Training Ourselves to Communicate Better

Get to the point already, “sweetheart”!!!  This can cause troubles, if you don’t realize your own tendencies, and make the changes accordingly, translated…

Don’tknow when it’d started, happening, as my husband heard me talk, he would, startyawning like crazy, and, he may not have, wanted me to rant to him on the minisculematters of life, at most, he’d, asked me to get to the point, so his life canbe, saved.

查看來源圖片
from this…photo from online

This situation actually made me feel hurt a lot, because in my mind, if my husband takes me seriously, shouldn’t he be at attention as I tell him things, and, it’d be better, if he can ask me a question or two regarding what I was telling him too!

And, I started looking at myself, to see, if I was truly that boring as I’d started speaking, and, I’d, asked several of my best friend.  And, maybe because they didn’t want to hurt me, or because, we’re, the same kind, all of my friends all told me, “no, it’s quite interesting, holding conversations with you, time seemed to fly by so quickly!”, it’d, boosted my level of self-confidence.

Then,where, is the problem?  Is it because thetopics of interest are different for men and women?  Or, because of my husband’s type A personality,that he couldn’t even, hold still, as someone tells him something?  Or maybe, I’d become, too excessive as I’dtalked to him?

to this…

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photo found online

And so, as he’d, started yawning again, I’d, worked up the courage and asked him why he was doing it.  And, he’d, used “my methods” of telling him things, and, told me back what I’d, just told him, and, as he was halfway done, I’d, asked him, “So, what happened then?”, and he said, “So, you see, don’t you want to get to the end quickly too?”

Wow,so that’s it then.  But, he was, a bit exaggerated,in taking up my persona.  Although, it’show I’d described things, in the lacking of the POINT that’s, made him dozedoff, but, I’d told him, maybe, this can cause us to stop talking to one anotheraltogether, because as one of us gets all worked up, wanting to sharesomething, the other person start yawning, and, if this happens many more times,who would want to, keep on talking?  Andyet, my husband got angered, said that I’d, mistakenly accused him, because itwasn’t that he didn’t want to hear me talk, he just wanted me to get to the pointsooner.

to finally, this…

查看來源圖片
photo found online

Fine, at least, we’d, faced this problem in communications actively, and I know, where the problem rests.  Although, I still have NO clue how I will, resolve the matter, but at least, if we can, both work on it, then, we might be able to keep on smiling at one another, as we tell each other of the things in our lives, as we grow older together.

And so, this, is this woman’s realizing her tendencies, but she’s still, not quite yet motivated to change herways, but she’d come to understand, that this may cause a sort of a riftbetween her and her husband, and hopefully, knowing this, she can, change hermannerisms of speaking, to improve the communication between her and her husband.

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Romanticism vs. Practicality, Between a Husband & a Wife

When Ms. Romantic meets Mr. Practical, look at the SPARKS that flew!!!  On how they’d, interacted with each other in marriage, translated…

He was once, such, a romantic man, as he’d served in Hualien, he’d gone to the beaches, picked the ginger lilies, recorded the sound of the waves, hitting the shores, express mailed it to middle Taiwan.  As I received his love letter, I’d heard the waves, which turned into his sweet whispers into my ears, and on the pure white flower petals, the dews still, fresh, the aromas were, very comforting, and, my heart was, his.

Even after we were wed, his romantic gestures didn’t stop.  On our second anniversary, he’d used his lunch hour, came home, arranged a bundle of roses, with a pink card, wrote his love and blessings for me in English, and asked me out to a dinner date; as I came home from work and saw this surprise, the waves of bliss took over me, I was, so very, moved by his gestures!

And yet, my romantic gestures only, stayed on the verbal front, “How intelligent you are?  It’s wonderful, to have you as my husband!” my willingness to cook, and clean, and bend over to pick up each and every one of his socks, was MY practical way of replying to his romantic gestures toward me.

