Two Movie Tickets…

There was, that movie we both wanted to go see, and, I took the liberty, to pre-order the tickets, and yet, I’d, never gone, to see it, with you!

Two movie tickets, they’d, become, yellowed through time, and, they’re, still there, inside that original envelope that they’d come in when I first bought them.

查看來源圖片like, these???  Image found online…

Two movie tickets, we’d, never gotten the opportunities, to go see that “must-see” movie for us both, remember how excited we once were, when it’d, finally come out, we’d, watched the previews on the T.V. commercials, and, saw the segments of it, as we’d, gone to see another movie, remember? And now, those two tickets became, a SORE sort of a reminder, of how easily, things, go to waste!

The two movie tickets, became metaphor of you, of me, it’d become, outdated, the movie had, gone off screen, having run for a couple of weeks, and, everybody who’d, wanted to see it, had already, seen it, save for the both of us…

Two movie tickets, that, was what our love was, reduced to, how odd, that something that was, once so precious, to you and I, can get reduced, to very, quickly, to something, that became, totally, outdated! Two movie tickets, that, is perhaps, what, our love, became: outdated, shown too many times that it’d, grown, old.

breaking up  的圖片結果the one, left behind…photo from online…

Two movie tickets, I still got ‘em here, saved, inside my wallet, don’t know why? Perhaps, to remind myself, to NEVER fall for someone like you again, who knows……………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Nostalgia Runs Long, Like a Flowing River

His father’s old clothes, as a reminder of the love of his parents, now that his parents are, gone, translated…

It was, a few months after my father-in-law passed away, while we were back home, my mother-in-law sorted through my father-in-law’s clothes, had her sons pick a few, as memorabilia. The rest of his siblings turned it down, said it wasn’t necessary, told my mother-in-law immediately, took back all the clothes for recycling, or donated the items to the needy. My mother-in-law wasn’t willing to, with her sorrowful eyes, looked toward my husband for console, my husband took the clothes from her, like holding something treasured, told her that they’re all very new, and that he shall, keep them to wear. My mother-in-law didn’t say another word, walked back into her bedroom, but, she seemed, to feel comforted by my husband’s actions.

查看來源圖片something this ordinary, with so much sentimental values attached, photo from online…

Actually, my husband was one size larger than my father-in-law, and, those clothes became, too short at the sleeves, the pant legs for him, he’d asked me, to pack all of it up, to bring them home with us, I’d guessed, it was, to help make my mother-in-law feel better!

In a blink of an eye, my mother-in-law had passed on for many years. And, my husband missed his parents more and more by the day, and, as he’d talked of my mother-in-law, he’d felt emotional, recalled all the fun things that happened between him and his mother when he was just a young child, a second ago, he was just, laughing out loud, then, the following, he was, turning his head, quietly, wiping his tears away; as he’d accompanied me to my parents, he’d always looked lost, told me, “I’m so envious of you, still have a mom.” Seeing how I was, helping my mom with something, he’d sighed, on how now he’d wanted to, fulfill his filial piety duties to his parents, he was, no longer able to.

At the start of the year, I’d taken my son to clean out the closets, my son asked where those old clothes came from, I’d mentioned it to him, he’d fallen, silent, I don’t know how much he’d understood about the loss that his dad experienced over losing his parents. On the especially colder days, I’d see my husband, take out my father-in-law’s jacket, and put it over his shirt, and I’d known, he was, missing his dad, putting his old clothes on, it was like, he was, in his father’s arms again; I’m sure, that my mother-in-law was more than thoughtful back then, knew my husband’s mind like a child’s, how he would, long for their love for him.

And so, this, is the kindness that’s, passed from one generation to the next, the husband took his father’s clothes from his mother, to ease her mind, and now, whenever he’d missed his parents, he’d, put on the clothes that was passed down to him from his own father, to reminisce how much love they loved him and he loved them too, and that, is the only thing he could, hold on to, because his parents are, both gone…

Time Flew by

The roots were still connected to the past, for now…translated…

My father followed the troops to Taiwan back in 1949, and didn’t return to visit China until 1994, that young man, full of flair, had already been tried by time, gotten turned into a white-haired, elderly man. And it’d been forty-five times, the star-crossed lovers had met up already, and, that “third youngest son” still, never came home.

