The Couple Who’d Been Married for Twenty Years are Now, Estranged

A marriage that’s, slowly, freezing up, oh wait, it’d become, frozen SOLID, and now you want to, thaw it out??? A Q&A, translated…

Q: He’d Kept Wearing that Soured Face Towards Me, is There Still a Chance, to Salvage What’s Left of My Marriage?

Mrs. H had, lived for twenty years in this freezing weather of her marriage, she’d originally thought that she’d become totally numbed out, but recently, she’d started, contemplating, how she can better the interactions with her husband.

Her husband never fought with her, but every time he was displeased, he’d started the cold wars with her; and, even sometimes, what’ had angered him had nothing to do with H, something with his own family of origin, or something at the office, he’d still pulled H into his own storms. Naturally, sometimes, it was the kids, or her who’d made him upset, but no matter what happened, H’s husband treated her as if she were invisible. And after some time, H can only, keep her distance, and, tried to spend as little time as she possibly could with him, even encouraged him to find someone else to love.

查看來源圖片where we’ll be, if things don’t change…not my photo…

Twenty years had, passed like this, from the beginning, when H had, walked of eggshells too carefully, to now, she’d learned, to completely, ignore her husband’s existence. It’s just, she’s not happy in this sort of an interaction with him in the marriage, and she wants to know, if there was something she can do, to change this.

A My Advice

This marriage had begun imbalanced, the husband didn’t fight, didn’t get loud, and, it’d, made his wife scared. If you two were in love before you were married, didn’t he use this before? If it’d started after you two were married, I think, that if communications work, it would’ve, worked, but H had stimulated him, by telling him to cheat on her, I really can’t tell what had happened between them from before. If H wanted to improve her relationship with her husband, she could lower herself and have a heart-to-heart with him, tell your husband that you weren’t happy, that you’d wanted to change, and if he’s willing to go to couple’s counseling, that’s, even better. And, I can only give these advices to you, based off of what I received. H, do open up your heart, and communicate with your husband.

And so, this probably still did NOT happen overnight, it must’ve been how they’d interacted with each other from the beginning, it’s just that from before, there were, things diverting this husband and wife’s attention, work, children, families, etc., etc., etc., that they’d, failed to notice, but now as they’re growing older, and it’s, just the two of them, things started becoming, obvious, and, the husband and wife really DO need to sit down and talk, otherwise, divorce will be the only VIABLE option.

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Working Together to Help Each Other Age More Gracefully, Neither Felt Lonely on the Journey of Life

In sickness AND in health, for better or for worse, the dedications, and love this woman had for her husband, now that he’d become, demented, translated…

After I’d married my husband, I’d focused on my family, looking after our three sons, so my husband didn’t have to worry when he’s working.

In his elderly years, after he had surgeries for his colon cancer, he’d changed to a different man, became forgetful, at first, I’d thought it was a normal process of aging, but after I took him to the Alzheimer’s clinic, the doctor diagnosed him as “beginning stage of dementia”.

He’s not completely helpless, going out for strolls in the morning became his way of exercise, I’d often played the game of numbers with him, “Chinese chess” was one of them, I’d picked up any piece and asked him, and he’d answered me correctly, he’d not written as legibly as he used to, but it’s still readable. After he’d started in art, I’d written my love for him on the sides of the papers, took care of him with empathy, just stay beside him.

My kids also took the two of us outdoors often, and he became like an “old baby”, so happy, and, with the help from nature, it’d somehow, slowed down the progressions of his Alzheimer’s.

For this hospitalization for my chemotherapy, I’d run a fever, which caused pneumonia, in my nineteen days of hospital stays, he’d ridden his small bicycle back and forth, on the two hour round trips, never complained, just stayed by my side, it seemed, that he still remembered how much I put in, to care for him for these past six years, and now, he’d not, given up on me either.

The Department of Sanitary Welfare’s Long-Term Care 2.0 was designated for elderly over sixty-five who’d lost the ability to live on their own, which allowed for the four-hour homecare helper, and, we don’t fit the criteria, that was why, there are so many tragedies that’s happened, because of elderly caretaking.

I’d volunteered at the long-term care center on Mondays, helping the elders put on makeup, hoping that putting their lipsticks on can help make them recall, I’d taken the courses provided by the local governments to enrich my knowledge base on helping with my husband’s dementia, and all of these things that I’d done, are to give myself breathing room, a break from having to take care of my demented husband 24/7.

So, this, is once again, from the caretakers’ journals, and, this woman didn’t leave her husband in a nursing home somewhere, because he was there when she went through her hell with her cancer, and now, he’d needed her more than ever, she surely wasn’t going to, desert him in some nursing home either.

The Taste of Happiness on Thursdays

Hey, save some leftovers for me, will ya??? Translated…

Thursdays are our “family nights”, primarily because my younger brother who’s a pediatrician has a day off, and we can all gather around our parents’ to share some happy times.

My youngest brother who works for a Japanese company, because of how busy his work is, he’d skipped from time to time, and my mother would pack up the leftovers for lunch, then, give it to my younger sister-in-law and my nephew to take it home to him; so the family members missing out, can also have a taste of mom’s love, and the warmth from the family.

