Buried Underneath This Stack of Dreams…

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, were us. We’d dreamed too big, allowed all those false fantasies, make-believe fairytales, to get blown out of proportion.

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, you’ll find that dying love I no longer had for you, for I’d, already, put IT out of its miseries, it was sick a long time, and, it’d, taken me, long enough, to finally put it down!

what you’re going to find…Photo from online…查看來源圖片

Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, were our shared moments of love, and now, this stack of dreams had, crushed it, suffocated it, and we now have, nothing. Buried, underneath this stack of dreams, what do you think you’ll find, if and when you ever come back, to this home we once made love in, huh? Me, still waiting for you, like I’d done for years and years on end before? Don’t be stupid, my heart’s checked out already, and, it’d just, taken my body longer, to follow its (my heart’s???) lead is all.

Buried under this stack of dreams, is my goodbye (although this “bye” is nowhere NEAR “good”!) to you, and, you’ll find it, at the VERY bottom of the pile, almost dead, because it got crushed………

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Before We Said Our Goodbye…

Before we said our goodbyes, so many things happened, leading up to this farewell, and now, looking back, I see, that everything happened, in progression…

Before we said our goodbyes, things are, uncertain, we’d, lived, side-by-side for god knows how long, and, I guess, that passion that should still be there, just DIED!

like this???  Maybe…not my photograph…

Before we said our goodbyes, so many things had happened between you and I, misunderstandings, hurtful words were, blurted out, and, hearts were, shattered. Before we said our goodbyes, everything flew, out of control, and, the fight we’d had, that, was just, the final straw, wasn’t it???

Before we said our goodbyes, I keep on, returning to that moment, when you gave me that perfunctory kiss on the forehead, and turned and walked away, leaving me, standing, all alone, under that dimming lamplight, and, I felt………absolutely……NOTHING!

That Night in Kamakura

The last trip we took together as lovers, to figure things out between us, translated…

That evening, as we walked to the aquarium in Kamakura, the lights were already, dimmed down inside, but, not far off, the tower on Enoshima was still flickering.

The wide streets extended out of the vast oceans, and the vacation homes by the beach, only a few had the lights turned on inside, we’d followed the roads, and there were, sporadic super convenience marts and restaurants, there was a huge but not at all crowded barbeque shop billboard, like those gigantic easily missed, but hard to ignored billboards by the freeways, with a few of the youths who were just, skateboarding in the plaza by the beach.

what the city looks like at night, photo from online…

Don’t know if we’d lived farther away from the stations, the streets were quieter, and opening the windows, we saw those lower older styled buildings, and the goings on of the lives of locals, with a very unique sort of a Japanese way of life to it.

Even though it was May, but the breezes in the early evenings had already, cooled back down. We sat on the steps, where we could hear the tides, singing away, there were night runners passing us by, and those pairs of friends or lovers, lighting up the fairy sticks by the beach, making it even more resembling to the scenes in the Japanese movies, with those sparks of bliss, lighting up sporadically in the dark of night.

Afterwards, we’d decided we should run home, and, the streets without the stoplights, the cars, almost sped by us fast, I, in my flipflops, and you dressed very casually, we’d still NOT had any destinations, but wanted to breathe in each and every moment hard, with the darkening of the oceans, perhaps, we’d both, wanted a guiding light, answering our inquiries of: are we our best selves already? The two souls that were sent adrift in the seas, to me, that was, the scent of being lost at age twenty-three, with the craziness, dimming out slowly, but, it was still, a happy time in our lives together.

查看來源圖片the beach in Kamakura, photo from online…

So, there’s, that strong scent of nostalgia here, of sharing something intimate with someone that you loved, and yet, perhaps, you two realized, that you’d, wanted different things in life, that, is why you took this trip together, to figure things out, and, unfortunately, it looked like, that the two of you didn’t last for the long run………

Lay Down Your Damage…

The only way you will EVER move on, from whatever the F***’s happened to you as you were growing up…

Lay down your damage, but how can I??? The damages were, too great, the awful things that’s happened to me growing up, measuring up to MORE than a level TEN hurricane, with all the flooding, the landslides, and everything else going on all around. Life became, totally, CHAOTIC here!

