Where Her Persistence Came from

It wasn’t until, many, many, MANY years later, did she finally understand, WHY her mother had, insisted on, bringing her her lunch at school every day of her childhood days, translated…

During my schooling years, the school did not provide the nutritious lunches, either that the students buy their lunches out, or that they’d brought their lunches from home, I was, the latter. And, it wasn’t, necessarily accurate, saying that I brought my lunch from home, because my mother would deliver the lunches to me at school in person, and, the foods were still, hot, and, I’d never tasted those lunches that were, reheated from the heating boxes in school.

instead of letting her child have meals like this alraedy made, not my photo…

And still, it’s a bit, asking too much, having mom bring me my lunch every day. Back then, we had a small grocery shop, every morning when we wake, we’d, waited for the customers to come, we’d not have any time that’s our own, don’t know when the shoppers are coming in, or how many of them will visit the shop, or how much time my mother would have, to cook me my lunch. I could never understand, why she just, didn’t make the lunches the night before, or early in the morning on the day, and just, let me take it to school with me? What I’d not told, was how bad it’d felt, having, to wait for my lunches being delivered by her at noon, and, as the rest of the students all went back into class, to have their lunches, I’m still, waiting on her, and, it’d made me, panicky.

Until one day, I’d grown up, and my mother said to me, “dad said, that the steamed lunches didn’t taste good”, that, was when it’d, dawned on me, why she’d, insisted, on bringing me my lunches every day to school when I was younger.

this was, what her mother had done…查看來源圖片and then, taken it to school to her daughter…not my illustration

And so, it wasn’t, until many years later, did this person finally, realize, why it was, that her mother had, brought her the lunches from home, it was because of how much love the mother has for her daughter, because her husband said, that the lunches that were, reheated didn’t taste that good, and that, was why this woman had, stubbornly, kept delivering the meals for her own young to school.


Slow & Steady Wins the Races

What this man learned, from his own old habits, and adjusted himself according to the right paces, regained his healthy, became, even healthier than he was before! Translated…

The Experience from That Time Made Me Realized, that I’m a Middle-Aged Person, without the Assets to Spend Carelessly, in Order to Regain My Healthy Status, I’d Started, Running………

Pulling Myself BACK, Toward the Right Tracks

During the summer when I was thirty-two, due to long-term fatigued, I’d, fallen very ill. I’d rarely seen any doctors, and was, taken to this Chinese medicine doctor who’s very good at treating the patients, and I’d also, bought, a ton of expensive Chinese medications. It was a shocking experience, that I’d become, a middle-aged man, without the assets to spend carelessly now, in order to regain my health, I’d started, jogging.

Recalling that very first time I’d gone to the track fields to run, as I was about to finish my first lap around, I’d become, too out of breath that I’d felt, dizzy, and I’d, managed, to bite down very hard, and finished five laps total, as I’d gone home to shower, I’d felt, that strong sense of fatigue, like I’d, just played basketball on the courts for hours. Holy! Am I, that unfit? Thankfully, my will in research had, helped me find a way quick, a lot of the elders who ran told me, “the best speed to which you run, is one that you can chat with others, and not feel, out of breath.”

illustration from the papers…圖/大裘米like a metronome, you just, kept on, ticking, ticking, ticking, and ticking away…

At first, it wasn’t, easy, for me to understand how, I’d thought, when I’m running, I’m not compelled, to chat with anybody, but I’d still, tried, to slow my own pace down, to the point that I was, about, to doze off (yes, that was, also the runners I’d met had advised me to do too!)…………so, I ran, and ran, and ran, and, suddenly, I’d, understood, what they were, talking about, because your body will let you know, what speed is most comfortable for it. Whether it be in life or at work, finding that right pace, then, you will be able to, work, in the most efficient manner.

