Expressing the Love in Our Marriage

Showing love, in ways that we each can, feel it, adapting to the different ways that we feel the love, and how the love we shared is, expressed, translated…

As we were just newlyweds, I’d worked very hard, to keep the household tidy, believed, that that, is the duties of a “good wife” and a “good mom”, and because I was taught since I was young that “you needed to swiftly go through the chores, so people will love you.”

what he’d needed…NOT my photo…

Until my son was three, that day, after the meals, I’d wanted to, gather up the pots and pans, but, my back started aching, and I couldn’t stand up straight, let alone, move around. As I’d gone to see the doctors, I received the diagnosis of a herniated disc, that I’d needed to be in rehab for over four months, thus, the household chores landed, on my husband. But, as he’d delayed mopping the floors from once a week, to once every two weeks, then, from once a month, to once every month and a half, and I couldn’t help but ask him, “Don’t you think the floor’s kinda dirty?” He’d stared straight into the Elephants Baseball game, glinted over to the floors, slowly answered, “Nope, I think, it’s, okay.” I’d felt somewhat furious, thought, it’s because he has his full attention on the games, that, was why he couldn’t see!

Through the physical therapies, my lower back got better. One day as he returned home from work, he’d hollered aloud, “Where are you, honey?”, I was cooking, and so, I’d called out, “In the kitchen!”, he’d come up from behind me, said, “Come, I give you a hug!”, I’d butted back displeased, “What for? Don’t you see I’m cooking? There are vegetables needing to be washed in the sink, help me wash them, that’s more practical!”, he’d felt disappointed, and went to clean the vegetables.

Later on, as I’d taken a course on marriage, I’d realized, that my way of expressing love was “through actions”, and so, I’d kept doing the chores so endlessly; while my husband “through bodily contact, to express the love, and therefore, he’d needed more hugs than I would, that, was why he’d not known, how important mopping the floors was to me!

yup, like that!!!  Not my photo…

And so, I’d switched my tactics, as I felt strained, I’d not do as much chores, watched some T.V., relax a bit; and as my husband got in after work, I’d opened my arms and given him a hug, so he’d find an outlet, for all the fatigues he’d experienced from work, and he’d felt how much love I have for him. And, he’d also, learned to use the way I’d felt his love, by his actions—helping with cleaning the vegetables before cooking, wiping down the glass windows, taking out the trash, scrubbing the bathrooms………and, we were able to, have more concrete experiences of one another’s love, and, we were able to, receive the love, and naturally, this made our marriage better.

The other three “languages of love”: “the delicate times”, we needed to spend time together, or do something we both enjoyed; “accepting the gifts”, is hoping that we’d kept one another in mind, and getting a present; “the words of affirmation”, for the sake of wanting to hear the praises from each other, along with the gratitude too. If we could, give the words of confirmation out of habit, then, toward anybody that we love, it can, increase the level of love we have for each other.

I hoped, that everybody in love can figure out each other’s way of showing love, and, live in love for a long time.

Or, this would work too…not my photo still..

So, this, is on the differences in character, how love is experienced, like how this wife would want her husband to ACT, to show how much he’d cared for her by doing the household chores on his own, while the husband craves bodily contact from her, to feel the love, and, there are, minor differences to how each and every one of us experiences the love we have for one another, there’s NO right or wrong, that, is just how we are!

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