My Eldest Child

He was born, with that rebelliousness about him, and the parents were patient enough, and waited him out, and finally, this young man became settled, after he’d, tested his own limits, translated…

This was the first time that someone made a complaint!

The elderly neighbor said that my son kicked her grandson, ever since, I was very careful, feared, that I might get “pulled over” by another neighbor when I left my house.

In his first-grade year, the teacher called, my son had, “threatened” someone, told a classmate, that he will NOT see the sunrise tomorrow! And so, as you can imagine, making apologies on my son’s behalf became, normal.

What karma did I have, to have this naughty child as a son? As I was pregnant with him, so many things weren’t right, I’d had to take leaves of absence to stay at home; as I had him, I’d pushed so very hard, and he had, refused to come out, and so, the gynecologist “clamped” him out. Whoa, the long and large face and head, looking so odd, well, that’s my son.

A total killer my son had been, after I had him, I was so weakened I’d gone to see him in the nursery on a wheelchair, and yet, the doctor did the neonatal checks, said that there were noises in his heart, that his head was too big, that they’d suspected that his brain was swollen, skin troubles, and his lips don’t look right when he started crying…………holy! This was only my firstborn, you can torture me all you want to, but, do give my baby a break! My husband, I, and the nanny, took him to the major hospitals many times, and as we waited, we’d become panicky and even, started crying, waiting for the test results, and thankfully, there’s never been anything major.

No big troubles, then, my love for him made its appearance. He hated feeding, and in twenty, thirty minutes’ time, he’d only managed to drink a couple of milliliters, and would start panting as he suckled, and I was so fearful, that he couldn’t catch his breath while I fed him, that he may, stop drinking for once, and for all.

Finally, he’s fed, let’s rest. I’d put him down, he didn’t feel like sleeping; lying down, he’d become, completely awakened; he’d cried as I held him in my arms, and, screamed as I carried him on my back too; rocked him, he hated it; cooed with him, he’d not cared for me; paced indoors with him in my arms, he’d cried, took him outside, cried even louder………how many centuries of war had passed, and finally, the universe quieted, I’d tiptoed in and put him down in his crib, we’d become balloons, with the air let out, as we were about to lay down to rest with half of our spirts, came “Wahhhhhhhhh!!!”, then, we’d, both bounced right back up again, not again! Son, do give your parents a break, we won’t do it again, we swear.

If there’s something worth something, it would be how smart he is, as he started learning to talk, we’d recited the poetry to him, and soon enough, he’d, recited it bac, and as grandma taught him the Japanese nursery rhymes, he’d picked it up quickly. But he’d refused to sit still and write and study, he would tilt his body this way and then, and, wrote the character that even GHOST would shriek to see. And other than an A in physical education in his elementary years, getting a ZERO in his other classes became normal for him. Was I, not teaching him enough? Was I not a good example for him? Heaven only knows, but, I am an excellent teacher in school too!

He’d told me once seriously, “Mom, I wasn’t born to study.” And, he’d used the money I gave him for tutoring in the fifth grade and spent it in the net cafés, after I sent him to private middle school, his performances was, less than lacking, the assignment books were filled with the grievances from the instructors: he’d forgotten this and that, didn’t commit something to memory, not worked hard enough during the cleaning period, late to class, argumentative with the instructors………and, in this chaotic learning process, he can be at the top of the class, dropping down, to the lowest scorers, how he does in class, entirely dependent on his moods, as his mother, one will be going crazy, if not becoming a fool.

And afterwards, he’d almost gotten into his first-choice school on his calculus grades, he’s scored almost perfectly in every subject, only that on the last final test of social studies, his besties turned in the tests early, and he followed their leads, and, ran off. Ever since, he’d started commuting to Taipei for high school, and, everything is far away, what can the teachers do to him, and thus, he’d, become lost, in the kingdom of the dragons.

And now, he’d grown, because he’d wasted his time from before, he now realized the importance of working hard, I’d often asked him what he did during those days he’d fooled around? He’d told me that I might get shocked to death if he’d told me, then, let’s look forward, he’d planned to put his career first, his relationships second, and live a colorful life for himself.

