The Bliss from Knowing that You’re Cherished, on Filial Relations

Because you’re kind to me, and I shall, be kind to you in return, how peace is found, in this household, translated…

My mother-in-law’s feet ached for a long time now, but, she’d not liked going to the hospitals, would rather have the patches all over her feet, and limped around as she prepared the meals.  Since my father-in-law became bedridden, my mother-in-law had a much heavier burden to carry, causing her feet to start aching; after my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law started having troubles moving around and about.

And so, my mother-in-law left the cooking to my husband’s eldest brother who’d never been into the kitchen before, she’d sat by the doorway of the kitchen, and gave him step-by-step guidelines of how to cook, how to make the soups, fried the fish.  That day I’d gone back to my mother-in-law’s to visit, saw that she was not in a good shape, I’d, persuaded her, finally, to go to the hospitals with me, and, she’d started on the monthly treatment programs.  During which time, my husband’s eldest brother went from couldn’t differentiate between salt and sugar, and not knowing if the produces were cooked completely, to becoming, an excellent cook.

a mother and daughter-in-law so close, not my photograph…

Every time I’d visited my mother-in-law, she’d always had my husband’s eldest brother head to the markets to shop for our favorite produces, and wouldn’t let me help out in the kitchens, and had me sat beside her watching the Korean soaps, and discussed the storylines with her.

Seeing how unsettled I’d become, my eldest brother-in-law consoled with me, “You had a hard time, taking mom to the hospital already, I’m a great cook now, do have more foods.”  I’m more than grateful toward my eldest brother-in-law as well as my mother-in-law, for making me feel cherished.

So once again, this is how love IS reciprocated, this woman treated her mother-in-law, took care of like she was her own mother, and so, naturally, the mother-in-law reciprocated the kindness she felt from the woman, and treated her as if she were her own daughter too.

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Spoiling

On the love that’s found, between a husband and a wife, the love that’s, passed down, from one generation to the next, translated…

My daughter told my husband, “You’d spoiled mom rotten!”, as my husband heard, he’d believed, that my daughter was, correct, and told me what his lover from a past life told him.  I’d opened up my LINE, and replied, “Yup, mommy IS spoiled rotten by dad all right; because mommy is WORTH the spoiling”.  Oh, how I’d hoped, that one day, my daughter will, find someone who’d, spoiled and cherished her so, and at the same time, she’ll become, someone, who’s worthy, of the man’s love as well.

So, this, is the innocent talks of a child, and, this is a man, who’d, cherished his own wife very much so, and, his wife hoped that her own daughter will someday, meet up with a man, who will, cherish her very much, just like her husband is currently loving her so much.

The Way Her Daughter-in-Law Kept the House Tidy

Between a mother and a daughter-in-law, translated…

As I was having afternoon tea with my friend, her cell phone started ringing, it was her in-law.

I’d heard her in-law said, “I just went to your place, my daughter gave me a lot of yams, fruits and vegetables, I’d asked if she needed to ask you first, she’d told me, that the kitchen was her territory, but I’d still felt I needed to tell you about it”.  My friend laughed loudly, said, “That’s right, as things entered into the kitchens, it’s all her territory, the relatives sent a ton of produces, and, I’d, given a lot away, so everybody can have some.”

I was so envious that my friend has a wonderful daughter-in-law, and great in-laws.  But my friend told me, “that’s because I’m a wonderful mother-in-law!”

She’d stopped for a bit, and told me she’d learned a lot from her daughter-in-law.  Her daughter-in-law is a full-time mom, originally, she’d become, very annoyed by the small things her daughter-in-law buys, but after a while, she’d realized, that her daughter-in-law has a way with things.

Her daughter-in-law bought a lot of storage bins, tidied the kitchen, the drawers, as well as the closets very neatly, it’d cost a bit more from the beginning, but, the storage units can be reused repeatedly, not a waste at all.  Especially how her daughter-in-law kept everything tidy inside the fridge, it’d, awed her, the meats and fishes in the freezer were separated neatly, and it’s easy to retrieve too.

