The Dance that Never Ends…

There’s that dance that never ends, even AFTER the music had, ceased to exist.

The dance that never ends, we are, engaged in, and this had been started, since the beginning, of everything.  We’re, engaged in this, never-ending tug-of-war, with neither one of us admitting that we can’t win, neither of us, willing to cave!

The dance that never ends, it’d gone on, for years since it started, long, long ago, and now, I’d finally become, too tired to even mumble a single word, or even, make a sound.  The dance that never ends, finally ended, the day they’d, lain me in the ground.

from this, not my photograph…

The dance that never ends, it’s troubling, I know, why two people keep on, torturing each other, in the name of “LOVE”, when there wasn’t an ounce of it to begin with………

The dance that never ends, that, is what this is, and instead of a pas de deux, I’m performing this TANGO, with nobody ELSE but me!!!

The dance that never ends, well, it’d ended all right, after the music had died, the lights turned off, the curtains drawn, the members of the audience, leaving the concert hall, and there’s, just Y-O-U who’s left………so, where am I?  Oh wait, I’d, left the building (just like Elvis!!!).

To this…not my photo still

Advertisements

A Marraige, Beyond Repair…

A marriage, beyond repair, that, is what they ended up, “sharing”…

A marriage, beyond repair, how did it, get to this, huh?  Was it because of something we had done?  Something we didn’t do?  What is it, that’s caused, this originally working (barely!) marriage to get beyond repair, do you know?

A marriage, beyond repair, and seeing how, this porcelain doll called marriage can’t get GLUED back to its originally, unshatttered state, why keep it, huh?  Let’s just, put it (the marriage) out of ITS misery, and make sure, that its sufferings, don’t get prolonged.

a marraige, broken 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo…

A marriage, beyond repair, how do we decide, when enough IS enough, and that the marriage is no longer, worth the time, or the energy we’d, invested in?  And, what if, one of us still want to try to salvage it, while the other already, threw IN the towels?  What do we do ‘bout it then???

A marriage, beyond repair, well, we need to, patch things up, best as we can, even IF we know, that the marriage is, completely, shattered, into many millions of bits and pieces, so we can, both feel better, about, not being the one, to quit before its time-of-death!

A marriage beyond repair, that’s just it, I see no future, not for me, staying, STUCK in this no-longer-my-priority marriage, and so, I took the liberty, and went ahead, filed for divorce, without YOUR “consent” (as IF I’d needed “consent” to get divorced from you???)………besides, I’m the only one here, previously, working so god DAMN hard, trying, to keep this marriage of ours (it was, you DO realize that, don’t you???) going, and now, I’m done!

Her Life as a Nurse’s Aide, the Features of a Woman

Her positive attitude helped her rise above all the troubles she’d encountered in her life thus far, translated…

When my father-in-law was hospitalized, the former nurse’s aide had an altercation with the family, and A was asked, to take over, the stresses on her was unimaginable.  From before when my own mother fell ill, we’d hired the nurse’s aides, and it’d given me less worries, and I’m, too grateful for them; and, if we can’t take care of the daily living needs of our elderly parents ourselves, then, we must, trust those whom we’d hired to look after them, otherwise, when there’s misunderstandings, the patients suffered the most.

part of her responsibilities from work, picture from online…

Every time I’d gone to the hospitals to visit with my father-in-law, I’d always chatted with A.  Back then, after A’s ex-husband took up with another woman, she’d realized, that she’d needed to have a set of skills, so she’d started taking computer courses, learned to cook, until a friend recommended her for the job of a nurse’s aide, did her work become stabilized.  At first, she’d learned everything from square one, it was, truly, very difficult, but, as she thought she’d be able to make a living on her own, she’d felt, fulfilled.  One day, her father-in-law tripped and had a hemorrhage, she’d tried to contact her husband, but he was nowhere to be found, until her father-in-law died, he still didn’t show.  Several days later, her husband came back to Taiwan with his spare, A already made up her mind on divorce.

With the packed up bags, she’d moved out of her home, and told her three children she would maintain contact with them, and, thankfully, the owner of the nurses’ aide company she worked for gave her a hospital bed to crash on temporarily.  As the slips came, the hospital became her home, she always told herself, to cope with whatever comes her way, that she can’t let anybody look down on her.  After a year’s worth of working nonstop, she’d managed to save up some money, rented a small suite, and, as she gathered with her child, they finally had their own special space to share, and she could also, cook for them too.

working with people in need, not my picture still…

And after she’d learned that as the spare started living at her former home, she’d had an opinion with the children’s tuitions, A decided to pay for their education.  “Am I very stupid?”, suddenly, she’d, asked me.  Her friends called her a fool, as that, was the responsibilities of the father, why did she comply to the other woman’s requests?  She’d fallen silent for a little bit, then, started, “The children are mine, rather than getting into argument, why not, just do what I can for them.  Working in the hospital for a long time, I’d seen everything from life to death, and, I’d, reminded myself, that there’s no need, to calculate too much, I need to be happy, and see things on the brighter side.”

A still didn’t stop working, and, my thoughts can’t stop running either.

So, this, is the woman’s positive attitude toward life, and, she accepted fate’s plans for her, and, although there were so many trials in her life already, she’d, faced them one by one, and, it’s with this positive attitude and proactive way she’s tackling everything, she will be, very successful in her own life.

