A Widow, Back, in the Dating Scene

Attempting, to fill up that void from the death of her beloved husband, by dating men, and this woman still hadn’t figured out exactly, that what she’s missing was inside of her self, and she CANNOT find it outside of her self, with the men she’d been, dating, translated…

The Trophies of the Ballroom Dancing Class

Jie-Ruo, she was the very first friend I’d made in London, she’s passionate, friendly, but her husband, Barry who teaches in a middle school is very quiet, rarely smiled, they’re, totally, opposites.

That year on my birthday, I’d originally asked Jie-Ruo out to lunch to celebrate with me, but that very morn, I’d received a call from our friend, telling me, that Barry had, died of a myocardio infarction the night before.

illustration from the papers online…國標舞班的戰利品潔若,是我到倫敦認識的第一個朋友,她熱情友善,但在中學任教的...

Barry didn’t leave any words behind, and, Jie-Ruo became like a phantom, not knowing, what she is to do now. Thankfully, Barry bought the homeowner’s insurance that’s a part of his life insurance plans, the house is still theirs, the three of them, mother and sons, wouldn’t be out on the streets; the retirement pension of the teachers, his surviving wife can still receive, barely enough, to make ends meet. But, the eldest son just entered into his freshman year in college, and his father died, he’d become, depressed and locked himself up inside, refused, to go back to college for his courses, became a stay-at-home geek; the second son was in his puberty, had emotional ups and downs, and the two children had given Jie-Ruo a ton of headaches. The only consolation was she had two dogs, I’d often gone with her to the parks to walk them, allowed her to pour her heart out to me, to help resolve that loneliness she feels inside after the loss of her husband.

And, five, six years flew by, the kids became, more stabilized, and she’d worked, very hard, to get out from the glooms of the loss of her husband. I’d recommended her to attend the ballroom dancing classes offered by the community center, isn’t that a great place, for single people, to find a partner again?

Not long thereafter, Jie-Ruo came knocking on my doors, with that smile I hadn’t seen crawling up her lips for a very long time, with a yellow Chinese style dress I’d given her as a gift from before, with a gentleman close by. I’d, immediately guessed, that that, was one of the winnings she’d gained, from the ballroom dancing class with the number of women being MORE than the number of men in the class—Richard.

But, Richard, who’s about fifty, is a bit eccentric, he’d lived alone in the countryside, in England, where winters tend to last very long, he’d not had a heater system; sometimes, he’d vanished for a very long while, cut off contact with Jie-Ruo completely, but as Jie-Ruo was going through something like the loss of her mother or aunt, he’d immediately shown up to comfort her. And the way they’d interacted on and off, on and off, with no consistencies, it’d made Jie-Ruo really insecure.

Moving into the New Estate Next to the Beach

After her elder passed on, Jie-Ruo inherited a huge sum of inheritance, at this time, Barry had been gone for ten years, as the kids graduated from college, she’d slowly, become more at ease, more confident too.

One day, as I was walking the dogs with her at the park, as we’d carried on in casual conversation, a Tony popped up. “Sorry, who’s Tony again?”, I recalled, that after Richard, there was, John, Simon……………

I saw that light of happiness flickering in Jie-Ruo’s eyes, as she’d chimed on, “Tony is a partner in my ballroom dancing class. He took care of his ailing wife for many years, became a widower just last year. He is very funny and outgoing, I’m really happy with him. You know, I have this dream, of living close to the seas, and Tony was willing to sell his estate, and I, using a part of my mother’s inheritance, we’d, bought a mansion by the seas together. Actually, we’d already found a property, if we break up, or there were issues on the inheritance right for the children, we’d found an attorney to draft up the wills already too……………” as she’d talked, she’d become, more and more excited.

I thought, man, you are, a widow that just refuse to settle down, back then, Barry, was too quiet, perhaps, Tony, who’s very outgoing and upbeat can make you happy. It’s just, that not knowing each other for six months yet, and you’re already, buying an estate together, are you sure you thought this thing through completely? But, seeing how happy Jie-Ruo was talking about this, I couldn’t possibly, rain on her parade.

Just as they were about to buy their estate together, Jie-Ruo came to me, with worries on her face, “Tony is very ill now, maybe, it’s, cancer…………”, I’d felt that tightening in my heart, my dear Jie-Ruo, why do you have such bad luck, you’re about, to take on, a sick, ailing, and even, dying man.

But, they’d already signed the papers for the house, they can’t turn back now, and so, they’d, followed the plans, Jie-Ruo took her two Papillons, Tony, with his huge German shepherd, they’d, moved in to that new house on the beach. The three dogs got along quite well, and, Jie-Ruo took good care of Tony like she’d promised. And, thankfully, after the health exams, Tony didn’t have cancer, but a heart condition, and all he’d needed was, rest.