Once after she went grocery shopping, she’d returned home, and copied her daughter-in-law’s methods of putting things up, but the next day, she’d found that the fish was, flattened out.  As her daughter-in-law saw, she’d taught her, that she needed to separate them into portions, place them flat, and when the fish gets frozen, then, stand them back up, then, that would, save up on the spaces needed.

like this, inside the fridge…photo from online…

Her grandson’s clothes, toys, her daughter-in-law had, bought online or rented, and even traded the items with her friends and relatives, not spending much money, but, with the varieties of items.

In the heat of the summers, after the family went to work, her daughter-in-law would take her grandson to the libraries or children’s center, to have some free air-conditioning, and exchange tips on childrearing with other parents too, and, it’d helped get her grandson into the habits of reading books, and, he could have other kids to play with too.

On the weekdays, her daughter-in-law ruled the household, but, as a wonderful mother-in-law, she’d naturally given her daughter-in-law the weekend off, and so, she’d cooked on the weekends, and from time to time, the whole family would head out to eat, everybody is happy.

My friend said with a heavy tone of voice, it’s hard, for the younger generations to buy a house, and, as the mothers-in-law lived with the daughters-in-law, they’d needed to, develop a method, to get along, the elders must not use their age to bully, and the younger generations’ newer beliefs may be better than ours, just like how it is with her daughter-in-law.

in the kitchens, very “crowded”, but doesn’t look too messy at all, does it???photo from online…

Seeing how satisfy my friend is, she surely, is wise.

So, the key to getting along well with the in-laws is boundaries, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law kept their boundaries, not crossing each other, not pushing each other, that was how they’re able to, get along so well, and, in children, the elders should just STEP aside and let the children raise their own young, after all, you already raised YOUR own young already…

Passing Through the Valleys of Life & Finally Tasting the Sweet Fruits of Her Labors

A woman who worked hard, to achieve her goals and dreams, translated…

Whatever You Do, Do it from the Heart

Yen-Hong Liao, this beautiful woman, with that flair about her, was from Chibi, Hubei, at the age of two, when she hadn’t learned to read yet, she’d started, acting out the stories in the pictures, and before school age, she’d told her mother she wanted to go to school, and followed her mother who’s a school instructor to class—as her mother taught the classes, Yen-Hong sat in the last row, on the high chairs, and, as the classes are off, she’d needed her mother to carry her down; after she started going to school officially, she’d become her mother’s student naturally, and, every time she’d answered the exam questions completely right, but, only received a ninety-nine for it, because either that her mother told her, “you didn’t write perfectly”, or that “you didn’t keep the test papers clean enough”.  Recalling, Yen-Hong realized, that in the pursuit of the perfect grade, she’d slowly, learned to be careful, which had, influenced her as she grew older.

圖/王嗚咪illustration from the papers…

She’d graduated out of business high school, at the age of nineteen, and started as a contractor, with the funding of 10,000RMB, started selling cigarettes, alcohol, and snacks, and worked hard, in the harsh cold weather, until her clothes became completely dampened with sweat.  She’d not minded the hardships, and when necessary, she’d stayed up through the nights, or camped out in the truck, and finally, she’d turned her losses into profits, and made everybody looked at her differently.

Her parents felt awful, that their daughter was working so very hard, in 2000, the whole family moved to Shenzhen.  And, love came too, she’d met Hua from Taiwan very shortly after the move, Hua fell in love at first sight with Yen-Hong.  And because her parents were, arguing incessantly over money, she saw that Hua was sunny in temperament, very quick to react, fluent in Japanese, with good work abilities, and shoulders she can, rely on, she’d decided to marry Hua.  In 2002, they were wed, and in 2003, Yen-Hong moved to Taiwan.

