Let’s Share a Conversation

How her husband’s quietness complimented her, how this couple matched so well together, by quite the opposite to each other, translated…

Recently, there seemed, to be never ending things I can say to my husband.  Ordinarily, we’d always, d always, grappled tightly onto all the time to spare that we have, fought for the minutes and seconds we could, talk to each other; we’d rarely found the opportunity to go out on a date, we’d, found a shop, ordered up our drinks, and just sat and talked, to enjoy a leisure afternoon together.

like this???查看來源圖片photo found online

Comparing to my upbeat, my outgoing nature, Mr. Wang from my house had always been, a man of few words, very steady.  Every time he’d spoken to the outside world, it was like he was, writing the passage in the “Times”, everything that was big, after he’d, condensed, concentrated it, it’d become, a few short words, and, I’d, needed to add the postscript of over a hundred words, so others can see that his views were, quite grand.  And yet, as we are just alone, then, things start to, collapse, he’d brought out the words of Confucius, and the greats, talked of the wisdoms from the centuries of masters to me.  It’d made me wondered, if I’d, married two different person.

Being with Mr. Wang, I can talk about any and everything.  From the ancient world cultures, to the modern day news stories too, to the gossips from the paparazzi, we’d gotten red in the face angered, to laughing aloud, and, we’d from time to time, argued until we’re both, out of breaths, but, no matter what as we, gazed  upon one another’s eyes, we’d, seen that clarity that we were looking for.  And I’d, slowly begun to understand, why Mr. Wang didn’t like to talk, because he felt he couldn’t, gain an audience, and as I’d, made time for me, he’d gotten on center stage, and, the spotlight shone on him, and, he’d, twinkled, just for my sake!

Naturally, being connected as we are, there are, still, the moments where we couldn’t, get through to one another too.

On a weekend afternoon, the whole family sat in the living room, my husband and children became like that beautiful painted scene, with harmony, dispersing in my home.

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo from online

I’d put down my novel I was reading, sighed, “Quiet were the years!”, Mr. Wang heard, lifted his head up, and asked me, “What was that, honey?” I’d suddenly felt, so misunderstood, I’d wanted to, pick up my book, and HIT him on the head with it.  But, seeing how he was, very patient, accompanying our young, I’d thought that I shall, let him pass, rather than marrying someone who was quick with his words, I’d still preferred, Mr. Wang, who’s, not at all the least bit romantic, who could, offer me the stability I’d longed for in life.

Everybody’s life is a ZIP file, with all the things we can’t tell to anybody else.  Meeting up with Mr. Wang, I’d, enriched his life of not very many words, and learned to read and write out his mind.  And, he’d, realized how panicky I actually was, in the midst of my chattering away, soothed my unsettled soul.  I think, the biggest blessing of life lies in having someone who can understand you completely, and to be holding conversations with him for the rest of our lives together.

So, this woman realized, that she’d needed someone who’s stable and steady, because she’s not, and, in her husband, she’d found someone who’d, complimented her personality, and, that is why they worked so well as a married couple.  Sometimes, opposites attract, and sometimes, we find someone who’s, identical to who we are, and, so long as the two of you are willing to work out all the differences you two can have, it’s a good marriage that the two of you will share.

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The Crisis within the Photo Frames

The problem is, he’s way too practical, way too rational, and, you’re, complete opposite to him, and yet, he was, able, to appease to your emotional side, and, the two of you, complimented one another, that is why, you can, make your marriage last, translated…

As I was dating my husband from before we were wed, although I knew he was a good man, but, as we got along, being as anal as I was, I’d felt, that we weren’t, perfectly matched.

instead of a frame like this…查看來源圖片photo from online

As we first met, I’d wanted to know more about him from his writing, and in my request, I’d gotten a first love letter from him.  With my heart of excitement, I’d, opened up the letter, I’d, almost passed out as I took a first look.  This was, so very far, from what I believe a love letter should be.  The entire letter was him, writing about how I’d, given him such a hard task, that I wanted to take him down, that wouldn’t it be easier, if we just, met up, and talk to each other about it?  For this, the person who’d, introduced us stepped in, told me, that is, how an engineer major thinks.

