If Only We Can be Strangers Again…

If this life we’d, already shared, had never, occurred, if only, we can be strangers again, then, all would be, well, but, we can’t, ‘cuz, we can turn back that clock, can we???

So, here’s, where it’s, led us to, down this broken road, paved with lies, hurt, and betrayal, and, it’s neither of our, faults, or, perhaps, it’s only fair, that we share, the blame together, divide it up, 50/50.

If only we can be strangers again, but we can’t. We can’t even, be perfect strangers to one another, we know each other, too well.

If only, we can be strangers again, wouldn’t that be grand? I mean, just think, how wonderful life would be, we can just, live our colliding lives, like, parallel lines, and never know how close we got to, goodbye.

But, I can’t pretend, I won’t! It’s just, no point for me to do so, I already HATE you, with EVERY single FUCKING (and your point being???) cell in my body. If only, we can be strangers again, but we can’t, we’d, moved PAST being just, strangers now………

 F

Advertisements

Serenade Me, with Those Songs of Your Regrets

These songs you’d sung to me, they’d, become, out-of-tune now!

Serenade me, with those songs of your regrets, c’mon, I want to hear them ALL, over, over, over, and over again from you (‘cuz you will, RE-experience those traumas from your childhood abuse AND neglect repeatedly!!!).

查看來源圖片something that looks, like this, maybe???  Image from online…

Serenade me, with those songs of your regrets, and, I’ll laugh, callously, like I have, NO heart (oh wait, I forgot, I HAVE NO heart!!!). Serenade me, with those songs of your regrets, from that time you couldn’t, control yourself with that WHORE of yours, and, tell me, STEP by STEP what you did to her, ‘cuz I want to know. Did she, moan and GROAN loud enough for ya??? I’m bettin’ that she had!

Serenade me, with those songs of your regrets, but, I’d, gone DEAF, with ALL those repeated moments of regrets in my own life, and so, nothing you say will EVER be, “registering” ever again.

And your lips will keep on moving, and all I see, is blah-blah-b-l-a-h, what’s that you say??? Did someone, accidentally (yeah uh, right!!!) press down hard, and BROKE that “mute” button on your voice? ‘Cuz I CAN’T H-E-A-R Y-O-U!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Across This Vast Plain of My Regrets…

Do you not smell it, the scent of rain, across this vast plain of my regrets, and, as the rain fell, it tasted, salty (‘cuz, it’s, made of TEARS???)…

Across this vast plain of my regrets, I regretted, EVER looking you up, EVER started this god DAMN interaction with you online, and now, we’d become, LESS than strangers, ‘cuz I would’ve, treated STRANGERS with a HELL of a LOT MORE courtesy than you’d ever treated me with!

the storm hasn’t happened yet, but, it’s, brewing all right….  Photo from online…查看來源圖片

Across this vast plain of my regrets, why, oh why, was I so, god damn YOUNG, NAÏVE, and inexperienced (and no, still NOWHERE NEAR the vicinity of STUPID here!!!), in love, and I was, already TWENTY-SIX when that happened, and thankfully, I’d, figured it all out, right before I’d, turned twenty-seven.

Across this VAST plain of my regrets, and I still only got just ONE regret, and that was, being BORN, and I wasn’t, even IN control of that! Across this VAST plain of my regrets, the downpour of ALL the tears I’d, ever cried, came rushing down, all at once, and took me under!

查看來源圖片miles of emptiness, with the storms, in teh distance…not my photo…

Across this VAST plain of my regrets, oh, how I’d, HATED me, for not being old enough, ‘cuz if I were, a bit older when it all started happenin’, then mayne, things would’ve, turned out different (and no, still not going back down THAT road again!!!)……………

And now, you look out, from wherever the HELL you are, you won’t see this VAST plain of MY regrets, ‘cuz I ain’t got NONE (and your point being???). I’d lived, AND died (no, really had!!!), and now, I’m, immortal (feel free to call me EGOTISTICAL, but I KNOW I’m NOT!!!), and no, I’m still NOT claiming to be G-O-D, ‘cuz there AIN’T a G-O-D, it’s all, EVOLUTION, people!!!