The pressures from childrearing made Yen-Hong have postpartum depression, without the emotional supports from her own next-of-kin, when it got very serious, she’d thought about killing herself, with her crying child, but thankfully, she’d, made it through.  And, she’d finally seen the light, getting along with that traditional mother-in-law who was, raised by the traditional Chinese beliefs.  Back then, her mother-in-law was overcome with diabetes, and became incontinent because of her condition, fell into comatose, at first, Yen-Hong unwillingly looked after her, until one day, she’d found a verse in the “Holy Bible” that stated, “Whatever you do, do with from the heart, like for the Lord, not for the people.”, she’d gained a sudden understanding.  She’d said, “Doing it for people, we’d complain, but doing it for the Lord, the rewards shall come to us from heaven.”  Later, she’d fired the nurse’s aide, and took care of her mother-in-law personally, she’d had no complaints, having to clean up the soiled clothes of her mother-in-law’s, the two of them became close like mother and daughter.  Before her mother-in-law passed, she’d told her, “You are really a nice girl, I will put you in my will.”

After a Year’s Work, Fulfilled Through the Hardships

In June of 2014, after everybody’s encouragements, Yen-Hong signed up for a pageant before the deadline, on the day of the finals, she’d gotten a serious cold, but, she’d still won the first place trophy for “International Arts & Culture Ambassador”, and received two extra awards, “the Best Talent”, “the Most Photogenic”.

After she was selected for the first place of cultural ambassador, she’d gotten invitations from all around, Yen-Hong felt her own shortcomings, decided to enter into college.  After preparing for six months, working hard in her studies and training, in 2016, she got into the Chinese Opera department of the National Taiwanese Theatrical University.  Because she wasn’t from the major, Yen-Hong spent more than ten times the energy and time, to get herself caught up with the rest of the classes, and, as the year went by, she’d felt, fulfilled.

She’d always told me, “Learning is addictive.”  Hoped, that after she gets her degree, she’ll be able to, dedicate herself, to give back to the community, and help more people with her performances of Chinese traditional opera.

Hua worked yearlong in Dong-Wan, China, and Yen-Hong is all alone in Taiwan, raising her son and daughter, in order to not cause her children to be discriminated against, she’d entered into the parents’ volunteering committee, volunteered as a story-telling mom, performed the shows.  In the time she’d accompanied her own children, she’d not gotten the accolades from the rest of the students in her children’s classes, but also, the respects from other parents as well; more importantly, this had helped trained her as a public speaker.

She is however, NOT the only one who’s giving to this family, Hua felt bad about how hard Yen-Hong works, he’d made a trip back every single month, and used his actions, to show support for his own wife.  She’d just had her 15th anniversary wedding photos with the family, Yen-Hong looked at the pictures sweetly said, “I’d come here many years ago, and I’d, fallen deeply in love with the people, the things, the culture here, and, I’d carried that mindset of learning, that spirit of giving to the community continually.  And now, I’m finally, savoring, the sweet fruits of my own labor.”

So, this woman came here all alone, for love, and, because of her never-giving up nature, always striving for excellence mindset, she’d, made it to the top of her own life, with a husband who loved her dearly, and children who are, well-behaved too, what more, can a woman ask for???

A Fitting Son with the Foresight

After the mother encountered the truths from the outside world, she’d started seeing things her son’s way, translated…

We’d had the habits of making offerings regularly, on the first and the fifteenth of the lunar calendar month, in the mornings, in the evenings, as we go out to travel, when there’s an exam coming up.  And, for the exams, the offerings were, never-ending, the sectionals, the mock exams, the college entrances, all the way, to the retakes of the college entrance exams…or maybe, it’s because my mother did all the procedures, I’d rarely, done it myself.

And still, you can’t disregard the powers of God.  Before I took my graduate level entrance exams, I’d once gone to the Earth Guardian’s temple to make a promise, that after I got in, I’ll be a vegetarian for a whole month, and in the end, I had, tested, into the graduate department; and, I was the thirteenth in line on the waiting list, and I’d gotten into, the MBA programs.  Thanks for the deities for blessing me, there was that delayed registration notice, that I’d not needed to worry about my girlfriend falling for another man as I began my army service terms.