He’d, ridden me around the ring road again, again, and again, as I tried, to decide whether or not I want to go to his house for a meal, and he’d, ridden me around, until I finally, said yet.  Interacting with this sort of a macho man, it’d, planted that undetonated bomb inside of me, and, the fuse was inside a birthday present he’d given to me one year—it was, an elegant, golden rimmed picture frame, separated into top and bottom.  And, without getting my (the birthday girl’s) permissions, he’d, placed his photo, smiling radiantly, on the top slot, and I can, only, be beneath him.

this was, what he’d, given her…查看來源圖片and he’d put his photo on top of hers…photo from online

Right then and there, I’d, heard a loud BANG inside my brains, explosion!  I thought about how I still have a long life ahead of me, that, I’d much rather, save myself the pains, I’d, called him up, to break up with him, and, no matter what he’d told me, I wasn’t, going to, budge an inch.  Until he’d, explained, “If you place the frame side ways, problem solved, I’ll be, by your side, forever, isn’t that what you want?”

This man, who’d, managed, to turn this crisis into an opportunity had, “trapped” me, to this very day.

And so, this, would be a problem, when you date someone who’s an engineering major, as the engineering majors are way too rational, way too pragmatic, with absolutely NO romanticism, because that, is what they’re, trained to do, and yet, this man was able to, use his wits, to turn the situations around, and this woman is still, married to this man, who’d, angered her at the beginning.

It’s interesting, to see, how love works out sometimes, isn’t it???

The Words Bloomed, So Sweetly

The art, of communicating, with each other, to avoid an altercation, translated…

Back when we were younger, we’d, deemed ourselves brave, when we spoken aloud our feelings; then we’d, come to discover, that holding back what we actually want to say is, an act of “maturity”; and now, it becomes, “wisdom”, knowing what to say, when to say, and how to say.

My husband works across the striats, we are a little bit better than the star-crossed deity lovers, we get to meet up once a little bit more than a month.  As my husband who’d not seen me for a while, when he saw me, he’d opened up, “How long has it been, since you stood on a scale?  You………gained, a lot of weight!”

like this???查看來源圖片with everything becoming, a HUGE mess, picture found online

I’d continued the household chores, with the air around us, freezing solid, then, I’d, put what I was sorting through down, stead, “I think I’m, becoming, more and more mature, I’d learned, NOT to blurt out certain things that I want o say.”

My husband looked at me, confused.

I’d continued, “Did you not say that I’d, gained weight?”

He’d, nodded.

I’d told him, “I’d, stopped myself from telling you: ‘didn’t your hair get whiter, did you not become, balder, with more wrinkles, and that pot belly too?  I’d held all of that, in.”

He’d become, stumped for a bit, “Haha………thanks, hon, for holding it all in, and not saying all of that to me!”

查看來源圖片where do you think this is headed, huh???  Photo from online

That’s, the interesting about words, love?  Or damage?  Both, comes from the expressions.  Perhaps, by burying those words we wanted to scream out at one another, and then, speaking them aloud, when the timing becomes better, there would be, a sweetened flower that bloomed, from them.

illustration from the papers online圖/朱靜容

And so, this, is the way you’d, learned to get along with one another, and this still didn’t come overnight, because, it takes, a VERY long time, to finally, get used to how each other worked, and, knowing what can make each other crack, which buttons you should, and/or shouldn’t push, in your loved ones, it’s something that takes, a lot of time to finally understand about one another.

Finding Love, as the Lights are, Going Out

Her husband’s gentle acts toward her, translated…

The Latin name for rosemary meant the “Dews from the Oceans”, my husband planted a few pots on our lanai.  There was, the Pacific Ocean that we can see from there, it’s a weird thing though, no matter how big the wind, I could, never smell the scent of the herb.  But, the stinky smoke that rose up from the residents downstairs that was, driving us crazy.  How come, cigarettes can’t have the better smells?

