The Couple Who’d Been Married for Twenty Years are Now, Estranged

A marriage that’s, slowly, freezing up, oh wait, it’d become, frozen SOLID, and now you want to, thaw it out??? A Q&A, translated…

Q: He’d Kept Wearing that Soured Face Towards Me, is There Still a Chance, to Salvage What’s Left of My Marriage?

Mrs. H had, lived for twenty years in this freezing weather of her marriage, she’d originally thought that she’d become totally numbed out, but recently, she’d started, contemplating, how she can better the interactions with her husband.

Her husband never fought with her, but every time he was displeased, he’d started the cold wars with her; and, even sometimes, what’ had angered him had nothing to do with H, something with his own family of origin, or something at the office, he’d still pulled H into his own storms. Naturally, sometimes, it was the kids, or her who’d made him upset, but no matter what happened, H’s husband treated her as if she were invisible. And after some time, H can only, keep her distance, and, tried to spend as little time as she possibly could with him, even encouraged him to find someone else to love.

查看來源圖片where we’ll be, if things don’t change…not my photo…

Twenty years had, passed like this, from the beginning, when H had, walked of eggshells too carefully, to now, she’d learned, to completely, ignore her husband’s existence. It’s just, she’s not happy in this sort of an interaction with him in the marriage, and she wants to know, if there was something she can do, to change this.

A My Advice

This marriage had begun imbalanced, the husband didn’t fight, didn’t get loud, and, it’d, made his wife scared. If you two were in love before you were married, didn’t he use this before? If it’d started after you two were married, I think, that if communications work, it would’ve, worked, but H had stimulated him, by telling him to cheat on her, I really can’t tell what had happened between them from before. If H wanted to improve her relationship with her husband, she could lower herself and have a heart-to-heart with him, tell your husband that you weren’t happy, that you’d wanted to change, and if he’s willing to go to couple’s counseling, that’s, even better. And, I can only give these advices to you, based off of what I received. H, do open up your heart, and communicate with your husband.

And so, this probably still did NOT happen overnight, it must’ve been how they’d interacted with each other from the beginning, it’s just that from before, there were, things diverting this husband and wife’s attention, work, children, families, etc., etc., etc., that they’d, failed to notice, but now as they’re growing older, and it’s, just the two of them, things started becoming, obvious, and, the husband and wife really DO need to sit down and talk, otherwise, divorce will be the only VIABLE option.

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Buried Underneath This Stack of Dreams…

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, were us. We’d dreamed too big, allowed all those false fantasies, make-believe fairytales, to get blown out of proportion.

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, you’ll find that dying love I no longer had for you, for I’d, already, put IT out of its miseries, it was sick a long time, and, it’d, taken me, long enough, to finally put it down!

what you’re going to find…Photo from online…查看來源圖片

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, were our shared moments of love, and now, this stack of dreams had, crushed it, suffocated it, and we now have, nothing. Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, what do you think you’ll find, if and when you ever come back, to this home we once made love in, huh? Me, still waiting for you, like I’d done for years and years on end before? Don’t be stupid, my heart’s checked out already, and, it’d just, taken my body longer, to follow its (my heart’s???) lead is all.

Buried under this stack of dreams, is my goodbye (although this “bye” is nowhere NEAR “good”!) to you, and, you’ll find it, at the VERY bottom of the pile, almost dead, because it got crushed………

Cobalt Green, on the Journeys of Her Life

On maturing into being, through journeying to the various places in the world, translated…

Chrome green is a green with that hint of yellow in it, withstanding great heat, bearing with the lights, something that’s used, when there’s this need for the persistent lighting. And this tramp I’d met, I’d called her, cobalt green.

The very first time I’d met Cobalt Green, we’d met out for supper nearby the publishers. She is vegetarian, ordered the spicy vegetarian fried rice, I’d ordered up the vegetable stew too. The portions were way too big, we’d not finished, and she had a lot of containers with her, and so, she’d, packed them up—including a lot of the water that we didn’t finish drinking too (the waiter thought we were a company of four, and gave us four glasses from when we sat down). Even as she’d returned to the major cities, she’d still kept “cherishing” the resources.

the peaceful state of mind this person must be experiencing, can you imagine it???  Photo from online…

She’d once traveled in India, Yunnan, Tibet and the borders of Thailand and Burma, although she’s a temporary visitor, the local family had given her the only glass of clean water for her to drink, and this became the most shocking moment in her whole journey.