My eldest, thankfully, you’re only in your twenties, and not in your thirties or forties. Knowing that you’re lost, you’d, found your way back, your dad and I will always hold our arms open, giving you that warmth of our hugs, so you know, how much we truly, really, love you.

So, this, is the coming of age of a young man, he’d had his crazy times in the past, and now, he’d become settled, because he’d tried everything (short of drugs, sex, and some illegal stuff I’m thinking), point is, these parents allowed their son to do whatever he wanted to, because they knew, that by telling him no, it would only drive him farther away, and so, they’d just, waited, for him, to settle himself back down, and to come back, from those wilder days of his younger years.


A Nosy Paramedic

Reasons why these nurses butted in are still NOT just because it’s their professional courtesy, but because they genuinely cared about the wellbeing of their patients! Translated…

“You know why I was willing to get the shots?” my thirty-year old patient with hypertension, diabetes, and sleep apnea, with a suspected cell melanoma asked me. “??”

“As I was admitted, didn’t the hospital tried to get me to get a shot and I’d refused?” “Yeah!”

making teh rouands, checking on the patient…photo form online still

“That day, I’d gone to the basement of the hospital, and bumped into the doctor in the metabolism health department.” “Dr. Jiang.”

“Yeah, that’s her, she’d called me to a halt, took me to her room.” “??”, I was very shocked.

She’d asked me, “Are you a V.I.P.?”, and I’d replied, “of course not.” She’d asked me again, “Are you more of a V.I.P. than the former president Lee?” “Of course not!” “Even as the former president had his insulin shots for years on end, what techniques are you using, without the shots, to keep your glucose under control?” I’d, stuttered, and thought about what she’d said, and it was reasonable, and, as I returned to the ward, I’d told you, that I was willing to get the insulin shots.

Nosy, was one of the most favorite characteristic I have for the medical professions, they’re working as they are working, NOT for the money, but for the sake of helping others, like the elderly hospital manager of Chih-Hong Hospital stated, “Money is only a complication in the realm of medicine.”

That also explained why Dr. Jiang had offered me the extra services as I gone to see him, had the professors to come to look at me, asked the radiology department to check me……a little more here, a little more there, making me feel, that we’d done all we possibly can, not for the sake of making more money, but for the sake of making the patients feel, that the doctors had done all they possibly can, to help us.

The cardiologist, Dr. Liu was also like that, I have a patient who was suspected of having lung embolisms who’d asked him to do an ultrasound of the heart, most of the doctors had just done the ultrasound, then, typed up the reports, but he’d read the man’s entire medical history records, and checked with me, “you know, the patient told me that she flew business from the U.S. back, not economy class.” He’d even reviewed over ALL of her past scans, and gotten to know her condition like the back of his own hands.

All the nursing staff I’d met, are also just like that too.

As I saw a patient’s chest x-ray had a huge white are, I’d enjoyed asking the nurses, “What do you think this is?”

And the primary nurse would tell me what she thought. When the phlegm was pink and with foams, it looked like lung emphysema; if it’s bright red, then, it’s a hemorrhage in the lungs; if it’s yellow, then, it would be an infection from pneumonia. Sometimes, with the senior nursing staff members like Mei-Huei and Hsin-Ran, they’d told me, that the lungs were probably infected with bacteria, because she’d smelled the special scent that the bacterial gave off.

with the dedications and hard work of people like these, that is what makes our recoveries possible…photo from online…

The nurse from the Guo-Yuan Nursing School found slight things that we shrugged off as a patient was walking, and helped make the correct diagnosis. Huei-Jen in ward 9A told me of a unique way that the patient interacted with the family, which helped us arranged an individualized method of treatment.

Nosy, that, is the characteristics I’d loved about the nurses. Nurse Peggy in 6B, as the patient didn’t come back, she’d phoned the station to ask where the patient went; Shu-Pen was only passing through the roads of Yangming Mountain, and she’d stopped, to perform CPR on a car accident victim; the nurse from MICU, Jia-Yi at the MRT Yuanshan Station, rushed out of the trains, and performed CPR on a visitor who’d passed out………there are, an assortment of stories of compassion, told how the blood of nursing flows through the women I worked with.

