Sick & Tired, of ALL the What-If’s…

I’m sick, sick and tired, of ALL the what-if’s, what if, we’d met earlier, than, I would NOT be STUCK in this state of mind, this way of life I’m currently in, and you, I really don’t know, nor would I, wish to give a SHIT, what happens to you!

Sick and tired, of all the what-if’s, and yet, they’d, built up, like those dust that’s, covered up the mantle, and, I’m allergic to DUST ahhhhhhhhhhchoooooooooooo!!!  Sick and tired, of all the what-if’s, what are the purposes of, those annoying, what-if’s anyway, huh?  Sick and tired, of All the what-if’s, had we met earlier, had we not allowed life to get in the way of our love, then, it may all have turned on, differently, and yet, we’d, gone down, separate paths in life (hopefully, our paths will, NEVER come near to intersecting again!!!).

Sick and tired of ALL the what-if’s, they’re, absolutely, USELESS and pointless, and, the purpose of those god DAMN annoying what-if’s is merely to, keep me bound, to my past, and I’d, decided, I want to, break free, and now, all that’s, left for me to do, is to figure out an effective way, to get myself, from those piled-on what-if’s on top of me right now………

Sick and tired of ALL the what-if’s, if there are, no what-if’s, this world would be, perfect (well more like LESS defective!!!) to live in, wouldn’t it???  And yet, count up, how many what-if’s are in your lives???

 

 

 

 

 

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Lived Our Lives in Agony

Misery still loves company, doesn’t it???

We’d, lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and sometimes, my agony would get in the way of your better days, and bring them back down, and sometimes, your agony would, put a damper on my originally brighter moments too.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, agony had become, this vital part of this life we’d, come to share, and although we both knew, it wasn’t good for us, but, neither one of us was willing to, take it out, because we didn’t like changes.

happening almost daily, not my photograph

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and now, I’d, finally had it with all of this, agony, and you too, maybe, without the agony, you would be better suited for me, but, agony was, that common thread, that’s, bound us to one another.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, I don’t know why, but I’m thinking that this, isn’t, good for me one bit, and yet, I can’t find enough motivations, to take that first step toward changing this ditch situation I got stuck in.

The Youth I’d Wasted on You…

Yes, that’s, hindsight AND regrets, calling your names…

The youth I’d wasted on you, thinking back, I was, just way too young, way too inexperienced to know any better, you were wrong, all along, but, I’d allowed you, to get too close to me, ended up, getting hurt bad…

The youth I’d wasted on you, there’s, no getting those precious wonder years back again, is there?  Of course not!  And yet, I still, flip the pages back to those days, guess I’m still, hung up on those, as the best, the happiest moments, of my life, and yet, I know, that I shouldn’t, indulge.

wasted youth 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo or sculpture…

The youth I’d wasted on you, I wish I can just, take that step outward, and cross this threshold of our goodbye, and just, be DONE with it already!  But, something’s preventing me from moving forward with my life, and, I’m, STUCK here, at the moment we said our goodbyes…

And yes, until I can, finally move on, I’ll, keep on, wasting my youth (I’m no longer young, by the way…) on you, endlessly, and, I’m just, getting trapped, by this never-ending, vicious cycle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wine Glass, a Short Prose

Looking back, perhaps, she had, fallen for him, but, she doesn’t feel that way, now that he wanted a softer place to land!  Translated…what her heart looked like, as she’d gone to his wedding…not my photo…

On his birthday party, he announced he was getting married soon.  Her hands slipped, the wine glass shattered to the ground, making the sound resembling that of a heart breaking.  Everybody thought she had a crush on him, that she’d felt impacted, that, was why she’d, dropped the glass, and so, they’d started, gossiping about her after they finished their meals.  She’d come to the understanding, that if she’d explained herself, it’d only make things worse, so, she’d not said anything.  Several years later, he became unhappy in his marriage, and rang her doorbell, and wanted a soft place to land with her, she’d told him, that she’d not liked him one bit.  Naturally, he’d not believed her.  And so, she’d told him, that she’s, with someone now, and showed him a photo.  Then, he’d, turned around and left, he’d, believed in the lie she’d told him.

what his heart looked like, after he was divorced from his wife…shattered heart 的圖片結果not my picture…

So, maybe, this woman wanted this man who should’ve chosen her to marry suffer, that, was why, she’d turned him away, or maybe, years had gone by, and what she felt for him, was no more, or maybe, she’d come to her senses, in realizing, that what she felt towards him was only, a crush, that it wasn’t ever going to last…and this man showed what a LOSER he was, searching for a soft place to land with this woman who’d shattered her wine glass at his wedding.

