From an “Outsider” to Being a Member of His Family

The brickworks, laid by the husband, to make his wife look good in front of his own parents, and the wife is learning the ways of her husband’s home too, and, because the foundation by the husband was lain well, that is why, she’s, getting perfectly along, with her in-laws now, translated…

Back then, as my husband took along his parents to my home to ask my father for my hand, my father who’d, spoiled me like a princess, kept bloating and bragging about how good I was, like I was, out of my husband’s league. During which time, I saw my in-laws who’s not the least bit articulate held their straight faces, but still, smiled courteously.

After I married, my father-in-law treated me, “the Princess” and “daddy’s girl” with great courtesy, never asked me to perform any actions. And, as my husband and I moved out of their house, my father-in-law came by to see our place, and, turned back to my mother-in-law, “Come by to clean up this place for them at another time!”, once I’d gone to my in-laws’ for supper, and, I was slicing up some radish, and accidentally, cut off my nail, and I’d let out a yelp, my father-in-law came, and, I’d gotten my mother-in-law nagged by him, “Just do it yourself, how could she know how to handle these sorts of household chores?”

My mother-in-law treated my father-in-law’s words like they’re, from God, and ever since, she’d treated me with a ton of kindness, never let me into the kitchens to help out with the chores, and had, come to our home from time to time, to clean up after us. And, although I’d felt, blessed by this “gift”, I felt, a bit upset too—I’d felt, that I was, treated like, an outsider, and not a member of my husband’s family.

My husband is the quiet type, rarely talked to his parents, he’d refused, to give them the money he saved up to serve them in person, and I was, the middleman of the deliveries. And, every month as my mother-in-law received the envelope, she’d kept pushing it back into my hands, and thanked us repeatedly, and, through time, this “pushing the envelope” became, a time we’d shared together, and, through our conversations, my mother-in-law learned, that I, who was cherished by my father like a princess, wasn’t locked up in an ivory tower at all, that I was someone with whom she could have great conversations with.

And slowly, anything that’s occurred in my in-laws, I was the very first one my parents-in-law called up, whether it be businesses at the banks, or, needing a replacement of the old appliances, they’d discussed it with me, their daughter-in-law, instead of their own son. And, naturally, I’d loved, being, a “window” for helping my in-laws with the nitty-gritties of their lives, and so, they’d not, seen me, as an outsider anymore!

Once, my husband’s aunt who lived alone, and was under economic duress came to my place to pour her heart out to my mother-in-law, I was using the internet inside the study, and suddenly, I’d heard my mother-in-law stated, “Take these……it’s okay! We have more than enough, my daughter-in-law had given me money to keep……yeah, she’s, truly, wonderful! We have more to talk about than the conversations I’d had with my son!” I’m more than certain, that my mother-in-law who’s a straight shooter, wasn’t saying it because I was in the next room and can hear her.

Perhaps, I have my husband to thank, he’d told my mother-in-law, that I was the one, putting in the money to give to them per month, that he wasn’t the one putting up the money, and, although I’d still not gotten a handle on how to do the household chores well, but I’m noted as a good daughter-in-law in the neighbors’ and the relatives’ minds. Perhaps, I should be grateful, that my husband is very strong and silent, because of his quiet, his cherishing every word that came out of him, I’d become, the family with whom my in-law felt comfortable, telling things to.

So you see, the reason why this mother and daughter-in-law got along quite well is because of the son’s doing. The man had, paved the way for his own wife, to work as a “public relations” between his own wife and his own parents, and, that is a good husband does, being kind to his parents, and at the same time, acting as a bridge between his parents, AND his own wife, after all, the household harmony is the most important thing, when you live in a sort of an extended family like this, isn’t it???


Traveling Together, Making Memories

Children are, growing up, so fast now, and before you know it, they don’t need you anymore, and they’d, stopped, wanting you, the parents, to tag along! Translated…

These past couple of years, I kept, wanting to travel with my children again.