like this???photo found online

People’s search for the aromas is not to be, taken lightly.  The Europeans started a war on the spices; the easterners were also, in a frenzy about the scents.  In the T’ang Dynasty, there was, this sort of a perfume that’s still being, produced today, and, as the emperor received a poem by the poet, Yu Han, before he’d read it, he’d needed to, wash his hands in rose water, then, dipped his hands in perfume, very elegant.  During the Song Dynasty, there was the flourishing industry of the spices, as I read the poem by Xing, I couldn’t help but imagined, the aroma that floated out of the “the carriages leaving the scent behind all the way up the road”, other than the speed of the carriage, the night breezes, the scents from the flowers and bushes from the passage, there was, also the carriage with the woman sitting in it, dispersing the aromas everywhere………

At the end of last century, Great Britain signed off on the production of a rose-scented tire.  AT the start of this century, the company in Korean mass produced the very FIRST of these aromatic tires.  Don’t know, if as these tires sped across the roads, it would have the same sort of effects as the poem had described.

pouring it, into the cut here…photo from online

Reading as a night owl, with the teas, putting the teabags into the pot, I’d, contemplated, what else I can, add to the pot?  I’d, turned my head, saw my husband, clipping off the rosemary stems, he was, preparing for me, that pot of, herbal oolong tea.

And so, this, is the importance of tea to your life, the aromas were what made you feel at ease, and some of the herbs DOES have that sort of a calming effect, that is why they’re, widely used in the world.

Training Ourselves to Communicate Better

Get to the point already, “sweetheart”!!!  This can cause troubles, if you don’t realize your own tendencies, and make the changes accordingly, translated…

Don’tknow when it’d started, happening, as my husband heard me talk, he would, startyawning like crazy, and, he may not have, wanted me to rant to him on the minisculematters of life, at most, he’d, asked me to get to the point, so his life canbe, saved.

查看來源圖片
from this…photo from online

This situation actually made me feel hurt a lot, because in my mind, if my husband takes me seriously, shouldn’t he be at attention as I tell him things, and, it’d be better, if he can ask me a question or two regarding what I was telling him too!

And, I started looking at myself, to see, if I was truly that boring as I’d started speaking, and, I’d, asked several of my best friend.  And, maybe because they didn’t want to hurt me, or because, we’re, the same kind, all of my friends all told me, “no, it’s quite interesting, holding conversations with you, time seemed to fly by so quickly!”, it’d, boosted my level of self-confidence.

Then,where, is the problem?  Is it because thetopics of interest are different for men and women?  Or, because of my husband’s type A personality,that he couldn’t even, hold still, as someone tells him something?  Or maybe, I’d become, too excessive as I’dtalked to him?

to this…

查看來源圖片
photo found online

And so, as he’d, started yawning again, I’d, worked up the courage and asked him why he was doing it.  And, he’d, used “my methods” of telling him things, and, told me back what I’d, just told him, and, as he was halfway done, I’d, asked him, “So, what happened then?”, and he said, “So, you see, don’t you want to get to the end quickly too?”

Wow,so that’s it then.  But, he was, a bit exaggerated,in taking up my persona.  Although, it’show I’d described things, in the lacking of the POINT that’s, made him dozedoff, but, I’d told him, maybe, this can cause us to stop talking to one anotheraltogether, because as one of us gets all worked up, wanting to sharesomething, the other person start yawning, and, if this happens many more times,who would want to, keep on talking?  Andyet, my husband got angered, said that I’d, mistakenly accused him, because itwasn’t that he didn’t want to hear me talk, he just wanted me to get to the pointsooner.

to finally, this…

查看來源圖片
photo found online

Fine, at least, we’d, faced this problem in communications actively, and I know, where the problem rests.  Although, I still have NO clue how I will, resolve the matter, but at least, if we can, both work on it, then, we might be able to keep on smiling at one another, as we tell each other of the things in our lives, as we grow older together.

And so, this, is this woman’s realizing her tendencies, but she’s still, not quite yet motivated to change herways, but she’d come to understand, that this may cause a sort of a riftbetween her and her husband, and hopefully, knowing this, she can, change hermannerisms of speaking, to improve the communication between her and her husband.

