Getting to Know the Shadows of Our Emotions

The psychology of the SELF, DISSECTIONS, start N-O-W, translated…

As We Became Trapped by Our Negative Emotions, the Contents Locked Inside Our Unconscious, Parts of Our Selves We Don’t Accept Fully, It’d Caused Our Logic to Go Wrong, and Made Us Feel Catastrophe………

As We Get Trapped in the Negative Emotions

In our daily live, there would be times, when we’d, gotten trapped by our negative emotions, like the following example would show:

Angie, who’s a lecturer said, “I’d often feel terrible about myself. I’d gone to give a lecture yesterday, before that, I’d, prepared myself the best I can, I’d rehearsed what I was to say at home too, but, as I got on the podium, the things that came out from my lips became, illogical, and, I’d not become, steady enough as a lecturer. Although my audience told me I did fine, but I was still quite upset, feared, that they were only, trying, to make me feel better, that they’d not really, taken into what I was saying at all.”

This sort of examples, are countless in our every day encounters. Emotions are like that dark clouds that came as they’d wished to inside our minds, and, suddenly, it’d, rained down hard, drenched us, if you didn’t have the ability to open that umbrella, or find a roof to hide under while the rain poured, then, the rain will drench you up, make you shiver and quiver, and even, cause you to get a serious cold.

「心理師,為何訂好了計畫卻總難落實?」「我這兒子老愛遲到,一點責任心都沒有,...illustration from the papers…

At times, you may think that you had a working umbrella, and you’d tell yourselves when you were about to get emotional, “Deep breaths, calm, deep breaths, calm……” but, as you’d opened up this umbrella, it had, a HUGE hole on it, and not being able to shelter you from the rain is small, but it’d, destroyed all hopes for you in the rain, made you even more upset.

The funny thing is, it was, a broken, torn up umbrella, but you’d, kept it, because you forgot, or you were too attached to discard it, then, on a rainy day, you’d, taken it out, then, you’d started, cursing it, on how it’d not, done what it was supposed to.

Based off of the psychological concepts, when we sank into our negative emotions, the contents we can’t accept in our selves will cause our logic to malfunction, and we’d, reacted emotionally to the situations, and this will, drag us into that deep, dark abyss, and even caused us to regret afterwards. And, the culprit behind this was, “the shadows of the emotions”.

The Unclears of the Depth of Our Hearts & Souls

Simply put, “the shadows of emotions” are the uncleared things deep inside our minds, as we’d experienced through what was in the now, these existing uncleared things locked in our unconscious would, hit the current experiences we’re having, and caused us to have a certain kind of reaction. For instance, the “authoritarian elders” would cause people to react emotionally, some would show fear, while some would, talk back to the elders. In other words, “authority” may be the unclear things inside a lot of people’s minds, but, the emotions that stemmed from this, would show up in a wide variety of emotions, get into the way of our living from day to day.

In order to understand the “shadows of emotions”, and how it’d interacted with our internal workings while we’re, interacting with the outside world, we use “archetypes” developed by Jung to conceptualize these “unclear things” inside our minds.

Jung once said, “the archetypes were the experiences shared by our ancestors, but it doesn’t necessarily come from our own life experiences.” We can understand it as this: some of the things that’s happened to the family, to the society, to the cultures, has a strong sort of emotions attached, and it would stay, inside us separately, like passing of hereditary traits. Like the scientists made fun: men enjoyed taking over the steering wheels, that stemmed from the ancient days, that men needed to hold tightly to the spears, to protect the families from danger; on the contrary, reason why women loved shopping so much, it’s because of how women had, found and gathered the nuts and fruits for food.

This sort of ideals that’s carried from the origins of man, are the “archetypes”; through the various archetypes, we can get the darkness out, and spread it under the sun, to make it into something that’s, beneficial to us.

Dissociating Ourselves from the Fears

Like the before-mentioned case of Angie, the lecturer, the experiences she’d described, has nothing to do with anybody else, it’s her own imaginations, her beliefs, of “how good a lecture she’d, given”. Of course, this may also have been affected by the body languages from the members of the audiences, but as people commended Angie on giving a good lecture, she’d, become doubtful of them, and trapped herself inside her own fears.

We can see from her experiences of how her fear was connected to “whether or not I’m liked by others”, Angie may need to find out what the archetype of “people-pleaser” meant to her, and which part of her self was she trying to hide from the rest of the world?

After understanding all of this, Angie can then try to dissociate herself from the fears of “I’m not liked by others”, think on: do people really not like me? Or, was it because I don’t like myself, and had, imagined, that everybody else doesn’t like me too?