Chasing Down Regrets, a Poem

The understandings that came a bit late, translated…

Many Years Later

They Finally Come to the Understanding

That The Island Snowing

The People Going Crazy Over the Snows

The Day the Snow Covered Up the Lands

Was the Very First Day

of The End

If only you know what you didn’t know then, that, is regret, and, no matter how hard you’d recalled, how hard you’d longed, for those moments of mistakes in the past made by you back again, you can’t, have your lives, to do over again, and, if you keep on looking back, you’ll end up, missing out on the rest of your lives, but hey, what can you do?  You were the ones, who’d made that very first, initial WRONG step, and every single step afterwards, was to make up for that very FIRST mistake you’d ever made.

Shared My Bed with a Ghost

I had, shared my bed with a ghost, for years on end, it wasn’t lately, I’d started, feeling “her” presence, and how she’d, put that huge DAMPER on our relationship.

She was your first love, the one that broke your heart to pieces, and now, she’s completely, GONE, only, that she really wasn’t, quite completely, gone yet, oh no, you’d, allowed her memories, to linger on.  After we began, I’d heard you mentioned her name, and, it didn’t bother me, until we moved in together (cohabiting before the marriage is still NOT a good idea!!!), and then, she’d started, haunting, various aspects of my life with you.

remembering the one that got away, surely is, painful all right…not my comic…

And now, I’d, shared my bed with a GHOST, for years on end, without even knowing it for so god DAMN long.  I’m just, tired of hearing you tell and retell those former stories of that old flame that’s, left that SCORCH mark on your heart, and yet, I’d still, worked my HARDEST, to ease the damages she’d caused in you, and yet, it was, of NO avail, because I’m so tired, just so god DAMN F***ING (maxed out???) tired, of competing with a god DAMN ghost, and, if she’s that wonderful, why don’t you go back to her?  Oh yeah, she’s, no longer who she was, that young, innocence girl who fell for you, and, here’s that NEWSFLASH (REALITY CHECK anyone???) you are in need of: she got OVER you, while you’re, still, so hung up on her.

And this is bad for me because?  Oh yeah, I am with STUPID (here’s YOUR S-I-G-N!!!), and, perhaps, I’m just, waiting for the effects of whatever the F*** (maxed out???) this had been, to finally WEAR off, then, move on, and, you’ll be left, with MY memories, haunting you, as you found another woman to love, to be with……letting go of a broken heart 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photogaph…

And, it’s, ALWAYS better, to be the one that got away, because, by being the one that “got away”, we get to, come back, at any time we want to, to plague the minds, and, we, a group of “the ones that got away”, will keep on, haunting the ones that let us go, forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever (that’s long enough, isn’t it???).

 

 

 

 

Love No Longer Lived Under This Roof…

Love’s been out, since the day we moved in, it no longer lived under this roof…

Love no longer lived under this roof, and, there’s, NO way of, ever getting it back again!  Love no longer lived under this roof, and I began wondering, WHY we had, moved into this space that formerly belonged to love?  Were we so desperate, that we’d needed to, KICK love out (as this place is too small, for all “three” of “us”???), in order, to live here, comfortably?

love moved out 的圖片結果what it’d, looked like, not my picture…

Love no longer lived under this roof, and, it’s time, that I’d started, accepting that as a F-A-C-T, ‘cuz once love moved out, well, it’s, all over for us, there’s simply, NOTHING keeping you connected to me, or me connected to you anymore, and so, we’d, broken up, as love moved out of here!

Love no longer lived under this roof, but how is that possible, we’d, moved in, on the prerequisite, that love stays here, and, on our rental agreement, love’s, signed that it won’t go, and yet, it’s, ditched us both, how awful!!!

Love no longer lived under this roof, and I guess, I need to, accept that, as a FACT, because there ain’t NO chance that I will ever, have love back in here with me again………

love had, “shape-shifted”, to loss…not my photograph…