picked them all up, took them to the sink and washed them, and my roommate exclaimed, “Wow! I’d never seen anybody wash their change before!”, and because of that, I was selected as the cleaning guard that year.

and, this, would be when you wish you had, extra arms, wouldn’t you???  Not my photo…

Don’t’ know if it’s a good habit, or that I’d brought it on myself, I just, can’t seem to, change my habits. Actually, I’d, struggled with myself too. Sometimes, I’d played that game of tug-of-war with myself, but in the end, my neat-freak side won out.

And now, as I got older, I’d not had enough energies, and, felt a bit powerless toward my OCD clean symptoms. And so, I’d, needed to, adjust my own mind, to remind myself constantly: to RELAX, to NOT be stubborn, just IGNORE that it’s there, so I can, get from day to day with more ease.

So, this, is the results of having OCD, from before, you would clean like crazy, and now, you would too, save that you’re not as strong as you used to be, because you’re older, and, because you couldn’t do as much around the house, so, you’re, slowly, learning, to adapt to the little bit of mess that you see around you…

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