Wei-Ting, as a clinical pharmacist, at the start of when everything getting written online, she’d actively asked for the patient’s national health insurance card, and solved the mystery of his kidney failure (the patient denied having been put on any medication, but his medical records showed different).

Medicine, is a special profession, it’s not the normal 9 to 5, but based off of the interpersonal interactions, connections we’d established with one another. The nosiness of the nursing staff, sometimes it’s annoying, but you need to know, that what it showed, is that unspoken, “I care about you”

The medics may not be capable of expressing their cares and concerns toward the patients verbally, but so long as they still cared, this huge system of healthcare won’t collapse.

So, this showed, that although the nurses’ behaviors may be construed as nosy, or butting into the patients’ lives, and sometimes even, invading the privacies, but, they do it out of their care and concerns toward their patients, and we should give them a break, and stop giving them a hard time, as they’re the people on the frontlines, saving lives here.

The Memories Attached to a Graduation Photo

Dreams, and goals, and achieving it all, finally!  Translated…

Pulling open my desk drawer, the volumes of photo albums were displayed, in order, I’d picked one up at random, and slowly, flipped through them, and one of the pictures inside had, awakened by forgotten memories.

My last year in high school was the year I felt most lost during my life.  Every time I’d, glared at the fellow students, who, for the sakes of getting into good universities, studying there day and night, I’d had, that mixed feeling inside of me.  Because as the eldest daughter, I’d had to, give up this fight, to help out with the household finances.

My father died as I was about to enter into my second year of high school because of work.  I’d told my mother I’d wanted to drop out of school, but she’d shaken her head, “You must finish your high school education, I’ll manage to get your tuitions paid.  We must have higher hopes, so we can, become someone worthy later on in life.”  That was when I’d made a vow to myself, I will NEVER let my mother’s a photo of a T.V. personnel who’d gone back to college to get her degree in her older years, photo from online…

I was able to, successfully, get my graduation certificate from a local high school, as I’d stepped out of the schools, I was lucky enough, to find a secretarial job at a firm.  In the professions, I’d, humbled myself and learned everything I could, familiarized myself with an assortment of practices in the firm, and continued studying for the tax laws, and that was how, I was able to, set up my own firm.  Although it wasn’t easy, starting on my own, but this twenty-year-old young woman, step, by step, finally, made a sky for herself.

And yet, the buried deep visions of my future, didn’t get washed away with the times.  Four years after I graduated out of high school, one day, I’d received a letter from Taichung, it was very heavy.  I’d cut it open, taken out what was inside, then, a thick photo slid to the floors.  I’d picked it up, it was my high school roommate, in her graduation gown with her boyfriend.

At that very moment, I’m so happy for her, for finding her Prince Charming, and graduating with a bachelor’s degree.  But suddenly, that scent of loss overcame me, and, there was that voice inside of myself, asking, “When will I get to live my dreams of going to college?”

The photo from my roommate roused up my dreams of going to college.  As my household economics became stabilized, I’d continued working in my own firm, and gone to school, although I’d burned on both ends, I’d felt, fulfilled on the inside.  Right before my graduation date, I’d met my husband through a matchmaking call, got married.  And after we wed, with his support of me, I’d finally, lived out my dreams of going to college, and earned my bachelor’s degree.

and this, is that piece of paper, proving that, you’d, “made it”…photo from online…

Looking at my photograph, with a pregnant belly, in my graduation cap and gown, with my son in my arms, smiling radiantly, leaning into my husband, the family of four looking so blessed, made me smile, as I’m about, to hit my sixtieth.

So, this is on chasing dreams, you’d given up your dreams from before, and, you’d found ways, to live out those dreams as you became financially capable, and that still just showed, it doesn’t take much, but determination and hard work, to make your own dreams come true.

Elephants in THIS Room…

Is this, due to the hallucinogen that I’d, “accidentally” INGESTED a short while ago???  I really can’t tell…

There are, elephants in this room, and, they’re, blocking everything up!  Can’t you see them?  There’s one, eating the plasters of the wall (and god DAMN it, I just, repainted that particular wall, JUST last week too!!!).

