Chasing Down Regrets, a Poem

The understandings that came a bit late, translated…

Many Years Later

They Finally Come to the Understanding

That The Island Snowing

The People Going Crazy Over the Snows

The Day the Snow Covered Up the Lands

Was the Very First Day

of The End

If only you know what you didn’t know then, that, is regret, and, no matter how hard you’d recalled, how hard you’d longed, for those moments of mistakes in the past made by you back again, you can’t, have your lives, to do over again, and, if you keep on looking back, you’ll end up, missing out on the rest of your lives, but hey, what can you do?  You were the ones, who’d made that very first, initial WRONG step, and every single step afterwards, was to make up for that very FIRST mistake you’d ever made.

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A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

The Interlude of Love in Our Fourth Year of Middle School

The young and in love, of course, these are, only passages in our lives, they’re not, meant to last, are they???  Nope!  Translated…

Perhaps, This Would be, the Very Last Ten-Minutes We Ever Get to Walk Together………

The Beginning of an Unknown World

This place, “the fourth year of middle school”, it’s definitely, a unique experience for the youths who were involved in it during that era of time.  Regularly, it was after we’d all graduated from middle school, but we’d continued, wearing those uniforms every single day, and pretended to go to school daily, it’s just, that the location where classes held was no longer on campus, but in this 50-centimeter space that’s tightly cramped.  But for me and Jack, it was, the start of our trip away from home, getting to know a foreign world, we’d both believed back then, that this was only, a year-long temporary thing in Taipei, which helped us to become, more adventurous in life as we got older.

young and in love, not my photograph…

That year, we both had our separate failed ventures in love.  We fell for two sisters from Shijr, I think they were, cousins.  Although we’d felt attracted to them, but, based off of the conditions back then, we couldn’t do anything about the attractive feelings, and so, after our cram school sessions, we’d accompanied them on the ten-minute walk from the classes to the train stations in Songshan, during those short ten-minutes we’d come to share, it’d become, the happiest time we’d ever had in our fourth year of middle school.

Jack loved the older girl, but, their differences in height was too enormous, the girl was 5’8, while Jack was only 5’5, every time I’d walked behind them, it was, like watching the temple deities making their parades, but, because they’d bickered a lot, it’d, added to those harder days of our youth, and for the year, we’d both followed behind them, watched how things played out with them, sometimes, we’d laughed until our stomachs hurt, and sometimes, we’d caught each other’s gazes, and, seemed, to have a lot to say to one another, but, we’d, suppressed the urges to talk, and just, walked on quietly.

Don’t Forget How You Feel at This Precise Moment in Time

The final day of our fourth year in middle school, the four of us maintained our usual formation, walked toward the Songshan Train Station.  But we all knew, that perhaps, this would be, the very last time, we walked together for the ten-minutes, and, the tall and short who’d fooled around and horse-played both, settled down.  The very first time, Jack and I bought the tickets, and followed the sisters into the station to wait.  As the train came in, I knew, that if I don’t say something, then, it would be, too late, but I’d not spoken a single word.  Before she got on, the younger cousin turned her head around, said to me, “Goodbye”, god DAMN it, I still didn’t have enough courage to say anything, I’d just, nodded my head toward her.

teenagers in love 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo…

Before the train started, I’d quickly taken out the sketch I’d made secretly in class of the younger cousin’s side profile, and handed it to her who found a window seat, that was the very first time, that she’d stared me in the eyes, and, flashed that enchanting smile at me.  The train moved, and the older girl tilted her head out the window, and called out “Jack!”, Jack attempted to run to keep up, but the train already, sped out of the station, I saw Jack’s panting backside, and there seemed, to be tears, mixed in his sweats, this was, probably, the very first time I ever saw Jack cry.

Before we left Taipei, we did something together, celebrated our birthdays together.  We were both, Taureans, born in the month of May, eight days apart, we’d bought ourselves a small cake, with one candle on it, we sat at the bus depot at the back of the train station and made a wish together.

“Although we’re dirt poor right now, but, we’d, shared some great times together, we will, NEVER forget how we both feel at this  precise moment.”

“I hope we will sit in different countries, and celebrate our birthdays together.”

so young, these kids, and yet, the love they’d found, are the purest…not my picture still…

“Are we going to be sitting, in the different bus stations of the different countries?”

“Ha, that sounds very cool too!”

