Can the Family Members Really, Truly, Understand One Another?

Uh, HELL NO, ‘cuz we’re too close, to see each other truthfully, like how the outside world can! Translated…

The misunderstandings of “people can come to understand one another”, is the cause of unsettlement.

When I was in my twenties, there was a girl who’d yelled at me:

“Why can’t you understand me?!”, it’d thrilled me. I’d analyzed the reason why her words had, thrilled me, and found, that this sentence was built on the foregrounds of ‘People can understand one another naturally”.

It’s a “norm”, that people can understand each other, but I couldn’t understand her, and so, that girl felt anxious and was tortured by her own sense of insecurity.

but, if you change the sentence to “People can’t naturally understand one another”, and come to the agreement, that not understanding each other WAS the norm, then, we wouldn’t be stressed out over it, nor would we get tortured by this lack of security we feel toward each other.

And so, as the other person understood us we’d felt glad, that it was, a miracle, that we’d, understood each other, and that would be, an excited and ecstatic moment for us both then.

That way, we’d no longer be stressed out over “we can’t understand one another”, and nor would we feel strained by “why can’t we understand each other?”. Because not understanding each other is the norm, and we’d think more on terms of “how can we understand each other more”, and no longer would we get, stressed out over it, or feel anxious either.

Am I wayward in thinking in this manner?

But I believe, that this prerequisite is very important, because of this, we’d, worked even harder, to try to understand one another.

Some believed, that other than “someone else”, there’s still that “someone who can understand me without me having to say a word”.

“Even if I don’t say anything, there’s another version of me who gets me”…………but, if you’re smart enough, you’d know right off the bat, that no such other person exists.

But, when you’d felt fatigued, beaten, trapped in your loneliness, naïve, and hated life, you couldn’t help, but hope, for someone else with whom “I don’t need to say a thing, and gets me”.

It’s meeting up with someone who’s a fake, but thinking that s/he is someone who’s real.

Take for instance, family, maybe it’ll be clearer for you.

Even as you’d lived for many years, with someone who resembled you, but to you, family members are still “those from outside”.

Stop believing that “because we’re family, we’d, naturally understood one another.” or, “parents understand their own children the best.” All of these, are LIES, or maybe, wishful thinking, hoping, that those we love can, understand us. And although we can all empathize with this, but this isn’t at all, true.

As you were younger, your families wouldn’t be considered as “others”.

Especially for children growing up in love, the parents became “even if I don’t say anything, they can understand me so well”. Or, as the parents became stricter, you’d turn yourselves into “my parents’ robots”.

And yet, as you grow older, when your judgments differed from your parents, they’d become, “others”.

Especially when it comes to finding a job, being in love, marriage, living independently, parents would often “show up” as a forceful other. At this time, both parties would feel that we’d lived under the same roofs so long, why is there such a huge difference in the way we thought, and felt flustered over this.

And yet, that, is how human interactions worked, being different is matter-of-fact, and so, so long as we communicate well, then, we can, reduce that emptiness inside, and can motivate us in positive ways.

Never believe the old clichés like “men don’t get women”, “Women can’t understand men”.

It’s not that men can’t get women, or women don’t understand men.

Men who start believing that “men can’t get women”, after they fell in love, they’d begun to try to understand the women they’re into. Meaning, that as he was a young child, this was, the very first time, that he’d wanted to understand the woman he’s with.

Before this, for instance, as he’d interacted with an older schoolmate in his extracurricular activities, he’d never thought of understanding the individual in depth.

As I went to lunch at a café with an older schoolmate, I saw him not eating any tomatoes, I’d asked him, “hey, don’t you eat any tomatoes at all?” But even as he’d replied, “I hate tomatoes”, I’d not keep his word in mind, “He doesn’t eat tomatoes, remember it!”

And yet, as I’m in love, when my girlfriend told me, “I hate tomatoes”, I’d, naturally remember it.

Which means, that the very first time we’re compelled to understand someone, it’s usually someone from the opposite sex. If it’s a man, he’d normally wanted to understand a woman first, and if it’s a woman, she’d normally first try to really understand a man.

(the above is in heterosexual relationships. But if you’re a homosexual, then, naturally, you would want to understand someone who’s the same sex as you).

Because we couldn’t understand “others”, that is why we say, “Men can’t get women”, or “Women have NO clue what men are thinking”.

