The Princess Syndrome that Has No Cure, on Filial Relations

Being loved, cherished, and well taken care of by her beloved husband, that, is what all of us, women want to have in our separate marriages, translated…

“My mom has a weird illness, I don’t know what to do.”, I’d heard my son talking to his classmates, I was, very, shocked.  “She is, seriously ill, to the point, of not having any cures.”, my son got more and more worked up.  In his classmates’ pressing him for more, he’d stated, “My mother is diagnosed with a serious case of princess syndrome”, I’d chuckled hard, and caused the coffee I was sipping all come out of my mouth.

At age thirty-five, I’d done what my husband asked of me, being pregnant, I’d, given up on my rising career, waved goodbye to the workforce.  Several months later, as an elderly pregnant woman, after three days and three nights of being in labor, because the pain was so unbearable, heaven only knows how many hospital staff members I’d, alerted; my husband was there, right beside me, helping me, there were, multiple scratch marks on his arms too, and, as I’d finally, “unloaded” this heavy “burden” inside of my belly, I’d already, become totally, wiped out, to unconscious.  And, what happened during my delivery, became the most-talked-about-news of that hospital!

man and wife 的圖片結果like this maybe???  Not my photo…

After a week’s worth of hospitalization, my husband filed the paperwork for my discharge, and, drove me back to our apartment.  Without any warnings, he’d, lifted me up in his arms, in one breath, climbed up five flights of stairs, lifted me to our bed.  As I was placed on the bed to rest, I saw how hard my husband was hyperventilating, how his face was turning all red, I’d felt sorry for him.  And, even now, that scene still, stayed in my mind, like it’d, happened, yesterday.

My husband wasn’t the least bit romantic, nor would he say the words so sweet.  But, being thoughtful, whenever I’d, sneezed, he’d immediately, taken me to the doctors.  Every time I’d had a scratch on me, he’d applied the healing ointments on my skin, it’d given me that warmth I’d lacked growing up, without my parents.

In our sixties, we have totally different personalities, one of us very active, the other, very quiet.  In the over twenty years we’d married, it’s like, we’d danced our tango, in the dancefloor called life, danced to our own tempos.

My husband’s carefully looking after me, had all be observed by my son.  He’d once told me playfully, “Mom, dad’s responsible for your princess syndrome”, my good friend once inquired, “Do you regret giving up on your studies and career, and just stayed at home as a full-time housewife and mom?”, I’d thought hard for a bit, just like that saying of “you can’t have it both ways”, in this ordinary family of mine, it surely, is a blessing, that I had, “contracted” the princess syndrome.

someone to grow old with…not my photo.

So, this woman was, truly, very cherished by her husband, he’d taken good care of her, and, gave her all that she’d needed from him, looked after her like she was a daughter to him, and, the woman felt spoiled, and blissful, that her husband had treated her so wonderfully, making up for her not having a father growing up.

My Father’s Show of Care & Concern, on Filial Relations

How fathers normally showed the love they have for their young, with actions, and NOT words, translated…

It’s the end of the long holiday weekend, riding on the HSR usually, I’d made the exceptions, of driving back to Kaohsiung alone. Being a new driver, it was quite rare, for me, to drive this long journey, with my two children, I’d felt, a bit, nervous. My parents saw it, and, on the night before we set out, dad said, “I’ll head to Xiao-Gang, Kaohsiung, and book a flight for Kinmen, and I’ll, go home with you guys.”, I’d, nodded, thought, that it should make my way easier, with someone who’s, experienced by my side, I’ll take dad along, as a sort of a lucky charm, it’d make my drive home much relieved.

like this???  photo from online…

But, the very next morning before I set out, my dad took the car keys from me, with his swift hands, and, he’d made fun of me, “I’ll be the one, driving, I’m afraid, that I might, scold you if you drove.”, the elder had, stated, and, for the sake of the betterment of this world, I can only, become, his passenger-side driver, and, shouldered up the huge responsibilities of striking up conversations, eating and making criticisms on my dad’s driving skills, and the selection of the routes we should be taking.

As we got past Taichung, it was, about noon. I worried, that my children in the backseat are hungry, we’d, selected a small food shop at random, and went in, early, to resolve our lunch problems. As we’d entered into the shop, the two of us, father-and-daughter worked together, dad in charge of ordering, I, tending to my kids. Not long thereafter, a few freshly prepared plates of food were, served, the four of us, grandfather, daughter and grandchildren started, chowing down.

