A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

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Waking You Up with My Love Every Day

Wake up, sleepy heads!!!  Translated…

On their days off, my kids would always sleep in until noon, and, I’d suspected, if they all, inherited my dozing off genes—whenever there’s the opportunity to, we’d all fallen asleep, and, nothing can wake us up.

As for my “sleepiness”, I got that from my dad, and maybe, it’s because of how hard he’d worked during the workweek, every time the weekends rolled around, pops would not only get up late, and, after his lunch, he’d managed, to doze off until dusk, and, nothing (the phone ringing, the children playing loudly), or even, an earthquake, can wake him up.

the gentle touches of a father…photo from online

I don’t pale by comparison to my dad, the most trouble dad ever had was, waking me up for school in the morn.  Not only did he need to use all his limbs to pull me out of bed, and he’d had to, force me out of my bedroom, then, mission accomplished, otherwise, in a blink of an eye, I’d, fallen over, and fallen asleep once more.  In order, to get that one extra second of shuteye, and before bedtime, I’d finished up my homework, prepared my backpack for school in the morn, and put on my socks and uniform, so I can just, get up and go the next morn.

And, as I’d become a parent myself, naturally, it’d become, my duties, to wake my child up in the morn.  But I was lucky, to have, married a good man, he’d gotten up, at the alarm sounding off, and waken me up, then, went to get the kids.  My eldest was okay, but my younger one, seemed to have, gotten it from me, he wasn’t at all, cooperative.  This made me recalled, how hard my dad must’ve had it when I was younger?  I’d recalled, that my father always had enough patience, to make sure I get waken up, must’ve been trying on him.

time to get up, baby girl!  Not my photo…

Maybe, not wanting to get out of my bed in the morning was a way that I’d played coy, my way of, enjoying that special love from my father; and now, as I’d gone past midlife, I’d started, carrying this thought to my heart, I’d, come to realize it all too late.  I will, take advantage of our meals shared in the futures, to tell my dad who’s had that difficult look on his face, “It’d been trying on you, thank you, for waking me up every single day, dad!”

So, it wasn’t until this woman became a mom, did she realize, how hard it was, for her father, to get her out of bed in the morning, because she has one child who’s exactly like her, and, this made her appreciate the kind gestures of waking her up, of making sure she’s ready for school in the morning that her own dad had done in her younger years.

The Interlude of Love in Our Fourth Year of Middle School

The young and in love, of course, these are, only passages in our lives, they’re not, meant to last, are they???  Nope!  Translated…

Perhaps, This Would be, the Very Last Ten-Minutes We Ever Get to Walk Together………

The Beginning of an Unknown World

This place, “the fourth year of middle school”, it’s definitely, a unique experience for the youths who were involved in it during that era of time.  Regularly, it was after we’d all graduated from middle school, but we’d continued, wearing those uniforms every single day, and pretended to go to school daily, it’s just, that the location where classes held was no longer on campus, but in this 50-centimeter space that’s tightly cramped.  But for me and Jack, it was, the start of our trip away from home, getting to know a foreign world, we’d both believed back then, that this was only, a year-long temporary thing in Taipei, which helped us to become, more adventurous in life as we got older.

young and in love, not my photograph…

That year, we both had our separate failed ventures in love.  We fell for two sisters from Shijr, I think they were, cousins.  Although we’d felt attracted to them, but, based off of the conditions back then, we couldn’t do anything about the attractive feelings, and so, after our cram school sessions, we’d accompanied them on the ten-minute walk from the classes to the train stations in Songshan, during those short ten-minutes we’d come to share, it’d become, the happiest time we’d ever had in our fourth year of middle school.

Jack loved the older girl, but, their differences in height was too enormous, the girl was 5’8, while Jack was only 5’5, every time I’d walked behind them, it was, like watching the temple deities making their parades, but, because they’d bickered a lot, it’d, added to those harder days of our youth, and for the year, we’d both followed behind them, watched how things played out with them, sometimes, we’d laughed until our stomachs hurt, and sometimes, we’d caught each other’s gazes, and, seemed, to have a lot to say to one another, but, we’d, suppressed the urges to talk, and just, walked on quietly.

