The Princess Syndrome that Has No Cure, on Filial Relations

Being loved, cherished, and well taken care of by her beloved husband, that, is what all of us, women want to have in our separate marriages, translated…

“My mom has a weird illness, I don’t know what to do.”, I’d heard my son talking to his classmates, I was, very, shocked.  “She is, seriously ill, to the point, of not having any cures.”, my son got more and more worked up.  In his classmates’ pressing him for more, he’d stated, “My mother is diagnosed with a serious case of princess syndrome”, I’d chuckled hard, and caused the coffee I was sipping all come out of my mouth.

At age thirty-five, I’d done what my husband asked of me, being pregnant, I’d, given up on my rising career, waved goodbye to the workforce.  Several months later, as an elderly pregnant woman, after three days and three nights of being in labor, because the pain was so unbearable, heaven only knows how many hospital staff members I’d, alerted; my husband was there, right beside me, helping me, there were, multiple scratch marks on his arms too, and, as I’d finally, “unloaded” this heavy “burden” inside of my belly, I’d already, become totally, wiped out, to unconscious.  And, what happened during my delivery, became the most-talked-about-news of that hospital!

man and wife 的圖片結果like this maybe???  Not my photo…

After a week’s worth of hospitalization, my husband filed the paperwork for my discharge, and, drove me back to our apartment.  Without any warnings, he’d, lifted me up in his arms, in one breath, climbed up five flights of stairs, lifted me to our bed.  As I was placed on the bed to rest, I saw how hard my husband was hyperventilating, how his face was turning all red, I’d felt sorry for him.  And, even now, that scene still, stayed in my mind, like it’d, happened, yesterday.

My husband wasn’t the least bit romantic, nor would he say the words so sweet.  But, being thoughtful, whenever I’d, sneezed, he’d immediately, taken me to the doctors.  Every time I’d had a scratch on me, he’d applied the healing ointments on my skin, it’d given me that warmth I’d lacked growing up, without my parents.

In our sixties, we have totally different personalities, one of us very active, the other, very quiet.  In the over twenty years we’d married, it’s like, we’d danced our tango, in the dancefloor called life, danced to our own tempos.

My husband’s carefully looking after me, had all be observed by my son.  He’d once told me playfully, “Mom, dad’s responsible for your princess syndrome”, my good friend once inquired, “Do you regret giving up on your studies and career, and just stayed at home as a full-time housewife and mom?”, I’d thought hard for a bit, just like that saying of “you can’t have it both ways”, in this ordinary family of mine, it surely, is a blessing, that I had, “contracted” the princess syndrome.

someone to grow old with…not my photo.

So, this woman was, truly, very cherished by her husband, he’d taken good care of her, and, gave her all that she’d needed from him, looked after her like she was a daughter to him, and, the woman felt spoiled, and blissful, that her husband had treated her so wonderfully, making up for her not having a father growing up.