And yet, these two sentences were both wrong. It should be changed to “nobody understands anybody else”. In parent-child relationship the child who’s having a first argument with the parents would say, “The adults don’t get children.”, as the siblings fight, “Siblings are still, not us.”

But, compared to the relations of families, most meet their “others” in love, when love started blooming in the teens, or early twenties, we are, driven, to understand someone we liked for the very first time in our lives, and are trapped, in deep emotional pains, and the person who makes us feel that way, is a “significant other”.

I must reiterate:

I believe, that “We can’t naturally understand each other”, this belief can help reduce our own insecurities, and help us understand one another better.

So, wanting to understand someone else is a sort of a drive (like the drives to eliminate hunger, thirst???), and, just like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you must fulfill your needs on the first two level before you’re able to contemplate about love, and, it’s because we’re attracted to someone, that, was why we’re, driven to understand everything we can about the person, isn’t it???

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A Long Alley, a Poem

As the days come to an end, translated…

After the Raucous of the Party of the Century

A Single String Illuminated

In the Chest Cavity of the Island

See the source imagelike this???  Photo from online…

———That Single String Couldn’t Play a Tune Right

The Millions of Thousands of Troops & Steeds Rushed

Like a Warning Bell

Predicting the Desolations

The Skies of the Late Spring

It’s a Thin-Layered Tissue

Couldn’t Reflect the Cruelties of War Truthfully

The Pelicans Glided Low in the Skies

Not Knowing the Sorrows of the World of Morrow

Time Suddenly Got Bent

a place like this???  Photo from online…

Into a Philosophical Shape

The Strings Snapped, Just Before the Apex of the Century

With Those Unwavered Rocks, Crushed

into Dusts

And All that’s Left of Them, Was, this Single, Song at Sundown

And so, there’s, that sense of despair of the world ending, with everything out of its places, things stopped working the way it’s, supposed to, but, the sun still rises and sets on yet, another day…

Goodbye in Three Acts

And no, it’s NOT a Shakespearean TRAGEDY!  But, someone had, died, I think………

Goodbye, in THREE ACTS, because one act of goodbye, well, that just won’t do it, because, how can we, possibly, CUT everything off, sever ALL the emotional ties from one another, in just one SHORT act?like this, the firt two acts are a build up for waht comes in Act three…not my diagram

And the second act would consist of the symptoms of withdrawal, the emotional outbursts, those nasty angry words we’d, shouted out at one another for hurting too bad, along with an assortment of unmentionable things we put one another through endlessly.

With the final AND last act, after all the emotions had, drained dry completely, I’m totally, OUT of energy, to even say one more last word to you, and I’m finally, DONE with you, thus, end this goodbye, in THREE A-C-T-S!

like this???  Not my photograph…

But, in reality, goodbye happened, quicker than I thought, it took me three months, ONLINE (this is precisely WHY, you ALL should not be meeting people online!), and not a single minute physically (‘cuz “it” and I, well, we never met up!!!), for me, to LOSE the “connections” (got DAMN it, blame it all on my god DAMN FATE here!!!) that took me over TWENTY-SIX FUCKING (and your point being???) YEARS to get, and now, I’m, over FIVE years older, and growing a whole lot wiser by the day still, and I’m totally done with that MORONIC ASShole (‘cuz just like that first M***ER F***ER had!!!).

Goodbye in three acts?  You’ve got to be SHITTING me, being in a BAD relationship for more than ONE second would be, too long, and I hereby, refuse, to DATE, to sleep around (with the EXCEPTIONS of my two males that I will keep on having around me), with anybody, and that is, RESPECTING myself, a WHOLE lot more than any forms of respect from ANYBODY in this god DAMN world here…

The Engineer Turned Farmer, Teaching the Younger Generations to Plant the Crops

How a man was inspired by farming, and now, he hopes, to pass the joys he’d found to others as well, from the Newspapers, translated…

The young man, Liao from Taidong returned to his hometown and started farming, and used the environmentally friendly methods, to plant the tomatoes, the cucumbers, and other produces in his hometown.  Other than enjoying his new life as a farmer, he’d also, worked hard, to transmit the knowledge from his own experiences as a farmer, helping the younger generations who were interested in farming, hoping, to inspire them, to make them realize, that life on a farm, is, quite interesting.

