If You Don’t Love Me…

If you don’t love me, then, don’t hold me, set me free, it wouldn’t be fair, to me, or you, to keep me, hangin’ ‘round! If you don’t love me, just say it already!!!

If you don’t love me, why you still, lettin’ me hang ‘round you, huh? And, shouldn’t we, just break it off, for once, and for all, instead, of, getting comfortable with each other’s bodies? If you don’t love me, just say the word, and I’ll see, where I go from here. But you can’t, you’re, too addicted, to this feeling of ecstasy that you feel when you get into my body, aren’t you???

If you don’t love me, and love’s been, dead, AND gone, buried, TEN-FEET under (‘cuz six feet ain’t deep enough???) many, many, many years ago. If you don’t love me, then, why you still come back ‘round, whenever life beats you down? Because I’m that safe place for you, that you feel, warm and taken care of in? And what makes you believe, that I am, always, going to be, the door that stays open, 24/7, just in case you needed to come and score some, huh???

If you don’t love me, just cut the ties already, oh wait, because you can’t, cut the ties, therefore, I MUST, because that, is how much respect I have, for me, and loving you, would not, be respecting ME enough, and I got, too much SELF-RESPECT, to love anybody like Y-O-U!!!







Filtering, Through the Static of Your Lies…

This was, what I’d, taught myself to do, as the static of your lies became, too much, too loud, for me to bear, and I’d needed to, find a way, to TUNE it all out somehow…

I thought it may be, easier, if I’d, just, ignored all those, white noises happening in the background, but, the white noises became, too, overtly, cacophonous, and, I just, hear it, ALL the time, no matter where I was!

what I used to hear…from Youtube.com…

Filtering, through the static of your lies, it wasn’t, easy, oh no, it was, extremely, difficult, especially because, I’d still, felt something (still waitin’ for that to finally WEAR off!!!) for you, and, it’s, this slow, gradual, process for me, which I’m, taking it, a day, at a time (kinda like the 12-Step programs for alcoholics or addicts???).

Filtering, through the static of your lies, I finally had, and now, I don’t even, HEAR a single sound (wow, finally became, DEAF after so many, god damn, FUCKING years of living with your lies…), and, I’m enjoying, this, newfound, silence, that I’m currently, surrounded by.

and now…查看來源圖片hear that??? Of course N-O-T!!!  Picture from online…

Filtering, through the static of your lies, it’d been, too long since, I was, hearing NOTHING, absolutely NOT a single sound, and I can, still hear that PIN drop, and, it’s, so totally, amazing, that I’d, sharpened, my own sense of hearing, after I’d, filtered through the STATIC of your L-I-E-S here!!!





Threading Your Lies, into the Tapestries of Our Lives…

This is, what, you’d, been doing, since BEFORE we were, ever wed (uh yeah, remember that film from, long, long ago: I Me Wed???). Threading your lies, into the tapestries of our lives, I’d, consented to this, so, I’d, admit to MY part of my own share, of WRONGDOING!

Threading your lies, into the tapestries of our lives, you’d done that, repeatedly, and, because there was still love I’d, felt for you from before, I just kept, allowing you, to get your ways with me, again, and again, and again.

But, I’d become, too, god DAMN tired, of all of this BULLSHIT now! I know I’m, economically, capable, without your hard-earned dollars, that you’d, brought home to me, to keep this, god DAMN household, intact! I know I got what it takes, to SURVIVE, out, in the REAL world here!

Threading your lies, into the tapestries of our lives, can’t understand, that it’d taken me, this long, to finally see it! Perhaps, all those years of endless suffering I’d endured at your mercy had a purpose, but what? It’d not, revealed itself, to me yet. Threading your lies, into the tapestries of our lives, and now, my child is slowly, growing up, and, seeing how he is, becoming, more and more like his father by the day, it’d, alarmed me, it’d, made me, decide, to walk out on you.