The childhoods in the army retirement villages were very unique, with the elderly dads, and, the younger moms, it was normal that the men are fifteen to twenty years senior to their wives, and, each of the houses, lacking the grandparents, was considered, a norm. The families who were blessed were very similar, but, the families who had been tried, had an assortment of tales of sorrows—abandoning one’s own wife and young, bidding farewell to the parents, getting separated from the siblings, all of these, were the unspoken secrets of this elder generation who’d lived under this roof.

illustration from the papers online…圖/PPAN

My father who never shed his tears easily, had received a letter one day, and as he’d read on, his eyes turned red, and the tears came, drop by drop, he’d mumbled in a low voice, “mother! My mother!” that was when I’d known, that I had a paternal grandmother too, but my paternal grandfather was murdered during the Chinese Cultural Revolution long ago.

The photo, my paternal grandmother had a black drape over her head, with that look of desperation in her eyes, my father took the photo to the studios to blow it up, and hung it next to the image of Chiang Kai-Shek in our living room, and had a photo of all of us, sent it back home to Hunan, to tell his families in China, his children had started their own families. During those years past, the small stamps carried the endless nostalgic feelings of homesick, from the center of this island, flew to southwest China, and in every house, there was someone who’d hoped to get a letter written back, with each word written with blood and tear, and, the connection of blood couldn’t be separated by the oceans.

That year, my father took my younger sister and I to China, we’d stayed overnight in Hong Kong after the flight, then, stayed in Guangzhou for one evening, then, we took the overnight train to the countryside of Hunan. The scenes that passed us by, was quite different from what we saw here, the excitement from the very first overnight trip on a train soon wore off, my younger sister was sound asleep, but I’d become, annoyed and agitated, asked my father how long will it be until we arrived? My father smiled an unwilling smile, “Young lady, it’d only been one day, and you couldn’t sit still, your dad had waited forty long years………”, my father slept for over 16,000 days, before he was finally allowed to head home, and, he didn’t dare fall asleep now, fearing that it was, all a dream.

As my ninety-year-old grandmother, with the small bound up feet, stumbled toward dad, she was shorter than my chest level. That was when my dad called out, “My mother”, then, got down on his knees, bowed his head at her, and he couldn’t help but cried endlessly. Back then as he’d left home, his mother and newly wedded wife were looking forward to his homecoming, and as they’d waited and waited, they’d both, turned into old women, and the man who’d left home, no longer had the same accent, and his hair turned all white.

The women in the families wore the gold rings and earrings my father brought as gifts, then men received a watch each, and, there were the close relatives and friends who’d traveled the distances, to see dad and “the Taiwanese young child” every single day, my eldest cousin who’s from the same generation as I, already a grandfather, and, at the tender age of twenty-three, I’d received the “title” of a “great aunt”.

My second eldest cousin had made the chicken noodles with the clay pots for my younger sister and I to eat daily, and, the vegetable was the coriander, that was used for flavors here in Taiwan, the smoked meats, the smoked sausages, the smoked fish and smoked bean curd were so tasty we’d wanted to bring them back to Taiwan, the rice wine egg with three eggs in a bowl that my father missed his whole life, his eldest cousin’s wife brought to him every single morn, as for diabetes and high cholesterol, put them aside!

The road home gets closer and closer, my father became older and older, my grandmother is gone, soon, my eldest uncle too, will begone, and one day, my father is to pass on, and afterwards, I won’t find my way back home again………

With each and every member of the previous generations dying off, you won’t have any connections to your past, because that is how it goes, and, that makes you sad, because, after your father’s generation, you’d become, totally, disconnected with your roots, but, at least, you had, followed him back to China to get to know the family members he’d, left behind………

I Know You’re Quite Uncertain, But That’s Okay, a Poem

The only thing that’s certain here is, EVERYTHING G-O-E-S, away!!! Translated…

The Light’s Sure of the Fuses

The Fires, Certainly Hot

The Wind’s Certain of Hugs

The Flowers, Destined, to Wither

Loss

Certain of the Time

You

Certain of Me

So, this, is the certains of that inevitable goodbye, no matter how close the two of you are right now, everything will eventually, END, just like how the flowers will eventually, wither away, how the fires are certainly always and forever going to be, H-O-T, because everything WILL eventually, come to that E-N-D, as it’s all, supposed to.

