A Porcelain Named “Marriage”

We’d received that wedding present (yup, unfortunately, we still got H-I-T-C-H-E-D here!!!) from, uh, who was it from again???  Doesn’t matter anyways…

It was a wedding day present, and yeah, she just, sat inside that display case it got delivered to us in, looking so pretty, so white-faced, so delicate too, and because “she” was so delicate, so untouched, so clean-looking, we’d decided, to keep this porcelain we came to name “marriage” inside that display case, in the shelves.

the “before” photo…from online…porcelain doll 的圖片結果

Then, as the kids came one by one (yup, we’d reproduced like them rabbits too, don’t you know!!!), and I had one too many abortions to count, as those little ones, came too quickly!

And, as the kids started getting older, they’d started, experiencing the world through their senses (as all kids should be allowed to???), and one day, one of those RUGRATS got her hands, into that display case, where “marriage”, the porcelain lay in her dormancy, and, that daughter of ours, took her out, and, because she still hadn’t mastered her hand-eye coordination completely yet, oopsy, “Marriage”, the porcelain dropped, and shattered!

I ran into the living room, as soon as “Marriage” HIT the floor, “she” made that huge raucous (fine, maybe NOT loud, but I’d, still heard “her” shatter…), and, I told our daughter, to GET away, ‘cuz I didn’t want her to step on the shattered pieces and cut herself, and, as I pushed her aside, and started sweeping up the mess, our daughter started crying…

And I had to, go and calm my baby girl down, told her it was okay, that marriage is now, shattered, and that I knew she didn’t mean to break “her”, that it wasn’t, her fault, but heaven knows how much she’d blamed herself, and she’s, so very young too!

and here’s the “after” photo, still from online…a shattered porcelain doll 的圖片結果

After “marriage” the porcelain shattered into god only KNOWS how many pieces, I’d, replaced “her”, with a ragdoll named DIVORCE, and, after I gained SOLE custody (‘cuz you are NOWHERE fitting as a father to my daughter!), I’d allowed my daughter, to drag, DIVORCE, the ragdoll everywhere with her………

And yeah, someone D-I-E in this tale: it’s that STUPID porcelain named “marriage”!

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Our Lives Together Became a Work of Fiction…

And, unfortunately, happily ever AFTER didn’t come as the ENDING!!!

Our lives together became a work of fiction, because, unlike how I’d, originally thought we’d belonged to and with one another, boy, oh boy, oh B-O-Y, was I, DEAD wrong!

like this???  Not my photograph…

Our lives together became a work of fiction, as it should, and, it’d also turned into, a suspense novel, with all the elements of MURDER, and all that good stuff too.

Our lives together became a work of fiction, that, is how “we” (oh wait a second, there was NEVER one!) ended, before we’d ever even gotten the chance to meet, face to FACE, and, this, is a horror story, that didn’t end well for you, but as for me, I’d already found the happily EVER after (plus a day extra!) I damn well deserved here.

or all of these???  Still NOT my photograph…

Our lives together became a work of fiction, we were NEVER supposed to meet (or rather, we met!), and, just like the plots of all fitting stories, with a beginning, a middle, and an end, I’d walked from the beginning of this work of fiction our lives together became, into the middle, and now I had, finally reached, the E-N-D!

El F-I-N!!!  (that’s “the end” in Spanish, for those of you interest in knowing that is…)

Goodbye in Three Acts

And no, it’s NOT a Shakespearean TRAGEDY!  But, someone had, died, I think………

Goodbye, in THREE ACTS, because one act of goodbye, well, that just won’t do it, because, how can we, possibly, CUT everything off, sever ALL the emotional ties from one another, in just one SHORT act?like this, the firt two acts are a build up for waht comes in Act three…not my diagram

And the second act would consist of the symptoms of withdrawal, the emotional outbursts, those nasty angry words we’d, shouted out at one another for hurting too bad, along with an assortment of unmentionable things we put one another through endlessly.

With the final AND last act, after all the emotions had, drained dry completely, I’m totally, OUT of energy, to even say one more last word to you, and I’m finally, DONE with you, thus, end this goodbye, in THREE A-C-T-S!

like this???  Not my photograph…

But, in reality, goodbye happened, quicker than I thought, it took me three months, ONLINE (this is precisely WHY, you ALL should not be meeting people online!), and not a single minute physically (‘cuz “it” and I, well, we never met up!!!), for me, to LOSE the “connections” (got DAMN it, blame it all on my god DAMN FATE here!!!) that took me over TWENTY-SIX FUCKING (and your point being???) YEARS to get, and now, I’m, over FIVE years older, and growing a whole lot wiser by the day still, and I’m totally done with that MORONIC ASShole (‘cuz just like that first M***ER F***ER had!!!).