自幼家中拜拜的次數就很頻繁,初一十五不說,早上拜、晚上拜、出遊拜、考試拜。而光是...illustration from the papers…

It’s just, that there’s one thing that the deities can’t help me with, my allergies.  During the period when the national health insurance cards were still made of paper, with the six stamp slots on the back, I’d normally needed to use up two, three cards per year, to treat the colds that started as allergies.

The child coughed day in and day out, as a mother, mine started worrying, which made the blessings in the living room even more avid.  After I turned thirty, I’d still gotten affected by my allergies, sneezing, snotting up, it’d made my work performance not up to standards, in the morning I’d gone into the offices for a meeting, I’d been busy, wiping my nose in front of my boss.

And finally, it got too difficult for me, and I’d sent in my resignation, and started working as a SOHO with my skill set, taking the cases.  I’d told my parents that one of the reasons I can’t work in an office was because the air-conditioning system made me ill.  My father was extremely furious, told me, “Your through in your life!”, and I’d thought, that that was true too, because a year to two years after I’d quit, my health didn’t improve at all.

Until one day, I saw my mother, kneeling in the living room, with the three sticks of incense, frowning, mumbling, “Please bless my son with good health………”, I’d watched the three light smokes, merged into one as they rose up to the ceilings, and it’d hit me, I’d blurted out, “Mom, the deities can’t help me, it’s because of the smokes………” before I finished, my mother put an end to what I was about to say, she told me, I must show respect, to the deities.

But, survival, is instinctive to man, and being environmentally aware is, the trend, I’d started going against my families lighting up the incense at home.  I’d angrily stated my point, “The more times you’d made the offerings, the faster I’ll die.”  My father shouted, “Outrageous!  We’d whiffed in the smokes and we’re all right, and you’re not?”, I’d increased the volume of my voice, “You are not offering for real anyway, there are the mouse craps underneath the tables, no matter how many offerings you make, you can’t appease to the deities.”  My mother said, with that sense of helplessness, “I can’t stop the rats, we’d needed the offerings of food.”

so miserabe, having these allergies…not my photograph…

What stopped our arguments and the changes took place, was two years after I’d started speaking against my parents’ ways, in August of 2014, the temple my mother loved going to the most had announced that they were doing away with the incense lightings.  And before that, I’d already, called up the exterminators, to rid of the rats, and cleaned up the offering plates personally, so the deities can feel cleanly.

Turns out, it’s, IMPOSSIBLE for the parents to listen to their young—thankfully, they’d taken the advices of the temples.  And ever since, nobody ever lit an incense in the house, and my nasal allergies finally, improved for the better, and my work was on the rise by the day too, thanks to the blessings of the deities.

I’d still remembered, how as the Guanyu Temple announced how they were going to stop the offerings of the incenses, there was a period of time, as my parents talked on the phones, they’d told those who called them, that I was, “a fitting son with a lot of foresights.”

So, this man’s allergies was caused by the environment, his own mother’s lighting up the incense, burning it in their house, and, because of the food offerings, it’d brought the rats, and, it wasn’t a cleanly environment, and, after the son finally managed to convince his parents, to stop offering incense inside the house, and the mother went to the temples, and saw that the people there had changed the methods of making the offerings, that, was when she’d finally, agreed to the son’s way of doing things.  This still just showed, that as children, we may need a little extra help, in convincing our parents, that we are, RIGHT, because many of the cultures in the world still followed the beliefs of “parents know best”, when sometimes, they don’t know SHIT!!!

Bidding Farewell to Childhood

A rite of passage, for a child, entering into the teenage years, translated…

As I rode on the bus, passed by the Taipei’s New Children’s Amusement Park, I’d recalled how in two days, it would be my grandson’s twelfth birthday, and I’d asked him if he wanted to go to the amusement parks a final time, as a ritual of bidding farewell to his own childhood years.

