No need to keep what’s, broken, just, throw it out already!
But, there’s, sentimental values attached to what’s already been, broken, I can’t, quite, sever from that yet.
No need to keep what’s, broken, after all, everything that’s been broken can and will, be, replaced somehow, even the love!
No need to keep what’s, broken, by keeping what’s broken around, will only, keeps you, from moving on, with your, lives, or, had you gotten, way too, STUCK, that you can’t, even, see that, bluer than bluer sky, that’s, hidden, behind these, darkened, storm clouds of, the could’ve been, and should’ve been, and the, what might have, beens?
why would you want to keep something like this, around???
photo from online
No need to keep what’s, broken, just, toss it, move on, but you can’t, because, what you’d lost, was so immense, intense, it makes you, long for it more and more, now that, it’s, gone…
No need to keep what’s, broken, what’s sentimentally, valuable, isn’t, actually, because, if it were, meant to last, then, it will, but look at it now, it’s, already, broken already!
My life’s been, PLAGUED by your L-I-E-S, and I’d decided, that it’s time, for that, huge BLOW-OUT!
Trimming your lies off of my, edges, that’s not that easy, for, over the years of our lives, what’s mine is no longer, mine, and you’d, given me, a whole lot of, useless SHIT that you had, and the boundaries started, blurring, since the day we were, wed (just SHOOT me here!).
the lies that kept me bound…and gagged too…photo from online
Trimming your lies off of my, edges, and all the sharpened objects in the house had been, hidden from me, out of sight, by this monster called marriage, and I can’t, find any of the tools I’m needing now anywhere.
So, I used my hand instead. First rip, that sounded, so crispy, and before I knew it, I was, TEARING this, FUCKED up, lie of a life I’d made with you, down.
Trimming your lies off of my, edges, yep, turned out, it’d been, easier than expected (‘cuz I’d always had the tendencies to, overestimate these, things…), and, that was that final RIP, in the marriage, as I’d, dotted my i’s, and crossed my t’s.
You’d been, SERVED, you MOTHER @$%#ER (see, I’m still, refraining myself from BITCHING you out, you MORON!).
Drifting farther apart, until we’d finally, gotten on, two, different, tracks of our, lives, a poem…translated…
The Harsh Winter is Arriving, the Curse Circled in the World
For it, the Rivers and Mountains Cracked, the Tears Alerted the Birds
The Poet Barely Remembered the Budds of the Flowers, the Spring Breezes’ Grazing the World that was Once Rich
Yet, When Pen is on Paper, there were the Coughs of Blood, the Words that, Killed
you go your way, and I’ll go, mine! The CRACK in the love…photo from online
The Adolescent Girl Rushed Before the Exaggerated Lines
Trying to, Rush the Wordless Heart that Skipped a Beat Before the Winter’s Steps Come
To Bring the Millions of Soundless Souls Back to, Life
The Bottomless Wonder that’s, Abysmal
The Poem Used the Recipes of Winter to Settle the Dying, Heart
The Adolescent Girl Only Minded to Keep the Beasts in Her Dreams Alive
The Beasts in the Dreams Slowly Grew Up, and Only Appeared in the Starry Nights
The Times Went So Fast, You & I are Stars, Drifting Far & Near to Each Other
Everything is Never the Same, the Poet’s Worries, that This Moment Becomes the Final, Farewell
On the Borderless Water, the Beasts of the Dreams, Gently, Altered Our, Orbits
So, this is on how, the two who were originally very close to one another, grew apart, until they’re on, separate, path, never to, meet back up, intersect, again, and that’s how it goes sometimes, sometimes, we drift apart, and we simply, can’t return back to the past, to having what we once, shared, with each, other, anymore………
The emotional support he’d needed, he’d found, in his, dog…translated…
He was, so, tiny, but, when I’d lost my, home, he’d, given me, a home.
My son’s dog, Red was adopted from when my son was younger, and, as the children left home for school, I’d become, Red’s, owner, all the way, I’d cared for him until he was in his, elderly, years. And during the time, I’d, gone abroad a couple of times, and, placed him temporarily in my, relatives’ homes, and, despite how I’d felt bad leaving him, but, I was young, and thought, that I could, make something of my self then.
