The Changes in Dad

Making an adjustment to one’s own beliefs, and making a change for the better, translated…

Dad’s been visiting the furniture shops a lot lately, turns out, he’d wanted to switch the double bed in his bedroom that he’d shared with mom into two single beds.  Sleeping separately from mom, was a huge breakthrough for him, who’s very traditional, and, it’d, surprised us all.

A few years ago when my dad started getting ill, mom started wanted to sleep separately, because both their qualities of sleep weren’t so well, and they’d needed the sleeping pills to help them sleep at night; and after my father fell ill, he’d become, emotionally unstable, would get up a lot in the middle of the nights, causing mom’s to sleep even worse.  And, fearing dad’s bad tempers, she’d, kept everything in.

In order to help mom out, I’d found an excuse, to shop for the drapes, to change up the settings of their bedrooms, hoping to make them both more comfortable, but, it didn’t help at all.  Perhaps, dad found my signal, that was why, he’d made this, unexpected decision; although mom said it wasn’t that big a deal, but, she’d looked, softer now.  The changes in dad, it’d made us realized, that he can, be a gentle man too.

So, the gestures of love of this man toward his wife, finally came, and, because the man realized, that he’d, kept his wife awake through the nights, and, that was what probably caused a lot of their fights, and, sleeping well is the key, to a healthy lifestyle, and so, this man made a change, to help improve the interactions between his wife and himself.

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As I’d Slowly Discovered

The stories of coming of age, from a school instructor’s perspectives, translated…

I’m a math instructor in a school, but I’d loved reading the essays of my students’, although all my colleagues called the writings “materials of bad influences”, with the misspelled words, not clear topics, that it’s not for someone with hypertension, or a heart condition to thumb through.  But, every time when it came my term, to oversee the essay exams, after I’d collected the test papers, I’d always, taken the time, to sort through the students’ writings piece by piece, then, give them back to the Chinese instructors to grade.  Perhaps it’s because I only need to read, and not grade or make comment, there wasn’t that many signs of distress I’d experienced from this.

Once, the topic was “As I’d Slowly Discovered”, the test taker was a last year student, and, the essay had the friendships, the filial relations, the love, the betrayal in it.

Someone wrote on how s/he was raised by a military, authoritarian way at home, but one day, his mother stopped bothering with him suddenly, no longer helped him with getting the foods he ate, to let the writer choose on her/his own, and suddenly, s/he’d felt, that “I’m already grown!”, and started learning to take care of oneself.

One student wrote about how a classroom got along seemingly well, but within it, were actually, the cliques that kept, calculating, and manipulating each other, so the writer chose to not participate in it, and didn’t care if s/he was, isolated, and didn’t mind if s/he was labeled as being difficult, just refused, to get in the midst of it all.  Through that article, I’d gotten a better understanding, of what the students who are lowkey were experiencing in the class.

Most students wrote about the contrasts of how they’re getting older, with their parents, aging by the days, some were grateful for the parents taking them everywhere.  Some were grateful that their parents worked hard, that although the parents were there when the students were younger, but the parents provided them with a life without the economic worries; it’s just, that if the hands of time can be turned backwards, they’d still hoped, that their parents can save more time for them.

Toward that article on how the writer’s older brother passed away from illness, fearing her mother feeling upset, the girl that swallowed all her tears, was originally, a very bright and happy young woman, and after reading her essay, I’d learned, why she’d been wearing that frown for so long.  I’d felt awful, that this young woman needed to cope with how her older brother had passed away—I’d gotten to experience this sort of a heartache when I was in the second year of college, but I wasn’t as strong as she, the day I’d received the news, I’d started crying unstop.

Reading the essays of all these students, I’d noted, how they were, slowly coming of age, like how I’d turned into the lecturer, from once being a student sitting in the classrooms; from the son who was taken to school by his father, to a father who now, chauffeurs his own son to school.  Turning around, realizing, that this, is how we all, grow up.

So, this teacher noted the things in the lives of his students, that he wouldn’t have known, had he not read their essays, and these students, although very young, some had already had a vast spectrum of experiences with life and death, heartbreak, and all of these will become, nutrients in their process of growing up into adults!