But, when had, our roles switched, last year, I’d injured myself, had cholecystitis, his romanticism turned to practicality.  He’d taken me to the hospitals, I’d waited for a whole day, the long, never ending wait, drove me nuts, he’d still, kept calm, took care of me, took me to the bathrooms, to get a drink, wheeled me around the hospital, for the X-rays, the ultrasound, the blood test, had a conference with the anesthesiologist, didn’t get his lunch until four in the afternoon.  I was truly grateful for him, he’d told me, that because we are to stay together until the very end, our health and being there for one another, is the most important of all, that was, his, practical side.  After we got home, he’d, started, snoring on the couch, fast asleep, I’d, brought over a thin quilt, to keep him warm, and, gave him, a gentle peck on the cheeks, this was, my romantic gestures, toward his taking care of me.

Aftermy surgery, the doctor told me to stay off greasy foods, I’d had, nothing but bland,plain foods by the day, like that monk from the hero’s tale, “I can puke outbirds now I don’t taste anything!”, finally, my birthday came, I’d, imagined tohave a candlelight dinner, but he’d, followed the doctor’s orders for me, andso, my “birthday celebration meal” was, porridge with steamed vegetables, for abetter and longer future, I’d, caved to, his practicality.

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like, this???  Photo from online

On the day we had the meal, I’d, looked into his eyes lovingly, said, “hey, there are some silvers, mixed in with your black, you look good!”, and made fun of myself, “because there’s love that I feel, so, you look handsome in any sense!”, he was, so focused on eating his food, said to me, “Focus on eating your meal, don’t get distracted, it’s not good for your digestion!”

Yep, so, the two of you are very matched, one of you being practical, the other one, romantic, and, the two of you, balanced each other out, complimented each other, because, if you only have romance, that gets you nowhere, and if you are too practical, then, life becomes, kinda dry, so, it’s a good thing, that your romanticism matched up with your husband’s practicality!

In Our Times of War, and Peace…

We’re, at war, and then, we’re, truced, everything gets, flipped upside down instantly, because we’re like, two, undetonated bombs, not knowing, when or how, one another is to, EXPLODE, not knowing, how many casualties of deaths there may be because of our ways of interacting…

In our times of war, and peace, that, is how we’d, related to, each other, since way, way, way, back when, and, although, we’re, both, older now, nothing’s changed, it seemed.  We still, related to each other, using our own, explosive, and damaging, hurtful ways.

like this???  Photo from online…查看來源圖片

In our times of war, and peace, there were, the good times, and the bad, like all the marriages out there, it’s just, that the wars seemed, to rage on and on, and on, and the peace, come, and gone, too quickly.

I’m just, tired, of, trekking between these two worlds, of war, and of peace constantly, I feel like, I’m, going crazy here, not knowing what to expect, or, how I’m, to react to you, in the next second.

So, I decided, on warring with you, for good this time, and, once this war gets initiated by me, there shall be, NO treaties of peace whatsoever!  We’re gonna, DUEL until one of us, dies, and, the fight ain’t over, until, one of us had, fallen, and, is never to, get back up again!

 

 

Playing Coy with My Husband, the Way We Interacted with Each Other

You’re, barking UP the wrong trees, ‘cuz, he ain’t, buyin’ it!!!  Translated…

If there’s competition on the sweetest lips, I’d surely be in the top spots.

I’d found the opportunities, and, readied myself, for the acts, it’s just, that the person I’d tried sweetened myself up to, hated the sweetness, and always, he’d, managed, to turn me back into my original form, although there’d be many things that went wrong, as I’d, played coy with my husband, regardless, it was, still fun.

On that day, as my husband was folding up the laundry, he’d told me, “I’m in for an overtime tomorrow again!”

The firecrackers started sounding off inside my mind, I’d started, planning my itinerary for the following evening, but as a wife, my conscience reminded me, to play that role of a wife who’d, be, missing him so, and so, I’d, rushed up to him, hugged tightly on him, lifted my head toward him, made sure he maintained eye contact, then, I’d, started, frowning, showed that look of unwillingness, and told him, “if you’re working overtime, what’ll happen to me then?”

