The Changes in Dad

Making an adjustment to one’s own beliefs, and making a change for the better, translated…

Dad’s been visiting the furniture shops a lot lately, turns out, he’d wanted to switch the double bed in his bedroom that he’d shared with mom into two single beds.  Sleeping separately from mom, was a huge breakthrough for him, who’s very traditional, and, it’d, surprised us all.

A few years ago when my dad started getting ill, mom started wanted to sleep separately, because both their qualities of sleep weren’t so well, and they’d needed the sleeping pills to help them sleep at night; and after my father fell ill, he’d become, emotionally unstable, would get up a lot in the middle of the nights, causing mom’s to sleep even worse.  And, fearing dad’s bad tempers, she’d, kept everything in.

In order to help mom out, I’d found an excuse, to shop for the drapes, to change up the settings of their bedrooms, hoping to make them both more comfortable, but, it didn’t help at all.  Perhaps, dad found my signal, that was why, he’d made this, unexpected decision; although mom said it wasn’t that big a deal, but, she’d looked, softer now.  The changes in dad, it’d made us realized, that he can, be a gentle man too.

So, the gestures of love of this man toward his wife, finally came, and, because the man realized, that he’d, kept his wife awake through the nights, and, that was what probably caused a lot of their fights, and, sleeping well is the key, to a healthy lifestyle, and so, this man made a change, to help improve the interactions between his wife and himself.

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Calling Me Home…

There’s, something that’s, calling me home, and, that something sounded, so enticing, to this, wanderer, who desperately searched, for a place of stay…

Calling me home, as I drove, closer and closer, the memories of old, they all, came back, hit me like tons of bricks, entered, into my wandering mind, telling me, this, is where, I ought to be, but, I drove, right PAST that exit sign!home, is where again???  Not my photograph…

Calling me home, there’s, that constant yearning that’s there, telling me, to stay, and yet, there’s, an equally strong, force of sorts, pulling me away, telling me, I need, to leave, and, I’m in this, constant, state of tug of war with my mind, and, slowly, I’d become, so totally, drained.

Calling me home, I’ll, simply just, IGNORE that small voice, and, KICK it to the back of my mind, because, the last time I’d listened, that, was how I’d, ended up, where I currently am, and hell will overcome, if I listen to it again that’s for sure!!!

Calling me home, do you not hear it???  Of course not, this is just, me, having it hard, with this, unknown source of, AUDITORY HALLUCINATION here………

The Bliss from Knowing that You’re Cherished, on Filial Relations

Because you’re kind to me, and I shall, be kind to you in return, how peace is found, in this household, translated…

My mother-in-law’s feet ached for a long time now, but, she’d not liked going to the hospitals, would rather have the patches all over her feet, and limped around as she prepared the meals.  Since my father-in-law became bedridden, my mother-in-law had a much heavier burden to carry, causing her feet to start aching; after my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law started having troubles moving around and about.

And so, my mother-in-law left the cooking to my husband’s eldest brother who’d never been into the kitchen before, she’d sat by the doorway of the kitchen, and gave him step-by-step guidelines of how to cook, how to make the soups, fried the fish.  That day I’d gone back to my mother-in-law’s to visit, saw that she was not in a good shape, I’d, persuaded her, finally, to go to the hospitals with me, and, she’d started on the monthly treatment programs.  During which time, my husband’s eldest brother went from couldn’t differentiate between salt and sugar, and not knowing if the produces were cooked completely, to becoming, an excellent cook.

a mother and daughter-in-law so close, not my photograph…

Every time I’d visited my mother-in-law, she’d always had my husband’s eldest brother head to the markets to shop for our favorite produces, and wouldn’t let me help out in the kitchens, and had me sat beside her watching the Korean soaps, and discussed the storylines with her.

Seeing how unsettled I’d become, my eldest brother-in-law consoled with me, “You had a hard time, taking mom to the hospital already, I’m a great cook now, do have more foods.”  I’m more than grateful toward my eldest brother-in-law as well as my mother-in-law, for making me feel cherished.

So once again, this is how love IS reciprocated, this woman treated her mother-in-law, took care of like she was her own mother, and so, naturally, the mother-in-law reciprocated the kindness she felt from the woman, and treated her as if she were her own daughter too.

Weather Forecast, a Poem

From a Chinese poetry blog I’m subscribed to, translated by me…

On the Sunny Days of the Seasons of the Rain

The Flood in the City is Slowly, Evaporating

it isn’at always going to be sunny always, there are going to be chances of rain too!  diagram from online…

People Brought Out All Their Clothes, Placed Them Underneath the Scorching Sun

The Sweat Stabilized on the Naked Bodies

The Arguments of Yesterday, Nothing More than But a Memory

In the Dampened & Heated Afternoons, the Gnats Laid Their Eggs in the Waters

We’d Heard the Noises of Tomorrow Today

here, you have a wide variety of possible weather conditions, just like the moods of humans too…not my pictures…

Drained Dry that Flesh Blood of Tomorrow Too

The Downpour Forecasted for Tomorrow

Said, that We’re Still Not Quite, Completely

in Love with Each Other

So, this would be the forecast of someone’s love in the future, you are involved in the unclear boundaries of love, still quite uncertain, if this thing will develop any further, or if this is as far as it goes, and, there’s, NO way of predicting any of it, because, all of that is in the future, and you’re currently, NOT in the future yet.