At age 36, we had a new addition to the family, a one-and-a-half year-old baby boy, it’d, altered my life very much. What stressed me out was when our son was sent to the nanny’s, and I’d, needed to, return back to work at my desk, I’d always felt sleepy, and couldn’t focus, just wanted to watch some junk footages, or, text the useless information to my friends. I’d thought it was, just a transitional thing, but, for a long time, my productivity had, dropped, it’s time, to think of ways, to get my pace back again.

First, the “pace to writing”, I’m used to jotting down the tips and the clues that came, then, while that’s all fresh in my mind, I’d, done my first draft. But, as I’d, turned into a father, I’d often left the clues, but, after awhile, those things I’d written down became, meaningless to me. And, even as I’d, sat myself down, to think hard on what I was going to write about, I’d gotten, disrupted in my pace, and I’d, sat, dumbfounded, staring, at my computer screen, then, I’d turned on, those, junk movies, to pass the time.

So, I’d, decided, to change my own manners, whenever there’s a thought, no matter what I was working on at the moment, I’d, forced myself, to write it all out, like I would in journaling. I’d just, written things down, and didn’t care if what I wrote down was, precise and clear, at least, that way, I was, able to, record down how I was feeling at that very moment, and, as I’d, returned later, to reread it, I can have the choices, and the basis. Of course, if I can, I’d needed to utilize the time I’d sent my son to his nanny, when he was, away, to keep a steady schedule, to sleep early wake up early, and drink less, so I can, up my productivity.

What’s My Body Telling Me?

Then, it’s, the “Paces I talked at”, in recent years, I’d gotten invited to give lectures, and, although I’d gotten the acclaims after I’d made my speeches, but, each and every time I’d made a speech, I’d felt, so fatigued, and I’m thinking, that it has to do, with how fast I’d, talked. There are always some weird and wacky thoughts in my head, and, I’d, blurted out a lot of things I’d said without thinking twice on them, and, I’d often, strayed from the subjects, causing me to run over time in the seminars, and, I’d talked, faster, faster, and faster, felt very hurried, and I still couldn’t, fully give the lectures as I’d, prepared for them.

I was very curious, as to why most of the politicians talked so slowly, later on, I’d learned, that they were using, a technique of public speaking. They would, annunciate, word, for word, and looked into the audience, and adjusted their paces of speaking, and would pause at times, so the audience can look at their facial expressions. I’d decided, to slow down the pace of which I’d talked, to 80 percent of my original speed, I will, try to remind myself, to speak slower, to not hurry. It didn’t matter how much I’d, covered, but to correctly connect to what my audience was feeling, that’s more important, to lead them, into the stories I’m telling.

Finally, there’s, the pace I ate at, I’d often gotten reminded by my wife, to “chew your foods thoroughly”, but I was, so used to, just swallowing the foods too quickly, so I can, get to what needed to be done. With the coming of age, my protruding belly had, made me adjust my own way of consuming food, and I’d, started showing concerns for subjects on health. For instance, reduce the intake of starch, or, to drink a glass of fruit-based vinegar, to reduce the absorption of glucose.

The most clear change was when I’d gone to a hotpot with an older schoolmate who has gout, I’d found that he’d followed the “veggies before the meats” rule, he’d cooked all the veggies first, then, the meats, then, he didn’t, drink the soup after he’d, cooked the meats—did you notice, the fats that surfaced, from after you’d, broiled the meats? That was, the fat from the meats you’d, just cooked, not only was it an eyesore, even if, you’d, fished it out, the fats that were in the meats were, all cooked, into the soups, with the calorie count hiking up sky high. This won’t do! We must have hotpots in the winters! So, afterwards, my wife and I, followed my older schoolmate’s lead, then, we saw, how the meats in the hotpot shops aren’t that, fresh at all, and, we’d stopped, enjoying meat as much (so, this, is the real point behind all of that!).