Sounds simple enough, isn’t it? This is all about INTROSPECTION, getting to know yourself, and yet, how many people today, can SAY that I know me? I know ME, inside and O-U-T, which is why, I can get along with everything AND everybody in my external environment, IF (that’s the KEY word there!!!) I want to, and this just shows, how before you get to know yourselves well enough, you can’t possibly get along with anybody, and everything else that’s outside of Y-O-U!!!

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Burned Out the Love…

That’s it! We’d, burned it out………

Burned out the love, not because we’d, needed the light from it, not because we were, cold, freezing ourselves to death, but just because!

Burned out the love, who knew, that love’s, spent, so easily, huh? I would’ve, never guessed, how fast love can “go” (don’t ask “where”!), how quickly, it’d, turned to ashes…

Burned out the love, it’s, too late, and love is still NO phoenix, it won’t, rise up, and live again, oh no, it’d, just, stayed, dead, and there’s, nothing that you, or I, can do ‘bout that now, is there? Nope!

查看來源圖片a picture of the before and the after, from online…

Burned out the love, why? Because we can, because that, is what, we’re, supposed to do, to experiment with it, to see, how far we can push it, until it finally, CRACKED. Burned out the love, and, there’s, nothing but ashes and dusts that remained, of this, burned up love of ours, and so, I’d, collected my half (as that, is how everything got divided? Right down the middle???), and you can have the rest of the remaining half, to go with that steak, salted with your own tears…………

Burned out the love, so? I got more love than you’ll ever know, and, know the best thing about my love is? It NEVER gets used up, I will always, have MORE than enough love to get by! As for you? Do I, really care? Yeah, uh, you WISH!

Note: this is still just me, throwing things out at this wall of echo, meaning that it’s not directed toward anybody out there, ‘k??? Yeah, uh-huh!

My Husband, Mr. Clean

A story of marriage, translated…

I’m a worshipper of lazy, I’d rarely put things back where I’d found them, every time I couldn’t find them, I’d just hollered, then, my mother would use her strong scanner to find every single thing back, no exceptions. She was especially insistence on cleanliness, as the winter sun showed its face, she couldn’t wait to take all the sheets, all the quilts, as well as the pillows to the wash, and afterwards, she’d taken the things to the backyard to get them dried by the sun. I’d chuckled at her actions, said that it was a total waste of time—and, keeping the house clean, had never made it to my to-do-list in life.

After I married and started my own family, I’d finally rid myself of my mother’s nagging, I thought, I finally get to live how I wanted to. But, things still didn’t work out, perhaps, the heavens were, disgusted with how unkempt I am, and sent a Mr. Clean to me. And since, my life’s been, a living nightmare.

As I’d come home, I was told, to wash my hands, especially with children in the house, we must take preventive measures against E.coli, I’d agreed; secondly, I’d needed to, take all my clothes off and change, into another set of outfit before I am allowed to sit on the couch, as there are, germs on our clothes, fine, I’ll, live with that too. But, Mr. Clean also made the rules of not setting foot on the living room floor before I showered, whenever I’d set foot upstairs, he’d sounded the warnings: “Don’t step on the floors!”, and so, I can only, walk on my knees, to get my clothes out of my room. Isn’t home supposed to be a place where I can relax? Why do I feel like I’m being quarantined here?

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo from online…

The summers get hot, washing my hair, showering by the day, that’s, a necessity, but, must we wash our hair by the day in the winters too? The answer, “YES!”, reasons? There are dusts that our hair may carry, even as I’d just gotten my perms, I was told, to get my hair washed, and I’d told him, that I’d needed the stabilizers in my hair to keep it set, he still refused to budge, and if I don’t do it, then, he’d, nagged on endlessly the whole night through. I’d never bought pricy shoes, and, the rate of them getting torn up, quite high, because he’d scrubbed my shoes outside and left them out to dry nightly; before we go to bed, he’d wash everything, the pots, the pans, the plates, the dishes again all over once more, and I’d already cleaned them after I’d made supper, but in Mr. Clean’s beliefs, I’m a cook, who can’t clean anything. I’m suspecting, that in a past life, he may have been a raccoon, and perhaps, he’d, carried the memories of that life with him this time around!

Time flew, in the over decade long we’d been married, in the hard work of Mr. Clean, our house was, spotless. As for me? I’d still believed, that “we should waste our life on more precious things”, still kept to my laziness in cleaning. Seeing, how I was, never going to, live up to his standards, he could only, give up, on reforming me, other than cooking, he’d done every other household chore himself.