When they were younger, every season, we’d find opportunities, to head out together, or to go to the theme parks away from home to visit, or the National Parks, it didn’t matter if the locations were far or near, how long the trips were, or if we’d gone to the theme parks or not, the focus was, in making more memories of the time we spent together as a family.

With their coming of age, their course loads became, heavier, and, there’s, not many chances we get to, head out to travel as a whole family, and slowly, when I’d, invited them along, they’d, had that look of difficulty on their faces, even as I was only asking them to head out for a walk with me. I knew my children loved staying at home, and that there are, many reasons for them to not go out, but, although, I’d, intentionally, ignored, I’d had to admit, “the parents’ dates of expiration had, passed”, they’d started, focusing more on gathering up with their friends.

I understood the minds of teens’ wanting to hang with their friends, looking back at my self, it’d started for me, around this age too, the companions I had shifted from families to friends, then, due to school, work, going abroad, and, I’d, stopped, hanging out with my parents, or siblings, this was, merely, a transition into the adulthood years, nothing more.

But, even so, I’d still hoped, to go out with my children again. After a while, in this desire of mine, I seemed, to have caught a glimpse of my own parents, aren’t they also wondering, when they will be, traveling all around, with their own young once more?

Ahhhhh, I guess, I need to, plan a trip with mom and dad this next time then.

And so, this, is the attitude adjustment of this parent, from when her kids were still younger, to adjusting herself as her kids are, older, and, how the children wanted to, hang with their friends more, than their parents or grandparents, and this reminded the writer, that she may need to, shift her focus, to traveling with her own aging parents, instead of, keeping hoping, that her kids will, travel with her, because the kids are only, growing older by the day, you CANNOT have those innocent children who’d, relied on you 24/7 back again!!!

The Gym, a Short Prose

The changes in the beliefs of this man from before, to after the marriage, it’s actually, quite funny, don’t you think? Translated…

He’s a fanatic when it came to exercise, he’d gone to the gyms after work. One day, he’d met her through a friend, and, the focus of his life became dating and the marriage, and clearly, the time he went to the gym got, reduced. But he’d still loved exercising, he thought this was only, a period of transition. He’d often thought, if she were willing, to go to the gym with her, it would be wonderful. But he thought he shouldn’t demand so much of her, because other than not loving exercising, she’d fitted to his ideal of a perfect woman.

But, after a few years of marriage, he’d told his friend, “the only good thing about her is that she wouldn’t, follow me to the gym.”

See how the mindset changes, from before to after the marriage? That, is how it always works, because when you were in love, you tend to, ignore ALL the not-so-good qualities about each other, but after you two get hitched, then, it’s, a different story, that, is when ALL the differences get magnified underneath that microscope of yours.

Healing Up from a Condition, a Poem


Each Day, a Brand New Start

The seasons of life, through the various stages of becoming older, translated…

I’d been a mother for many years, and, always fantasized, that one day, I’ll be, very good as a mother eventually, dealing with the assortments of situations that my children throw at me. And yet, things never work out as we planned, in my son’s teenage years, I’d often gotten mad, upset, and cried.

Turns out, that as my son who was originally very close to me, as he reached puberty, he’d had an altered personality, very unpredictable, his moods swung throughout the day, to the point that I’d become, too flustered, making me panic, as I face this strange child before me. I’d felt helpless, and he couldn’t do anything about it either, he’d told me, that he knew he wasn’t supposed to do the things, but, as the raging hormones came, he couldn’t control his mouth.

During that time, I’d stepped on eggshells daily, dealing with the tensions between my son and I, today was easy, but what about tomorrow? What’ll that be like? Every day became an unknown, a brand new beginning, that, roused up my own emotions.

After that period of turbulence in his teenage years, that little boy who’d asked for his mom constantly is now, gone, and, a young man standing on his own, stood before me. With my son’s growing older, leaving home for college, entering his own adulthood years, getting farther, and farther, and farther away from me. As you can see, I’m about to, adjust how we’re to, interact with one another again, to start a brand new phase soon.

I can’t help but be curious, the next time we meet, what sort of a curve ball will my son throw at me, to test my wisdoms as his mother? As the year starts anew, I hope, that in this brand new year, I’ll be, a wiser mother, knowing when you give him applause, when to let go, to respect that he’s, already, grown.