AT this time, he’d not changed his expressions one bit, told me, “Are you serious?  I’d not worked overtime last night, and you’d gone out with your coworkers to dine, and didn’t come home until ten in the evening.”, suddenly, a flock of crows flew by overhead, those of us with lips like sugar, we never mean what we say, and I can only, laugh dryly.

like this, perhaps???  Photo from online…查看來源圖片the way a cat does it…

Later on, one day, I’d gone out to a gathering with my coworkers, and I’d, stayed out too late, as I’d stepped in, he, who’d, watched the house asked, “hey honey, why are you so late tonight?”

I’d felt ashamed, but didn’t want to admit, and told him, “Do you know where I ate my supper tonight?”  He’d stared at me, as if, he was waiting to watch a good show, I’d continued, “it was the restaurant where you and I ate our first meal together, because there were so many wonderful memories there, I’d, suddenly, got caught up, and then, I’d, come home late”.  I’d, minced my lips, to make myself seemed even more innocent.

He’d used his natural way, walked toward me, took my elbow in his hands, smiled and told me, “We’re, quite all right now!”, meant, that my sweet talk didn’t work on him, that it was, more important, to enjoy the moments we are sharing right now, than to, reminisce the past.

查看來源圖片between a man and a woman…photo from online…

I’d suddenly felt my heart skipping beats, and, became flustered, then, I’d, suddenly, stood up straight, like a soldier, reporting, “Yes sir!  Everything my husband said is, always right!”, then, he’d, let down his defenses, I thought.

But, living in the real world, he’d not acted humble when he was supposed to, and now, he’d, laughed aloud, “You’re, too cunning, how can you say that?  A husband is wrong at times too!”, I’d felt, that if one day, I’m his manager, I’d needed, to show him some colors!

And so, the way they’d, interacted, surely, put some fun into their ordinary lives, don’t you think?  And, because this husband doesn’t buy into what his wife is selling, therefore, his wife can’t get under his skins.  But you gotta admit, it’s, kinda fun, watching this interaction happening, in their marriage.

Growing Old Together

The couples growing older, holding hands together, ‘til the end of their lives, translated…

I’d gone to the community center to exercise, as we were halfway through the routines, it’d started, raining out.  At the end of the exercises, the rain got huge, and, the group of us, elderly women were now, trapped in.

At this time, there were, three elderly gentlemen, with hairs all white, stumbling in, to deliver their wives the umbrellas, they must’ve been married for over sixty years, and their children must’ve, left home too, and having their husbands to share their lives with, it must be, so amazing!

My neighbor, Uncle Chang had always stayed away from the kitchens, as he turned eighty, because Mrs. Chang’s healthy deteriorated, he’d started learning to cook from the beginning, the washing of the rice, of the vegetables, and making the sunny side ups, and now, the thing he’d done on schedule in the morn, was heading over to the marketplaces, to pick up some pork.  Mr. Chang would always gloat to us, “After my wife had my soup, she’d looked, better, more energetic.”  Mrs. Chang, of course, said good things about her husband to everybody she met too, that her life after age eighty, was given back to her by Mr. Chang.

I’d always seen this elderly man, pushing his wife out on a wheelchair, as they got to the alleyways without much traffic, he’d always encouraged her to get up to walk around, he’d first, whispered to her about the benefits of walking around, and as his wife was willing, he’d become a steady support for her, encouraging her as she walked, and this scene always, gets me.

The life partners are like a good wine, gets better with time; they’re also like the good teas, although no longer hot, but still aromatic and smooth to drink down.

This, is something we all want, to have someone we love, accompanying us as we age, and, these are the good examples of what married couples, as they marched into their elderly years should look like, they’d, become one another’s steady support, stuck to each other’s side, in sickness and in health, ‘til death!