 

The Gym, a Short Prose

The changes in the beliefs of this man from before, to after the marriage, it’s actually, quite funny, don’t you think? Translated…

He’s a fanatic when it came to exercise, he’d gone to the gyms after work. One day, he’d met her through a friend, and, the focus of his life became dating and the marriage, and clearly, the time he went to the gym got, reduced. But he’d still loved exercising, he thought this was only, a period of transition. He’d often thought, if she were willing, to go to the gym with her, it would be wonderful. But he thought he shouldn’t demand so much of her, because other than not loving exercising, she’d fitted to his ideal of a perfect woman.

But, after a few years of marriage, he’d told his friend, “the only good thing about her is that she wouldn’t, follow me to the gym.”

See how the mindset changes, from before to after the marriage? That, is how it always works, because when you were in love, you tend to, ignore ALL the not-so-good qualities about each other, but after you two get hitched, then, it’s, a different story, that, is when ALL the differences get magnified underneath that microscope of yours.

Healing Up from a Condition, a Poem

It’s Too Late Now, to Make Amends…

I just want to tell you, how sorry I truly am! Well, you know what, it’s not, “registering”, ‘cuz, that wall that can block out ALL the noises is finally, erect!

It’s too late now, to make amends, I know, but, I still want to let you know, just how sorry I truly am, for hurting you, so, won’t you forgive me already? NO!!!

It’s too late now, to make amends, time didn’t stand still, and I’m no longer as young (or NAÏVE for that matter!!!) as I’d been from before, and everything is, no longer the same between us…

It’s too late now, to make amends, I don’t expect you to forgive me, for what I’d done to you, to our family, but I hope, that as time passes, you’ll be able to, find it in your heart, to say that you forgive me.

It’s too late now, to make amends, because, until you can get H.G. Wells to build that TIME MACHINE, to RELIVE those moments of your regrets, to do something differently, to ALTER the outcomes of our lives, then, there ain’t, NO chance.

It’s too late now, to make amends, I just hope, that all the people I’d, unintentionally MURDERED will find it in their souls, to just, forgive me……

Uh, yeah right, and, DUDES, GET real here!!!

 

To Whom Did He Sing Those Love Songs to?

An elderly man’s finding closure to his own past through telling the tales of his own younger years, translated…

Some of the elderly had gone through the wars when they were young, and they’d stated often, “We’d gone through the bloodbaths of war, what else had we not seen yet?”, and, there was an elderly man with gastric cancer on the hospital beds, he was one of those who fought in the war and retreated to Taiwan (he didn’t say it was “retreat” though), carrying on in his soldier mannerisms, after he’d learned that he was in the terminal stage of his gastric cancer, he’d refused to eat. And so, the hospitals called on the social workers to help get him to eat something.

The Stories that Even His Wife Didn’t Know

“Hi, grandpa, is there something that’s bugging you that’s made you not want to eat?”, the social worker asked.

He’d ignored, and the very first time they’d met, it’d ended, quickly. The second time the social worker visited, the elderly man still refused to disclose, and the social worker couldn’t get anything else out of him either.

By the third time, the social worker didn’t know how to break the ice, and so, she’d told the elderly, “There’s a wish fulfillment activity I’d just hosted in another ward, I’d helped a patient to fulfill his last wishes.”

“What about the last wishes?”, the elderly man finally, asked.

“It was an ailing young man, without much time left, but he’d, loved this song, and we’d, used the song, to set up an activity for him.”