Cobalt Green has a religious belief system, but she’d believed, that if we have our own faiths, then, it’d, belonged to oneself solely. I’d believed too, that the most precious kinds of beliefs surpass the religious kind. For instance, being a vegetarian is a way of respecting life, but, if the meat eaters don’t waste any of the meat products they’d consumed, then, it’s equally respectable. Especially when the vegetarians and the nonvegetarians showed respect to one another, wouldn’t that be, the core of “respect” being shown?

We have a shared similarity in character, that we were both forceful in that we hated relying on anybody else for anything. But I’d found, that in the process of her tramping, she’d slowly learned how to “reduce”, to stop constantly giving to the world. In the journeys close to the borders, she’d given her companions a lot of help, and the companions all showed their gratitude by giving some small gifts to her too. And, although those were small items, they’d all become, too meaningful to her. She’d told me, that tramping had taught people to become humbler, to stop using ones’ own views to judge the world constantly. For instance, she’d seen a lot of those who’d sponsored those in the developing nations, and visited locally, seeing how the locals were wearing a ton of accessories, then they’d made the judgments, “they’re not poor at all, they’d still had the money to buy the accessories.”, without knowing, that all those accessories were from the recycled metal scraps, and it wasn’t the same as the monetary values of the developed nations, but an alternative kind of culture and creativity.

查看來源圖片the journey of just one, photo found online…

I’d told her, a lot of start for the creations, seemed to stem from this wound inside of the creators. In the process of journeying, can it be a divide of Cobalt Green’s life, and the next stage of her life, what color will she turn? She’d replied, “on the wounds of the soul and memories, we needed to spend a lot of time, to fix up the missing parts, and it may take lifetimes to accomplish, but that eternal serenity, had always been inside our lives, never left us, it’s just we’d, forgotten them.” Maybe, Cobalt Green will become a permanent color for her life, and, the serendipitous encounters in the future, are going to be the decorations of that eternal peace she’d found.

So, this, is this woman’s view about life, and, she’d accumulated a lot of life experiences, by traveling, journeying to a ton of places, from the interactions she’d shared with people who are strangers, and life is an accumulation of our past experiences, leading up to who we currently are, and, all those experiences will help shape us into who we’re supposed to be as we age.

Working Together to Help Each Other Age More Gracefully, Neither Felt Lonely on the Journey of Life

In sickness AND in health, for better or for worse, the dedications, and love this woman had for her husband, now that he’d become, demented, translated…

After I’d married my husband, I’d focused on my family, looking after our three sons, so my husband didn’t have to worry when he’s working.

In his elderly years, after he had surgeries for his colon cancer, he’d changed to a different man, became forgetful, at first, I’d thought it was a normal process of aging, but after I took him to the Alzheimer’s clinic, the doctor diagnosed him as “beginning stage of dementia”.

He’s not completely helpless, going out for strolls in the morning became his way of exercise, I’d often played the game of numbers with him, “Chinese chess” was one of them, I’d picked up any piece and asked him, and he’d answered me correctly, he’d not written as legibly as he used to, but it’s still readable. After he’d started in art, I’d written my love for him on the sides of the papers, took care of him with empathy, just stay beside him.

My kids also took the two of us outdoors often, and he became like an “old baby”, so happy, and, with the help from nature, it’d somehow, slowed down the progressions of his Alzheimer’s.

For this hospitalization for my chemotherapy, I’d run a fever, which caused pneumonia, in my nineteen days of hospital stays, he’d ridden his small bicycle back and forth, on the two hour round trips, never complained, just stayed by my side, it seemed, that he still remembered how much I put in, to care for him for these past six years, and now, he’d not, given up on me either.

The Department of Sanitary Welfare’s Long-Term Care 2.0 was designated for elderly over sixty-five who’d lost the ability to live on their own, which allowed for the four-hour homecare helper, and, we don’t fit the criteria, that was why, there are so many tragedies that’s happened, because of elderly caretaking.

I’d volunteered at the long-term care center on Mondays, helping the elders put on makeup, hoping that putting their lipsticks on can help make them recall, I’d taken the courses provided by the local governments to enrich my knowledge base on helping with my husband’s dementia, and all of these things that I’d done, are to give myself breathing room, a break from having to take care of my demented husband 24/7.