The Two of Us, Aging, Visiting Places Together

Going to places locally, to make more memories of us, something we can do, after we’re, retired, and living off easy!  Translated…

“Honey, let’s travel for the summer!”, he’d made fun of me.  “I just got my retirement pension slashed, how will we find the money to go?”, I’d smiled and told him, we can’t just, squat at home, we can walk over to the Bagua Mountain trails, or go visit the scenic areas close by.  He’d nodded, told me it was, a great idea.  And so, we’d started, these travels together.

like this???  Except they’d, gone into the city together…photo from online…查看來源圖片

“It’d been a long time since I was last here, there’s actually a trail for us to hike on, it’s, so amazing!”, my husband became like a wide-eyed child with wonder, strolled on the trails, it’d made me laugh, and, the other hikers started looking at us.  As we walked, we’d thought, hey, why not head into the city of Taichung too, and, we’d, alighted the bus, and, twenty minutes, we’re, in the metropolis of Taichung.  Hey, the train station that resembled the freeway systems was so new to us, we were, like first-time visitors, looked around here, and there; we’d, alighted the bus again, to the malls to stroll, the assortments of new products on display, caught our attentions, he’d found a red and white checkerboard shirt, and bought it, I’d made fun, “You are, fashionable, aren’t you?  You’d not talked until you were five, everybody called you the fool, but, being a fool as a young child doesn’t make you a fool as an adult, does it?” he’d laughed so hard he couldn’t, stand up straight.

We’d found a fast food shop and took care of supper, and passed through this, wonderful day.  In two more days, we’d, planned to go to Chiayi to have their famous turkey drizzled over rice, and buy a box of eggroll that Chiayi was known for too!

And so, this, is a great idea for retirement, after the two of you retired, you two can drive out to places you’d already gone to, to see if having a brand new outlook, that’s different from before when you’d visited can give you something new, it will, add the flavors, to your ordinary lives that’s for certain.

Why We Don’t Go to Each Other’s Reunions

How they’d, interacted in marriage, when it comes to the reunions, translated…

The motto from back when was, “So long as I like it”, “Youth is never leaving anything blank”, holding on too tightly, to this bird of my youth—never turning back, everybody in my class called me—the bad girl!

Although I went to an all-girls’ school, there was no boy to look at us, I’d still needed to shorten the length of my skirt, to make my shirt fit to my body too tight, and wore those socks that weren’t allowed by the school.  Although, there weren’t any good looking boys in my school, there were, however, a ton outside, karaoke, dances, socials, riding out at night………I’d, never missed anything that young people enjoyed.

Getting called into the principal’s office, getting screamed at by the disciplinary officials at school, given warning, being written up, it’d still, not changed me, I’d still, skipped school to see the movies with my backpack on, although I’d, played real hard, I’d understood, that I’d needed to, keep my grades in the top three, that way, my dad would only, yap at me, and wouldn’t, ground me, I still, followed the rules, mostly.

My temperament took a huge turn as I’d started working, “gentle, kind, courteous” became my protective coloration, and I was known for my flair, and, my high school classmates jokingly called me a member of the “scam artist rings”, that I’d, tricked my handsome husband to marry me.

My husband who was twelve years older than I am, was also, quite a player when he was younger too.  He’d fallen in love with an older schoolmate back in high school, but she’d, cheated on him, his girlfriend from college started dating someone while when he went away to serve in the armed service, the girlfriend he’d found at work, married the second generation of his company, he always fell in love with the wrong women, kept someone else’s wife, but thankfully, I knew that he was something special, gave him a warm home.

You’d not taken part in my past, and, there’s, no need, for you, to understand that much about my past, and, there’s, no need, for me, to brag about my wild days, but, there would be, those gossipers that yapped at the reunions, and it can easily, cause a revolution.  Besides, I’m, very calculating, I couldn’t, hear my husband tell me of his exes, or his former lovers either, and besides, the sources told me, that all his exes were, very beautiful, and, there’s no way I was ever going to, tolerate that, why would I make troubles for myself?  So, naturally, we’d, gone to our separate class reunions, singly!

And so, because they knew of one another’s ways, how they both had a colorful history of romances, that, is why, to prevent each other from getting angry, they’d, kept all of their past loves, to themselves.