A Fitting Son with the Foresight

After the mother encountered the truths from the outside world, she’d started seeing things her son’s way, translated…

We’d had the habits of making offerings regularly, on the first and the fifteenth of the lunar calendar month, in the mornings, in the evenings, as we go out to travel, when there’s an exam coming up.  And, for the exams, the offerings were, never-ending, the sectionals, the mock exams, the college entrances, all the way, to the retakes of the college entrance exams…or maybe, it’s because my mother did all the procedures, I’d rarely, done it myself.

And still, you can’t disregard the powers of God.  Before I took my graduate level entrance exams, I’d once gone to the Earth Guardian’s temple to make a promise, that after I got in, I’ll be a vegetarian for a whole month, and in the end, I had, tested, into the graduate department; and, I was the thirteenth in line on the waiting list, and I’d gotten into, the MBA programs.  Thanks for the deities for blessing me, there was that delayed registration notice, that I’d not needed to worry about my girlfriend falling for another man as I began my army service terms.

自幼家中拜拜的次數就很頻繁,初一十五不說,早上拜、晚上拜、出遊拜、考試拜。而光是...illustration from the papers…

It’s just, that there’s one thing that the deities can’t help me with, my allergies.  During the period when the national health insurance cards were still made of paper, with the six stamp slots on the back, I’d normally needed to use up two, three cards per year, to treat the colds that started as allergies.

The child coughed day in and day out, as a mother, mine started worrying, which made the blessings in the living room even more avid.  After I turned thirty, I’d still gotten affected by my allergies, sneezing, snotting up, it’d made my work performance not up to standards, in the morning I’d gone into the offices for a meeting, I’d been busy, wiping my nose in front of my boss.

And finally, it got too difficult for me, and I’d sent in my resignation, and started working as a SOHO with my skill set, taking the cases.  I’d told my parents that one of the reasons I can’t work in an office was because the air-conditioning system made me ill.  My father was extremely furious, told me, “Your through in your life!”, and I’d thought, that that was true too, because a year to two years after I’d quit, my health didn’t improve at all.

Until one day, I saw my mother, kneeling in the living room, with the three sticks of incense, frowning, mumbling, “Please bless my son with good health………”, I’d watched the three light smokes, merged into one as they rose up to the ceilings, and it’d hit me, I’d blurted out, “Mom, the deities can’t help me, it’s because of the smokes………” before I finished, my mother put an end to what I was about to say, she told me, I must show respect, to the deities.

But, survival, is instinctive to man, and being environmentally aware is, the trend, I’d started going against my families lighting up the incense at home.  I’d angrily stated my point, “The more times you’d made the offerings, the faster I’ll die.”  My father shouted, “Outrageous!  We’d whiffed in the smokes and we’re all right, and you’re not?”, I’d increased the volume of my voice, “You are not offering for real anyway, there are the mouse craps underneath the tables, no matter how many offerings you make, you can’t appease to the deities.”  My mother said, with that sense of helplessness, “I can’t stop the rats, we’d needed the offerings of food.”

so miserabe, having these allergies…not my photograph…

What stopped our arguments and the changes took place, was two years after I’d started speaking against my parents’ ways, in August of 2014, the temple my mother loved going to the most had announced that they were doing away with the incense lightings.  And before that, I’d already, called up the exterminators, to rid of the rats, and cleaned up the offering plates personally, so the deities can feel cleanly.

Turns out, it’s, IMPOSSIBLE for the parents to listen to their young—thankfully, they’d taken the advices of the temples.  And ever since, nobody ever lit an incense in the house, and my nasal allergies finally, improved for the better, and my work was on the rise by the day too, thanks to the blessings of the deities.

I’d still remembered, how as the Guanyu Temple announced how they were going to stop the offerings of the incenses, there was a period of time, as my parents talked on the phones, they’d told those who called them, that I was, “a fitting son with a lot of foresights.”