On a certain Thursday, I’d needed to work overtime at school, something came up suddenly. As I got home, my son who’d just had supper at his grandparents’ gladly handed me a still warm lunch box, half-jokingly, he’d told me, “this is our left over, saved for you!”, I didn’t believe it. Look, a prawn, three pieces of stewed beef, broccoli with corn, and my favorite, okra. My regrets of not making it home for the gathering meals, suddenly, wiped completely away, by this lunch box, packed with a ton of love.

meal on the table 的圖片結果let’s all sit down for this well-prepared meal here…not my photo…

So, this, is how this family show the love, by sharing the homecooked meals, and, whenever one member can’t make it home, the other members would save some for the individual who’d, skipped out on the meals, and that, is the act of love, that’s experienced by the man who’s a part of this family.

Driver’s Ed, a Poem

I can’t sever my ties with you yet, just allow me to love you, a bit longer, please!!! Translated…

This is, the Unreturned

Miniature Version of, that Map of the First Love

I Was Once, a Slow Car, Driving According to Your Signs

Reverse, Park, Drive Forward Bumpily

The S Driving Paths, Very Well Rehearsed查看來源圖片navigateing through this obstacle fcourse of love…photo from online…

Those Spells Which Had, Stopped Working Due to the Twists & Turns Now

Pretended I was Changing Lanes, Tested Out the Safe Distances Too

Allowing that Invisible Crosswalk to Get Between the Two of Us

Brake! Don’t Park on the Lines, Ahhhhhhhhhhh, for a Very Long Time

I’d, Not Wanted to, Signal, All the Green Running Men, Stand Perfectly Still

I’m Still on that Driving Range in Your Dreams, Practicing Repeatedly

This, is what stuck felt like, isn’t it? The person you were in love with, had already, moved on, and you still couldn’t, because you’re still, too emotionally attached or whatever, and, this is going to get harder, because you still had YET to deal with that final goodbye, severing the emotional ties with whoever you’d, broken up with…

The Lunches My Father Made for Me

Savoring the memories, unforgettable taste of the foods prepared with her father’s love, translated…

In the era where there was NO nutritious meals provided by schools, my lunches were usually made by the cook, dad. He’d often spent Sundays, making the stewed foods, and told me, “the foods that were stewed aren’t afraid of getting steamed again, so long as the sauce is great, the more you’d steamed it, the better it smelled.”

My father was quite generous as he packed the meals for me, a huge piece of meat, the stewed egg with the sauces already marinated in, with the fluffy, soft kelp, the soft tofu, filling up the packed lunch box, opening it up, the aroma spread out! The way I pay my father back was eating until there’s NOTHING left in the lunches he’d packed for me.

查看來源圖片the homemade meals, with an added serving of love…not my photo…

The lunches with the stewed items helped me pass through my middle school and high school years, over two thousand lunches. Even as I’d started working, I’d had that craving of stewed items when I ate out, I’d especially enjoyed watching the owner of the shop, fishing out the items from the large pot, that reminded me of my dad, who’d hummed the Chinese opera tunes as he busied himself about the kitchen when I was younger, although he wasn’t so delicate with handling the foods, but, there’s, a lot of warmth, a lot of love that’s packed in what he’d prepared for us.

Many years later, my father died, and on the day he left us, don’t know who it was that handed me this lunch with stewed items told me, “Finish it all, your father will be happy.” At that very moment, I saw my father, working in the kitchens, it’s just, that I can’t see him clearly, through my tears then.查看來源圖片making his son’s school lunch…photo from online…

After my kids started school, the school provided the lunches, and, “looking up at the blackboard, lowering my head toward my packed lunches” became a private memory. From time to time, I’d stewed up a pot of foods, with the rice, to make that packed up stewed lunch come back through time to me again.

And so, you’d, loved how much heart went into your father’s packing your lunches, and, the food tasted so amazing, because of the amount of love that goes into preparing the lunches, that, is what made you savor those memories so very much, it’s not the foods that made you nostalgic, it’s the feelings of love, feeling of how you were, cared for by your father that’s made the foods unforgettable.

Optics, a Poem

Having someone ELSE there, AT the center of YOUR universe, this, is not going to end well at A-L-L! Translated…

We’d Polished Those Lens

Calculated the Curves of Language

Waited, for a Specific & Destined Time

That Light that Traveled Here from Afar

At that Specific Right Angle

like this, and, you WILL get B-U-R-N-E-D!  Photo from online…

Passed Through Those Layered, Transparent Hearts

Burning Me, in that Void, Suspended

That Combustible Focal Point

So, this, is what it feels like, with someone at the center of universe, because you were, lured in love, and yet, after the love is gone, what will you be LEFT with? Oh yeah, I forgot, UTTER DARKNESS, and you’d become, a sure part, of that darkness, because you’d lived your life around that other individual, and, it’s NEVER good, with someone ELSE at the focal points of your own lives…

The Last Trip We Took Together…

That last trip we took together, do you remember it? Of course N-O-T! You’d, left us behind a long, long, long time ago. That last trip we took together, it was, our last draw, the final attempt, to save our marriage, and yet, I’d, realized, for certain, that we shouldn’t, stay married together, and, that last trip we took together, turned out, to be the beginning of our divorce!

That last trip we took together, I can vaguely recall the scenes, we went to this beautiful place (that much I know!!!), we thought that this was what our marriage needed, a vacation for just the two of us, without our parents, our relatives or friends, and children, just us two, to sort things through…

like this???  Photo from online…

And yet, that last trip, was like that first domino that led to the tumbling down of the rest of the lined-up straight dominoes! That last trip we took together, what happened to us? Why did we, fall out of love? I mean, our love was, supposed to last for a lifetime, wasn’t it? So, how come it didn’t, huh???

That last trip we took together, well, glad that was over, huh? ‘Cuz I’m no longer married to you, and, I’d never been, happier in my life, on that very last day of this vacation for two, which led to my life of one!!!