Once, Inside a Reflection, a Poem

a painting of Narcissus from online…

On falling in love, and the timing was, WRONG!!! Translated…

I Once Saw You in a Reflection

The Skies Then Were, Bluer, than Blue

The Flowers, More Aromatic than Ever Before

And, You Appeared, So Breathtaking

For My Sake

And Those Sorrowful Tunes, Became Like the Funeral’s March

The Marches Became, Like the Whitened Towns

With Each Sunset, Imprinting Those

Elongated Shadows, into the Rivers

You’d, Stepped in the Innocence of Unknown

And I, Was Merely, Passing by, as the Sun Sets, a Careless

Piece of the Puzzle, and Just so Happened

I Caught a Gaze of Your Fiery-Red Hair

Back then, Life Was Multi-Dimensional

And Life Became, Geometric Shapes

Made by the Strokes of Picasso

They’re, All Blue

Not Collecting the Bitterness

Without Any Laws

Just, Taking Over the Heart, that Multi-Colored Arch

Poured the Birds, All Over the Skies

Not Knowing What Sorrow is

Or what Happiness Entailed

Those Heavy Days, the Sorrows

Were All, Separated, by a Thin Film

Why Had I, Seen You

In a, Reflection

The Spring Learned to Be Lonely

The Clouds of Worries, Rose Up to Your Brows

Time Became a Heavy Chain

And Since, I’d, Learned to Look Out

From the Vents

Why is it, that I’d

Met You Inside

A Reflection

So, there’s, that sense of regret, perhaps??? Because, had the narrator not met this other person the way that s/he had, then, maybe, there’s, a chance, for love to keep going, but, because, the narrator had met that person in a reflection, that, is why, the relationship was, doomed, because, unless you want to DROWN like Narcissus, you should KNOW better, than, to fall in love, with a reflection, because it’s NOT real!!!

I Just Want One Red Bean Pastry

How this love came to be ours…finding each other here, translated…

My son lifted up his head and asked, “Mommy, how did you and dad meet?”, I’m not afraid that this generation of children don’t know what “internet” is, but that they’re, making friends online, and, it’s, not quite easy, to explain this to a ten-year-old.

I sat, in front of the BBS’s black screen, keyed out my very first friend-making letter, the title being, “Seeking a Big Bear”. I’d counted over a dozen replies <RE: Seeking a Big Bear>, all of these “big bears” that replied, what sort of a girl are they, hoping for? Out of my expectations, Big Bear #1 was an older high schoolmate, because of my harmonica playing skills, I’d, sparked his interests; Big Bear #2 was in the physics department in N.T.U., he’d explained the theory of relativity to me in Da-An Forest Park; Big Bear #3, was in the National Developments major of N.T.U., he’d discussed the party politics, and pried on my political tendencies, at the same time, dating all of these men had, made me gain that bitter taste of love.

sharing desserts with her boyfriend…photo from online…

As the writing frenzies lost heat, a little over ten days later, another letter with the subject: “Found Your Bear Yet?”, from P, we’d became penpals for a year, and, decided, that after taking turns, writing out ninety-nine letters to each other, we shall then, meet up.

Being penpals online, saved the waiting period for the mails, we can always share what we’re experiencing in the moments, the ordinariness of life, the books we’d read………sadness, happiness, doubts, unsettlements, we’d told one another, without any reserves, like I’m, talking, to another me. In no more than three months’ time, P wrote that he’d slowly, fallen for me, and I was stuck, in the messiness of my relationship with Mr. Bear #3; P helped me along, this stumbling love, until I’d gone to Mongolia for fifteen days, with the ashes of all of my previous passing love into the desert in Tengri.

“You’ve Got Mail”, with Tom Hanks, and Meg Ryan from back in 1999, had come to life in 2000, with me, playing Meg Ryan’s role. I’d waited anxiously for the blinking notices of new mail on my BBS. On the date we’d made when we started, we’d met up at MRT Guting Station’s fourth exit, and since then, we’d fallen, into love’s “net”.

Every Tuesday, P would come up north, to wait for me to get out of class, the icy cold winds had, made our love feel even warmer, he’d placed my hand inside his pockets, with the freshly baked red bean pastries in it.

Afterwards, we’d always walk together to Longchaun Street, bought a red bean pastry together. I’d told the lady, “I’m sorry, I only want one!”, the woman didn’t press me to buy more, said, “that’s fine, it’ll, last longer!”, and that, was the very first time, I’d heard, that longer-lasting being used to describe the relationship of vendor and customers, it was, very heartwarming. Don’t know if, the love I shared with P had turned into, this long-lasting stream, because of our words of exchange? If you can, spend the rest of your lives, with someone whom you can talk about anything with, after the passions subsided, the love is still based on the firm and stable foundation of friendship, that, is what I believed.