So, this, is once again, from the caretakers’ journals, and, this woman didn’t leave her husband in a nursing home somewhere, because he was there when she went through her hell with her cancer, and now, he’d needed her more than ever, she surely wasn’t going to, desert him in some nursing home either.

The Era Back When We Brought the Lunches from Home

Memories of our younger school days during the lunch hours, those, WERE the good ol’ days, that’s for sure!!! Translated…

Before the nutritious lunches were provided by the schools, bringing our lunches from home was the norm. Every morning, other than our heavy backpacks, we’d also needed to take that extra packed lunch box. And because what was packed in the lunches, were usually leftovers from the night before, there’s, naturally, that lack of expectation for us.

here’s a sample of what the lunches from home looked like, photo from online…

And, although we’d lacked that sense of expectation for lunch, but, if we’d forgotten to bring our boxed up lunches, we’d be in trouble. Because we’d wanted some extra time to sleep, we’d often forgotten, the important thing (our stomach’s needs) by the entry of our houses or just, left them on the dinner tables, and if we’d not asked our parents to bring it to us, then, we had to, wait until lunchtime, and go to the school shop to buy the breads and the milk. But, I had an alternative way: with a pair of chopsticks in hand, and, go from classmate to classmate to see what they have for lunch, “reviewing” over the foods that my classmates’ parents packed, and do a “gourmet review” at the same time. We’d all great friends, and my classmates never minded, and they’d enjoyed, sharing their lunches with me too.

On my last year of middle school, I’d had my growth spurt and had an increased appetite, and my originally just ONE lunch box became too, and, “In the bigger lunch box, rice, the small one, the vegetables and meats”, became how my classmates made fun of me then.

and now, here are the school lunches provided at school now…photo also from online…

So, there’s, a LOT of memories, from your younger years of packing those lunches you steamed in your classrooms, and, back then, the students were very connected, because they’re one another’s friends in class, that is why there’s this, sort of an intimacy, closeness that they’d shared with each other.

The Taste of Happiness on Thursdays

Hey, save some leftovers for me, will ya??? Translated…

Thursdays are our “family nights”, primarily because my younger brother who’s a pediatrician has a day off, and we can all gather around our parents’ to share some happy times.

My youngest brother who works for a Japanese company, because of how busy his work is, he’d skipped from time to time, and my mother would pack up the leftovers for lunch, then, give it to my younger sister-in-law and my nephew to take it home to him; so the family members missing out, can also have a taste of mom’s love, and the warmth from the family.

On a certain Thursday, I’d needed to work overtime at school, something came up suddenly. As I got home, my son who’d just had supper at his grandparents’ gladly handed me a still warm lunch box, half-jokingly, he’d told me, “this is our left over, saved for you!”, I didn’t believe it. Look, a prawn, three pieces of stewed beef, broccoli with corn, and my favorite, okra. My regrets of not making it home for the gathering meals, suddenly, wiped completely away, by this lunch box, packed with a ton of love.

meal on the table 的圖片結果let’s all sit down for this well-prepared meal here…not my photo…

So, this, is how this family show the love, by sharing the homecooked meals, and, whenever one member can’t make it home, the other members would save some for the individual who’d, skipped out on the meals, and that, is the act of love, that’s experienced by the man who’s a part of this family.

Driver’s Ed, a Poem

I can’t sever my ties with you yet, just allow me to love you, a bit longer, please!!! Translated…

This is, the Unreturned

Miniature Version of, that Map of the First Love

I Was Once, a Slow Car, Driving According to Your Signs

Reverse, Park, Drive Forward Bumpily

The S Driving Paths, Very Well Rehearsed查看來源圖片navigateing through this obstacle fcourse of love…photo from online…

Those Spells Which Had, Stopped Working Due to the Twists & Turns Now

Pretended I was Changing Lanes, Tested Out the Safe Distances Too

Allowing that Invisible Crosswalk to Get Between the Two of Us

Brake! Don’t Park on the Lines, Ahhhhhhhhhhh, for a Very Long Time

I’d, Not Wanted to, Signal, All the Green Running Men, Stand Perfectly Still

I’m Still on that Driving Range in Your Dreams, Practicing Repeatedly

This, is what stuck felt like, isn’t it? The person you were in love with, had already, moved on, and you still couldn’t, because you’re still, too emotionally attached or whatever, and, this is going to get harder, because you still had YET to deal with that final goodbye, severing the emotional ties with whoever you’d, broken up with…