A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

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Waking You Up with My Love Every Day

Wake up, sleepy heads!!!  Translated…

On their days off, my kids would always sleep in until noon, and, I’d suspected, if they all, inherited my dozing off genes—whenever there’s the opportunity to, we’d all fallen asleep, and, nothing can wake us up.

As for my “sleepiness”, I got that from my dad, and maybe, it’s because of how hard he’d worked during the workweek, every time the weekends rolled around, pops would not only get up late, and, after his lunch, he’d managed, to doze off until dusk, and, nothing (the phone ringing, the children playing loudly), or even, an earthquake, can wake him up.

the gentle touches of a father…photo from online

I don’t pale by comparison to my dad, the most trouble dad ever had was, waking me up for school in the morn.  Not only did he need to use all his limbs to pull me out of bed, and he’d had to, force me out of my bedroom, then, mission accomplished, otherwise, in a blink of an eye, I’d, fallen over, and fallen asleep once more.  In order, to get that one extra second of shuteye, and before bedtime, I’d finished up my homework, prepared my backpack for school in the morn, and put on my socks and uniform, so I can just, get up and go the next morn.

And, as I’d become a parent myself, naturally, it’d become, my duties, to wake my child up in the morn.  But I was lucky, to have, married a good man, he’d gotten up, at the alarm sounding off, and waken me up, then, went to get the kids.  My eldest was okay, but my younger one, seemed to have, gotten it from me, he wasn’t at all, cooperative.  This made me recalled, how hard my dad must’ve had it when I was younger?  I’d recalled, that my father always had enough patience, to make sure I get waken up, must’ve been trying on him.

time to get up, baby girl!  Not my photo…

Maybe, not wanting to get out of my bed in the morning was a way that I’d played coy, my way of, enjoying that special love from my father; and now, as I’d gone past midlife, I’d started, carrying this thought to my heart, I’d, come to realize it all too late.  I will, take advantage of our meals shared in the futures, to tell my dad who’s had that difficult look on his face, “It’d been trying on you, thank you, for waking me up every single day, dad!”

So, it wasn’t until this woman became a mom, did she realize, how hard it was, for her father, to get her out of bed in the morning, because she has one child who’s exactly like her, and, this made her appreciate the kind gestures of waking her up, of making sure she’s ready for school in the morning that her own dad had done in her younger years.

On the Subject of the Oceans! A Poem

Translated…

The Flying Fish Used the Lustrous Scales, Made Me

Weighty; I was Still Thinking:

Should I, Let the Waves Die on the Beaches, or

Have you, Come Toward My Sharpened Knife?the fish leaping out of the oceans, photo from online…

It’s Truly, Contemplative, Eternity

And Instant, Which One is Longer?

Or, Which One’s Hidden?  The Oysters and the Hibiscuses

The Pearl, the Moonlight, Which One is

More Extravagant?  Brighter?

The Memories Felt So Unreal, Like I’m

Exaggerating!  How Do I, Declare What Goes on in the World?

the ship used by natives to fish…photo from online…

The Promises Became Like the Casted Nets So False, Yet, Still

Carried the Need, to Cross the Galaxies, to Rearrange the Stars to Your Liking

Hey Ocean!

How Do I Tell You My Location

So the Ships Will Understand that I’m Not

Like the Lighthouses that Glowed from the Shores

There’s, that sense of tired of being everything to someone, the burdens of being someone’s one and only from this, and, this, will become burdensome, if you allowed someone, to depend on you this much.

The Bliss from Knowing that You’re Cherished, on Filial Relations

Because you’re kind to me, and I shall, be kind to you in return, how peace is found, in this household, translated…

My mother-in-law’s feet ached for a long time now, but, she’d not liked going to the hospitals, would rather have the patches all over her feet, and limped around as she prepared the meals.  Since my father-in-law became bedridden, my mother-in-law had a much heavier burden to carry, causing her feet to start aching; after my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law started having troubles moving around and about.

And so, my mother-in-law left the cooking to my husband’s eldest brother who’d never been into the kitchen before, she’d sat by the doorway of the kitchen, and gave him step-by-step guidelines of how to cook, how to make the soups, fried the fish.  That day I’d gone back to my mother-in-law’s to visit, saw that she was not in a good shape, I’d, persuaded her, finally, to go to the hospitals with me, and, she’d started on the monthly treatment programs.  During which time, my husband’s eldest brother went from couldn’t differentiate between salt and sugar, and not knowing if the produces were cooked completely, to becoming, an excellent cook.

a mother and daughter-in-law so close, not my photograph…

Every time I’d visited my mother-in-law, she’d always had my husband’s eldest brother head to the markets to shop for our favorite produces, and wouldn’t let me help out in the kitchens, and had me sat beside her watching the Korean soaps, and discussed the storylines with her.

Seeing how unsettled I’d become, my eldest brother-in-law consoled with me, “You had a hard time, taking mom to the hospital already, I’m a great cook now, do have more foods.”  I’m more than grateful toward my eldest brother-in-law as well as my mother-in-law, for making me feel cherished.

