A Porcelain Named “Marriage”

We’d received that wedding present (yup, unfortunately, we still got H-I-T-C-H-E-D here!!!) from, uh, who was it from again???  Doesn’t matter anyways…

It was a wedding day present, and yeah, she just, sat inside that display case it got delivered to us in, looking so pretty, so white-faced, so delicate too, and because “she” was so delicate, so untouched, so clean-looking, we’d decided, to keep this porcelain we came to name “marriage” inside that display case, in the shelves.

the “before” photo…from online…porcelain doll 的圖片結果

Then, as the kids came one by one (yup, we’d reproduced like them rabbits too, don’t you know!!!), and I had one too many abortions to count, as those little ones, came too quickly!

And, as the kids started getting older, they’d started, experiencing the world through their senses (as all kids should be allowed to???), and one day, one of those RUGRATS got her hands, into that display case, where “marriage”, the porcelain lay in her dormancy, and, that daughter of ours, took her out, and, because she still hadn’t mastered her hand-eye coordination completely yet, oopsy, “Marriage”, the porcelain dropped, and shattered!

I ran into the living room, as soon as “Marriage” HIT the floor, “she” made that huge raucous (fine, maybe NOT loud, but I’d, still heard “her” shatter…), and, I told our daughter, to GET away, ‘cuz I didn’t want her to step on the shattered pieces and cut herself, and, as I pushed her aside, and started sweeping up the mess, our daughter started crying…

And I had to, go and calm my baby girl down, told her it was okay, that marriage is now, shattered, and that I knew she didn’t mean to break “her”, that it wasn’t, her fault, but heaven knows how much she’d blamed herself, and she’s, so very young too!

and here’s the “after” photo, still from online…a shattered porcelain doll 的圖片結果

After “marriage” the porcelain shattered into god only KNOWS how many pieces, I’d, replaced “her”, with a ragdoll named DIVORCE, and, after I gained SOLE custody (‘cuz you are NOWHERE fitting as a father to my daughter!), I’d allowed my daughter, to drag, DIVORCE, the ragdoll everywhere with her………

And yeah, someone D-I-E in this tale: it’s that STUPID porcelain named “marriage”!

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This World We’d Built Around Us…

This world we’d built around us, to protect us, from the outside noises, and, for a short while (felt like the miniscule of a nanosecond!), it’d worked, and then, all those loud bangs, came into this life we shared, and messed it all up!

This world we’d built around us, it’s, a mirage, a false belief, that we can, keep everything hurtful out, and, it had, worked, for a short while too (b/c we were “covered” by DENIAL!!!), and the, denial RAN out on us, and, everything came crumbling down…

like this???  Photo from online…

This world we’d built around us, what was it for again?  I can’t seem to remember its purpose now.  Or maybe, I can’t remember its purpose, because, I no longer needed, anything, to SHIELD me from all of my FUCKED up past, ‘cuz I got through it already, while you’re still, trapped.

So, this world that’s built around us, is no longer, around “us” (as there was never, actually, an “us”, there’s only me, myself, and I, oh, and you too!!!), you’d erected that wall around your heart so high, I can’t even, get over it, and so, I’d, stopped, trying to, reach you, and you can, die in your own misery for all I care!!!

building a wall around love 的圖片結果a wall, crumbling down, not my animation…

This world we’d built around us, had, served ITS purpose, and now, it’s time, that we, retire this world, back to wherever the HELL it is that it came from, and, move on, separately………

Typewriter, a Short Prose

Things that became, outdated, a metaphor for a marriage, to this character here, translated…

She’d used the typewriter to practice her English keyboarding skills.  But after graduation, the typewriter became outdated.  After that, the computers became more and more advanced by the year, soon enough, she’d, forgotten, that typewriter once, existed in this world.  Until tonight in a movie, she saw a typewriter again, and got reminded of how she’d, spent six months with it, and back then, she’d entered into key entry competitions with him too.  Some say, that not seeing what you forgot means you don’t need it anymore.  After the movie, she was, lost in thought for a very long time…………

The very next morning, she’d called him up, told him she agreed to the divorce he asks her for.

cracked open and broke, so fragile…not my photo…

So, after this enlightening, the woman finally decided, that it’s, time she should, let go of something that’s outdated (not the typewriter, but her own marriage!), and, her remembering using the typewriter was a sort of a nostalgia this woman needed, to find closure to her own marriage, and, after seeing the typewriter in the movie, she’d, found the closure she’d needed, and finally, agreed, to divorce the man she was married to.  It’s a wonder, how something that’s totally unrelated to anything else, can give you such a wakeup call, isn’t it???

 

 

 

The Dance that Never Ends…

There’s that dance that never ends, even AFTER the music had, ceased to exist.

The dance that never ends, we are, engaged in, and this had been started, since the beginning, of everything.  We’re, engaged in this, never-ending tug-of-war, with neither one of us admitting that we can’t win, neither of us, willing to cave!

The dance that never ends, it’d gone on, for years since it started, long, long ago, and now, I’d finally become, too tired to even mumble a single word, or even, make a sound.  The dance that never ends, finally ended, the day they’d, lain me in the ground.

from this, not my photograph…

The dance that never ends, it’s troubling, I know, why two people keep on, torturing each other, in the name of “LOVE”, when there wasn’t an ounce of it to begin with………

The dance that never ends, that, is what this is, and instead of a pas de deux, I’m performing this TANGO, with nobody ELSE but me!!!

The dance that never ends, well, it’d ended all right, after the music had died, the lights turned off, the curtains drawn, the members of the audience, leaving the concert hall, and there’s, just Y-O-U who’s left………so, where am I?  Oh wait, I’d, left the building (just like Elvis!!!).

