Love’s boundary being, blurred here, and, she still has no way of knowing, if this younger guy liked her, translated…
How Do I Tell Him, that When He’d Asked Me Out, He Looked So Serious, Like a “Man”? That He No Longer Looked Anything Like that Little Boy I Felt Secure with………
A Successful Foreign Relations?
The first time I’d met him from across the straits, his mother who looked only a little bit had him call me “older sister”. I thought, this boy looked so childish, he’s probably not yet twenty? And, him calling me an “older sister”, it’d, made me feel bashful, but, if the first time we’d met, I’d opened with, “I’m old enough to be his mother, he can call me ‘aunty’.”, wouldn’t that be, even more, awkward.
illustration from the papers online…
Later, I’d learned, that his parents divorced when he was quite young, his mother married to Taiwan, while he’d stayed in China with his father, but he wasn’t cherished or loved, and, almost sent into an orphanage, and, in the end, he was, sent to a relative’s to live. And, because I’d felt bad over what he’d gone through, and I’d wanted to show him how welcoming the Taiwanese people are, I’d treated him like he was my younger brother for real, hoping, that there’s nothing but good memories for his time here.
Once at the end of a gathering, I’d asked him if he knew how to take the bus home, he’d told me he didn’t yet, and I’d, told him, “I’ll give you a lift home!”, he was a bit, surprised, but quickly nodded okay. But, we’d, gotten lost! And of course, this was, my fault, forgotten how he just arrived here, that all the streets looked alike, and I’d not confirmed it with him, and, wasted a lot of time.
I kept apologizing to him, but, he’s not, the least bit angry, and told me that he was, in an especially good mood, felt that sitting behind me was like going for a ride, then he’d asked loudly, “Are all the girls in Taiwan like you?”, like me? Because I was busy, trying to find the way, and didn’t want it to become awkward, I’d not asked him further, and stated that, “Taiwanese people are helpful to those in need.
And, it didn’t matter how I’d answered him it seemed, he’d continued ranting on, if that all the girls in Taiwan are like me, then, he’d definitely like the girls in Taiwan, unlike the girls there, all they cared about were themselves, and ignored people. Although I had my back towards him, couldn’t see his face, but, from his lifted tone, I could feel, that he was, very happy. As he’d said, he’d announced further, “I originally hated it here, but because of you, I’m now, in love with Taiwan!”
After hearing all of these “professions of love”, I’d become, flustered. But I’d told myself, that maybe, the people from the Mainland are straight forward, that he probably not meant anything by it, just treat this as a successfully international relation.
Do You Want to Go Out for a Walk Later?
The times we’d met up, although we’d met in groups, he’d especially loved striking up conversations with me, one day he’d even asked me quietly, “Do you want to go out for a bit a little later?”, I’d made up some bullshitting reason, turned him down, not long thereafter, he’d opened up again, “Give me your cell phone number then!”, I’d become, stunned, then, stuttered, “Maybe later.” “Why?”, he’d pressed me, and seeing how I’d grinned so awkwardly, he’d finally, stopped asking me.
I knew he was angry, anybody can get angry, after getting shot down twice. But how do I tell him, that he’d looked so serious, like a man when he’d asked me, he was, no longer that naïve boy with whom I felt comfortable, letting my guards down? I panicked. I was, afraid, what if, I couldn’t, handle it?
And in the end, he’d gone, like that wind, leaving behind, the regrets I’d felt about what happened with him.
Had I just told him, that our age differences is too great…if I can, control my passions toward him more…not led him on…maybe, maybe, he had, only wanted, to make friends with me, perhaps, I’d, read too much into it, and, chosen, to make my escape.
But, that, was it, no amount of assumptions is going to change a thing. And now, I can only, wish that he is, no longer, tied up by those, unpleasantries of his past, no matter where he is, he can, live his days happily.
And, maybe, this woman read too much into the signs, maybe, the guy had, liked her, and, the woman kept her guards down, because she didn’t want to lead this younger man on, and so, she’d, tried to turn him down gently, that, was the only thing she could do, at that time, and now, as she thought back, there’s nothing she could’ve done differently, to know more, and so, all she can wish was that this younger guy is living his life with everything he wants in life.