The Familiar Backsides

What had stayed with you, after each and every one of your breakups, not those ex-boyfriends, but the members of their families who’d treated you well, translated…

Sometimes, I’d see that familiar backside of someone.

What’s meant by the “familiar backside” is that I’m often, reminded of those with whom I’d felt so close with. I’m the kind of person that once I’d broken up with someone, I’d stopped being friends with the person, and I’d often convinced myself, “Hmmmmmmmmmm, I don’t need him as my friend!”, and cut off all my contacts with the individual.

this is what you remember, when you think of your ex-boyfriends, their families…photo from online…

Before the Internet and the SmartPhones were developed, a person is representative of a phone number and an address, and it’s very easy to lose the contacts. But, this sort of a behavior that made me looked so unfeeling, it’s just my own laziness, didn’t want to keep repeating the same old ways, and giving myself the troubles. Not long thereafter, being forgetful as I, I’d stopped thinking of my exes, unless I see that familiar backside again on the streets.

It’s like I saw A, for a period of time, then, B for another. When I saw what seemed to be A’s backside, I’d not missed him especially, but I’d be reminded of his families. The ex-boyfriend I’d thought about a lot lately, his father was a chef, very good with seafoods. There wasn’t enough seafoods in my home, and I’d not gone to the Japanese restaurants a lot, and so, when I’d dated him, it’d, tapped into my glutton potential. Every time I’d gone to hang out at his home, I’d gotten to savor the fully prepped meals like I never had the chance of having at home; the roasted prawns that I recalled the most, perhaps, it’s because of that, I’d been labeled at someone who only selected the best shrimps to eat.

like this???  Photo from online…

My mother would from time to time, bring out a plate of prawns too but because I was lazy to strip the shells off, often, I’d only had two, to three, then, given up on eating it, and so the very first time I’d had the prawns at my ex’s, I’d felt, that it was, more than cost-beneficial, and his dad always bought the freshest, unlike how the shrimps my family bought, were the frozen and farm-raised variety, and so, every time I’d gone over to his house, I’d had a great time eating the prawns.

His parents saw how I’d become, so intoxicated with the seafoods that they’d made, they’d suggested that we go to the wharf and order up the freshly caught seafoods, and, I’d, tagged along several times too. His mother was a traditional housewife, she’d prepared the meals, to the levels of the New Year’s celebrations to offer to the guests, and, after the meals, there would be three plates of sliced up fruits, to help us with digestion too.

I’d often thought about his older sister too. There’s that sexist atmosphere at his home, a lot of things that I’d observed, I’d felt uneven for his older sister, felt that my ex was a spoiled brat. His older sister would carry on in conversation with me in private too, she’d talked trash about her younger brother to me, later, as we broke up, what made me feel the loss was my connection with his older sister, because she’d become, a friend to me.

Another ex I’d had also had an older sister. But the older sister stayed abroad to study, she was mysterious and cool, studied architecture in England for many years alone, from the fundamentals. There were Italian dictionary on her bookshelf, knew how to play the piano, and the viola too, she was the kind of a girl with the talents, that’s, distanced from the rest of the world, the kind of person I wanted to become. And the ex-boyfriend’s father is a successful businessman, but without the barbarisms, instead, he’d behaved more like a gentlemanly scholar. Back then, I’d started modeling to make the money to get myself abroad for my studies, he was the one who’d given me tips and pointers on investment, took us to get our own bank accounts, and taught us to buy the lowest costing mutual funds. His mother loved reading, and when we sat down for the meals, she’d often shared with us what books she’d read, his dad was mostly quiet, just sat and listened in silence, and would inquire his son about his plans for the future.

Seeing those familiar backsides, I’d started missing those elders. There are what’s gained and what’s lost in love, whether it be left behind, or the ones that decided to stay, recalling them now, it’s all about my interactions with other people’s parents and families, and I’d felt, that I was, cherished and loved.

Because you’d established that closeness with all your ex-boyfriends’ families, that is why what you now recall when you think of all your past relationships, are NOT the guys you’d dated, but their families, and perhaps, you’d lacked that closeness, that connection with your own family members, that is why, you now recall all your close relationships with all the members of your exes families…

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Kisses, Packed Away…

Kisses, packed away, inside that, torn up, old cardboard box, just like those, old, worn out clothes we don’t need, can’t fit in, anymore…

Kisses, packed away, but why? I got NO need, to keep ‘em ‘round my life! Guess, it’s, to serve as a reminder, of this love we once to care for so very much, but now that’s all gone, so, where, does that leave me, and, what am I supposed to do, with all these kisses, packed away?