Don’t Forget How You Feel at This Precise Moment in Time

The final day of our fourth year in middle school, the four of us maintained our usual formation, walked toward the Songshan Train Station.  But we all knew, that perhaps, this would be, the very last time, we walked together for the ten-minutes, and, the tall and short who’d fooled around and horse-played both, settled down.  The very first time, Jack and I bought the tickets, and followed the sisters into the station to wait.  As the train came in, I knew, that if I don’t say something, then, it would be, too late, but I’d not spoken a single word.  Before she got on, the younger cousin turned her head around, said to me, “Goodbye”, god DAMN it, I still didn’t have enough courage to say anything, I’d just, nodded my head toward her.

teenagers in love 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo…

Before the train started, I’d quickly taken out the sketch I’d made secretly in class of the younger cousin’s side profile, and handed it to her who found a window seat, that was the very first time, that she’d stared me in the eyes, and, flashed that enchanting smile at me.  The train moved, and the older girl tilted her head out the window, and called out “Jack!”, Jack attempted to run to keep up, but the train already, sped out of the station, I saw Jack’s panting backside, and there seemed, to be tears, mixed in his sweats, this was, probably, the very first time I ever saw Jack cry.

Before we left Taipei, we did something together, celebrated our birthdays together.  We were both, Taureans, born in the month of May, eight days apart, we’d bought ourselves a small cake, with one candle on it, we sat at the bus depot at the back of the train station and made a wish together.

“Although we’re dirt poor right now, but, we’d, shared some great times together, we will, NEVER forget how we both feel at this  precise moment.”

“I hope we will sit in different countries, and celebrate our birthdays together.”

so young, these kids, and yet, the love they’d found, are the purest…not my picture still…

“Are we going to be sitting, in the different bus stations of the different countries?”

“Ha, that sounds very cool too!”

“We must work hard, to make names of ourselves, work hard, and we will, succeed!”

So, these are the days of our youths, we’d found that first taste of love, but, because at the end, we’d needed to grow up and part ways, but, the memories of our shared moments will always stay alive in each of us, like it was, yesterday!

On the Subject of the Oceans! A Poem

Translated…

The Flying Fish Used the Lustrous Scales, Made Me

Weighty; I was Still Thinking:

Should I, Let the Waves Die on the Beaches, or

Have you, Come Toward My Sharpened Knife?the fish leaping out of the oceans, photo from online…

It’s Truly, Contemplative, Eternity

And Instant, Which One is Longer?

Or, Which One’s Hidden?  The Oysters and the Hibiscuses

The Pearl, the Moonlight, Which One is

More Extravagant?  Brighter?

The Memories Felt So Unreal, Like I’m

Exaggerating!  How Do I, Declare What Goes on in the World?

the ship used by natives to fish…photo from online…

The Promises Became Like the Casted Nets So False, Yet, Still

Carried the Need, to Cross the Galaxies, to Rearrange the Stars to Your Liking

Hey Ocean!

How Do I Tell You My Location

So the Ships Will Understand that I’m Not

Like the Lighthouses that Glowed from the Shores

There’s, that sense of tired of being everything to someone, the burdens of being someone’s one and only from this, and, this, will become burdensome, if you allowed someone, to depend on you this much.

The Love Found in Midlife

A love that’s, geographically undesirable, so, you can’t, hold on to it, and chose, to let each other go…translated…

Young and wild, believed that we’d sought out the love bravely, sacrificing everything, love will be ours to behold; and after we’d ruined ourselves, in the encounter with love, we’d only begun, to learn, that we can’t force anything in this world.

The first time I saw C, it was as I’d learned that a famous instructor from an Ivy League university was giving guest lectures at N.T.U., back then, I was a part-time lecturer, and I’d selected a few courses to audit.  And, based off of my experiences, the western instructors from the U.S. and Europe encouraged the students to voice their questions, encouraged in-class participations, the instructors prepared the course packets, and guided the students in their learning processes based off of the handouts.

What caught my attention was C, who’d not prepared any materials for classes, everything he teaches, was coming from his memories.  He’d used a chalk, started writing the formulas, the theories on the blackboard, with forms here and there, then, started lecturing endlessly, and, after he finished with one section, he’d, stopped, and allow the students to ask questions.  He was fluent in English, very articulate, organized, and, must be the most outstanding of the dozen instructors who’d come to guest lecture.  I’d sighed, on how Asians, if they were to, become outstanding, they must, out-perform the white people tenfold.