For I shall NEVER, allow your FUCKED up behaviors (cheating, lying, and everything ELSE???), to rule over MY life, and I will STOP your influences, on our sons’ impressionable minds, because I don’t want them, to grow up, into LOSERS like you, and besides, I’m NEVER going to, SPOIL my sons rotten, the way YOUR mother had, done you!!!



After the Love is Gone

How to break up, and still respect one another, and cherish the memories the two of you had, made and shared together, that, is a very hard lesson, but, it appears, that this man had, mastered it already, translated…

As two people were dating, they’d, given one another gifts. And normally, I’d tell the individual I was with straight, that rather than spending the money on the gifts, maybe, we should, save the money, to be used, for our trips together or dates in the futures; and if we really want to give one another something, then, we should choose something that’s, practical for each other.

And so, most of the gifts I’d received, were shirts, ties, perfumes, and electronics, things I’d normally used daily, and one day, when we broke up, at least, these “remnants of love” won’t bring too much troubles for the both of us, and there’s, no need, to dispose of them.

I’d kept the words that a girl I’d broken up with with me, “although we’re no longer dating, I hope, you won’t throw the things I’d given to you as gifts when we were together away. For me, those items are witnesses to the love we once had together. Unless, there’s, more hate than love, you’d wanted to, throw them all out.” Ever since, that was, the rule, I’d, followed. No matter what she’d decided, I’d always told her, “We’re, breaking up now, but that doesn’t make the love we had for each other void.”

And still, photos, letter, and private messages, the more sensitive things, I’d, immediately, “killed off” and “buried the bodies”. To Not trap myself in the state of mind, and, I’d, considered how my future girlfriends may feel. And this, is the only “remains” I’d asked of the women I’d, broken up with to clean out.

My girlfriend now, at first, she’d loved the perfumes I’d given to her, and after she’d learned it was from an ex, she’d, bought another kind, and, used that first bottle as a air-freshener inside her car; I’d not minded at all, instead, I’d, thanked her for being so attentive to my feelings.

I’m blessed, to always meet up with the right women who were, wonderful, and, no matter why we’d broken up in the end, I’d never been asked to give whatever the women I’d dated had given me back, and so, no matter how sad the ends of my relationships, I could always, save some sort of nostalgia of the love I’d once owned, and lost.

And so, this, is how mature people break up, the guy is very sensitive, and very sensible, and, so are the women he’d, ever dated, and, this, is the best way a break up can end.


When I Had, Stopped, Capitalizing Your Name…

You can see, that you’d, stopped, mattering to me then, when I had, stopped, capitalizing your name, that’s something, I’d noticed, as I’d, broken up with someone from before you.

After each and every breakup, I’d, written the guys name in caps, and slowly, as the hearts that they’d shattered got, put back together slowly, I’d started, being so anal about the capitalizations of their names, until one day, I’d, started, writing each and every one of their firsts AND last names in small letters!

like this???  Image from online…and note how the name is in small letters???查看來源圖片

When I had, stopped, capitalizing your name, you’d, stopped, mattering to me, but, it’d been, how many years again, since we broke up? And I’m still in the habits of, writing your name in caps, and I can’t quite, figure out why! I mean, you were, like any one of my former exes, and yet, there was, something about you, that’s, kept me, hanging on!

When I had, stopped, capitalizing your name, you’d, become, nothing to me, and slowly, I’m, getting there, but I’m, not quite there yet, because I’d, still, think about you, every now and then, once, in a blue moon.

But I got this feeling, that soon, I won’t even, remember who you were (see???) to me, and what your name was. When I had, stopped, capitalizing your name, that’ll be the day, you’re, completely, WIPED, from my mind…………







The Retired School Teacher Wrote Her Own Biography & Found that Missing Part of Herself

How this woman finally found closure, to her own past, knowing that her parents had, loved her, in their own ways! And it’d, taken her SEVENTY years, that’s still HER WHOLE life, to get there! From the papers, translated…

The seventy-year-old Sho-Ju Chou was originally a Chinese teacher at a high school, after she’d retired, she’d started, volunteering at the Evergreen Center. back when she was a child, her parents were, separated, and formed their separate families, that kept, taking up a huge corner of her heart, made her feel, that she was “a worthless person”. It wasn’t until two years ago, the Chou started drafting up her own biography, she’d, flipped through those, already dusty photographs, and found the secrets which had been, buried too long, and in her elderly years, she’d, found peace with her younger self.