On this night, the moon glowed softly, the four of us strolled along the streets of Xinyi District, as my son’s questions just settled, I’d gazed over to my husband, and, without a thought, he’d replied, “Your mom and I were, penpals!”, and, the sidewalk that’s paved with the broken specks of glass, twinkled on, celebrating this love we’d, come to share!

here’s the red bean pastry that this woman was talking about…photo from online…

So, this, is how you and your husband met, you’d established that connection online, talked about things, and, that would be, a strong basis for your marriage, because the two of you started interacting as friends, and, in order for love to last, you must, establish that sense of connection, before any sort of intimacy can take place, and that, is what had happened here!

Poetry that Flowed Through Here, a Poem

The love for someone, how it’d hurt, when s/he isn’t around, translated…

I’d Heard the Stories the Woman Cried Out

Like How the Wind Entered into the Bamboo Forests, Cutting Through the Leaves

how much I wanted to be with you…NOT my art…

Seeking Out Those Burning Ears Everywhere

In the Winters Where the Tears Froze Up

She Cried Over the Desperations Wars Brought

On the Plains Where the Orioles Called

She’d Cried about How Lost the Spring Was

The Sun Shone on the Woman

Like the Ivy Vines in the Midst of the Reeds

Breathing at the Same Rate as the Seasons

thinking of someone she loves, not my photograph…

Passing Through that Rolling Hill

Caring Over that Vine that Hung Over the Cliffs

Passing Through that Wooden Bridge

Sorrows Became a Reed in the Flowing Streams

Not Seeing You for One Day, Felt Like Three Months

Not Seeing You for One Day, We’d Been Separated by Three Autumns

Not Seeing You for One Day, Seemed as Long as Three Whole Years

You Asked Where I Lived

The Wind Was Pacing to and fro on the Citadel

People Were Picking the Grasses, and the Weeds too

In This Place Where Love Was Given, and Received

The Young Grass Caressed that Skin-Soft Ground

My Lover and I Met Up

And We’d, Said Goodbye Too

You’d Inquired Me of My Return Date

The Soldiers are No Longer Gathering Up, Trying to Murder One Another Now

The Silks aren’t Torn to Pieces Either

like this, footage from Miyazaki’s “My Neighbor Totoro”, found online…

Some People Were Picking the Leaves to Feed to the Silkworms, some Washing Up the Clothes

The Stars Trading Shifts with the Dawn’s Light

My Lover, When It Turn Dark, Do Sleep with Me

Do Think of Me as Light Comes

So, this, is how much you want the other person to keep you inside her/his mind, because that way, you’d feel that you mattered to her/him, and it’s normal, that people who just fell in love feel this way, but, this sort of a “If I don’t see you I don’t feel secure” kind of love won’t last! You’d need something more stable and steadier.

 

 

 

 

Do Remember to Come Home Often, on Filial Relations

Getting ready, to see his own baby girl off to marry, translated…

Still remembered the very first time I was riding in the car with my father, as I was leaving my hometown for my higher education, he’d told me, “If you miss home, you can come back any time.” Back then, I’d, nodded hard, but, I’d become, like a wild mustang without my harness now, fallen in, to the colorful world in the cities, plus, I’d had multiple disagreements with my parents, and had many confrontations with them, I’d, reduced the number of times I’d gone home to visit.

It’d been over a decade since I’d left my hometown to go away for school, and to start working, every time my father drove me out, the last thing he’d always told me was, “Do remember to come home more.” Normally, I’d only interpreted it as my dad, missing his daughter, but today, as I’d heard him told me, it’d felt, heart aching, I’d held back my tears, watched him drove off into the distance, disappearing, and the conversation we had just ten minutes ago, resonated in my ears, and, my tears flooded out of me.

saying goodbye to his daughter who was about to get married…photo from online…

“Dad, I want to tell you something………”, sitting in the back, I glared at the back of my father’s head, I took a long inhale, told myself: just let it loose!

My father’s left hand was tightened on the steering wheel, he’d reached out his right, to reduce the volume of the radio, to barely audible to me, he’d tuned in to me, waited, for me, to start.

“My boyfriend and his mother wanted to come and ask you for my hand, what do you think?”, I’d squeezed these words out, uneasily.