So, this man’s allergies was caused by the environment, his own mother’s lighting up the incense, burning it in their house, and, because of the food offerings, it’d brought the rats, and, it wasn’t a cleanly environment, and, after the son finally managed to convince his parents, to stop offering incense inside the house, and the mother went to the temples, and saw that the people there had changed the methods of making the offerings, that, was when she’d finally, agreed to the son’s way of doing things.  This still just showed, that as children, we may need a little extra help, in convincing our parents, that we are, RIGHT, because many of the cultures in the world still followed the beliefs of “parents know best”, when sometimes, they don’t know SHIT!!!

Seemingly Different

After living through the ups and downs of life, you’re now, finally, settled, finding something beautiful in your ordinary life here, translated…

Looking at my husband sound asleep, it’s, as if I saw that man who’d made me into a spare, that man was already married, kind, very quiet, and at that time, I’d felt, that he was, very lonely.

Back then, I’d thought naively, why does he look so lonely?  Isn’t someone with a family supposed to gloat about his own children, scurried through his wonderful, noisy, messy life?  I’m guessing, that his wife probably didn’t know him at all then.

But, as the wheels of fortunes keep on turning, don’t know if my husband who’s sound asleep, looks like that to other people?  The joys of having a child reduced because of the odds and ends of life, and, the originally colorful life, because the birth of our own, our families, the holidays, the odds and ends of everyday, started, losing its, luster and color, sex became unnecessary now, and even as my husband wanted to help out with our son, I’d belittled him, and caused us to turn sour.  And so, I’d, shouldered up all of these nitty-gritty, odds and ends matters, and, overlooked how my husband became a father later on in life, and so, he’d become, more and more silent.

Recalling how on that gathering, I’d met his wife, she’d looked very fashionable and eye-catching, and his wife was actually, very beautiful.  And, that scent of jealous made me accept the invitations from another male coworker to sing karaoke, and yet, in the loud blasting music, I kept pondering: how can his wife be so beautiful and gently, and he’d still needed me?  If his wife was like she was, then, would having an affair come naturally to him?

No matter how I’d felt, being young, I’d still left that affair, and later, met up with my husband now.  I was his first love, and, although he’s over forty, he’s still in great shape, unlike how I’d gained weight for my pregnancy and for breastfeeding too, but as my husband heard me complain about my weight, he’d always smiled and hugged me tight, said, that I feel good with flesh.

And, I’d started thinking about the differences of my husband and that other man, what they had in common, then, it’d, hit me, about how different they are to one another: that man’s selfishness, stood in contrast with my husband’s kindness toward me, that man’s desires for beauties of youth had made the wonderful feelings of familiarity go away.

Perhaps, tomorrow, my husband will still take out the snacks and the iPad to feed to my young child and to socialize him, and I’d attempted to teach him how to play with our son, to read the illustrated books to them, and put them to sleep on time, then the two of us can finally, sit down, and share that glass of wine at night, or just, cuddle on the couch, watch the T.V.s shows and laugh.  It’ll be fine, like this.

So, after everything you’d weathered through, being someone else’s whore, you’d learned all you can about life, and now, you’d finally found a great man, married him, had children with him, and now, after all those years of ups and downs, the highs being too high, the lows, too low, you just wanted, an ordinary life, and who can blame you!

After My Husband’s Retired, My Life Turned into a Huge Mess

Problems that men create for women AFTER they retired, and lost focus!  This is the TREND of things, and this woman needs professional advice on what to do!  Translated…

Q: My Husband Who Does What He Wanted, Not Knowing He Was, Getting on My Nerves

Mrs. Ting who has a studio workshop, who took the cases as they came, had entered into the empty nest stage of her life, her only daughter goes to university away from home, and her husband who’s over ten years older just retired, but life for her these past couple of weeks had, turned her life upside down.

Her schedule was originally varied from her husband’s, he is an early bird, rise and sleeps early, she’s the exact opposite; originally, this was no big deal, when they both worked, but now, it’d become, this huge headache for Ting.

Her husband enjoyed getting up early in the morn, after he’d exercised, he’d watched the morning news, then, headed out to buy the papers, had breakfast.  After he’d returned home, he’d made loud noises, to wake his wife up intentionally, then, as she was brushing her teeth, and washing her face, he’d asked her what she wanted for lunch?  Not yet awake, Ting would ask her husband what he’d wanted, and it’d angered him, and Ting, who’d become annoyed by them would shout: “Whatever pleased you!”