So once again, this is how love IS reciprocated, this woman treated her mother-in-law, took care of like she was her own mother, and so, naturally, the mother-in-law reciprocated the kindness she felt from the woman, and treated her as if she were her own daughter too.

The Love Found in Midlife

A love that’s, geographically undesirable, so, you can’t, hold on to it, and chose, to let each other go…translated…

Young and wild, believed that we’d sought out the love bravely, sacrificing everything, love will be ours to behold; and after we’d ruined ourselves, in the encounter with love, we’d only begun, to learn, that we can’t force anything in this world.

The first time I saw C, it was as I’d learned that a famous instructor from an Ivy League university was giving guest lectures at N.T.U., back then, I was a part-time lecturer, and I’d selected a few courses to audit.  And, based off of my experiences, the western instructors from the U.S. and Europe encouraged the students to voice their questions, encouraged in-class participations, the instructors prepared the course packets, and guided the students in their learning processes based off of the handouts.

What caught my attention was C, who’d not prepared any materials for classes, everything he teaches, was coming from his memories.  He’d used a chalk, started writing the formulas, the theories on the blackboard, with forms here and there, then, started lecturing endlessly, and, after he finished with one section, he’d, stopped, and allow the students to ask questions.  He was fluent in English, very articulate, organized, and, must be the most outstanding of the dozen instructors who’d come to guest lecture.  I’d sighed, on how Asians, if they were to, become outstanding, they must, out-perform the white people tenfold.

At a gathering, we’d met at Yangming Mountain, and I’d forwarded the invite to C, and he was glad to join us.  The meeting place had series of glass pane houses one right after another, gave us a view of the city of Taipei in the nighttime.  The dozen of us gathered there, and conversed on the values we held, and our lives.  As the summer was nearing end, C was about to return to New York, and he’d asked me if we can go up Yangming Mountain again, but, that eventually, never came true.  The day before he left, we’d met up at the café next to the school, for about an hour, we’d chatted away on history, literature, and the topics drifted toward his life, and his values.

I’d just met a man, started admiring, liking him, without having the time to get to know him on a more personal level, and he’s, about to leave.  As we bid our farewells, I’d known, we will, never meet again; we work in different fields, with our separate lives, and, there’s just, NO valid reasons for us, to drift abroad to visit one another anymore.

The love found in midlife is regret, is sigh, it’s an incomplete circle.  Like that gentle summer breeze, it’s something you can’t hold on to.  The love in midlife is quiet, it’s with less passions, it’s, easily forgot; in a corner of our hearts, we’d, wished, that all is well with one another.

So, this, could’ve developed into something more, but it didn’t, because they were from two geographically undesirable regions of the world, and, it’s just not right, that either one of them asks the other to give up their life to join the other, so they can be together, and so, they’d, let each other go, and this affinity became, nothing more than just another, good memory of one’s own younger years.

Watching You, Drive AWay, with ALL of Our Shared Dreams…

I stood, on the front porch, teary-eyed, watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, and I’d thought to myself: why did you, need to be, so cruel, taking EVERYTHING that was once, loved, and shared by the two of us, leaving me, with naught?

Watching you drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I was, left, empty hearted, with nothing inside of me anymore, for, you’d, taken everything and ALL that mattered to me in life away, in less than a blink of an eye.

this, is all you see…not my photo…

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, it’d, dawned on me, those dreams we were sharing, were, NEVER mine, they were, all yours, you just, made them feel like they’re, what I’d, wanted too, but, they’re, actually, not!

And, after I’d, figured THAT out, I’d stopped, mourning, for these, lost dreams, that I thought were (past tense!!!) ours, and, I’d, moved on, so far, from those, memories that, no longer, mattered to me one bit.

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I thought, I can’t make it on my own without you by my side, and yet, here I still am, six months, after you’d, left, and I still have, my pulse, and, it’s beating, stronger, and stronger, with every, single passing second you’re, not around.

like this???  Not my photo…

 

 

 

 

Compromises, a Short Prose

Learning from his past mistakes in love, and now, hopefully, this new love won’t end in break-up too!  Translated…

He and she shared a bowl of shaved ice, and can choose four toppings, he and she both selected two.  Although, they’d not talked about it first, they would avoid selecting the items that one another hated.

Later on, they’d, moved in together, and this sort of a knowing, vanished; he’d always done things that made her angry repeatedly, and she’d kept, mentioning the old memories he had no intentions of remember over and over again.

And, as the result of not being able to agree, they’d, brorken up.

On this day, he’d taken his new girlfriend into that same shaved ice shop, he’d told her, “Let’s order separately, because what I enjoy, you don’t like.”

So, this, is what this man learned from his last love, and, because the result of his last relationship ended bad, because he and she both compromised too much, for love’s sake, and, that was why it’d not worked out, and so, this time, he’d not compromised on the smaller matters with his new love.