查看來源圖片all those, bitter sweet memories…photo from online…

Kisses, packed away, just toss them out for good this time, and, let’s not, go over that again, shall we? I don’t want to talk anymore, been talking to the WALLS, for so many years, and finally, I’m, tired of hearing NOTHING more than just, the echoes of my own voice!

Kisses, packed away, and I’m done, packing up, ALL these memories, the good, the bad, AS well as the U-G-L-Y! They’re all, part of my long-gone past now, and I got me, a brand new, a brighter future up ahead, and so, I’m gone, for good this time…

查看來源圖片yeah, just take all of these, and, SHOVE ’em all, into taht cardboard box…picture from online…

Kisses, packed away, I’d, left you that small box, of all those, hot-lipped kisses you’d given to me, that’s, burned up my skin, and now, you will be, savoring them, wondering, where did I go wrong? And, how can I live without you? Not my problem, ‘cuz I’d, already, WORKED those TWO problems out on my own, with MY self!!!

I Know You’re Quite Uncertain, But That’s Okay, a Poem

The only thing that’s certain here is, EVERYTHING G-O-E-S, away!!! Translated…

The Light’s Sure of the Fuses

The Fires, Certainly Hot

The Wind’s Certain of Hugs

The Flowers, Destined, to Wither

Loss

Certain of the Time

You

Certain of Me

So, this, is the certains of that inevitable goodbye, no matter how close the two of you are right now, everything will eventually, END, just like how the flowers will eventually, wither away, how the fires are certainly always and forever going to be, H-O-T, because everything WILL eventually, come to that E-N-D, as it’s all, supposed to.

 

 

 

 

Break-Up: a Blessing

At the end of love’s line, when love just, faded to gray, and it’s still, nobody’s fault, translated…

We’d chosen to break up suddenly, because we’d not wanted to drag this love of ours, into the brand new year, when love became like the ribs of chicken, rather than the two of us, guarding our separate loneliness, why not start to, embrace the freedoms of one. I’d started dating my ex since college, we’d gone through the storms of our youths together, this was the reason for why we couldn’t sever the love on the surfaces, but what was really keeping us hanging on to the love, was how much youth we’d, both invested.

I knew that he didn’t cheat, but as he’d spent more time on his cell phone games than with me, no longer was he willing to, look at me anymore, I’d come to understand, that he’d no longer felt passionate about this love we once had. What’s odd was, that I’d not felt too sad either. Could it be because I got so stressed out on the job, that I simply, couldn’t have the mind to bother with it, or the pressures from reality had caused me, to redefine what happiness is to myself? Or, maybe, it’s something crueler, these past years I’d grown up and been tried, it’d helped me bid farewell to the girl who thought love was all that mattered to her.

Only as I’d stared at my reflection in the mirrors, seeing my fading youth, would that thought of stubbornness persist, the magic mirror surely has a way, of making people look. I’d gone past age thirty now, and now, I’d, worked up the courage to break up, not just for the sake of letting go, but also, my way of bidding farewell to my youth, hoped, that I can, really march toward my fortieth, and have no more doubts on life itself.

And so, this man saw breaking up as a lesson of his own life, he’d needed to break up with someone whom he’d dated since college, and, that’s what usually happens, the two of you were together in college, and, as you both started working after college, you’d matured, into separate human beings, and finally realized, how far apart your values were from the very start, and thus, the two of you decided to, break up…

Forgotten, in Three

How goodbye, gets, “finalized”, bit by bit, and eventually, you will, let go! Translated…

1. 

Like a Fallen Teardrop

Wandering Between the Distance of Longings

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo found online…

2.

Being Used to the Pains

Counting Down the Moments I’d Missed You on the Path Toward Goodbye

3. 