If the husband and wife have varied personalities, and if we’d started fighting on every little thing we disagreed on, life will turn to hell; if we can change our thoughts, correct our own attitudes and behaviors, and use the distance and the space, to make ourselves more tolerant of one another, and treat the rules flexibly, then, every day is a good day, everything is wonderful, and, we’re, living in heaven.

illustration from the papers online…我是一個懶惰主義者,物品極少歸位,每當它們失去蹤影,只要開口求援,母親便會用她強...

With a Mr. Clean in my house, I’d not gotten bogged down by the ordinary rulings of the dusts and the dirt, I guess, it’s, an alternative sort of blessing. We both have our good qualities, we’d kept to our separate posts, keep this household running well; loving each other’s good qualities, and help one another shine with the good qualities that we have, we also shine ourselves, making life better.

And this, is how this couple had, adapted to one another in the marriage, the husband is too cleanly, too anal, but the wife had, learned to adjust her own ways, because she wanted the marriage to work, and, marriage is always a give-and-take, and compromises needed to be made, in order, for the two of you to get along better.

The Taste of Happiness on Thursdays

Hey, save some leftovers for me, will ya??? Translated…

Thursdays are our “family nights”, primarily because my younger brother who’s a pediatrician has a day off, and we can all gather around our parents’ to share some happy times.

My youngest brother who works for a Japanese company, because of how busy his work is, he’d skipped from time to time, and my mother would pack up the leftovers for lunch, then, give it to my younger sister-in-law and my nephew to take it home to him; so the family members missing out, can also have a taste of mom’s love, and the warmth from the family.

On a certain Thursday, I’d needed to work overtime at school, something came up suddenly. As I got home, my son who’d just had supper at his grandparents’ gladly handed me a still warm lunch box, half-jokingly, he’d told me, “this is our left over, saved for you!”, I didn’t believe it. Look, a prawn, three pieces of stewed beef, broccoli with corn, and my favorite, okra. My regrets of not making it home for the gathering meals, suddenly, wiped completely away, by this lunch box, packed with a ton of love.

meal on the table 的圖片結果let’s all sit down for this well-prepared meal here…not my photo…

So, this, is how this family show the love, by sharing the homecooked meals, and, whenever one member can’t make it home, the other members would save some for the individual who’d, skipped out on the meals, and that, is the act of love, that’s experienced by the man who’s a part of this family.

My Eldest Child

He was born, with that rebelliousness about him, and the parents were patient enough, and waited him out, and finally, this young man became settled, after he’d, tested his own limits, translated…

This was the first time that someone made a complaint!

The elderly neighbor said that my son kicked her grandson, ever since, I was very careful, feared, that I might get “pulled over” by another neighbor when I left my house.

In his first-grade year, the teacher called, my son had, “threatened” someone, told a classmate, that he will NOT see the sunrise tomorrow! And so, as you can imagine, making apologies on my son’s behalf became, normal.

What karma did I have, to have this naughty child as a son? As I was pregnant with him, so many things weren’t right, I’d had to take leaves of absence to stay at home; as I had him, I’d pushed so very hard, and he had, refused to come out, and so, the gynecologist “clamped” him out. Whoa, the long and large face and head, looking so odd, well, that’s my son.

A total killer my son had been, after I had him, I was so weakened I’d gone to see him in the nursery on a wheelchair, and yet, the doctor did the neonatal checks, said that there were noises in his heart, that his head was too big, that they’d suspected that his brain was swollen, skin troubles, and his lips don’t look right when he started crying…………holy! This was only my firstborn, you can torture me all you want to, but, do give my baby a break! My husband, I, and the nanny, took him to the major hospitals many times, and as we waited, we’d become panicky and even, started crying, waiting for the test results, and thankfully, there’s never been anything major.

No big troubles, then, my love for him made its appearance. He hated feeding, and in twenty, thirty minutes’ time, he’d only managed to drink a couple of milliliters, and would start panting as he suckled, and I was so fearful, that he couldn’t catch his breath while I fed him, that he may, stop drinking for once, and for all.

Finally, he’s fed, let’s rest. I’d put him down, he didn’t feel like sleeping; lying down, he’d become, completely awakened; he’d cried as I held him in my arms, and, screamed as I carried him on my back too; rocked him, he hated it; cooed with him, he’d not cared for me; paced indoors with him in my arms, he’d cried, took him outside, cried even louder………how many centuries of war had passed, and finally, the universe quieted, I’d tiptoed in and put him down in his crib, we’d become balloons, with the air let out, as we were about to lay down to rest with half of our spirts, came “Wahhhhhhhhh!!!”, then, we’d, both bounced right back up again, not again! Son, do give your parents a break, we won’t do it again, we swear.