Romanticism vs. Practicality, Between a Husband & a Wife

When Ms. Romantic meets Mr. Practical, look at the SPARKS that flew!!!  On how they’d, interacted with each other in marriage, translated…

He was once, such, a romantic man, as he’d served in Hualien, he’d gone to the beaches, picked the ginger lilies, recorded the sound of the waves, hitting the shores, express mailed it to middle Taiwan.  As I received his love letter, I’d heard the waves, which turned into his sweet whispers into my ears, and on the pure white flower petals, the dews still, fresh, the aromas were, very comforting, and, my heart was, his.

Even after we were wed, his romantic gestures didn’t stop.  On our second anniversary, he’d used his lunch hour, came home, arranged a bundle of roses, with a pink card, wrote his love and blessings for me in English, and asked me out to a dinner date; as I came home from work and saw this surprise, the waves of bliss took over me, I was, so very, moved by his gestures!

And yet, my romantic gestures only, stayed on the verbal front, “How intelligent you are?  It’s wonderful, to have you as my husband!” my willingness to cook, and clean, and bend over to pick up each and every one of his socks, was MY practical way of replying to his romantic gestures toward me.

But, when had, our roles switched, last year, I’d injured myself, had cholecystitis, his romanticism turned to practicality.  He’d taken me to the hospitals, I’d waited for a whole day, the long, never ending wait, drove me nuts, he’d still, kept calm, took care of me, took me to the bathrooms, to get a drink, wheeled me around the hospital, for the X-rays, the ultrasound, the blood test, had a conference with the anesthesiologist, didn’t get his lunch until four in the afternoon.  I was truly grateful for him, he’d told me, that because we are to stay together until the very end, our health and being there for one another, is the most important of all, that was, his, practical side.  After we got home, he’d, started, snoring on the couch, fast asleep, I’d, brought over a thin quilt, to keep him warm, and, gave him, a gentle peck on the cheeks, this was, my romantic gestures, toward his taking care of me.

Aftermy surgery, the doctor told me to stay off greasy foods, I’d had, nothing but bland,plain foods by the day, like that monk from the hero’s tale, “I can puke outbirds now I don’t taste anything!”, finally, my birthday came, I’d, imagined tohave a candlelight dinner, but he’d, followed the doctor’s orders for me, andso, my “birthday celebration meal” was, porridge with steamed vegetables, for abetter and longer future, I’d, caved to, his practicality.

查看來源圖片
like, this???  Photo from online

On the day we had the meal, I’d, looked into his eyes lovingly, said, “hey, there are some silvers, mixed in with your black, you look good!”, and made fun of myself, “because there’s love that I feel, so, you look handsome in any sense!”, he was, so focused on eating his food, said to me, “Focus on eating your meal, don’t get distracted, it’s not good for your digestion!”

Yep, so, the two of you are very matched, one of you being practical, the other one, romantic, and, the two of you, balanced each other out, complimented each other, because, if you only have romance, that gets you nowhere, and if you are too practical, then, life becomes, kinda dry, so, it’s a good thing, that your romanticism matched up with your husband’s practicality!

In Our Times of War, and Peace…

We’re, at war, and then, we’re, truced, everything gets, flipped upside down instantly, because we’re like, two, undetonated bombs, not knowing, when or how, one another is to, EXPLODE, not knowing, how many casualties of deaths there may be because of our ways of interacting…

In our times of war, and peace, that, is how we’d, related to, each other, since way, way, way, back when, and, although, we’re, both, older now, nothing’s changed, it seemed.  We still, related to each other, using our own, explosive, and damaging, hurtful ways.

like this???  Photo from online…查看來源圖片

In our times of war, and peace, there were, the good times, and the bad, like all the marriages out there, it’s just, that the wars seemed, to rage on and on, and on, and the peace, come, and gone, too quickly.

I’m just, tired, of, trekking between these two worlds, of war, and of peace constantly, I feel like, I’m, going crazy here, not knowing what to expect, or, how I’m, to react to you, in the next second.

So, I decided, on warring with you, for good this time, and, once this war gets initiated by me, there shall be, NO treaties of peace whatsoever!  We’re gonna, DUEL until one of us, dies, and, the fight ain’t over, until, one of us had, fallen, and, is never to, get back up again!