Lay down your damage, I can’t, because I’m not willing, to let it all go away just yet, I want to remember, how awfully I had been, betrayed, and turn this source of my abuse AND neglect into an eventual hard-to-break down strength, but now, all I’m feeling is, fury. I want someone to suffer, NO, to D-I-E, for what happened to me.

laying someone down to rest in death 的圖片結果like this???  Not my sketch…

Lay down your damage, if you don’t, you will, get taken by all the things that’s already damaged you in the past, and, you’ll surely, become, trapped by that ugly thing called past, and never find your way back out from under…

Lay down your damage, why don’t you, just lay your selves, DOWN into that freshly dug grave already, huh? It would be easier for you, to just DIE, than to wait for me, to finally, forgive AND forget. And by the way, I may eventually forgive (still ain’t happened yet!!!), but I shall NEVER, EVER, E-V-E-R, forget!

Lay down your damage, leave everything that’s already happened to you in the past, outside that already stained-with-blood doormat, and don’t bring any of your bloodied footprints into my house.

 

Tear Drops on That Note…

Teardrops on that note, smearing it all out, everything became a total blur…

Teardrops on that note, that note’s been, damaged with water, just look at the washed-off ink stains from the writing. You’d cried your tears, repeatedly, onto those hard-on-your-heart words of his, hadn’t you? So, why don’t you, throw out that ruined note, huh? Because you enjoy a good, old-fashioned torture, is that it???

Teardrops on that note, stop looking at it, it’d become, that awful reminder, of how love could’ve been, but it wasn’t, was it? And, by keeping that note close to your heart, you’re, allowing it, to tear you up inside.

like this???  From online…

Teardrops on that note, dried, and cried, again, again, again, again, again (you get the picture, don’t you???), and it’s still not quite near end yet. Teardrops on that note, and still, you can’t bring yourself, to toss that broken heart out, ‘cuz you wanted to remember, how he’d, hurt you, how you were, betrayed by love, so, you won’t, get betrayed by love again!

Teardrops on that note, that hard goodbye that came too soon, but, if it didn’t come when it had, would you be where you currently are? No you won’t! So, you still won, you grew up, out of that broken state already, hadn’t you, and now, those tear smeared markings serve as a reminder………

查看來源圖片or this???  Found online…

 

 

 

 

On Forgiving Those Parents of Ours, for Damaging Us When We Were Still Too Young to Fight Back…

Don’t open your chest up let the butterflies out burn the velvet gloves and seek to trust hands held over hands in circles dancing to the gravy of secure claim Don’t risk dissolution by the marble hands of your own family it never gets easier a little death upon a little death pursed words kissing […]

via Claim — TheFeatheredSleep

A Band-Aid for Each Time Your Heart Got Broken…

How many, band-aids had you already, saved up, huh??? Too many for you to keep track of?

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, that’s like kissing a child’s “boo-boos”, that doesn’t do SQUAT! A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, and, it (your heart???) had been broken, more times than you can ever recall, and you’re still sinking and swimming (sinking more!) in the seas of bad love.

like this???  not my picture…

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, well, I’d, ripped ALL those band-aids off my heart that’s gotten broken, repeatedly already, and trust me, you’d rather, do it, quick (‘cuz that way, it’d only, sting for a short while!!!), rather than peeling back the band-aid, slowly!

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, so, how many band-aids did you, “waste away” already, huh? And, how many more band-aids are you going to go through??? At this “rate”, you’ll be going through ALL the band-aids in the world, and it still won’t quite be enough!!!

better rip it off quick, it’ll only sting a second!!!  Not my photo still…查看來源圖片

A band-aid for each time you got your heart cracked open, doesn’t feel good, as someone REACHED inside of your heart, TEAR it out, ripped it to shreds, then, put those shattered pieces, BACK in, does it??? Of course N-O-T.