Elephants in THIS room, they’d become, totally, distracting, they’d, taxed out both our attentions, that we could no longer, focus on the most important thing here in our lives: our marriage, this family we’d, started…

and see how there’s not much room for ANYTHING else, after that elephant got SHOVED, into the room here??? EXACTLY!  Not my painting…

Elephants in THIS room, maybe, if I just, ignore them, they’ll just, go away (uh, yeah right!!!), but, they’re, so enormous, they’d become, this EYE-SORE, they don’t even go with MY home décor, so, how can I just, overlook them, huh???  Elephants in THIS room, maybe, I should just, round them all up (like in a rodeo???), and, take them outside into the yard, or maybe, I should call in ANIMAL control instead, they’ll know what to do!

Elephants in THIS room, they’re not temporary, oh no, they’re, here to stay, indefinitely, until YOU start to communicate with me, but, you’d, SHUT down completely, and, nothing I’m saying, is getting through to you.  It’s like, I’m just, SCREAMING, getting ANGRY AT the W-A-L-L here, god DAMN it, it’s so, frustrating……………

Elephants are no longer, in THIS room of mine, I’d, handed them the EVICTION notice, as I AM the LANDLADY, and I took back control over EVERYTHING in my GOD DAMN F***ED up life already!!!








Delusions, stemming from the natures of humans, translated…

Grandpa Chang at 178 passed away, he was almost a hundred years old, he was all alone, without anyone.  The home committee of Films Sixth Village had called on the justice of the military courts, and read aloud Grandpa Chang’s will in front of the offices.

His will mentioned how he was looked after by certain members of the community, so he’d selected something to give to that neighbor.  A family got his tea tray, a family got his tea set, and nobody felt anything extra about it, people took the items, out of respect for the elder.

like this sucker here???  photo from online…

Because Grandpa Chang rarely left his home, had no interactions with the neighbors, nobody really knew him, the year before he died, nobody recalled seeing him at all.  The neighborhood managers relied on the fish vendor, Hsiao to know how Grandpa Chang was doing.

And Hsiao received a weird “asset”, a Chinese painting scroll, he’d carried it in his hands majestically, didn’t unscroll it in front of anybody, everybody felt really weird too, because Hsiao wasn’t with that scent of artistry, so why would Grandpa Chang leave him with a Chinese painting?

The neighborhood manager’s last name was also Chang, a classmate of Hsiao when they were back in school, they’d been, buddies ever since, after work, they’d often gone out to drink together.  This day, Chang entered into Hsiao’s place, and started ranting, “What are you drawing?”, Hsiao pretended not to understand him, but, after all, they’d known one another, for half their lives, been buddies for forty years now, there’s, no fooling him.  “What the F***!  You want to play dumb?”, reason why Chang was the neighborhood representative, was because of how he carried himself, with this sort of a flare about him, he swore a lot, and can easily, disarm other people without them knowing it.  “How were you able to bribe the elderly man?”

the concept is: you put one thing in it, and it comes out in huge sums…photo from online…

Hsiao didn’t say a word, unscrolled the painting, and hung it on the nail that he’d hung his calendar on.  It was barely two meters, a small painting, and, it’d only, had strokes on just about one meter of the surfaces, mostly blank, with two large shrimps in black ink.

Chang was staring straight at it, he wasn’t looking at the shrimps, but at the signature of the artist, “White Stone”.

“Shit, this could be worth up to millions, isn’t it?”, Chang seemed to know his art.  Hsiao told him, “What’s more worthwhile is in providing the paintings on display, not in selling it.”  Chang used his eyes to hint and Hsiao, and Hsiao started working, with a simple plastic wash basin, filled it up with water halfway, Hsiao started, “You must use the water from the well, tap wouldn’t work.”  he’d placed the basin right underneath that scroll.

Chang was about to say something, Hsiao had silenced him, ten minutes later, “gallop!  Gallop!”, two live shrimps, fell into the basin.  Chang’s eyes were about to pop out of the sockets, watching that scroll, then, “Dump!  Thump!”, the pairs of shrimps came out, with a total of ten in sum.