But, as lunch hour approached, Ting’s husband would demand that she came out with him.  Sometimes, Ting would feel starved, and seeing how they’re driving around, with no destination in mind, she’d asked, and the answer she got were usually one of two: “I don’t know, whatever we see, we’ll go in and eat”, or, depending on what her husband wanted to eat, even if it took over one and a half hours’ drive, he would go for it for sure!

After lunch, he’d still needed to drive around for one to two hours, have a cup of coffee, then, he would be, satisfied, to head home.  But, not long after they got on their trips home, he’d started thinking about what he wanted for supper, she’d hated how she’d starved for lunch and having supper early, Ting suggested that why don’t they make some noodle when they go home, but, he’d objected.  The lunches and suppers became trying for Ting to get through, her schedules were turned, completely upside down by her husband now.

A My Advice

Seeing how you’re both in the elderly years now, why not just, say what you feel!  I suggest that Ting can give her work schedule for the week to her husband on the Sunday before, and tell him which days she’s available to go out.  Her husband is not dumb, I’m sure, that you can, adjust to one another again.

Uh yeah, but WHY would you want to?  This is the problem, with men who had, retired from work, they’d become, so clingy to their wives, wanted to spend every minute of every day together, and that is because of how you losers failed to find hobbies, unlike us, other than work, we still make the time, to find hobbies we enjoyed doing, so we can become, more independent after the kids are grown, flown the nest, and our lives had, finally, begun, but not for you losers, you’d become, so clingy after you get retired, because aside from work in your earlier years, you’d failed to realize, the importance of having some sort of a H-O-B-B-Y!

Treat People with More Empathy

Encounters in life, translated…

The area hospital was the place where my family and I go get treated, and we’d all gotten treated by a department manager of the particular department, the reason why we chose him was because of his experiences, but what made us all upset, was how aloof and cold he was, toward our conditions, and, interacting with him, it’d exacerbated our ailments even more.

And, based off of my impressions, the good doctors always impressed the patients with the ability to treat the illnesses correctly, and how s/he is able to, feel what the patients are feeling, and, if the patients felt defeated each and every time, because s/he wasn’t empathized with by the physicians, I believe, that this sort of a doctor may only be excellent in the medicines.

Once I’d gone to a erring with a friend who worked in the hospital, I’d complained to her on the doctor’s attitude, and, just so happened, that she knew the doctor very well, after she’d told me of his story, every single upset I’d felt because of the doctor went away instantly.

Many years ago, the doctor’s only son at the age of nineteen, was diagnosed with a rare condition of the brains, and, there wasn’t any form of effective treatment for him in Taiwan, he’d poured all his money into sending his son to the U.S. to be treated, but in the end, his son still passed away, and ever since, he’d been, depressed.  How hard the impacts he must felt, being a doctor, and couldn’t cure his own loved one’s conditions, how painful it must’ve been for him!

Ever since, whenever I was at the appointment with this doctor, I’d trusted his measures in treatment, and his ethics, and, his face seemed, not as rough or tough anymore.  I’m positive, that this was due to how I’d, adjusted my mindset, therefore, I’d seen him, in a different light.

When I come into contact with a stranger, who wore a sour face or had a bad attitude, I’d started changing my own mind: maybe he’s weathering through something hard in his life, or maybe, he’d just had a fight with his family, or maybe, he’d just recently gotten, laid off………When I’d tried to find a way to explain other’s behaviors, and empathized with them, then, I’d stopped getting, affected by the other people’s attitudes and reactions toward me.  I’d started living with this attitude, and shared it with my friends, I’d stopped being so easily affected by someone else’s words now, and, my friends all gave me the feedbacks of how they were able to, avoid all the unnecessary conflicts in their own lives, using my methods.