Goodbye in three acts?  You’ve got to be SHITTING me, being in a BAD relationship for more than ONE second would be, too long, and I hereby, refuse, to DATE, to sleep around (with the EXCEPTIONS of my two males that I will keep on having around me), with anybody, and that is, RESPECTING myself, a WHOLE lot more than any forms of respect from ANYBODY in this god DAMN world here…

This World We’d Built Around Us…

This world we’d built around us, to protect us, from the outside noises, and, for a short while (felt like the miniscule of a nanosecond!), it’d worked, and then, all those loud bangs, came into this life we shared, and messed it all up!

This world we’d built around us, it’s, a mirage, a false belief, that we can, keep everything hurtful out, and, it had, worked, for a short while too (b/c we were “covered” by DENIAL!!!), and the, denial RAN out on us, and, everything came crumbling down…

like this???  Photo from online…

This world we’d built around us, what was it for again?  I can’t seem to remember its purpose now.  Or maybe, I can’t remember its purpose, because, I no longer needed, anything, to SHIELD me from all of my FUCKED up past, ‘cuz I got through it already, while you’re still, trapped.

So, this world that’s built around us, is no longer, around “us” (as there was never, actually, an “us”, there’s only me, myself, and I, oh, and you too!!!), you’d erected that wall around your heart so high, I can’t even, get over it, and so, I’d, stopped, trying to, reach you, and you can, die in your own misery for all I care!!!

building a wall around love 的圖片結果a wall, crumbling down, not my animation…

This world we’d built around us, had, served ITS purpose, and now, it’s time, that we, retire this world, back to wherever the HELL it is that it came from, and, move on, separately………

The Youth I’d Wasted on You…

Yes, that’s, hindsight AND regrets, calling your names…

The youth I’d wasted on you, thinking back, I was, just way too young, way too inexperienced to know any better, you were wrong, all along, but, I’d allowed you, to get too close to me, ended up, getting hurt bad…

The youth I’d wasted on you, there’s, no getting those precious wonder years back again, is there?  Of course not!  And yet, I still, flip the pages back to those days, guess I’m still, hung up on those, as the best, the happiest moments, of my life, and yet, I know, that I shouldn’t, indulge.

wasted youth 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo or sculpture…

The youth I’d wasted on you, I wish I can just, take that step outward, and cross this threshold of our goodbye, and just, be DONE with it already!  But, something’s preventing me from moving forward with my life, and, I’m, STUCK here, at the moment we said our goodbyes…

And yes, until I can, finally move on, I’ll, keep on, wasting my youth (I’m no longer young, by the way…) on you, endlessly, and, I’m just, getting trapped, by this never-ending, vicious cycle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Typewriter, a Short Prose

Things that became, outdated, a metaphor for a marriage, to this character here, translated…

She’d used the typewriter to practice her English keyboarding skills.  But after graduation, the typewriter became outdated.  After that, the computers became more and more advanced by the year, soon enough, she’d, forgotten, that typewriter once, existed in this world.  Until tonight in a movie, she saw a typewriter again, and got reminded of how she’d, spent six months with it, and back then, she’d entered into key entry competitions with him too.  Some say, that not seeing what you forgot means you don’t need it anymore.  After the movie, she was, lost in thought for a very long time…………

The very next morning, she’d called him up, told him she agreed to the divorce he asks her for.

cracked open and broke, so fragile…not my photo…

So, after this enlightening, the woman finally decided, that it’s, time she should, let go of something that’s outdated (not the typewriter, but her own marriage!), and, her remembering using the typewriter was a sort of a nostalgia this woman needed, to find closure to her own marriage, and, after seeing the typewriter in the movie, she’d, found the closure she’d needed, and finally, agreed, to divorce the man she was married to.  It’s a wonder, how something that’s totally unrelated to anything else, can give you such a wakeup call, isn’t it???

 

 

 

Watching You, Drive AWay, with ALL of Our Shared Dreams…

I stood, on the front porch, teary-eyed, watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, and I’d thought to myself: why did you, need to be, so cruel, taking EVERYTHING that was once, loved, and shared by the two of us, leaving me, with naught?

Watching you drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I was, left, empty hearted, with nothing inside of me anymore, for, you’d, taken everything and ALL that mattered to me in life away, in less than a blink of an eye.

this, is all you see…not my photo…

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, it’d, dawned on me, those dreams we were sharing, were, NEVER mine, they were, all yours, you just, made them feel like they’re, what I’d, wanted too, but, they’re, actually, not!

And, after I’d, figured THAT out, I’d stopped, mourning, for these, lost dreams, that I thought were (past tense!!!) ours, and, I’d, moved on, so far, from those, memories that, no longer, mattered to me one bit.

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I thought, I can’t make it on my own without you by my side, and yet, here I still am, six months, after you’d, left, and I still have, my pulse, and, it’s beating, stronger, and stronger, with every, single passing second you’re, not around.

like this???  Not my photo…