As I ate, I’d felt, that the food, wasn’t quite in season.

It is, a summer day that’s heated, and yet, dad ordered up, a plate of sliced ginger with lamb. And besides, he doesn’t really like, lamb, why would he order this dish? I’d eaten, and observed, and, surely, pops didn’t, move his chopsticks one bit, as I was, trying to figure it out, dad pushed the plate of lamb toward me, said, “This, is good for me, you need more of it.”

All of a sudden, I’d, gotten it. Turns out, before I set out, mom worried and nagged at me, “You’re so weakened, and you’re wearing, shorts, it would be troublesome, if you catch a cold”. Back then, I’d, just, brushed her warnings aside, dad was putting on his shoes close by, not said a single thing, but, he’d, carried my mother’s words with him, and ordered the foods to show his care and concerns towards me.

like this???  Not my photograph…

I’d, eaten that plate of lamb like a good daughter, as I chewed, I’d thought, that fathers showed their love, in a more covert manner. Unlike how mothers had, showed their love and care, and affections, so openly toward their children. Dads seemed to, show their love for us by actions, very lowkey, quietly, but, with the same amount of strengths. Like this plate of lamb cooked with ginger, or like how he’d changed the flights from Songshan Airport to Xiaogang Airport, or how he’d, managed, to get the keys away from me, and, disregarded the over hundred kilometer road trip, just to, see his, baby girl home safe and sound.

Because men are socialized, to keep their love unspoken, that, is why this father had, used his actions, to show his cares, concerns, and love for his own daughter, and, although, love isn’t spoken between the father and daughter, it surely was, felt!

Bundles of Flowers, from My Father-in-Law

The act of love from this elderly, to his daughter-in-law, translated…

It was, 1981, my firstborn came to the world, when I was thirty-two weeks in, started, living in the incubators, and I too, stayed at the hospital for an entire week.

like this???  Photo from online…

What impressed me the deepest, however, was back then, my father-in-law who was in his sixties, other than taking the bus then transferring to the trains, from the countryside to the hospital to see me, other than delivering the foods, he’d also, plucked the flowers in bloom from the gardens, and brought them to me, put it into a plastic cup that’s found in the ward, then, flashing his loving smiles toward me.

These flowers are often, two stems of roses, with a small bundle of Bougainvillea; sometimes, it’s, stems of rosy periwinkle with azaleas, with that hint of cuteness, in the plainness of the flowers.  Sense of artistry: none, scent: slightly; color: ordinary; heart: full, and I was, very moved by his actions.  It’d made my roommate envious!  Surely, don’t know what I’d done, in a past life, to be so lucky, to be the daughter-in-law to such a wonderful man.

These couple of years, the Taiwanese public were in a frenzy, with the flower seasons, every year, the orchids shows in Tainan, the carpet of flowers in Taichung is more and more populated, but in my heart, the most beautiful flowers were still, those bundles of flowers that my father-in-law plucked and brought from home to visit me with.

bringing flowers to someone in the hospital 的圖片結果like this, perhaps???  Photo from online…

So, this, is the heart of this father-in-law, he’d shown his love for this daughter-in-law, by taking the time, plucking down the flowers he has around him, wrapped them up in bundles, and, taking it to visit her in the hospitals, and, this woman felt how much heart the elder had in getting the flowers for her too.

Save Some Face, for One’s Daughter-in-Law

If you want to do it, then, don’t complaint, and if you want to complain, then, don’t do it, simple as that!  Translated…

“My bad fortune came in the elderly years, I’m already eighty, and still had to cook for my daughter-in-law!”, Auntie Man started complaining to Auntie Rong again.  Auntie Man’s husband died when she was younger, leaving behind, a pair of young children, and she’d worked as a maid, to raise them up into adulthood years.

Since her son married, Auntie Man started carrying the household chores upon herself, so her son, her daughter-in-law can go to work, and, after her grandchild was born, she’d helped out in raising him up too.  Many years later, she’s still responsible, for cooking for her family of five.  She said, that she was, cooking for the sake of her grandson, because her daughter-in-law wouldn’t set foot into the kitchens.  And, Auntie Man would complain to ALL who will listen to her, and in the end, the words got back to the daughter-in-law’s ears, and, she’d treated her mother-in-law even more coldly, the two of them don’t interact at all.

