My Grandson’s Secret

How observant, how thoughtful this child is! On the interactions of grandparent and grandchild, translated…

My second grandson with an older and a younger brother, when he was from one to three, he’d loved to cry, and would often start whining, and so, of the three grandchildren, I’d, favored him the least.

In a blink of an eye, he’s five, became this observant, attentive, young lad.

That year, the whole family went to Xitou, we’d needed to head back on foot from the College Pond’s left side back to the parking lot, after walking on the winding pass for a short while, he’d pulled on my hand, stated, “Grandma, the road is in the shape of the number eight.”

illustration from the papers online…圖/蔡侑玲

On his older brother’s birthday, we’d all gathered around the birthday cake that we’d bought for him, his older brother busied on sticking the candles on top, lighting the candles, and making his wishes, while he’d said in a small voice, “Grandma, the cream from the surface of the cake looks like a beehive!”, I’d looked closely, the cream used to decorate the cake, the creases, the dents, it does, look like the external appearances of a beehive! Can’t believe, that being as young as he was, he’s not just, observant, but also, very descriptive with his words too!

My second grandson was a child who’d saved up all his money. Once they went back to Taichung, the slippers I bought for them no longer fitted, I’d taken them to the shopping place to pick out new pairs. His older brother selected a pair that he’d liked, and the second child said he’d not needed a pair. We’d asked him why? He’d stated to us, “I’ll just have my older brother’s hand-me-down”.

I’d recalled how when he was in the first grade, he’d taken a pair of his brother’s hand-me-down sneakers, with a small hole in it, and told his mom, “That way, the air would flow in and out, keeps my feet cooler!”, at the start of this semester, his older brother got a brand new pair of sneakers, in the fourth grade, he’d told me excitedly, “I got a brand new pair of my older brother’s hand-me-down to wear again!”

A short while ago, his older brother bought himself a watch of over $3,000N.T., that he’d had his eyes on for a while, as a farewell gift to his own elementary years, but never had a watch before, he’d only, picked a plain watch that cost only a couple of hundred dollars. Seeing how understanding he was, it’d, moved me.

Last week, my husband and I went up north to be a babysitter for half a day, as evening came, when my daughter just set foot into her house, my second grandson rushed and told her, “Mommy, we’re, out of milk.” My daughter was, fatigued, and told him, “Can you let mommy rest for a bit now?”, he’d nodded, I’d asked him, “I’ll get some milk with you.”, but he shook his head no, I’d asked him, “Do you not know where the shop is?” “Yes I do, I just, have a secret to share with mom”. “What’s that, can I know it too?” “Not now, but, after we bought milk, grandma will know.”

After my daughter got up from her nap, she seemed, to have forgotten about the milk, and in the reminder of her second son, they’d finally, gone out. But, it’s, odd, they spent a long time out, for just, a bottle of milk.

About an hour later, the two of them returned, other than two huge bottles of milk, there was also a small cake, that my daughter bought for my birthday, and, my second grandson came closer to me, handed me a pen, said, “Happy birthday, grandma!”

My daughter smiled and told me, “He said that when he was in school, his teacher recommended this pen that’s easy to write with to the class, and it only costs $10N.T. each, he said, that because grandma writes often, he’d wanted to give one to you, and that, is why we took so long!”

I took the pen, wrote a few characters, it was, really, smooth, I shook my head in disbelief, “So easy to write, and only ten dollars?”, he’d nodded, happily.

Turns out, this pen was, his secret.

Can’t believe, how he’d, not cared enough ordinarily, and yet, on this, he’d, spent so much attention on, I’d, embraced him for a long while in my arms, told him, “thank you, for being so kind to me.”, after I’d let him go, we’d both, wiped our eyes, and looked at one another and smiled.

And so, this, is how watchful, how thoughtful, this child is, and maybe, it’s his birth order that’s made him so attentive to the needs of others, or maybe, it’s in his nature, who knows?

