This has nothing to do with NATURE, it’s all, nurture, or, socialization, if you want to see it as that, translated…
“It’s not that Men Don’t Cry/It’s that We Hid Ourselves Away When We Cried/We’d Rather Stand on Bended Knees Than to Smile and Kneel/Men are Also Like Flowers/ Feared the Raging Wind & Rain/Who Can See the Scars Behind Our Forced Strengths………”, a short while ago, this song played on the radio, and it’d, moved me, the singer had a raspy, low voice, but, he’d sung out the hearts of men.
A lot of men since they were growing up were taught “Boys don’t Cry”, which caused them to NOT relieve themselves through their tears when they’re in pain. Like that time I’d watched my husband as he worked hard, held back his tears, how I’d, wanted to tell him, “Hon, just cry it out!”
Recalling how when I just had my son, how he’d cried so very hard, the nurse smiled and told me, “hmmmmmmmmmmmm, such a healthy boy!”, I cried out of joy in the bed. My son’s tears were, the show of the strength of life, and my tears were from being touched as a witness to how strong life can be.
During the time when he was still quite young, not knowing how to speak, he’d cried the various cries to let me know if he’d needed to be fed, if he was wet, or if he just, wanted to cuddle. Once he had a fever, he’d not gotten fussy, just fell silent, and I’d worried through the night. As he got older, he’d learned to walk and run, and tripped and hurt himself, when he’d felt defeated in school or at work, I’d used my warm smile, to wipe away this boy’s tears.
Darwin said once, that crying is a special form of expressions that humans have. That tears are a natural born emotional expression for us humans, that it’s not a specialty for women, nor should it be interpreted as a man being weak.
It’s just, that we’re all, bound by the traditional belief, as boys became men, they’d swallowed everything hard in life down, not used to talking about their problems, didn’t know how to find an outlet, and, as the trials of life and the pressures accumulated, they’d not just put themselves in trial, also their families too.
As a mother, it was, easy for me to know what my little man was feeling; as a wife, it’d become, quite difficult, for me to help get inside of the man I loved, as he was experiencing his emotions.
He’s just like that book by the Japanese M.D.’s character, Mr. B, never shared anything that’s going on in his life or work with his own wife, and had often, sat dumbfounded in front of the television. As his wife inquired, he’d blurted, “It’s not like you can understand”, which severed off ALL forms of communication between him and his own wife.
I’d once openly spoken of my displease or worries over my husband, he’d worked hard, to tell me what he was going through too, and yet, it’s like, there’s, still this, huge MOUNTAIN that blocked us, or perhaps, it wasn’t in his nature to rant, and in the end, he’d, stared at the television in the late night hours on his own. Because the thoughts of wanting to exchange with him how I felt kept echoing, but he just, shuts down completely. If he’s willing to open up, I’ll, lend a helping ear; and if he doesn’t, I’ll just, quietly, accompany him.
People often say, that “women are like flowers, needed the love and care”, but aren’t men so too? A different species of flower, with a varied growth environment, with their different needs, we’d just need to, follow the nature way of things, and, eventually, all things wither away, there’s no need to force anything.
As I saw him, frowning, with that lost look on his face, I’d known, that he’s, healing himself up, and I’d not intruded into his personal space, learned to give him the space and quiet he’d needed. That day, I’d not said anything, just, handed him a box of tissues, and a cup of tea, and like I always had, I’d, hugged him, to show, that I’m, there for him.
And so, this, is strictly, DUE to SOCIALIZATION, men and women are socialized to value different things, and that, is what’s caused these macho behaviors in a lot of men, and like the husband of this woman, he just, doesn’t open up, but thankfully, his wife knew him well, and knew, that he just needed the time, to sort things through on his own, so, she just, quietly, accompanies by his side.