Every time my health starts showing signs of decline, I’d taken a look at the paces to which I’d worked, and lived, to try to find the problem, then fix it. But, the conclusion almost always lands “You need to exercise more!”, like this low had, made me start running again, what’s magical is, I’d, run leisurely like I’d always done, but, I’d become, faster, and faster, it’d taken me six and a half minutes to run ten kilometers from before, and, I’d reduced the time down to five minute and a half, so, what, is my body telling me now, huh?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, perhaps, I should, put myself up, for a complete marathon then! Run slower, you’ll, go fasters!

So, this is from this man’s own experiences, because his health started flashing red, that was what made him become, more aware of the signals that his body was, sending to him, and, he’d, adjusted his diet, changed his ways of exercising, and, regained his health, and, he might even be, healthier than he had ever been, because he’d listened to the signals his body was, sending him, and made adjustments to his lifestyle.

My Grandson’s Secret

How observant, how thoughtful this child is! On the interactions of grandparent and grandchild, translated…

My second grandson with an older and a younger brother, when he was from one to three, he’d loved to cry, and would often start whining, and so, of the three grandchildren, I’d, favored him the least.

In a blink of an eye, he’s five, became this observant, attentive, young lad.

That year, the whole family went to Xitou, we’d needed to head back on foot from the College Pond’s left side back to the parking lot, after walking on the winding pass for a short while, he’d pulled on my hand, stated, “Grandma, the road is in the shape of the number eight.”

illustration from the papers online…圖/蔡侑玲

On his older brother’s birthday, we’d all gathered around the birthday cake that we’d bought for him, his older brother busied on sticking the candles on top, lighting the candles, and making his wishes, while he’d said in a small voice, “Grandma, the cream from the surface of the cake looks like a beehive!”, I’d looked closely, the cream used to decorate the cake, the creases, the dents, it does, look like the external appearances of a beehive! Can’t believe, that being as young as he was, he’s not just, observant, but also, very descriptive with his words too!

My second grandson was a child who’d saved up all his money. Once they went back to Taichung, the slippers I bought for them no longer fitted, I’d taken them to the shopping place to pick out new pairs. His older brother selected a pair that he’d liked, and the second child said he’d not needed a pair. We’d asked him why? He’d stated to us, “I’ll just have my older brother’s hand-me-down”.

I’d recalled how when he was in the first grade, he’d taken a pair of his brother’s hand-me-down sneakers, with a small hole in it, and told his mom, “That way, the air would flow in and out, keeps my feet cooler!”, at the start of this semester, his older brother got a brand new pair of sneakers, in the fourth grade, he’d told me excitedly, “I got a brand new pair of my older brother’s hand-me-down to wear again!”

A short while ago, his older brother bought himself a watch of over $3,000N.T., that he’d had his eyes on for a while, as a farewell gift to his own elementary years, but never had a watch before, he’d only, picked a plain watch that cost only a couple of hundred dollars. Seeing how understanding he was, it’d, moved me.

Last week, my husband and I went up north to be a babysitter for half a day, as evening came, when my daughter just set foot into her house, my second grandson rushed and told her, “Mommy, we’re, out of milk.” My daughter was, fatigued, and told him, “Can you let mommy rest for a bit now?”, he’d nodded, I’d asked him, “I’ll get some milk with you.”, but he shook his head no, I’d asked him, “Do you not know where the shop is?” “Yes I do, I just, have a secret to share with mom”. “What’s that, can I know it too?” “Not now, but, after we bought milk, grandma will know.”

After my daughter got up from her nap, she seemed, to have forgotten about the milk, and in the reminder of her second son, they’d finally, gone out. But, it’s, odd, they spent a long time out, for just, a bottle of milk.

About an hour later, the two of them returned, other than two huge bottles of milk, there was also a small cake, that my daughter bought for my birthday, and, my second grandson came closer to me, handed me a pen, said, “Happy birthday, grandma!”

My daughter smiled and told me, “He said that when he was in school, his teacher recommended this pen that’s easy to write with to the class, and it only costs $10N.T. each, he said, that because grandma writes often, he’d wanted to give one to you, and that, is why we took so long!”