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The Wide-Eyed Indian Scops Owl

With illustration, translated…

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

Like a Mysterious Black Hole

Drew Me in

And I, without Any Way of Fighting Off the Temptations 

illustration from the papers…圖.鄭鈴

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

Turning Repeatedly

Searching Toward Where the Sounds Came From

In My Eyes

You Looked, So Very, Cute

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

what this bird actually looks like…in captivity…photo from online…

As They Looked Upon Me

They’d, Blinked, Again, and Again

And My Heart

Already, Fluttered, with Each Blink of Your Eyes

So, this, is how attractive the critters of nature can be to a person, because this species is really hard to catch, anybody who sees it is more than lucky, to have, captured the moments, in its company…

 

 

 

 

The Forgotten Backpack

Thoughts on the choices she made in her own life, translated…

Drew back the curtains, the full golden sunlight illuminated the entire room, the moistures in the air evaporated, the dusts all, vanished too.  This is a day, fitting for cleaning, I’d, found a nylon blue backpack that’s been forgotten for a long time from the forgotten corner of my closet, like, I’d, discovered, an old friend.  This was a most-often-used backpack from ten years ago, for someone who’d cleaned often, its existence may have been due to not willing to let it get thrown out, and, slowly, become, forgotten.

During the time when I’d used this backpack most often, it was when my son, Hong was about one or two.  I’d often taken him to the park close by our home, or to dine out at restaurants.  The backpack’s contents, were mostly, his.  Hong has a pale complexion, and big eyes, very bright looking, and, as we went out, there would be younger girls who’d asked me excitedly, “He’s so very cute, can I hold him?”, and, at that moment, or seeing the moment his face lit up, it was, the most beautiful moments during that period of our lives together.

 

But, most of the times, I’d always felt, there was that light, invisible drape that’s slowly, suffocating me.  Or maybe, I’d, felt, lonely?  During that period when there’s NO internet, the life of a full-time mother, without FB, to share my proudest moments with others of my son, when I felt pent up, I couldn’t reach out to my girlfriends on LINE.  Plus, the first few years of living with a huge family, of constantly getting negated, suppressing my own emotions too long, setting up my own nuclear family, the joys didn’t last long enough, I’d become, aloof, and cold, didn’t want to enlarge my social circles either.

I’d spent my days like this for about six months, once, I’d taken Hong to the shopping mall where I had worked before, I’d bumped into my former colleague, Huei-Ru, the two of us started up like old friends, and, as we were, going to classes for advertising, on the special occasions, we’d both, worked our overtimes together, and, as a small manager, I’d had endless meetings, endless proposals to write; and after work, I’d often, taken the info packets home, to continue working on them, and, as I recalled that, I can feel my shoulders growing heavier and heavier.

拉開窗簾,飽滿的金色陽光照亮整個房間,感覺空氣裡的溼氣被蒸發,塵埃灰溜溜地散去。...illustration from the papers online…

“I envy you, not working right now, just staying at home and take care of your son, I’d needed to pick up my child at the nanny’s”, she’d felt bad, and I, silent.  As mothers, in my mind, Huei-Ru, who still works hard in the workforce, looked so radiant, and I can’t help, but miss my self back then, such a contradictory feeling.  From before when I had to work, I’d, envied those who didn’t, how they were able to, just stroll with leisure at the malls, with their young children, they looked happy, and confident.  At that precise moment, I’d become, confused, and asked myself, “Isn’t this the kind of life you’d always wanted to live?  What, are you missing out on?”, I’d become, lost, in my thoughts.

Whether it be the working class with the fashionable accessories, or the practical bags that moms have for the children’s sakes; getting too busy that I wanted to scream, or too lonely that I can’t breathe, aren’t all of it, our own, choices?  In a few more years, when my son’s older, I may choose, to return to the workforce, what sort of trials, will I be, faced with then?  I don’t know yet, and, it didn’t matter, I will keep on going, with all the choices I’ll be making for myself.  But before then, why don’t I, just, relax, and live!  At least, give my son, a smiling mom.  Over a dozen years ago, that, was what that blue backpack had, told me.

Through the windows of memories, I’d looked backwards, that day, the sun is bright and shiny, just like today, the leaves, with the golden rays, swaying, in the wind, danced, with full confidence, underneath the blue skies.

So, this, is looking back at the choices in life you’d made, you’d, quit your job, to start a family, leaving behind the success, the achievements at work, and you’d felt, a bit, awful, about leaving all that glory behind, but, you’d, thought harder, and realized, that what you have right now, is not so bad, and, it’s your choice, and so, you felt, you needed to, take responsibilities for what you’d selected in your life, being a mom, to your young son, at least, for now!