 

Going to the Movies, Alone

There’s NOTHING wrong with THIS “picture”, it just shows, how comfortable this woman is, without the company of anybody ELSE BUT H-E-R-S-E-L-F!  Translated…

I loved the movies, and enjoyed going to see them alone.  If you ask me, would I feel lonely on my own, going to the movies alone?  I’d have to admit, a little bit, but I’d, truly, enjoyed that sense of freedom.

there’s, absolutely, NOTHING wrong, with this picture!  Photo from online…

I recalled that very first time I’d gone to see the movies alone, on January 8th, 2011, I saw “Morning Glory”.  That day, I’d taken my own sorrows which I can tell no one about, followed the characters in the movies, as they’d laughed and cried hysterically.  And, after the movies, after I’d walked far away from the movie theatres, I still feel immersed in the plot, and I felt so moved, for a very long time.

Some say, that “the crazies perform in the movies, the fools watched the movies”.  Reason why I’d cried and laughed, was because this movie had made a fool of me quite successfully, I’d, fallen, into the traps set by the scriptwriters.

As the plot described the female protagonist, in order to save the morning show from being canceled, she’d come up with an assortment of weird and wacky ideas, it’d made me, laugh.

And yet, as the female lead had, given up her chance at love, to live up to the role of an able-bodied working woman; and as she’d worked really hard, to change the ways of the selfish anchor, but because of how selfish, how difficult, he was, she’d felt beaten, again, again, and again; or how in the end, the entire team finally understood how much heart she’d, put into making the show happen, and everybody started, working together, to save this show, that’s received the lowest ratings for the morning news; with the scenes of the movie, I’d, fallen deeply, into the time and space of the film.  How the female lead had cried, for the various reasons, how angry she’d felt, how moved she was, I’d felt, affected, and cried too.

After this time, I’d fallen, deeply in love with going to the movies aloe.  Because in the darkness, I’d not feared getting laughed at by my friends, for laughing so hysterically at the plot, or crying so hard, as I felt moved, being so free, to express my own assortment of feelings.  And on top of that, I’d enjoyed the not-so-popular movies too, if I’d selected the early morning shows, then, I’d gotten the whole theatre to myself.

with no one else around, I can let my emotions run wild if I want to…photo from online…

To this day, “Morning Glory” remained one of my favorite comedies.  I’m truly glad, that I’d chosen it, as the very first movie I’d gone to see alone.  Because it’d made me forget why it was I was at the theatres alone, back then, the sorrows I couldn’t tell anybody else about, got resolved, with the flows of the plotlines.  And the times that came after this, no longer served as emotional outlets, instead, I’d starting, to enjoy this process, allowing my soul, to travel through time and space, being comfortable, alone, at the movies.

So, for whatever reason it was, you’d gone to the movies alone, and, you’d gotten a lot out of it, compared to before when you’d probably gone to the movies with someone else, and you felt liberated through the processes, being there, all alone in the theatres, you can cry and laugh out loud, and not get shushed or shunned.

Enjoying Being an Elderly Backpacker, Life in the Elderly Years

Realizations about you and your parents, now that they’re, elderly, translated…

The only season I feel leisurely is in the springtime, and so, I’d made a date with my parents over eighty years of age, that we shall, head out to travel every single springtime.  In recent years, we’d selected the self-help trips to Japan, my father who was educated by the Japanese spoke fluently, and said that it’s, as if, he’d found the younger version of himself that’s worked at the Japanese trading companies again, that he’d wanted to be a backpacker, plan out his own trips, enriching his own life.

Last year, we’d gone to Setouchi, and drove around, one day we’d spent the afternoon, underneath the olive trees by the beach, my dad suddenly told me, he’d not felt this leisurely for sixty years.  My father started a business from the ground, and worked hard for the family’s economics; several years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and my eldest brother who was just over forty had a stroke, and the family spent years in misery afterwards.  Pops told me, from before, he’d thought that having daughters is a cost, and he’d harshly disciplined my eldest sister and I hard, but now, looking at us, he’d felt, that he’d been, too strict toward us back then.

sharing these cherished moments togehter on trips they’d shared, not my photograph…

From when we were younger, my sister had I had, complained of how harshly we were treated by him, that he’d favored our brother more than us.  Although my father didn’t marry down to my mother’s family, but my older brother and youngest brother took my mother’s family last name, and perhaps it’s because of this, my dad demanded more of my older sister and I; in order to show ourselves, we’d both believed, that whether it be in school, or at work, we shouldn’t, lose to the boys, and I’d heard my father’s talking about that that day, and, it’s, as if all those years of misunderstanding, got, resolved instantly.