I took the pen, wrote a few characters, it was, really, smooth, I shook my head in disbelief, “So easy to write, and only ten dollars?”, he’d nodded, happily.

Turns out, this pen was, his secret.

Can’t believe, how he’d, not cared enough ordinarily, and yet, on this, he’d, spent so much attention on, I’d, embraced him for a long while in my arms, told him, “thank you, for being so kind to me.”, after I’d let him go, we’d both, wiped our eyes, and looked at one another and smiled.

And so, this, is how watchful, how thoughtful, this child is, and maybe, it’s his birth order that’s made him so attentive to the needs of others, or maybe, it’s in his nature, who knows?

The Wide-Eyed Indian Scops Owl

With illustration, translated…

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

Like a Mysterious Black Hole

Drew Me in

And I, without Any Way of Fighting Off the Temptations 

illustration from the papers…圖.鄭鈴

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

Turning Repeatedly

Searching Toward Where the Sounds Came From

In My Eyes

You Looked, So Very, Cute

Your Wide and Shiny Eyes

what this bird actually looks like…in captivity…photo from online…

As They Looked Upon Me

They’d, Blinked, Again, and Again

And My Heart

Already, Fluttered, with Each Blink of Your Eyes

So, this, is how attractive the critters of nature can be to a person, because this species is really hard to catch, anybody who sees it is more than lucky, to have, captured the moments, in its company…





The Forgotten Backpack

Thoughts on the choices she made in her own life, translated…

Drew back the curtains, the full golden sunlight illuminated the entire room, the moistures in the air evaporated, the dusts all, vanished too.  This is a day, fitting for cleaning, I’d, found a nylon blue backpack that’s been forgotten for a long time from the forgotten corner of my closet, like, I’d, discovered, an old friend.  This was a most-often-used backpack from ten years ago, for someone who’d cleaned often, its existence may have been due to not willing to let it get thrown out, and, slowly, become, forgotten.

During the time when I’d used this backpack most often, it was when my son, Hong was about one or two.  I’d often taken him to the park close by our home, or to dine out at restaurants.  The backpack’s contents, were mostly, his.  Hong has a pale complexion, and big eyes, very bright looking, and, as we went out, there would be younger girls who’d asked me excitedly, “He’s so very cute, can I hold him?”, and, at that moment, or seeing the moment his face lit up, it was, the most beautiful moments during that period of our lives together.


But, most of the times, I’d always felt, there was that light, invisible drape that’s slowly, suffocating me.  Or maybe, I’d, felt, lonely?  During that period when there’s NO internet, the life of a full-time mother, without FB, to share my proudest moments with others of my son, when I felt pent up, I couldn’t reach out to my girlfriends on LINE.  Plus, the first few years of living with a huge family, of constantly getting negated, suppressing my own emotions too long, setting up my own nuclear family, the joys didn’t last long enough, I’d become, aloof, and cold, didn’t want to enlarge my social circles either.

I’d spent my days like this for about six months, once, I’d taken Hong to the shopping mall where I had worked before, I’d bumped into my former colleague, Huei-Ru, the two of us started up like old friends, and, as we were, going to classes for advertising, on the special occasions, we’d both, worked our overtimes together, and, as a small manager, I’d had endless meetings, endless proposals to write; and after work, I’d often, taken the info packets home, to continue working on them, and, as I recalled that, I can feel my shoulders growing heavier and heavier.

拉開窗簾,飽滿的金色陽光照亮整個房間,感覺空氣裡的溼氣被蒸發,塵埃灰溜溜地散去。...illustration from the papers online…

“I envy you, not working right now, just staying at home and take care of your son, I’d needed to pick up my child at the nanny’s”, she’d felt bad, and I, silent.  As mothers, in my mind, Huei-Ru, who still works hard in the workforce, looked so radiant, and I can’t help, but miss my self back then, such a contradictory feeling.  From before when I had to work, I’d, envied those who didn’t, how they were able to, just stroll with leisure at the malls, with their young children, they looked happy, and confident.  At that precise moment, I’d become, confused, and asked myself, “Isn’t this the kind of life you’d always wanted to live?  What, are you missing out on?”, I’d become, lost, in my thoughts.