圖/蔡雅芬illustration from the papers online…

The social worker quickly told the ins and outs of the activities, as he finished the elderly woman close by said, “Grandpa loved to sing too, although he’d originated from China, but he’d loved singing those Taiwanese tunes such as ‘The Connections Between Needle & Thread’, ‘Pillow for Two’, etc., etc., etc., he’s really good at singing these songs.” the elderly woman stayed by the elderly man, and she looked and seemed kind.

“Grandpa, would you like to sing it now?”, the social worker prodded.

“I want to sing another Chinese oldies by Lei Hsieh, ‘Sending the Words Through the Clouds’…”

He’d scratched his head, cleared his throat, then started singing, “Even if it was the past, every now and then, you would get reminded, of something worthwhile, during those days we were very close to each other………”

“Grandpa, you have an amazing voice”, the social worker applauded.

“I want to tell you a story, a story that even my wife doesn’t know.” having opened up, the elderly man pretended to make his voice less than audible.

“Being Listened to” is a Very Important Thing

Back then, he’d, enlisted into the national government’s army, and after the war, the tensions were building up, and the army wanted them to transfer to Taiwan, and he’d used what time he had to go see his fiancée, told her, “Come, come, the army is leaving, let’s go together!”

After all they were both, too young, and the girl just cried unstop, and so, the elderly man can only tell her, “It’s late, I’ll go now then”, and since, he’d been, separated from his own fiancée from across the straits, and he’d, started a new family here in Taiwan.

“Although my children aren’t especially outstanding, but they’d followed the laws, it’s just, that I couldn’t quite, let go of my fiancée back in China, and so, as I’d sung ‘Sending the Words Through the Clouds’, I’d gotten, reminded of her.”, the elderly stated passionately, and, his eyes grew, misty.

At this time, the elderly man is already in his seventies, and he couldn’t let go of the girl he was in love with from across the strait, and, it’s clear, that he’d, needed to resolve this unresolved issue at this final stage of his life.

After the elderly told his tale, he’d finally, felt better, it was, the secret he’d, buried, too deeply, inside of himself.

As the social worker heard, he’d, immediately asked the elderly woman close by, “After you’d heard this experience from your husband, will you………”

The elderly woman smiled, and said, that although it was the very first time she’d heard him told of this, “But it’s, all in the past, I’m grateful toward grandpa, for looking after me and my family after we married.”

The stories when we were young, it may have been, tragic, caused by the ears in time, and yet, having the stories told aloud again to be listened to, is something quite important, this being listened to meant validifying the values of one’s life, and verification of one’s own existence, and even if the events of life didn’t, quite work out, at least, you’d had the chance, to tell it out, and slowly, you will be able to, let go of the regrets connected with the events.

And so, this, is on how important it is, to have someone to listen to you, to not pass any judgment on what you’re telling, because we ALL have secrets, ghosts in our pasts that haunted us, and, we all need an outlet, for everything that’s happened to us, up to this current moment in our lives.

 

These Regrets of Mine…

Fate has, this TWISTED (and yeah, it’s S-I-C-K if you ask me!!!) way of teaching US the lessons we need to learn in life…

These regrets of mine, don’t want ‘em, but, they kept comin’ towards me, faster than 50 miles a second, and I’m runnin’, fast as I can, but, they’d all, ganged up on me.

and, here’s, that song that, exemplifies exactly how I feel, from Youtube…

These regrets of mine, they’d, PAVED the path, that I’d, traveled on, since long, long, long, long, long (5 long’s, that should be, long enough???) ago, and I want to be done with all of ‘em, but, it seems, that they ain’t, done with me yet!!!

These regrets of mine, how can I, lay ALL y’all to rest, huh? And, ain’t you tired, of tagging along behind my tail, go find someone ELSE to haunt, why don’t ya?

These regrets of mine, they’re, I guess, my own makin’, I suppose, done a zillion bad things (and still in countin’ too!!!) in this lifetime of mine thus far, and, I just can’t, seem to, turn this life of mine ‘round, even if I wanted to change, I just can’t seemed to find a way to………

These regrets of mine…sigh………