“So, why don’t you just, stop cooking, and let the family take care of their own meals; if you still want to cook, then, don’t complain.  You must think, of how your daughter-in-law would feel, as she’d heard these gossips about her too, that would, make her lose face, right?  You need to be glad, that you’re still, very able-bodied, how many friends of yours had, passed away and died?  You’re more than blessed, to be able to, take care of your own daily living, you are, very blessed!”

After Auntie Rong got through to her, Auntie Man’s moods finally, lifted up, and no longer complained to the neighbors about, how she was, taking care of all the meals of her family, and, the relationship of her and her daughter-in-law improved as well.

So, in this case, the problem rests in the mother-in-law, she doesn’t want to cook for her entire family, and yet, she still did it, and complained about it, and, her complaints got into her own daughter-in-law’s ears, and that, was why her daughter-in-law got on bad terms with her, but, since the friend/neighbor helped the woman see things a different way, she’d stopped complaining, and, as she’d stopped complaining, her relationship with her daughter-in-law improve, and, what do you think that showed?  Exactly!

My Second Daughter

The closeness of sister, on how this woman helped out with her younger sister’s pregnancy and newborn child, translated…

Back then, I got pregnant with my younger sister, and, my due date was a couple of weeks earlier than hers. After giving birth, I’d stayed at home for my month’s recovery, and, on the few days the month’s time was about, I’d missed my mother’s cooking, and, in order to satisfy my appetite, I’d asked my sister to come home with me to visit mom.

Half way through the meal, my younger sister felt awful, I took her into the bedroom to rest up, she’d asked, with a pale face, “Older sister, what, do contractions feel like?”, I’d carried my almost-a-month-old daughter in my arms, replied, carelessly, “If your baby is coming, you’d surely, know it!”

But, as I’d returned home, to that month-long sleep deprivation phase, my younger sister who’s not-yet eight-months in her pregnancy, was lifted to the E.R. in the middle of the nights.

The very next morning, I got a heartbroken call from mom, her voice shook, said, “Your sister delivered last night, the baby was so tiny, she felt, so awful………”, I’d become, dumbfounded, recalled that worried look on my younger sister’s face, and couldn’t even imagine how my parents, my brother-in-law had, cope with that sense of panic, with her delivering her child early.

My sister who was weak, couldn’t even manage to get her needed rest, other than constructing her own mind, she’d used the short time frame she was allotted, to visit her premature child. My father couldn’t bare how worried she was, told her to go through her month-after-birth recovery process completely, she’d cried, “You’re thinking of your daughter, what about mine? I’d, wanted what’s best for her too!”, later on, my father delivered my younger sister’s breast milk to the hospital every single day to her child, so she could stay at home, and recuperate. We all hoped, that that baby that’s in the incubator will grow up healthy.

Back then, I was, a first-time mom, wishing I had extra pairs of arms, I couldn’t, help my sister in any way, I’d heard, that breast milk are good for the baby, and, I can only, make sure I produce enough, to pack two servings for the baby.

And now, in my whole family’s carefully looking after her, this “second daughter” of mine is pretty and healthy, and now, she’d become, the best sister my daughter had, her constant playmate too. As the cousins held hands when they’re out, we’d received the inquires, “Wow, so cute, are they, twins?”

So, this, is how a woman watches over her own sister, because they shared close births, and, because the niece was born prematurely, the sister felt compelled, to help out, and, with the whole family, working together, helping the sister’s baby get healthy, as well as helping her recover from the stresses of giving birth, the children are now, growing up together, healthily!

Do Remember to Come Home Often, on Filial Relations

Getting ready, to see his own baby girl off to marry, translated…

Still remembered the very first time I was riding in the car with my father, as I was leaving my hometown for my higher education, he’d told me, “If you miss home, you can come back any time.” Back then, I’d, nodded hard, but, I’d become, like a wild mustang without my harness now, fallen in, to the colorful world in the cities, plus, I’d had multiple disagreements with my parents, and had many confrontations with them, I’d, reduced the number of times I’d gone home to visit.

It’d been over a decade since I’d left my hometown to go away for school, and to start working, every time my father drove me out, the last thing he’d always told me was, “Do remember to come home more.” Normally, I’d only interpreted it as my dad, missing his daughter, but today, as I’d heard him told me, it’d felt, heart aching, I’d held back my tears, watched him drove off into the distance, disappearing, and the conversation we had just ten minutes ago, resonated in my ears, and, my tears flooded out of me.

saying goodbye to his daughter who was about to get married…photo from online…

“Dad, I want to tell you something………”, sitting in the back, I glared at the back of my father’s head, I took a long inhale, told myself: just let it loose!