Whether it be the working class with the fashionable accessories, or the practical bags that moms have for the children’s sakes; getting too busy that I wanted to scream, or too lonely that I can’t breathe, aren’t all of it, our own, choices?  In a few more years, when my son’s older, I may choose, to return to the workforce, what sort of trials, will I be, faced with then?  I don’t know yet, and, it didn’t matter, I will keep on going, with all the choices I’ll be making for myself.  But before then, why don’t I, just, relax, and live!  At least, give my son, a smiling mom.  Over a dozen years ago, that, was what that blue backpack had, told me.

Through the windows of memories, I’d looked backwards, that day, the sun is bright and shiny, just like today, the leaves, with the golden rays, swaying, in the wind, danced, with full confidence, underneath the blue skies.

So, this, is looking back at the choices in life you’d made, you’d, quit your job, to start a family, leaving behind the success, the achievements at work, and you’d felt, a bit, awful, about leaving all that glory behind, but, you’d, thought harder, and realized, that what you have right now, is not so bad, and, it’s your choice, and so, you felt, you needed to, take responsibilities for what you’d selected in your life, being a mom, to your young son, at least, for now!

Experience it Yourselves

Changes in one’s attitude, brought on by the many ups and downs of life, translated…

Is marriage a good thing?  I’m thinking, that it’s different based off of everybody’s experiences, and the answer, only one knows.

A couple of years ago, an old friend of mine talked about the ups and downs of her marriage, said that if she could have it to do all over again, she would’ve have chosen to get married; and, a short while ago, she’d talked to me about her daughter, and how well her and the members of her family are getting along, with that look of bliss all over her face.

I’d smiled and asked, didn’t you regret getting married from before?  She’d become stunned, then asked me, “Did I say that?  But, if you ask me that same question now, all I can say, that you need to experience it yourself to find out.”

Like drinking a cup of water, only you would know if it’s hot or cold; the life in marriage, with a mixture of sentiments.  Or maybe, marriage is not good or bad, it all depends, on how you see it as.

And that, is the importance of attitude, perhaps, when this friend came to the writer from before, her child was acting up, and she and her husband had an argument, that, was why she first stated, that marriage wasn’t the right choice for her, but, as the time passes, she and her family got along better, and, she’d started thinking, that being married, and having children is actually, a good thing.  This just showed, how unless you’d, experienced things from top to bottom, you can’t jump to conclusion on if something is good or bad for you.  You must give it enough time for life, to run its course…

Lashing Out, Then In…

The first part of this is, EXHILIARATING, I tell ya!!! While the second, quite uncomfortable…

Lashing out, then in, this, is a process, of experiencing anger, because as something awful happens to us, the first thing that comes into our minds are: I need to blame someone, to lessen the strains on myself, so I don’t feel that heavy a burden on me!

taking it out on someone else…NOT my photo…

And so, we lash out, at someone, who may, or may not be remotely, related to our bouts of anger, and, maybe, the individual was just in our “neighborhood”, and we’d, thrown that huge ATOMIC BOMB on her/him…

Lashing out, then in, that, is how we’re, “trained” to cope with our negative emotions. We’d looked outward first, to see, WHAT the HELL was it, that’s, caused us to get so furious? Is it how we’d been, mistreated by someone? How we’d come home, after a long-hard day’s work, and no one in our families gives the REMOTEST kind of shit? Do we feel, neglected?

what, do you see now???  Not my photointrospection 的圖片結果

Then, as the day quieted down, there’s, NOT that much noises, competing for our attention anymore. That, is when we can, finally, sit quietly, and listen, to what’s happened thus far in our days, and, our interpretations may be a whole lot different from before…