At a gathering, we’d met at Yangming Mountain, and I’d forwarded the invite to C, and he was glad to join us.  The meeting place had series of glass pane houses one right after another, gave us a view of the city of Taipei in the nighttime.  The dozen of us gathered there, and conversed on the values we held, and our lives.  As the summer was nearing end, C was about to return to New York, and he’d asked me if we can go up Yangming Mountain again, but, that eventually, never came true.  The day before he left, we’d met up at the café next to the school, for about an hour, we’d chatted away on history, literature, and the topics drifted toward his life, and his values.

I’d just met a man, started admiring, liking him, without having the time to get to know him on a more personal level, and he’s, about to leave.  As we bid our farewells, I’d known, we will, never meet again; we work in different fields, with our separate lives, and, there’s just, NO valid reasons for us, to drift abroad to visit one another anymore.

The love found in midlife is regret, is sigh, it’s an incomplete circle.  Like that gentle summer breeze, it’s something you can’t hold on to.  The love in midlife is quiet, it’s with less passions, it’s, easily forgot; in a corner of our hearts, we’d, wished, that all is well with one another.

So, this, could’ve developed into something more, but it didn’t, because they were from two geographically undesirable regions of the world, and, it’s just not right, that either one of them asks the other to give up their life to join the other, so they can be together, and so, they’d, let each other go, and this affinity became, nothing more than just another, good memory of one’s own younger years.

Spoiling

On the love that’s found, between a husband and a wife, the love that’s, passed down, from one generation to the next, translated…

My daughter told my husband, “You’d spoiled mom rotten!”, as my husband heard, he’d believed, that my daughter was, correct, and told me what his lover from a past life told him.  I’d opened up my LINE, and replied, “Yup, mommy IS spoiled rotten by dad all right; because mommy is WORTH the spoiling”.  Oh, how I’d hoped, that one day, my daughter will, find someone who’d, spoiled and cherished her so, and at the same time, she’ll become, someone, who’s worthy, of the man’s love as well.

So, this, is the innocent talks of a child, and, this is a man, who’d, cherished his own wife very much so, and, his wife hoped that her own daughter will someday, meet up with a man, who will, cherish her very much, just like her husband is currently loving her so much.

An Affinity that Started in the Cram Schools

How, sharing the same goals of getting into college, had made these two individuals closer to each other, and eventually, marrying one another, translated…

Before I entered into community college, I’d studied in the cram schools for a year.

One day, a male classmate stopped me, asked, “Are you good in accounting?”, “I’m okay, do you need something?”  “Teach me, I’m not an accounting major, but I wanted to be in the information management majors”, he’d stated, uncourteously to me.

And just like that, I’d, met CH.

CH worked as a delivery man at a lunch shop, worked in supermarkets, fried chicken stores, and restaurant, he was, very experienced in the services industries, but, none of his jobs lasted long.  Later, after the lunch shop he worked in closed, he’d lacked self-confidence for the less popular majors of technical high school, and came to the cram school sessions, hoped, that he could, successfully test into a better school, so his job hunting can go more smoothly.

And because CH’s home couldn’t support his life, so he’d saved the money for living as well as the cram school sessions for a whole year, and, lived with very little and the bare necessities.  After we became more familiar with one another, I’d often heard him tell me, “I must get in!  Because there’s, NO other options for me.”  During that time, we’d studied together, and, his attitude had, rubbed off on me, and, it’d made me studied harder, hoped, that we can both, do well.

Finally, the day the grades were posted came.

I’d clearly recalled that afternoon, the setting sun shone into the office I was part-timing in, my coworker received a call from CH to me, he’d excitedly yelled to me, “We got in, we both, got in!  And, in the same school too!”

Not only were we admitted into the same public university, we also became, partners for life too!

So, this, is a connection that started, from when the two of you were in school together, and, you two shared the same goals, to get into college, and, you two became, study buddies, giving each other encouragements and boosts, and support, and, you two became, husband and wife at the end of the road, even AFTER the testing days were, long over!