The thirty-seven-year-old Liao came from a farming family he originally worked as an engineer in a well-known electronics company, but because of his intense interest in farming, in 2010, he quit his job, returned to his hometown, and started planting tomatoes.

He said, as he picked up the till, he’d realized, that farming wasn’t, as easy as he thought it was to pick up, because it’s easy to plant, but, in order to plant the high quality and easily sold produces, that, was what’s difficult.  In the process of him becoming a farmer, he’d met a ton of hardships, and, with the help of many others, he was slowly, able, to resolve each and every one of these problems, and gotten to understand the fate and place of the farm he owned.

廖家助採友善農法並與北部餐廳契作,產地直送,讓消費者吃得安心。 記者潘俊偉/攝影the man, smiling radiantly, showing off his crop, photo from UDN.com…

“Planting the tomatoes is like raising children, you can only know how with the trials and errors.”  Liao stated, that he’d originally planted the tomatoes using his forefathers’ methods, using excessive pesticides, and chemical fertilizers, to manipulate the growth of the plants, so he can have a harvest in a short period of time.

In 2013, his eldest daughter was born, he’d learned from observing her, that plants are like infants, they couldn’t tell you they’re hungry, or ill, and you can only experience, and known it, and decided, to look after his plants the way he’s looking after his own young.

Liao said, starting in 2014, he’d planted all of his plants, managed the whole process of their growths, in caring for them, to the harvest, he’d used rarely any herbicides, chemical fertilizers, and not damaged the environment, so the tomatoes he’d planted kept their original tastes, a bit sweet, with that small amount of sour bursts to them.

Liao hopes to pass his own experiences to two more younger generation farmers, so they will also, find the joys in the agricultural work, to establish their own self-confidence, to reignite their passions of life as well.

So, because this man had experienced it personally, he now hopes, to pass his joys down to younger generations of people, and this is exactly the sorts passing of the torch we need in this world, by passing not only the methods he’d learned from trial and error, but also, that respect toward the land, which is way more important, than making the harvest at the end of the season.

Going Back to My Old Hometown to Find Closure…

This is, a two-step process, one, in the psyche, then, physically, and before you traveled through that old hometown of yours, filled with the memories mentally, you will NEVER be ready to, set foot, physically back then, and expect to find closure!

I’d gotten in my car, got lost, on this lonely highway that led back to my old hometown so many times I’d lost count, and, as I saw the mile markers keep on getting less and less, I’d, felt that anxiousness, rising up inside of me.a trip we must all make, by ourselves alone…not my picture…

I’m not ready to deal with this yet, why am I here?  So, I’d, sped past that city limit sign, quick as I could, and just, drove off into the distances!  Going back to my old hometown to find closure, this will surely, hurt like hell around, as ALL those monsters of my earlier years that’s, gnawed me down completely, were all, buried alive there, and, I’m just, not yet ready, to face any one of them (even though I’m an ADULT!) yet……

So, I just, drove down this long lost highway, again, and again, and again, talked myself in AND out of, heading back to my old hometown, again, and again, and again.  This, is taking me NOWHERE!

And one day, I’d, decided, that come whatever pains, angers, sadness, betrayals, along with any and everything negative, I’m going to enter this old hometown of mine, and FACE those demons of my younger years.

walking down these streets was never easy…not my sketch…

As I got closer to my old hometown, I felt that urge in my legs, to press down hard on the gas pedal, to speed past it like I’d done in the past, but, I’d, talked to myself, “hey, you need to do this, so, just treat it like a shot, only hurt upon ‘entry’, and you will be, inoculated!”

And after all of that pep talk to myself, reasoning with my sanity, I’d, slowed down the car, pulled it to a complete halt, right there, on the Main Street of my old hometown………

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peeking

Having a residence that’s welcoming to the animals and critters of the wild, these are, some of the wonderful encounters that the people had, translated…

I’d suddenly discovered, that a mother Chinese bulbul was sitting on her nest full of eggs outside my daughter’s window, I’d called out anxiously in a lowered voice, “Dad, this will be trouble!  The house is faced toward the west, and, the baby birds will get totally cooked!”