My father’s left hand was tightened on the steering wheel, he’d reached out his right, to reduce the volume of the radio, to barely audible to me, he’d tuned in to me, waited, for me, to start.

“My boyfriend and his mother wanted to come and ask you for my hand, what do you think?”, I’d squeezed these words out, uneasily.

My father fell silent for a couple of seconds, the air froze, and that barely audible volume of the radio, all of a sudden, got so loud it’d, filled up the entire car, until he’d opened up, said to me, “Okay, the end of this year then.”

We’d continued chatting about the details of the wedding plans, but, not long thereafter, we’d both, gotten lost, in deep thought, until we’d reached where I was going. I stood behind me, about to watch him leave, he’d stopped abruptly, without turning his head back toward me, said in a low voice, “Do remember to come home often, there will always be a room, saved back home, for you guys.”

記得第一次坐父親的車,離開家鄉念大學時,他對我說:「妳要是想家,就常回家。」當時...back when she was a young child…picture from the papers…

This time, the “do remember to come home more”, was filled with nostalgia, with a little unwillingness added on. Because I wasn’t about to leave home to go to school, nor going away for work, but to leave my own, family of origin, no longer am I, just my father’s cherished daughter, I am also, becoming someone else’s wife, and daughter-in-law too.

So from this, you can see the love of the father for his own daughter, now that she’s all grown up, about to get married, surely, the man felt sad, seeing his baby girl off, as would be, the sentiments of ALL fathers out there, I’m thinking………

Umbrella, on Filial Relations

The story of a closely knit family, translated…

My husband wanted to exercise on the weekends, I’d returned back to my mother’s place to pick up his racket. But the long weekend was impacted by the cold fronts, moving eastbound, the weather up north became overcast with rain and cold. I’d, arrived at my mother’s around midnight, turned on that yellow light, and, there were, the various colored and sizes of umbrellas, in full-bloom on the lanai.

As my mother saw me, she’d started nagging on how I’d not called first, so she could prepare the meals beforehand; but, I’d, made plans to take her out to dine, that, was why I’d not let her know beforehand, that I was coming home.

The very next morn, I’d given my eldest sister a lift to the station, she’d wanted to take advantage of the long weekend, to head south to meet up with her boyfriend. My eldest sister, in her thirties, other than the four years of college she’d gone to another close by city to study, she’d lived away, the other times, she’d, stayed at home. And as for me, since I’d turned eighteen, I’d not had the opportunity, to live at home again, I got married soon.

Before I wed, I’d gone home once every two, three months; every time I’d needed a ride back to my own place, my eldest sister would give me a lift to the stations. And, if the rain started pouring down, or she’s busying on something, she’d still, accompanied me to the bus stops. The bus stop was only about two blocks away, I’d worried that it was too troubling for her, and told her not to go, and yet, she’d told me, that going with me, so she could get a cup of coffee.

My eldest sister would wait with me until the bus arrived, and, waved goodbye to me, as I’d put down my suitcase, and searched for her through the glass windows, she’s also, searching for me too, then, we’d, waved again toward one another, goodbye.

And this scene was swapped for the very first time, I’m now, seeing her off. Before she went out, she’d pulled that brown umbrella that’s dried up together, pulled out another umbrella that’s, indigo in color, said that it’s for two, because her boyfriend NEVER carries an umbrella, she’d bought an oversized one. As we arrived at the bus station, the bus cam earlier than we’d expected, I’d watched her off quickly, felt unwilling to let go, unsettlement, as well, as that hint of joy too. This was, the first time my eldest sister had, started dating, I hoped, that this trip will be fruitful for her, and all of a sudden, I’d gotten, a better understanding of how she’d felt, seeing me off too.

After the bus took away my eldest sister, I’d popped that single umbrella open, headed toward the breakfast shop, and bought my younger sister’s designated breakfast, hot soymilk and cheese eggroll.

I’d opened up the door to my mother’s house, and, two umbrellas were missing, one belonged to my eldest sister who’d just, left, the other, my mother’s.

My youngest sister popped out her head and told me, that although it’s pouring out, my mother still insisted on getting groceries at the local markets.

From the simple interactions, you can see, that there is, a lot of love that’s within this family. The family is very closely-knitted, and, the members of the family cared a lot about one another, which is what makes this family work so well as a whole.