 

 

 

 

Break-Up: a Blessing

At the end of love’s line, when love just, faded to gray, and it’s still, nobody’s fault, translated…

We’d chosen to break up suddenly, because we’d not wanted to drag this love of ours, into the brand new year, when love became like the ribs of chicken, rather than the two of us, guarding our separate loneliness, why not start to, embrace the freedoms of one. I’d started dating my ex since college, we’d gone through the storms of our youths together, this was the reason for why we couldn’t sever the love on the surfaces, but what was really keeping us hanging on to the love, was how much youth we’d, both invested.

I knew that he didn’t cheat, but as he’d spent more time on his cell phone games than with me, no longer was he willing to, look at me anymore, I’d come to understand, that he’d no longer felt passionate about this love we once had. What’s odd was, that I’d not felt too sad either. Could it be because I got so stressed out on the job, that I simply, couldn’t have the mind to bother with it, or the pressures from reality had caused me, to redefine what happiness is to myself? Or, maybe, it’s something crueler, these past years I’d grown up and been tried, it’d helped me bid farewell to the girl who thought love was all that mattered to her.

Only as I’d stared at my reflection in the mirrors, seeing my fading youth, would that thought of stubbornness persist, the magic mirror surely has a way, of making people look. I’d gone past age thirty now, and now, I’d, worked up the courage to break up, not just for the sake of letting go, but also, my way of bidding farewell to my youth, hoped, that I can, really march toward my fortieth, and have no more doubts on life itself.

And so, this man saw breaking up as a lesson of his own life, he’d needed to break up with someone whom he’d dated since college, and, that’s what usually happens, the two of you were together in college, and, as you both started working after college, you’d matured, into separate human beings, and finally realized, how far apart your values were from the very start, and thus, the two of you decided to, break up…

Forgotten, in Three

How goodbye, gets, “finalized”, bit by bit, and eventually, you will, let go! Translated…

1. 

Like a Fallen Teardrop

Wandering Between the Distance of Longings

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo found online…

2.

Being Used to the Pains

Counting Down the Moments I’d Missed You on the Path Toward Goodbye

3. 

All that’s Left, is the Shadows of Your Nonexistence

Pretending to be Loud

or this???查看來源圖片photo also found online…

And so, despite how much you don’t want it to end, it still had, because, it just, wasn’t mean to be, and now, you just, have to wait for your hearts to know that too, so you can, move on, with the rest of your lives…

Love is, Deleting What isn’t Loved, a Poem

Falling out of love slowly, and in the end, there’s, NO tears to be shed, because, everything was, said, and done, translated…

There are, the Dry and the Humid Days

The Leaves Carried the Scents of Birth and Wither Away

the Wind Knows it Best

The Sand that, Sifted Through the Season of Summer

The Eulogies of Snow from the Winters

The Details of My Senses

Love is, Deleting What isn’t Loved

The Sun Passed Through Quietly

the Hairlines of the Mountains, in Between the Fields

The Birds that Sung Their Songs, the Flowers Bloomed, the Twisting and Turning in Love of the Streams and Creeks

There’s the Colder and Hotter, more Passionate Kisses

The Morning Fog Tastes Sweeter than the Light at Sunset

You’d, Stroked the Chords of the Fields of Grains

Harvested Through My Richness

Choosing to be the Rains that Fall Instead of the Umbrellas

Becoming the Holes, and Not the Keys

I’d Turned, as You Would be

the Eyes of Time

Moving Those Days of Our love

that Separated the Dry and the Wet of Memories

And so there’s, this scent of finding that closure that one needed, from a lost love of sorts, they’d weathered through the various seasons, and, got along very well, but, eventually, it still, didn’t, quite work out, and so, the narrator, let the lost love of her/his life go gently…