My husband came over and looked, said in a concerned voice, “Yeah, how can the mother select a place to nest so carelessly?  She should’ve considered the daytime, the nighttime, as well as the rainy days too……”

There’s this nest of “new residents”, our two girls have something to busy about now, my eldest, with her binoculars around her neck, close to her eyes, stood outside her bedroom, changed the lens focus, constantly concerned about the goings on of the nests and the baby birds: there are, two completely red, completely bald baby birds; three little yellow beaks; the furry baby birds were all squished together, they’re so cute……..”

My second daughter worried about the mom and the dad, having to constantly get the food to feed their young, and the babies never seemed to be full, she’d called out, “mom, chop up some fruit, to feed it to them, why don’t you?” in a moment, she’d started worrying about the nest being rained on, then, she’d worried about the babies falling off, and just kept ranting incessantly.

finding soemthing like this surely would be a surprise…not my photograph…

I’d not have the time, to birdwatch with them, hung up the laundry in the back, then suddenly, I was, startled, by a dark shadow, with the calls, it was, a bulbul, with red fruits, and, out of its throat, it’d still made that sound, to shoo me away; and another bulbul came, in protest towards me quickly too, and so, I can only, make my escape into the bedrooms.

Or perhaps, it’s, the breeding season for the bulbuls, early in the morning, I’d heard the raucous outside my window, I’d lifted my head and looked outward, the two bulbuls were, trying to chase the flock of sparrows away, and that was when I realized, that the trees planted on the rooftops had the bulbuls flying to and fro, getting the foods.  As I’d just pulled the screen door open, the bulbul started sounding of its warning to me, flapped its wings, ready for combat.  After I’d observed, I’d found two nests in the five trees, and, I was wondering, if they were leftovers from last year, or new ones from this.

One afternoon, the daddy and mommy birds were chirping so loud on our lanai, flying in and out of our place, like they’re, grilling us, so loud.  I’d used the binoculars to look, the nest was empty now, and, the baby birds were nowhere to be seen.  Seeing how the parents were flying all over flustered, and, the calls were more distant now, and, as my foot just got out the back, they’d rushed towards me again.  Weird, where were they hiding, watching my every move?  Is this, a payback, for my peeking at them earlier?  And, as the skies grew darker, the noises from the birds, finally, died down.

baby birds hatching 的圖片結果okay, I’m out of my shell, now where’s my food???  Photo from online…

The very next day, as the day just turned light, the mother bird started calling out to her babies, chirped endlessly, I’d heard the sounds like crickets, called back, weakly, apparently, the babies had, fallen to the rain roof close by, but, I knew, that I’m still, being closely watched by the parents, that I shouldn’t just, set foot outside.

I’d walked to the garden on the roof, and thought I’d, see what’s happening with the other bulbul family.  My!  Two larger magpies stood on the ends of the stems, and, started, pecking down at the nest, ignored the worried parents.  I’d rushed toward the gardens, “Shoooooooooo!  Away!”, I’d called out angrily, with my arms waving, to try to chase the intruders out.

The magpies usually would only stay at the water tower opposite from our building, why did they start, looking at the bulbul nests in the garden too?

My husband picked up a hose, and said, “Welcome them all, to the garden to nest, my garden is the best “green residence”, these birds surely are amazing, in selecting the spot here.”

So, this building must be very green (environmentally friendly), for all the birds to want to nest there, and, this, is just one of the many wonders of life, that one encounters, if we’re paying close attention to what’s going on in nature, we will find these small surprises from day to day.

Troubled, by ALL Their Secrets…

She was, troubled, by ALL their secrets, for they used her, like a Pandora’s Box, and started, pouring their secrets into her.  At first, she didn’t think it was a big deal, but as she got older, the secrets changed and maximized, and, they’d, grown, out of proportions now…

like this…not my photograph…

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, there are, those years, of hidden truths, masked up with lies.  Troubled, by ALL their secrets, there’s, NO way she’ll, ever be free, from it all, she’d been, hearing those, harsh-sounding secrets all her life, and now, her life became, nothing but, this BIG lie!

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, how will she ever be free?  How will she ever be, rid of the secrets now, she’d been carrying them, since her entire life.  Troubled, by ALL their secrets, she’ll NEVER be, free again, she’ll forever be, troubled now.

like this???  Not my photograph…

Troubled, by ALL their secrets, she won’t, not anymore!  For, she’d, given ALL their secrets, BACK, to their designated “owners” now, and, she felt, lighter these days, now that she’s, stopped carrying everybody ELSE’s secrets with her.