My grandson thought for a while, then told me, “I’d gone there three times already, and I’d ridden on all the rides already.  Grandma, did you ever go there?  Do you want me to take you guys there instead?”

going to the amusement parks with the grandparents 的圖片結果back to being a kid again…photo from online…

Then, there’s, that moment of awkwardness.  It wasn’t, but twenty-nine summers ago, as I took along my mother, my son who’s going on into the second year of middle school, and my daughter who’s entering the fifth grade, to California, we’d gone on rides in Disneyland, Universal Studio, along with the amusement park in Los Angeles, and, only the rollercoasters and the freefall rides, I’d gone on, with my eyes shut all the way through it, it was, quite memorable.

As I heard my grandson told me, “The freefall ride here is only two stories high, and it’s, quite slow too, it’s, more than safe!  Grandma, grandpa, would you both like the experiences of riding it?”, such a reminder of the past!  It seems, that we won’t be saying goodbye to childhood after all, instead, we’re, celebrating Grandparents’ Day this time.

the ride that’ll get your blood pumping all right!  Photo from online

So, this, is a rite of passage, I suppose, as a child gets to twelve years old, and the next year, he’s entering into the middle school years, on his way to entering his teens, and the grandparents wanted to make it a special and a memorable occasion for the child, but the child has another idea………

Her Fiancée is a Foreigner & a Good Man, But Her Parents Wouldn’t Bless Her Marriage

Her parents won’t approve of the man she wants to marry, and she’s, trapped now, and in need of expert advice here, translated…

Q: A hard-to-come-by love arrived, but her parents didn’t like his nationality

She’s older than forty, Ellie who’d worked in the U.S. as a professor is an only child, other than the few years she’d gone abroad to study, she lived in the same city as her parents; she’d gotten the opportunity to accompany them, and can look after them because they were close in distance.  Ellie is beautiful and outstanding, with a lot of men pursuing her, but, it was difficult, for her, to get close to getting married, because her parents would always question the dates’ family and socioeconomic statuses, and, whenever they’d not met their standards, then, the relationships were, over.  Ellie became, a “withering flower”, seeing how she’s not getting any younger, she supposed it’s, unlikely that she is to be, married now.

But, two years ago, there was, this good kind of a love, and Ellie believed him to be the chance she needed to take, but, her parents not only spoke against it, they’d even, threatened to kill themselves if she continues dating him, all because the man is from a different nationality, has a different skin color, and has different cultures compared to Taiwan.

Ellie made numerous attempts in these past two years, to have her boyfriend “bump” into her parents, wanted the four of them can sit down and have a chat, but none of her attempts were, fruitful.  Her father would always get angered then turned around and left, her mother looked awkward too, followed him close, and Ellie had, finally given up on trying too.  And now, she’d lived in her is with her boyfriend, and on the weekends, she’d spent the days with her boyfriend, but how would this work, for the long term?

A My Advice

Ellie’s boyfriend is a thirty-seven-year-old American physician, they fell in love at first sight, he’d already told his own mother of Ellie’s situation, and her mother’s only complaint was that she’s a bit older than he is, but, seeing how she’s his love, she didn’t have much of an objection.

Ellie’s situation is somewhat dangerous, her parents had a high enough socioeconomic status, and held their prejudices toward the man’s country and thus, looked down on him.  Actually, the man’s country is slowly growing economically, and, in Silicon Valley, where most rich Americans lived, that, is where the man’s countrymen lived, if Ellie marries him, it wouldn’t be her, marrying down.  I hoped, that Ellie can keep her eyes opened wider in love, and examine how much she loves him, and her own determinations of marrying him; and, on the other hand, to keep persuading the parents: that she’s already in her forties, please help her parents help her, to grab a hold of this final chance at happiness, even, a blessing from them would be fine.

So, these parents are what’s keeping their daughter from pursuing the man she loved, she’s an only child, that, is the biggest problem, and then, there’s, the cultural differences of the man she’s in love with, being from different nationality than she is, and, the parents of this woman really shouldn’t stand between their daughter and her happiness, after all, it’s her life, and they have no right, to dictate how she’s to live it, who she is to love.