In my memories, we’d rarely gone out on overnight trips as a family, after all, our household finances are just breaking even, and the fees for the travels aren’t something small; and now, we’d gotten the abilities to take our parents on trips, and, on some levels, it’d, helped us make up for not going out together as a family when we were children.

a family vacation in progress here, not my photograph still…

As we’d gone on the New Japanese Railways from the north to the south, I watched my parents walking slowly on the platforms, it’d made me realized, how fast, they’re, aging; those adults who’d once, helped us walk, who’d held our bicycles still so we can keep our balances, they’re no longer, the adults who can help us out whenever we’re in trouble now; and, while they’re still mobile, I’d wanted to take them all over to travel, to make more memories of us together.

Not only just for my parents, I too, am slowly, marching toward the elderly years as well, and, I’d needed to, make my own adaptations accordingly.  I’d agreed with mom and dad, that every spring, we shall, go out, as elderly backpackers, and continued having these trips without the itineraries.

So, traveling with your aging parents made you realized, how little time you have left with them, which made you cherish each and every single moment all of you shared, and this made you realize, that you’d needed to, spend more time with your elderly parents, because nobody KNOWS how many more years they may have left, so, you’re, taking advantage of every moment you shared with your families.

My New Pace

No more beating the morning rush here, adjustments for growing older, translated…

After I’d retired, I’d enjoyed heading to the centers for elderly activities, to take an assortment of courses, other than getting my hobbies going, I’d gotten the opportunities to meet more people, and this became, a huge part of my life.

But, just like back when I was in school, in the morning courses, I’d always, rushed, gone out with the people who goes out early for work, rushed to catch the busses.  Sometimes, the bus drivers are very kindness, and would open up the backdoors, waited for me to get on, then, close the door, and, I’d felt so good, that I’d, caught the bus; but, if I failed to catch up to the busses before the doors were closed, I’d felt awful, and it’d turned my stomach hard.

As I arrived at the MRT stations, the rush hour was, exacerbated by the crowd, the nonstop beeping from the gates, made me feel so upset again, I’d followed everybody else’s paces, and rushed onward.  And, in the passage, I’d feared most that my machines didn’t read my MRT card right, because those who came behind me would become so very, impatient, and in a panic, I took my ticket out of my backpack to scan it again.  If I got lucky and it’d worked, there wouldn’t be any more troubles, getting into the stations; but, if my card decided to sleep in, I can only ask for help from the station attendants, and, this would, delay me, seeing how the trains entered into the stations, and I’d followed the rushing younger populations, in a panic, ran up the left side of the escalator, the vibrations from beneath my feet, seemed to prove, that I’m just as able-bodied as the members of the younger generation, and I’d felt glad over this.

退休後,我熱衷於到各個樂齡中心上課,除了培養興趣,也藉機認識新朋友,儼然形成日常...illustration from the papers…

Sometimes, as I got up very early, I’d skipped the bus ride, and walked to the MRT stations, the twenty-minute walk is usually easy, but, I’d lacked the consistencies of mind, seeing how everybody else was rushing, so, I’d, rushed on too, and by the time I’d arrived at the MRT stations, I was already, sweating like crazy, and, I’d asked myself: What, am I hurrying for?  And, at that moment, I was, bumped by the crowd, and realized, that during this early morning rush, my slowed down pace became, out of place, that I’d become, a block in the midst of a crowd, and how, should I, adjust my own pace now?

Finally one day, as I’d finally slowly healed from my stomach problems, I wasn’t motivated, to squeeze onto the busses early in the morn, nor do I have the energies, to walk fast, and so, I can only, slow my own paces down.  What’s odd was, that everybody I saw on the roads looked very energetic, the air, refreshing to me, and, I’d gotten into the super convenience shops, picked up an edition of the papers, and brought it along, and my steps became, light, and to my surprise, it’d taken, about the same amount of time I usually take.  Entering into the MRT stations, I’d walked toward the outer rim of the gathering crowd, and got myself away, from this crowded vortex I usually got mixed into, and, my heart became calm, and I’d stepped onto the trains more steadily.  Turned out, that having changed my state of mind had given me a whole new perspective, to not follow the paces of everybody else around me, just go along with the slowing down of my own paces that came at the start of my elderly years, that, is the most fitting pace for me.

the morning rush, photo from online…the morning rush 的圖片結果

So, you’d rushed out in the morning, every day, until one day, you were slowed down, by some event, and, you’d realized, that hey, living slower isn’t at all that bad, and it’d made you wonder, why you’d, rushed so fast from before for?  And, after realizing this, you are bound to, start living slower, because, after retirement, there’s, NOTHING hurrying you, there’s no work waiting at the office, no meals you need to rush back home to prepare after work, you can just, take your, sweet time, slowly…