If there’s something worth something, it would be how smart he is, as he started learning to talk, we’d recited the poetry to him, and soon enough, he’d, recited it bac, and as grandma taught him the Japanese nursery rhymes, he’d picked it up quickly. But he’d refused to sit still and write and study, he would tilt his body this way and then, and, wrote the character that even GHOST would shriek to see. And other than an A in physical education in his elementary years, getting a ZERO in his other classes became normal for him. Was I, not teaching him enough? Was I not a good example for him? Heaven only knows, but, I am an excellent teacher in school too!

He’d told me once seriously, “Mom, I wasn’t born to study.” And, he’d used the money I gave him for tutoring in the fifth grade and spent it in the net cafés, after I sent him to private middle school, his performances was, less than lacking, the assignment books were filled with the grievances from the instructors: he’d forgotten this and that, didn’t commit something to memory, not worked hard enough during the cleaning period, late to class, argumentative with the instructors………and, in this chaotic learning process, he can be at the top of the class, dropping down, to the lowest scorers, how he does in class, entirely dependent on his moods, as his mother, one will be going crazy, if not becoming a fool.

And afterwards, he’d almost gotten into his first-choice school on his calculus grades, he’s scored almost perfectly in every subject, only that on the last final test of social studies, his besties turned in the tests early, and he followed their leads, and, ran off. Ever since, he’d started commuting to Taipei for high school, and, everything is far away, what can the teachers do to him, and thus, he’d, become lost, in the kingdom of the dragons.

And now, he’d grown, because he’d wasted his time from before, he now realized the importance of working hard, I’d often asked him what he did during those days he’d fooled around? He’d told me that I might get shocked to death if he’d told me, then, let’s look forward, he’d planned to put his career first, his relationships second, and live a colorful life for himself.

My eldest, thankfully, you’re only in your twenties, and not in your thirties or forties. Knowing that you’re lost, you’d, found your way back, your dad and I will always hold our arms open, giving you that warmth of our hugs, so you know, how much we truly, really, love you.

So, this, is the coming of age of a young man, he’d had his crazy times in the past, and now, he’d become settled, because he’d tried everything (short of drugs, sex, and some illegal stuff I’m thinking), point is, these parents allowed their son to do whatever he wanted to, because they knew, that by telling him no, it would only drive him farther away, and so, they’d just, waited, for him, to settle himself back down, and to come back, from those wilder days of his younger years.

In My Bed Tonight…

In my bed tonight, is where you longed to be, but, unfortunately, there’s NO VACANCY!

In my bed tonight, I will fall asleep, dreaming of you and me, of the love we used to have, then, I will, wake up crying, ‘cuz, the love’s NO longer there anymore…

In my bed tonight, I’ll be sleeping soundly, as I usually would every single night since I’d died, and, nothing will WAKE me, until the morning light. In my bed tonight, nothing’s happening, even though it’s a FRIDAY night.查看來源圖片this, is what I’m talking about, NOT my photograph…

In my bed tonight, I’ll be, falling asleep, without tossing and turning hard, over what could’ve been, what might have been, and what’s already happened between us, I don’t lose any sleep at night now, not like how I used to, when I got bogged down by everything in my former life………

In my bed tonight, well, I’m going to bed now (NOT!), and, nobody had better follow me into my bedroom, and nobody had better scratch my door in the early mornings, begging me to let him in (like Murphy used to after he’d had his morning walks and been fed his breakfast…)………

 

 

A Band-Aid for Each Time Your Heart Got Broken…

How many, band-aids had you already, saved up, huh??? Too many for you to keep track of?

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, that’s like kissing a child’s “boo-boos”, that doesn’t do SQUAT! A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, and, it (your heart???) had been broken, more times than you can ever recall, and you’re still sinking and swimming (sinking more!) in the seas of bad love.

like this???  not my picture…

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, well, I’d, ripped ALL those band-aids off my heart that’s gotten broken, repeatedly already, and trust me, you’d rather, do it, quick (‘cuz that way, it’d only, sting for a short while!!!), rather than peeling back the band-aid, slowly!

A band-aid for each time your heart got broken, so, how many band-aids did you, “waste away” already, huh? And, how many more band-aids are you going to go through??? At this “rate”, you’ll be going through ALL the band-aids in the world, and it still won’t quite be enough!!!

better rip it off quick, it’ll only sting a second!!!  Not my photo still…查看來源圖片

A band-aid for each time you got your heart cracked open, doesn’t feel good, as someone REACHED inside of your heart, TEAR it out, ripped it to shreds, then, put those shattered pieces, BACK in, does it??? Of course N-O-T.