All that’s Left, is the Shadows of Your Nonexistence

Pretending to be Loud

or this???查看來源圖片photo also found online…

And so, despite how much you don’t want it to end, it still had, because, it just, wasn’t mean to be, and now, you just, have to wait for your hearts to know that too, so you can, move on, with the rest of your lives…

Love is, Deleting What isn’t Loved, a Poem

Falling out of love slowly, and in the end, there’s, NO tears to be shed, because, everything was, said, and done, translated…

There are, the Dry and the Humid Days

The Leaves Carried the Scents of Birth and Wither Away

the Wind Knows it Best

The Sand that, Sifted Through the Season of Summer

The Eulogies of Snow from the Winters

The Details of My Senses

Love is, Deleting What isn’t Loved

The Sun Passed Through Quietly

the Hairlines of the Mountains, in Between the Fields

The Birds that Sung Their Songs, the Flowers Bloomed, the Twisting and Turning in Love of the Streams and Creeks

There’s the Colder and Hotter, more Passionate Kisses

The Morning Fog Tastes Sweeter than the Light at Sunset

You’d, Stroked the Chords of the Fields of Grains

Harvested Through My Richness

Choosing to be the Rains that Fall Instead of the Umbrellas

Becoming the Holes, and Not the Keys

I’d Turned, as You Would be

the Eyes of Time

Moving Those Days of Our love

that Separated the Dry and the Wet of Memories

And so there’s, this scent of finding that closure that one needed, from a lost love of sorts, they’d weathered through the various seasons, and, got along very well, but, eventually, it still, didn’t, quite work out, and so, the narrator, let the lost love of her/his life go gently…

Listening to Kenny Burrell in My Apartment in Shanghai

There’s, no strong sorrows after the two of you parted, there’s, just, that sense of comfort now, with the help of the music she’d, introduced you to listen to, that, was the only thing that’s, stayed behind with you, from her, translated…

It was, right around the time when I’d checked out and bought Midnight Blue, I’d gotten a text from her, and we’d agreed to meet up where it was, convenient for us both, somewhere in the middle of where we both were, she’d handed me a present, the t-shirt with the same album cover printed, from the Uniqlo and Blue Note series, but because it was too small, I’d, stashed it inside my closets and never wore it.

here’s Midnight Blue from Kenny Burrell, from Youtube…

 

Recently, I was sorting through my closets and took it out, the T-shirt I hadn’t worn enough times clearly, had become, loosened somewhat, I’d tried it on, and, it’d, fitted now, I’d looked closely at the print, that dark purple midnight, with the full blue-colored “Blue”, classic Blue Note.

It was a few days before the Chinese New Year’s one year, a lot of people had already, displaced themselves from the city, I’d asked her why she’d selected Kenny Burrell, instead of Miles Davis or Lee Morgan?

She’d twisted a bit, like shaking off that awkwardness for a long time, then, told me, that some of the songs are fitted best, for when you’re alone in the depth of the night, this was one of the albums (the name said it was “Midnight”). She’d told me when she couldn’t sleep at night, she’d played this album alone in her apartment in Shanghai, and, every time when she came to, her thoughts got trapped by Kenny Burrell’s vortex of guitar, she couldn’t hold herself together, and when she came back, the needle already ran to the stickers, and started making that scratchy sound.

“And”, she’d continued, shifting her gaze to behind me, “I like how guys would keep their heads lowered, busying about their own businesses.”

There must be that look of “I can’t believe it” written on my face, because she’d stared at me for a very long time, there was, probably, a five minute long silence that’s surpassed between us, then, she’d started slowly, that it was her last day in Taiwan, that she’s due back in Shanghai tomorrow, and she doesn’t know when she’s coming back here again, told me to get a weblog account.

I’d not let her know, that I’d just bought this vinyl today, on the way back, the cover of that album became like a watermark, stuck to my mind, on the upper left right, Kenny Burrell lowered his head, played on his guitar, looking, kinda, nerdy.

Every time I’d taken out this album, I’d recalled that shirt, along with the cover of the album that’s, filled up with the blues, and, that nearly, complete empty street in Taipei.

That evening, this album was under my arms, and, trekked alongside me, through those, empty streets, but don’t know why, perhaps, it’s because I wore the matching shirt, or the cover of the album, it’d felt, warmed underneath my arm, like there was, a surge of warmth, gathering there, and, it’d, helped me, fended off the cold winds.

As I came back to reality, the needle had, already, gone all the way around once on the record, I’d recalled my own thoughts on my way back that day, it’s, a clarity, that strangeness of the separation after the saturation of things, with that semi-transparent feel to it.

And so, this, is how this particular music, had accompanied you through this particular passage in your life, and, maybe, it’s because of how this woman had introduced you to the music of this person, and, you’d, loved her more or less, that, is why, you’d kept, listening to the record of the man, because, it’d, struck a chord with you.