The Photo in My Wallet

The only thing, to remind me of you, translated…

At seven, an age which there’s, this deeply rooted need for maternal love, I was taken away by my father because my parents were getting a divorce, and ever since, I can only, miss my mom inside my mind.  I’d heard, that mom took my younger brother, and married someone else in Taipei.

After I graduated from technical high school, I’d gone to military school, and missed my mother even more so.  And, as I’d investigated, I’d found, that my mother lives in Yingge, and wasn’t well-off.  And, I’d taken the advantage of being on vacation, and, didn’t let my father know, and gone to visit my mother, and, the joys from missing each other for over twenty years were, unspeakable.

something like this???  Photo from online…

After I graduated from the military academy, I was sent to the guerrilla squad in Tainan, and, right before I was about to enlist, I’d gone to visit my mother again, and knowing that it would be hard, for me to find days off to visit her again, I’d asked for a photo of her.  In the photo, mom looked very kind and elegant, with her light smile, looking very gentle, I kept the photo, carefully, in the innermost fold of my wallet, and, would take it out to look at every day after I was drilled, like my mom’s there, right by my side, and, no matter how difficult life got, I had what it took to survive through it.

Several years later, my wallet went missing on a train ride, I became so flustered, and thankfully, someone mailed my wallet back to me, and, the cash I had was no longer there, but, to me, the most important thing was that the photo of my mother was still there.

the memories I kept of you!  Photo from online…

So, this, is how hard it was, growing up without a mother by his side, he grew up without his mother, and, that became a missing part of his history, something he’d lacked, maternal love from her, and, the photo that his mother gave to him, became an object of his affection toward her.

A Divorce, This Late in Life…

A divorce, this late in life, what, would it, accomplish, huh?  Oh yeah, you would, regain the DIGNITY, the RESPECT over the self you’d lost through the years of your marriages, that, is what you will gain!

A divorce, this late in life, everybody advises her against it, plus, he got that pension, with her as the primary beneficiary, so, they’d all, advised her, to wait it out, but she’d done waiting.  A divorce, this late in life, what would be the point?  I’ll tell YOU what the point of getting a divorce, this late in life is: she’s now, finally, served her fucking 25 to life, and she’d, broken out (legally, of course!!!), of her legally binding marriage, she’d had enough!

A divorce, this late in life, what, would it accomplish, huh?  I’ll tell YOU what the divorce would accomplish, it would give ME back the RESPECT, the dignity I’d lost, so many years ago after marrying you, that, is what this divorce this late in life, would accomplish………

When We Can’t Even Be Strangers Anymore…

This, is where we both end!!!

When we can’t even be strangers anymore, because of what we’d done, to one another, we can’t even show the same kind of courtesy we would, for an unknown stranger, in treating each other…

When we can’t even be strangers, maybe, it’s best, that we move away from each other, as far as we possibly can’t, better yet, why don’t you, move out of the country, or, I’ll fly out, so there’s, NO chance of us, running into each other ever again, huh?

not my silhouette…

When we can’t even be strangers, that, is where love had, led us to.  We’d gone from, strangers, to acquaintances, to close confidants to each other, shared many dreams together, and yet, all those fantasies became, nothing MORE than delusions!

When we can’t even be strangers, maybe, that, is how we’re, destined to end?  After all, we’d all bore witness to how a good love can take a turn for the worst, so quickly, and we couldn’t even, find the time, to SLAM on that brake, and, we’d, rammed into something huge, and, we’d both died, upon impact already…

When we can’t even be strangers, ever since the end, I kept on asking myself, what did I do wrong, and kept, ramming, into that DEAD-END, it wasn’t, until I’d, finally accepted, that I’d, failed in this marriage did I finally, found an opening, for me, to escape………

like this!  Not my photograph…

When we can’t even be strangers, yup, I’m okay with that, strangely enough…must’ve been, this DEAD-END love I got involved with you, that’s, killed, this very, FINAL speck of love that’s, left inside of me then???

 

 

 

 

We’d Agreed on a Lifetime

Lost in love, and yet, you’d, gained something else that’s, better, the love of your own young!  Translated…

“He is very impatient with you!”

“His kindness to me, only I know.”

“He took a girl home on his own!”

“You’d, misjudged him.”

it’s just the two of us now, but we’re okay, aren’t we???  Photo from online…

“You are so disappointing.”

“Sorry, I will be very happy.”

The kindness from others, had been, brushed off by my own self-believed bliss, I’d entered into marriage when I was just twenty.

Once, at the banquet, he’d gotten down on one knee, proclaimed to me before all whom I loved, “I will watch over you with my whole life.”  In the maternity ward, tears circled around his eyes, as he held my hand tight, “I don’t want you to suffer again.”  By my bed, he’d smiled and stroked our son’s cheek lightly, “You are both, my most precious gifts in life.”  Having his love made me the happiest woman alive.  Until he’d turned cold, changed, and then, left finally; turns out, losing a marriage, is so, heartbreaking and such a torture.

“Mommy, I miss you so today.”, my son called me back to reality, he’d, given me a tight hug, it’d given me the strengths, to conquer the whole world now.

without the father of the child, they’re still, fine!  Photo from online…

I think, I’m, not hung up on what he’d given me, his promise of a false kind of a lifetime, but, this gift of a child from up above.

So, after you’re a mom, everything changes, everything became focused on your child, and, no matter what happens, your child needs you to be there, and so, you’d, toughened up, to look after and take good care of him, the strength of a mother, and a woman who’s divorced.