Experience it Yourselves

Changes in one’s attitude, brought on by the many ups and downs of life, translated…

Is marriage a good thing?  I’m thinking, that it’s different based off of everybody’s experiences, and the answer, only one knows.

A couple of years ago, an old friend of mine talked about the ups and downs of her marriage, said that if she could have it to do all over again, she would’ve have chosen to get married; and, a short while ago, she’d talked to me about her daughter, and how well her and the members of her family are getting along, with that look of bliss all over her face.

I’d smiled and asked, didn’t you regret getting married from before?  She’d become stunned, then asked me, “Did I say that?  But, if you ask me that same question now, all I can say, that you need to experience it yourself to find out.”

Like drinking a cup of water, only you would know if it’s hot or cold; the life in marriage, with a mixture of sentiments.  Or maybe, marriage is not good or bad, it all depends, on how you see it as.

And that, is the importance of attitude, perhaps, when this friend came to the writer from before, her child was acting up, and she and her husband had an argument, that, was why she first stated, that marriage wasn’t the right choice for her, but, as the time passes, she and her family got along better, and, she’d started thinking, that being married, and having children is actually, a good thing.  This just showed, how unless you’d, experienced things from top to bottom, you can’t jump to conclusion on if something is good or bad for you.  You must give it enough time for life, to run its course…

Lashing Out, Then In…

The first part of this is, EXHILIARATING, I tell ya!!! While the second, quite uncomfortable…

Lashing out, then in, this, is a process, of experiencing anger, because as something awful happens to us, the first thing that comes into our minds are: I need to blame someone, to lessen the strains on myself, so I don’t feel that heavy a burden on me!

taking it out on someone else…NOT my photo…

And so, we lash out, at someone, who may, or may not be remotely, related to our bouts of anger, and, maybe, the individual was just in our “neighborhood”, and we’d, thrown that huge ATOMIC BOMB on her/him…

Lashing out, then in, that, is how we’re, “trained” to cope with our negative emotions. We’d looked outward first, to see, WHAT the HELL was it, that’s, caused us to get so furious? Is it how we’d been, mistreated by someone? How we’d come home, after a long-hard day’s work, and no one in our families gives the REMOTEST kind of shit? Do we feel, neglected?

what, do you see now???  Not my photointrospection 的圖片結果

Then, as the day quieted down, there’s, NOT that much noises, competing for our attention anymore. That, is when we can, finally, sit quietly, and listen, to what’s happened thus far in our days, and, our interpretations may be a whole lot different from before…

More than One Truths…

Unlike the undeniable truths of sun rises in the east, sets in the west, along with other, scientifically proven FACTS, there are, usually, more than one truths.

More than one truths, because there are, so many, perspectives to consider, and until we can, read through, and see EVERY single side, we won’t be able to, make a sound decision on the matter! More than one truths, that just, confuses things, I mean, why can’t the world just be black OR white, without the GRAY areas, huh???

More than one truths, there will, always BE, and, what you deemed to be truth (i.e. what happened to you when you were growing up), others may deny it, and, when they denied the truths about you, there’s, NOTHING you can do, because EVERYBODY is entitled to her/his own opinion, and we should all, RESPECT that!

More than one truths, unless, it’s, a SCIENTIFICALLY, empirically TESTED F-A-C-T, you will be, bombarded with things every single day, which demands that you JUDGE them, and, you only have, the past experiences, to guide you………

More than One Truths…

Unlike the undeniable truths of sun rises in the east, sets in the west, along with other, scientifically proven FACTS, there are, usually, more than one truths.

More than one truths, because there are, so many, perspectives to consider, and until we can, read through, and see EVERY single side, we won’t be able to, make a sound decision on the matter! More than one truths, that just, confuses things, I mean, why can’t the world just be black OR white, without the GRAY areas, huh???

More than one truths, there will, always BE, and, what you deemed to be truth (i.e. what happened to you when you were growing up), others may deny it, and, when they denied the truths about you, there’s, NOTHING you can do, because EVERYBODY is entitled to her/his own opinion, and we should all, RESPECT that!

More than one truths, unless, it’s, a SCIENTIFICALLY, empirically TESTED F-A-C-T, you will be, bombarded with things every single day, which demands that you JUDGE them, and, you only have, the past experiences, to guide you………