To this…not my photo still

A Marraige, Beyond Repair…

A marriage, beyond repair, that, is what they ended up, “sharing”…

A marriage, beyond repair, how did it, get to this, huh?  Was it because of something we had done?  Something we didn’t do?  What is it, that’s caused, this originally working (barely!) marriage to get beyond repair, do you know?

A marriage, beyond repair, and seeing how, this porcelain doll called marriage can’t get GLUED back to its originally, unshatttered state, why keep it, huh?  Let’s just, put it (the marriage) out of ITS misery, and make sure, that its sufferings, don’t get prolonged.

a marraige, broken 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo…

A marriage, beyond repair, how do we decide, when enough IS enough, and that the marriage is no longer, worth the time, or the energy we’d, invested in?  And, what if, one of us still want to try to salvage it, while the other already, threw IN the towels?  What do we do ‘bout it then???

A marriage, beyond repair, well, we need to, patch things up, best as we can, even IF we know, that the marriage is, completely, shattered, into many millions of bits and pieces, so we can, both feel better, about, not being the one, to quit before its time-of-death!

A marriage beyond repair, that’s just it, I see no future, not for me, staying, STUCK in this no-longer-my-priority marriage, and so, I took the liberty, and went ahead, filed for divorce, without YOUR “consent” (as IF I’d needed “consent” to get divorced from you???)………besides, I’m the only one here, previously, working so god DAMN hard, trying, to keep this marriage of ours (it was, you DO realize that, don’t you???) going, and now, I’m done!

Her Life as a Nurse’s Aide, the Features of a Woman

Her positive attitude helped her rise above all the troubles she’d encountered in her life thus far, translated…

When my father-in-law was hospitalized, the former nurse’s aide had an altercation with the family, and A was asked, to take over, the stresses on her was unimaginable.  From before when my own mother fell ill, we’d hired the nurse’s aides, and it’d given me less worries, and I’m, too grateful for them; and, if we can’t take care of the daily living needs of our elderly parents ourselves, then, we must, trust those whom we’d hired to look after them, otherwise, when there’s misunderstandings, the patients suffered the most.

part of her responsibilities from work, picture from online…

Every time I’d gone to the hospitals to visit with my father-in-law, I’d always chatted with A.  Back then, after A’s ex-husband took up with another woman, she’d realized, that she’d needed to have a set of skills, so she’d started taking computer courses, learned to cook, until a friend recommended her for the job of a nurse’s aide, did her work become stabilized.  At first, she’d learned everything from square one, it was, truly, very difficult, but, as she thought she’d be able to make a living on her own, she’d felt, fulfilled.  One day, her father-in-law tripped and had a hemorrhage, she’d tried to contact her husband, but he was nowhere to be found, until her father-in-law died, he still didn’t show.  Several days later, her husband came back to Taiwan with his spare, A already made up her mind on divorce.

With the packed up bags, she’d moved out of her home, and told her three children she would maintain contact with them, and, thankfully, the owner of the nurses’ aide company she worked for gave her a hospital bed to crash on temporarily.  As the slips came, the hospital became her home, she always told herself, to cope with whatever comes her way, that she can’t let anybody look down on her.  After a year’s worth of working nonstop, she’d managed to save up some money, rented a small suite, and, as she gathered with her child, they finally had their own special space to share, and she could also, cook for them too.

working with people in need, not my picture still…

And after she’d learned that as the spare started living at her former home, she’d had an opinion with the children’s tuitions, A decided to pay for their education.  “Am I very stupid?”, suddenly, she’d, asked me.  Her friends called her a fool, as that, was the responsibilities of the father, why did she comply to the other woman’s requests?  She’d fallen silent for a little bit, then, started, “The children are mine, rather than getting into argument, why not, just do what I can for them.  Working in the hospital for a long time, I’d seen everything from life to death, and, I’d, reminded myself, that there’s no need, to calculate too much, I need to be happy, and see things on the brighter side.”

A still didn’t stop working, and, my thoughts can’t stop running either.

So, this, is the woman’s positive attitude toward life, and, she accepted fate’s plans for her, and, although there were so many trials in her life already, she’d, faced them one by one, and, it’s with this positive attitude and proactive way she’s tackling everything, she will be, very successful in her own life.

The Photo in My Wallet

The only thing, to remind me of you, translated…

At seven, an age which there’s, this deeply rooted need for maternal love, I was taken away by my father because my parents were getting a divorce, and ever since, I can only, miss my mom inside my mind.  I’d heard, that mom took my younger brother, and married someone else in Taipei.

After I graduated from technical high school, I’d gone to military school, and missed my mother even more so.  And, as I’d investigated, I’d found, that my mother lives in Yingge, and wasn’t well-off.  And, I’d taken the advantage of being on vacation, and, didn’t let my father know, and gone to visit my mother, and, the joys from missing each other for over twenty years were, unspeakable.

something like this???  Photo from online…

After I graduated from the military academy, I was sent to the guerrilla squad in Tainan, and, right before I was about to enlist, I’d gone to visit my mother again, and knowing that it would be hard, for me to find days off to visit her again, I’d asked for a photo of her.  In the photo, mom looked very kind and elegant, with her light smile, looking very gentle, I kept the photo, carefully, in the innermost fold of my wallet, and, would take it out to look at every day after I was drilled, like my mom’s there, right by my side, and, no matter how difficult life got, I had what it took to survive through it.

Several years later, my wallet went missing on a train ride, I became so flustered, and thankfully, someone mailed my wallet back to me, and, the cash I had was no longer there, but, to me, the most important thing was that the photo of my mother was still there.

the memories I kept of you!  Photo from online…

So, this, is how hard it was, growing up without a mother by his side, he grew up without his mother, and, that became a missing part of his history, something he’d lacked, maternal love from her, and, the photo that his mother gave to him, became an object of his affection toward her.