And so, this, is the adjustments in the mindset of this mother, as her son transitions from his teens, into adulthood years, and, this may be hard to cope with, because as your children grow older, you are entering into the empty nest stages of your lives, and, it’s just, a lot of adjustments, changes, to cope with.


The Breakup, a Short Prose

Guess W-H-O-S-E fault it is here??? Translated…

They were having supper.

She’d struck up a conversation casually with him, “You’d ruined my youthful years. Let’s break up!”

“It will do just fine,” he’d stated, peacefully, “Your vanity already, strained me completely.”

She’d not finished the food inside her bowl, and gotten up to pull out the metallic 29-inch suitcase out that’s waiting, for a brand new start in life, “Honestly, all your jeans, they’re all, outdated.”

He’d nodded, “This late in the game, there’s, NO need to hide anything from you anymore………I really HATE how you’d used those stainless steel chopsticks to eat.”

Without the goodbyes, the doors just, shut.

Later, the next man she’d met, was, better.

Later, he’d started using the stainless steel chopsticks to eat. The clinking of the sounds, like the BGM rhythms that’s received over millions of hits, echoed on, at the supper table for one.

And so, in this case, the woman WAS the problem of WHY the relationship failed, the first guy got exed out, because he didn’t eat with the stainless steel chopsticks (and that may be just the mask for whatever actually was wrong with the relationship), and the second time this woman thought she’d found love, it still didn’t work out, and this time, the man DID do things her way, and so, the problems rest with the woman here.


Aunty Who Loves to Paint

How this woman was, able to overcome the trials of her life by taking up a hobby, the features of a woman, translated…

As the children became independent, the aunty who’s already past fifty thought that she could, finally, graduate from her roles of a “good mother” and a “good wife”, but, my uncle fell ill suddenly, it’d, messed everything up. For the futures they’re to have after retirement, my aunt knew she couldn’t leave the workforce yet, but this didn’t stop her from mapping out her dreams.

She’d loved dancing and singing, and has a talent in art too. I’d seen her, so focused as she sketched things onto the papers, and her work consisted of classics and modern, she’d even had an exhibit with her friends who shared the same love for art. Seeing how my aunt stood in front of her canvas, in smiles, I’d felt, she looked, so radiant.

Is it because she’s not willing to lose the passions she has for her life? I’m truly in awe, of her energies, every time I’d visited or called her, I couldn’t help but ask her, when she will be showing her new work, or at least, to post them on FB so her friends and families can look at the works. And, perhaps the road to help my uncle recover is long, but I give my best wishes to my aunt, hoping, that as she gets older, her life will, be colorful as ever.

This is very important, as this article had shown, to have something you’re, really into doing, like for this woman, she has her art, and, if she didn’t have it, she will become resentful toward the things that’s happened in her life, and she’s going to have a very difficult time as she gets older, but gladly, she has a hobby, to keep her going.


The Tears I Hid for You

The tears I hid for you, so you won’t, get affected by MY emotional ups and downs, consider it, an ACT of L-O-V-E I’d shown toward you, but not again!!!

The tears I hid for you, ‘cuz I knew how my tears made you feel, thought you’d felt helpless when you saw me cry (uh in MY defense: I was TOO young to know any better here!!!), but as I grew UP, I realized, that the reason why you’d disliked it when I cried had nothing to do with feelings of helplessness, but of how you felt CONTROLLED by your own mother’s tears, and she’d controlled me up until ’08 with her god DAMN tears too, then, her tears lost their controlling capabilities, ‘cuz I saw right through her then.

The tears I hid for you, I’d, SUCKED everything down, and took it like a M-A-N, and childhood was, so FUCKED UP for me, and I don’t want to go back over it again!!! The tears I hid for you, well, they’d escaped, from my system already, and now, I don’t even CRY, unless I felt like it, unless I’m experiencing MY emotions (as they’re ALL M-I-N-E!!!) completely, to their FULLEST EXTENT!