But, I was, betrayed by someone I’d trusted too dearly, the economy crumbled down, my family dissolved, I’d, fallen to the, lows of the low, I’d, come back home, lost. Alone, I had no place to call, home, and there was only he, in my, life. And then, we’d, relied on, one, another to live.
the love and support we find in our, dogs…photo from online
Losing everything I had, I’d become, totally, downed, lain on the couch, and, fallen, asleep a lot of times, and, ever since he was little, Red had been, very, disciplined, would always, go into my bedroom to sleep, and when I didn’t follow him into the bedroom soon enough, he’d, come outside, and started barking at me, grilling me for not taking good care of my health. This reminder, from a member of my, family, who don’t speak a word, my only, family, he’d given me, that strength, made me feel less alone, and I’d, finally found my courage, to, get back up, to begin, again.
Finally, my heart that’s, lost started, finding that compass again, found the discipline, the regular schedules back in my life, again, as I’d become, braver, he’d, grown old, in a faster speed than, before. Now, my Red can no longer see, drowsy night and, day, walks, very, slow. And because of this, I’d, stopped, traveling far, to look after him. And now, as my friends asked me of my dreams of, traveling the world, I’d told them, “there’s no hurry, I want to, accompany Red until he passes.
they help us feel better, without having to say a single, word…
photo from online
I really want to tell, my tiny, my aging, Red, because of you, I’d, found my home. Whenever I’m with you, even if it is just to take that walk around the block, to me, that’s, just as wonderful, as, venturing around, the world.
So, this dog settled you down, it’d, given you the strengths you need, to help you with the hard time, it’d, offered you that, unconditional positive regard (Rogers???), accepted you, for who you are, and loved you, unconditionally, and that, is what we all need, someone who will, give us that, and we often find that in a, pet, which we care until s/he, or they, die…because we’re, committed to them, just as they’d, offered us, the unconditional love we were in need of, when we’d needed it, the most!
Unremembered, are these, thoughts, and, I can’t, ever, find them back again (like those, CORRUPTED blog files of mine that’s lost, long, ago???)…
Unremembered, thoughts, that’s, how it goes, isn’t it? I mean, they aren’t, forgotten, I don’t even, have ANY recollection of them ever being in my, mind, so how can I have, forgotten, then? So, they’re not, forgotten.
Unremembered, thoughts, guess that’s how it would be, huh? I’d, unremembered, you, you don’t exist in this reality of mine, you’re, already DEAD (so why is my left or right, depending side of the abdomen still, twitching again???)…
Unremembered, thoughts, that, is how it will always, be, for me, and you still can’t “keep me in between your sleep and wake, in the grays” (circa…2008???), because, I’m still, “too bright to stay in the, GRAYS, as you told me from……….2008, between January and March, just don’t ask me for the EXACT date, ‘cuz how the FUCK (don’t pardon me!) would I know, besides, never been great with the dates, so…
Unremembered, thoughts, yeah, that, is what you’ll, always AND, forever BE, for me, because I don’t want to remember you, but I always will, because I have a really good memory, like an, elephant’s???
Still NOT asking for, too much here, and yet, you still, can’t give it, because that’s, what (instead of a “who”???) you are!
A steady hand to hold, when I was young, I’d needed you to, love me, unconditionally, but you never could, because you don’t know how to love unconditionally, because your parents only gave you their affection when you’d BEHAVED yourselves like perfect little, princes, and look at HOW you’d all, turned out? BEGGARS, PAUPERS!
what you’re, in need, of…photo from online
A steady hand to hold, you’re now, offering to me? What makes you think, that after all these years of you, being, absent from my life, never asking how I was, and actually listening to my replying, with your HEARTS turned ON, that I’m going to, need you to, save me now, huh?
A steady hand to hold, uh, no thanks, I don’t hold hands with anybody, however, I will, hold the, LEASHES of my two, soon-to-be home with me, boys, and they will still be, very well behaved (sit, stay, good boy, now, give mommy a K-I-S-S, MUAH!!!), because I KNOW I can train, all of my MEN, to behave themselves, perfectly, just like I know how to, train, any and EVERYTHING that comes my way here.
and this, is what you’ll get when you get, me! Photo from online
PEACE, and the QUEEN is, O-U-T! Photo from online
A steady hand to hold, that’s what you’ll be needing, as the ground beneath you, start tumbling down, and you will, fall hard, hard, HARD, down, into, the PITS of your own, hells, and, sorry, my hand won’t be here, for you to hold now, because, I don’t feel like extending that “helping hand” to those who are, unworthy of me, and you’re, among, one of those, ‘k???