My father fell silent for a couple of seconds, the air froze, and that barely audible volume of the radio, all of a sudden, got so loud it’d, filled up the entire car, until he’d opened up, said to me, “Okay, the end of this year then.”

We’d continued chatting about the details of the wedding plans, but, not long thereafter, we’d both, gotten lost, in deep thought, until we’d reached where I was going. I stood behind me, about to watch him leave, he’d stopped abruptly, without turning his head back toward me, said in a low voice, “Do remember to come home often, there will always be a room, saved back home, for you guys.”

記得第一次坐父親的車,離開家鄉念大學時,他對我說:「妳要是想家,就常回家。」當時...back when she was a young child…picture from the papers…

This time, the “do remember to come home more”, was filled with nostalgia, with a little unwillingness added on. Because I wasn’t about to leave home to go to school, nor going away for work, but to leave my own, family of origin, no longer am I, just my father’s cherished daughter, I am also, becoming someone else’s wife, and daughter-in-law too.

So from this, you can see the love of the father for his own daughter, now that she’s all grown up, about to get married, surely, the man felt sad, seeing his baby girl off, as would be, the sentiments of ALL fathers out there, I’m thinking………

A Love, Built to Last

A love, built to last, this, isn’t it! Our love wasn’t built to last, we didn’t set up that strong foundation, and now, it’d become, lopsided, about to, fall to pieces…

A love, built to last, I’d, wanted that, more than anything in the world, and yet, no matter how hard I’d tried, love just, won’t last, and after being bruised one time too many, I’m beginning to think, that maybe, just maybe, I don’t, deserve a good love!

the only thing that lasts would be that diamond, if it’s, real!!!  Not my photograph…

A love, built to last, there’s, NO such thing, it’s the people that are involved in the love, deciding, with their actions, that whether or not love DOES or doesn’t last, and, based off of my experiences, and years of observations, of ALL those god DAMN marriages out there, none of this WAS, meant to, last!

A love, built to last, how, can I find one? Will I get that, in you? And, how can I be absolutely positive, that you won’t, CHEAT on me, huh? I don’t trust you, I can’t, because, my own mother trusted in my father, and look where that’s gotten her…………

A love, built to last, if there’s, only, such a thing, but, there isn’t, because in this war, love will eventually, get shot and, it will, bleed out, be left, on this battlefield, to die, all, alone, on its own.

A love is NOT built to last, not forever, but, ‘til D-E-A-T-H………

Your Love Turned My World Upside Down

Your love turned my world upside down, and, I kinda like it, ‘cuz, I’d never experienced, this sort, of extreme before, but, regardless, this world that’s upside down, was only, fun for a short while!

Your love turned my world upside down, it’d made me experience something I’d never felt before, that sense of safety, that sense, of being protected, of belonging, to someone, that I was, longing for, but it was, DEAD wrong, I just, didn’t, know it, just yet…

love turning me upside down 的圖片結果crazy things people do because of love, NOT my photograph…

Your love turned my world upside down, as I was, riding on this rollercoaster called love, as the cars sped up toward the skies, I’d felt, that rush, that high, from the excessive adrenaline that I’d had, and yet, after the adrenaline rush, I was left, with this, low, that took me, DOWN to hell.

And soon enough, I’d realized, that I don’t want this love that felt so exciting, that I would much, rather, have a steady and stable kind of love, but, too late, because, I was, slowly, getting, IN too deep, in your that web of deception you’d weaved, and, step, by step, I’d, walked, deeper, into those lies you’d, made up, to capture me, and, surely enough, I’d become, DEVOURED, by the black widow of your ways of doing things, and I had, D-I-E-D!!!

not my picture…

Your love turned my world upside down, and yeah, maybe, there’s that feel of extreme wellbeing at the start, but eventually, after the rush wears itself off, the lows would start to, set in, and then, what, would I have left? Nothing, and so, I’m done, longing, for the highs of your love, I’d much rather, live my day to day, like the FLAT line of the heart monitor, because, at least, it’s, steady, AND stable………