Reading others’ faces in a different angle, this world is in need of more “understanding” and “tolerance”, and, if people can have this sort of an empathy whenever they meet each other, then perhaps, the days would pass, much easier?  In the bumpy ride of life, the loneliness becomes, alleviated; being able to empathize with other people, you’re actually, enriching your own lives in the processes.

This showed the importance of changing ones’ own beliefs and attitudes about things and people we come into contact with daily, because there’s no way of knowing what is going on with everybody you bump into, and, maybe, that person that just bumped shoulders with you and didn’t say “I’m sorry” was having a bad day, and you just don’t know what is happening in his life, and if you get angry over how hey, he’d not apologized as he’d bumped into me, then, you’re, only making your own lives more miserable.

My New Pace

No more beating the morning rush here, adjustments for growing older, translated…

After I’d retired, I’d enjoyed heading to the centers for elderly activities, to take an assortment of courses, other than getting my hobbies going, I’d gotten the opportunities to meet more people, and this became, a huge part of my life.

But, just like back when I was in school, in the morning courses, I’d always, rushed, gone out with the people who goes out early for work, rushed to catch the busses.  Sometimes, the bus drivers are very kindness, and would open up the backdoors, waited for me to get on, then, close the door, and, I’d felt so good, that I’d, caught the bus; but, if I failed to catch up to the busses before the doors were closed, I’d felt awful, and it’d turned my stomach hard.

As I arrived at the MRT stations, the rush hour was, exacerbated by the crowd, the nonstop beeping from the gates, made me feel so upset again, I’d followed everybody else’s paces, and rushed onward.  And, in the passage, I’d feared most that my machines didn’t read my MRT card right, because those who came behind me would become so very, impatient, and in a panic, I took my ticket out of my backpack to scan it again.  If I got lucky and it’d worked, there wouldn’t be any more troubles, getting into the stations; but, if my card decided to sleep in, I can only ask for help from the station attendants, and, this would, delay me, seeing how the trains entered into the stations, and I’d followed the rushing younger populations, in a panic, ran up the left side of the escalator, the vibrations from beneath my feet, seemed to prove, that I’m just as able-bodied as the members of the younger generation, and I’d felt glad over this.

退休後,我熱衷於到各個樂齡中心上課,除了培養興趣,也藉機認識新朋友,儼然形成日常...illustration from the papers…

Sometimes, as I got up very early, I’d skipped the bus ride, and walked to the MRT stations, the twenty-minute walk is usually easy, but, I’d lacked the consistencies of mind, seeing how everybody else was rushing, so, I’d, rushed on too, and by the time I’d arrived at the MRT stations, I was already, sweating like crazy, and, I’d asked myself: What, am I hurrying for?  And, at that moment, I was, bumped by the crowd, and realized, that during this early morning rush, my slowed down pace became, out of place, that I’d become, a block in the midst of a crowd, and how, should I, adjust my own pace now?

Finally one day, as I’d finally slowly healed from my stomach problems, I wasn’t motivated, to squeeze onto the busses early in the morn, nor do I have the energies, to walk fast, and so, I can only, slow my own paces down.  What’s odd was, that everybody I saw on the roads looked very energetic, the air, refreshing to me, and, I’d gotten into the super convenience shops, picked up an edition of the papers, and brought it along, and my steps became, light, and to my surprise, it’d taken, about the same amount of time I usually take.  Entering into the MRT stations, I’d walked toward the outer rim of the gathering crowd, and got myself away, from this crowded vortex I usually got mixed into, and, my heart became calm, and I’d stepped onto the trains more steadily.  Turned out, that having changed my state of mind had given me a whole new perspective, to not follow the paces of everybody else around me, just go along with the slowing down of my own paces that came at the start of my elderly years, that, is the most fitting pace for me.

the morning rush, photo from online…the morning rush 的圖片結果

So, you’d rushed out in the morning, every day, until one day, you were slowed down, by some event, and, you’d realized, that hey, living slower isn’t at all that bad, and it’d made you wonder, why you’d, rushed so fast from before for?  And, after realizing this, you are bound to, start living slower, because, after retirement, there’s, NOTHING hurrying you, there’s no work waiting at the office, no meals you need to rush back home to prepare after work, you can just, take your, sweet time, slowly…