Yeah, go take THAT up with the judge, why don’t ya?
The memories of that lost love, became like that ghost that just, continues, to haunt, nonstop, and no matter where you escape, where you go, it just, won’t, leave you, alone…translated….
You Sat, at the Most Distant Corner of the Plaza
Distant, Listening Along with Me
The Pure Calls of the Church Bells Ringing
Next to the Ancient Streets of Florence
In the Alleys that Only Allowed the Speculations to Squeeze Through
The Female Painter with a Ponytail Wore that
Tight Black Leather Jacket
Covering Up the Imaginations of a Foreign Land
With the Earrings that Circled the Entire Night of the Firenze
In the Alley that Allowed the Peeping
Propped up Her Easel at the Missing Corner of Time
Using the Thin Oil Paintbrushes
like this…artwork from online
Delicately, Painted out, that Sorrowful Side Profile
A Horse Carriage Broke Out of the Sorrows
Leisurely, Sailed, Across the Entrance of the Alleys that’s, in a, Daze
With the Sound of the Hooves, Lifting, Pulling on
A Magazine Stand, with the Hung Many
Flavors of, Florence
Routes 6, 11, 22, 36 and 37
Stood at the Bus Stops, Waving to the Clouds
The Church, the Plaza, and the Map Made with the Jigsaw of the Red Shingles
Every Route Circled Around the Renaissance
And, Returned Back to the Renaissance
Every Route Has a Terminal Station, I Suppose?
Like They’re, Driving Toward the Guarded Palace of Your Heart
Or Toward the Broken, Torn Down Bridge of My, Soul
So, this is the distance between the two hearts, too hard to breach, and yet, all the two of you ever shared, even after the love was over, is still, very much, alive, that lost love never really, dies, completely, does it? Of course, N-O-T!
The residual feelings of a love, long gone, from years, ago…translated…
Caught a glimpse of you, whom I’d not seen a long, long time in the busyness of the crowds, coming and going, in and out of the high-speed rail station, I’d, subconsciously, dodged out of, sight, tried to, calm myself, and only wanted to, take a peek at, how you’d, been.
You’d gained some weight in midlife now, but, you still got that, flair, that same confidence, with the glasses sitting on your, tall nose, from the large frames you had from before, you’d, switched to the smaller, rectangular, frames now. You were very focused, talking on your cell phone, the same way you’d looked, as you were about to, fly across the globe, told me to wait for you to finish your, studies.
parting ways, such, sweet, sorrow…illustration from online
You were always, full of, confidence, believed that you can, make anything happen, including, love. Back then, I was, so serious, on quitting my job, that was half of the economic support for my own household, and follow you abroad to study, take care of your life. I couldn’t bear to let you go, loving you, but you’d, consoled with me, to focus on the big picture, to let go of our personal, feelings for one another. And so, I’d, waved goodbye to you, as you, took, flight, leaving me, teary, eyed.
Later, my father fell from illness, I’d suddenly, become, the sole economic support of my own, house, and, it was like I was, drenching wet in the afternoon thunder showers constantly, I’d told you of my troubles, hoping that you can, give me some love, and console, but all I could hear, were how you believe, that I can, solve the problems that were, surrounding, my life then, and you’d told me to dry my own tears, and told me, to grow up, to be more, mature. This was, probably how you’d, shown love, but I’d felt, such, loss, and slowly, found, that the long-distance relationship, was, too, unrealistic.
Those years, because of the conditions of life, I guess, I should be grateful, for your, training me, to toughen myself up, to not get hurt that easily, to not cry so much, but I’d, lost that, pureness of that love we once, shared in the, process. As I’d learned, to armor up, to deal with my own upsets, at that time, I’d felt, I’d no longer needed you there with me, to help me through it all.