“Finished!”, Hsiao removed the wash basin, rolled up the scroll, carried it to put it away, said, “Ten a day, no more than this.  Several years ago, I’d found suddenly, that in my yard, in that pot, there were shrimps that came from nowhere, the next day before sunrise, I’d taken a peek, it was, Grandpa Chang who’d, dumped the shrimps through the hole in the walls, sometimes, there would be ten, at others, eight, because they were very fresh, I was always able to sell them, and, I’d stuffed eighty percent of what I’d sold the shrimps off for into the hole in the walls, and Chang would took it.  I knew that something must’ve been going on, and naturally, he’d, given me this painting, and taught me how to use it.”

Chang was more calculating as usual, he’d thought very far, “If you can have a painting that produces shrimps all on its own, are there also, tin cans of teas?  Or the bowls, with the rice coming out of it?  Or the pots with the chicken soup bubbling out?  All of these treasures were, taken by the neighbors?  Ahh!  It’s a wonder, that Grandpa Chang never needed to go out of his house!”

This just shows, how small-minded the people are, and, this is a fable of sorts, with a point of the story hidden in the tale.  It’d shown how the human psyche worked, how we’re, all prone to, envy someone else’s good fortune, because we think, that the person never needed to work hard, and had it handed to her/him, but how do you know, that someone’s good fortune was, handed to her/him, that s/he’d never had to, work hard for them, huh?  This story showed the darker side of human nature…

Alligator Soup

This, is how this couple related to one another! Translated…

As the alligator soup was served at the banquet, everybody has nothing but good things to say about it, but she’d not taken a bite from the bowl. Because as she arrived, she saw that slaughtered alligator. Back then, she saw the legs, the muzzle getting tied up, its body couldn’t even move, only the eyes still rolled on. It kept looking all around, with that look of fear. She was wondering, how come this place has an alligator? Until the soups were, served. Had she not seen how panicky the alligator looked, she’d probably, savored the soup like everybody else was doing. But she did see, so, she’s not, moving her chopsticks.

Lost her appetite, she can only, go home early. As her husband saw her, he was displeased and inquired “What? Home early, so you can, check on me, is it?”, she’d told him about the alligator.

an alligator being killed to get made into soup, it’s quite cruel, really!  Photo from online…

“If you have suspicions, just say them aloud, don’t make up stories!”

Seeing how that look of distrust came from his gazes, she’d recalled why it was, she’d, arrived early, to the banquet today.

So, there surely, are problems, in this marriage, for starters, the man and the woman are annoying one another, probably on a daily basis, and now, the wife has the opportunity to get away for a short bit, and, she’d come back home early, because she saw something that upsets her, and that upset her husband, because he thought she was, checking up on him, and, in the process, the woman became that alligator that was, served at the banquet, in her state of mind!

and here’s, the finished product…photo from online…

Taking These Words Back

Thought I should, write something to you, and so, I’d, sat myself down in front of my desk, turned on the computer, started typing, and, after just a few short lines, I’d, backspaced over everything again.

Taking these words back, it sounded simple enough, doesn’t it, after all, nothing IS final, before you press that “send” button, isn’t it? Taking these words back, as they are not, what I’d, wanted, to say to you anymore!

not my picture…

Taking these words back, but, the thought had, already, freed itself from my mind, gained, a mind all its own, and now, it’s, running with scissors here. Taking these words back, I don’t know if I should, or if I can, as, these words I’d kept, I’d wanted, to speak them aloud to you, just never had the chance to yet, and now, finally, I have, my DAY in COURT.

Taking these words back, I won’t, as you can’t take back what you’d already said, just like you can’t, unthank a thought, once that thought forms from within you, it takes on, a life all its own, and all you can do, is to hope, that it doesn’t, cause too much, irreparable damages!

finding it hard to swallow here, are we now?  Not my photograph…

Taking these words back, why? I have ZERO regrets over anything I’d ever done, and besides, I will, NOT take anything back I’d already said, because it goes against my character…