“We must work hard, to make names of ourselves, work hard, and we will, succeed!”

So, these are the days of our youths, we’d found that first taste of love, but, because at the end, we’d needed to grow up and part ways, but, the memories of our shared moments will always stay alive in each of us, like it was, yesterday!

On What it Took, to Write Creatively…

Days and weeks and years and months and burning wheels and those moments when it all gets too much and there’s nothing to be done but drown my sorrows but then as one word follows the next I’m back once again and in control of all things. Yeah I’m a bum and yeah I’m […]

via Your Theme — S. K. Nicholas

On What it Took, to Write Creatively…

Days and weeks and years and months and burning wheels and those moments when it all gets too much and there’s nothing to be done but drown my sorrows but then as one word follows the next I’m back once again and in control of all things. Yeah I’m a bum and yeah I’m […]

via Your Theme — S. K. Nicholas

The Way Her Daughter-in-Law Kept the House Tidy

Between a mother and a daughter-in-law, translated…

As I was having afternoon tea with my friend, her cell phone started ringing, it was her in-law.

I’d heard her in-law said, “I just went to your place, my daughter gave me a lot of yams, fruits and vegetables, I’d asked if she needed to ask you first, she’d told me, that the kitchen was her territory, but I’d still felt I needed to tell you about it”.  My friend laughed loudly, said, “That’s right, as things entered into the kitchens, it’s all her territory, the relatives sent a ton of produces, and, I’d, given a lot away, so everybody can have some.”

I was so envious that my friend has a wonderful daughter-in-law, and great in-laws.  But my friend told me, “that’s because I’m a wonderful mother-in-law!”

She’d stopped for a bit, and told me she’d learned a lot from her daughter-in-law.  Her daughter-in-law is a full-time mom, originally, she’d become, very annoyed by the small things her daughter-in-law buys, but after a while, she’d realized, that her daughter-in-law has a way with things.

Her daughter-in-law bought a lot of storage bins, tidied the kitchen, the drawers, as well as the closets very neatly, it’d cost a bit more from the beginning, but, the storage units can be reused repeatedly, not a waste at all.  Especially how her daughter-in-law kept everything tidy inside the fridge, it’d, awed her, the meats and fishes in the freezer were separated neatly, and it’s easy to retrieve too.

Once after she went grocery shopping, she’d returned home, and copied her daughter-in-law’s methods of putting things up, but the next day, she’d found that the fish was, flattened out.  As her daughter-in-law saw, she’d taught her, that she needed to separate them into portions, place them flat, and when the fish gets frozen, then, stand them back up, then, that would, save up on the spaces needed.

like this, inside the fridge…photo from online…

Her grandson’s clothes, toys, her daughter-in-law had, bought online or rented, and even traded the items with her friends and relatives, not spending much money, but, with the varieties of items.

In the heat of the summers, after the family went to work, her daughter-in-law would take her grandson to the libraries or children’s center, to have some free air-conditioning, and exchange tips on childrearing with other parents too, and, it’d helped get her grandson into the habits of reading books, and, he could have other kids to play with too.

On the weekdays, her daughter-in-law ruled the household, but, as a wonderful mother-in-law, she’d naturally given her daughter-in-law the weekend off, and so, she’d cooked on the weekends, and from time to time, the whole family would head out to eat, everybody is happy.

My friend said with a heavy tone of voice, it’s hard, for the younger generations to buy a house, and, as the mothers-in-law lived with the daughters-in-law, they’d needed to, develop a method, to get along, the elders must not use their age to bully, and the younger generations’ newer beliefs may be better than ours, just like how it is with her daughter-in-law.

in the kitchens, very “crowded”, but doesn’t look too messy at all, does it???photo from online…

Seeing how satisfy my friend is, she surely, is wise.

So, the key to getting along well with the in-laws is boundaries, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law kept their boundaries, not crossing each other, not pushing each other, that was how they’re able to, get along so well, and, in children, the elders should just STEP aside and let the children raise their own young, after all, you already raised YOUR own young already…

Finding the Self, Through the Lost Love

You were the bones and I was the flesh, our homes were like war zones I guess, that’s where we learned to be so inauthentic, lost my identity so I had to re- invent it. You told me they created a soldier with no feeling, that’s what you attested to being. When I was with […]

via Soulmates Freestyle — thoughtslikecages