The Life in the Fast Lanes, Recalled Her Seventy Years of Life

“Because of this book, it’d, made the originally fragmented me, whole again”, Sho-Ju Chou took two whole months, and finished drafting up her biography, “Life, in the Fast-Lanes”, she’d written, illustrated, and, scrapbooked her own old photos, as a memoir of her seventy years of life.

She said, she grew up in a blended family, her father took along an older brother, her mother, the four older sisters, remarried, and started having children from their second families, and had her and a younger brother. Sho-Ju Chou, only recalled the fights of her parents in her childhood years, because they lived in poverty stricken backgrounds, the parents separated, she’d felt she was never loved.

“I kept on waiting for mom to come home”. Chou stated, that when she was young, her father became, unemployed, she and her older siblings were over ten years apart, and, they weren’t, well connected at all, and after she got older, her parents had, separated, and her mother rarely, came home.

Thought that She Was Unloved, and Conquered Her Childhood by Writing

On the day of her college graduation, she’d finally saw her mother whom she’d rarely seen in her childhood years, but her mother stated, “Finally, I’d had it, I’d had to, wait until you’re, out of college, and now, I can, finally FILE for divorce with your father.” And that, was when she was, shocked to discover, that she’d been the baggage of her parents’ lives. On the same year, she’d started having depression, then, married, but twenty years later, she was, divorced, and she’d felt, that she was, a valueless person in the world.

In order to draft up her own biography, Chou had, conquered that difficult part of her own childhood, flipped through that photo album her mother left for her. And found, that she was, really, cherished by her parents growing up, that she’d, forgotten her own childhood.

Chou flipped opened her own biography, smiled and said, “Look, back when I was a child, my father fed me my meals, and my mother, she’d, held me too”, and, she’d, realized, that there was, such an harmonious time in her younger years, “I also had a pet turkey”, “Look at how happy I was, eating that watermelon”, “And, my mother, painting an oil of the whole family”, and all of these photos made Chou realized, that her parents had, been carefully, recording down her coming of age with their hearts, that she’d been, very much, loved by them.

Sorting Through the Old Photos, She’d, Fallen in Love with Herself Again

Chou wrote out all these photos, all these words, inside her own biography, looking at those old photographs, she’d, slowly, overcome that gloom of her former, childhood years, felt, that she also, has the ability, to offer the love she’d received to someone else, and in these past years, she’d slowly, fallen in love with herself, found closures, then, let go.

And so, you see, how important it is, for a child to grow up, feeling s/he was loved, and, the love that children felt from you, god DAMN stupid (‘cuz that, is what you ALL are!!!) parents, is NOT based off of what YOU fucking (and your point being???) ADULTS believed to be love, it’s HOW we feel it’s love, because, it’s still, ALL in the EYES of the BEHOLDER and we, the CHILDREN, ARE the B-E-H-O-L-D-E-R-S!!!


One Last Look, a Poem

Someone, on the verge of DYING here, bargaining with G-O-D!!! Translated…

With the Oceans Up Ahead

Like a Blue-Colored Plain

The Weather, So Nice

Without Any Birds or Fish

Only that Wild Mustang, Running Wild

Freedom Was, Getting Lost in the Tramples

And Yet, on the Other End of the Horizon

That Golden Red Setting Sun Still Awaits

How I’d Longed to Wave

To Take Everything that’s Mine

Hadn’t I, Done All I Needed to Here

I Can’t, Get Detached from My Human Longing, Wishes & Wants

And Even if, I Was, Casted Heavenward

I’d Still Burned on

This World of Love

Everything that’s, Wonderful

Worth One More Shot

One More Go-Around

And so here we are, bargaining with G-O-D, for just that one more last day that we longed to get in our lives, because we still feared, what’s to come, after death.