You and I are now, on separate words, we’d once had that, spark, and it’d, glowed for the time being, but, eventually, we never, intersected again. If at the moment of impact, I’d, agreed to go with you, then, I would’ve, caught myself, in the, deep abyss, of my own, error for sure. We are just, too, different, and love can’t, break the barriers of how opposites we actually, are to, one, another.
So much time had, passed, I’d never heard anything about you again, but, I’d, brushed shoulders with you, in the, noisy, busy, lobby. There’s still, that scent of, romantic, the fates, it’d made me want to, fall so hard for the man that I, loved, and now, I’m fine, as I am today. I cherished the love we once had, and, loved being, given the chance to, experience, the love.
So, this is the one that got away from way, way, way back don’t know when, and now, as you saw him again, you’d no longer felt, that strong passion, but, that scent of, everything had, passed, and there was, almost, NO more ripple inside your, heart as you, bumped into this, lost love from, long, ago.
Getting RID of the old, so there would be room for the NEW, in love, and in material, it’s the same, rule here…translated…
The moisture in May being higher than previous years this year, I wasn’t, having it well, and the bad times dragged, all the way through June, and July as well.
My favorite band had, split up, but I hadn’t even gone to any of their, concerts yet, I’d originally thought, that after I win another literary award, then I shall, go, spending all my prize money away, and yet, in the end, I can, only, stare at my stuffed drawers around my desk, and stared.
Like a mirror. That dresser drawer, it’d, made me feel that that was, what it was, at times.
As I collected the items all around it, it felt like I was, picking up the pieces of a jigsaw, but, it was much easier, to smash everything to broken, than to, piece them into, whole again, the easily sold, I’d placed it on the auction groups, gone in no more than a minute, those that I couldn’t sell, like the remaining of the group members, and me too, keeping guard, in the, vacant, hollowed, drawer, space, alongside my mirror, and all things and people that’s, left, are all, in search of their own, futures.
the cause…illustration from online
“You know what? This is like, breaking up in a foreign country.”, I’d told L. He’d told me I thought too much of it, and starting helping me to sell my items in the groups, buying, selling, wiring the amount to XX Bank, it was like I was, selling pieces of my self, at a, discounted, price, and the chunks of time. From before, I’d often forgot that it was eight where he was, and nine here, and I’d, missed his live shows, and as he’d, left the firm, at eleven at night sharp, I’d, renewed the company’s official, website, then, as soon as his clock expired, he’d, vanished, abruptly. I guess, I’m still, not yet, used to, not used to the time difference between me and him, not used to the hosts of dreams, leaving before the dreams are, waking, up.
L sent me a private message, that someone was coming by, to collect a keychain tomorrow, to remember to bring it with me.
Ahhhhhhhhh, that brand new, unopened keychain, that I didn’t want to use, so I’d, kept it in its, original, packaging.
But, maybe, at the time, it’d, already, predestined, its own, future, fate already.
So, this is on, getting rid of everything that reminded you of that certain someone you used to love, it’s only natural, that you want to, delete everything about the person, erase her/him out of your, life, because, let’s face it, breaking up hurt, and, you’d, sold everything that he’d left with you, away now, so you can, start, anew again!
It was, not at all, easy, leaving behind the memories that broke me, you’d think, that that’s, odd, right? I mean, who would want to, keep the memories that broke you, inside, right?
the source…photo from online
But, what if, those memories came from the love you’d felt for that certain someone? Someone you’d, trusted with your entire hearts, and soul. Leaving behind the memories that broke me, I’d had to, walk, barefoot through the, shards that cut into the soles of my feet that made me, bleed very hard (and I’m normally NOT a free-bleeder here!)…
Leaving behind the memories that broke me, it wasn’t easy, because, all those memories reminded me of the better day we’d shared, there are, so much, emotional attachments that are still, yet to get, severed off, which made it hard, for me to just, pick up, and go.
what is, left over…photo from online
Leaving behind the memories that broke me, I finally had, and I tried not to, look back, because, I feared, that looking back over this path that’s, paved with, the broken parts of my love for you, will, trap me again.
So yeah, I kept my head looking forward, one foot, in front of, the other, and just, kept, going, going, going, until I’m, too far, gone.
JUST the Unwinding of Thoughts 