But, living together, it’d, caused the frictions, and how to split up the costs, and, the methods of dealing with their separate children weren’t consistent enough, they’d started fighting a lot, and, a little over a year, they’d, sold the property, and split up.

“It’s been so many year, I’d gotten fearful, of living this life alone. Steven who’s very straight-forward was, my Forrest Gump, he’d danced with me, gone out with me on walks, and we’d, gotten along quite well with each other. Life, is all about, being happy in the now, who knows what’ll happen tomorrow, right?”

I’d, squeezed her hand, knew her heart, she’d been through the trials of losses from death, so, what if, she’s, dating a lot right now, right?

And so, this, is what this woman learned, from the losses in her life, she’d attempted to fill up that void that came with the loss of her beloved husband, with other men, and it might work for a short while, as the article showed, but, because this widow didn’t dig DEEP enough inside of herself, to find out WHY exact it is that she fears being alone, her relationships will always be, short-lived…

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The Gym, a Short Prose

The changes in the beliefs of this man from before, to after the marriage, it’s actually, quite funny, don’t you think? Translated…

He’s a fanatic when it came to exercise, he’d gone to the gyms after work. One day, he’d met her through a friend, and, the focus of his life became dating and the marriage, and clearly, the time he went to the gym got, reduced. But he’d still loved exercising, he thought this was only, a period of transition. He’d often thought, if she were willing, to go to the gym with her, it would be wonderful. But he thought he shouldn’t demand so much of her, because other than not loving exercising, she’d fitted to his ideal of a perfect woman.

But, after a few years of marriage, he’d told his friend, “the only good thing about her is that she wouldn’t, follow me to the gym.”

See how the mindset changes, from before to after the marriage? That, is how it always works, because when you were in love, you tend to, ignore ALL the not-so-good qualities about each other, but after you two get hitched, then, it’s, a different story, that, is when ALL the differences get magnified underneath that microscope of yours.

Healing Up from a Condition, a Poem

The Impact of that Very First Love…

You may not realize this, but, the impact of that very first love, exceeds beyond ANYTHING you will ever, come to know! The impact of that very first love, it’s so deep, because it’s, the very first time that’s made you feel, you want to, give everything you are, to someone else, and that, is not to be taken, lightly…

The impact of that very first love, it’s like, being on a collision course, and you’re in that car that’s, speeding, spinning, out of control, and NO matter how hard you’d, wanted control over that steering wheel, it’s just, not possible!

here’s a song that shows this…video from Youtube…

The impact of that very first love, you’re, destined to feel the loss, because that very first love, was NEVER, going to last, no matter how much you’d, wanted it to…

The impact of that first love, you’d, never forgotten it, had you? Of course not, it was, the very first time that someone had, made your hearts skipped a beat in time, and that, is a once-in-a-lifetime, never to be experienced again for the first time kinda thing.

The impact of that first love, it’s not, to be, reckoned with, oh no, and don’t EVER, underestimate the effect that very first love has had on your life, you’re still, affected by that very first love you’d, ever had even to this day…

 

These Secret Words, a Poem

Found off of the side of a drink carton, translated by me…

I Kept Searching Hard to Find

That Secret Code that Can Get Me into Your Heart

As the Moment the Call was Picked Up

words of secret 的圖片結果like what these two children are “sharing”???  Photo from online

That Gentle Tone of Voice, It’d, Entered into My Ear Canals

I Shall be

Your Most Faithful Audience

Hearing You Sing Those, Sweet Lullabies

You’d Smiled, Sweeter, in Your Dreams

Compared to All Other Times

This probably from a parent, watching a child asleep in dreams, or from when a person watches someone s/he loves in dreams, and, when the other person is so peaceful, asleep next to you, the whole world is right, isn’t it???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tear Drops on That Note…

Teardrops on that note, smearing it all out, everything became a total blur…

Teardrops on that note, that note’s been, damaged with water, just look at the washed-off ink stains from the writing. You’d cried your tears, repeatedly, onto those hard-on-your-heart words of his, hadn’t you? So, why don’t you, throw out that ruined note, huh? Because you enjoy a good, old-fashioned torture, is that it???

Teardrops on that note, stop looking at it, it’d become, that awful reminder, of how love could’ve been, but it wasn’t, was it? And, by keeping that note close to your heart, you’re, allowing it, to tear you up inside.

like this???  From online…

Teardrops on that note, dried, and cried, again, again, again, again, again (you get the picture, don’t you???), and it’s still not quite near end yet. Teardrops on that note, and still, you can’t bring yourself, to toss that broken heart out, ‘cuz you wanted to remember, how he’d, hurt you, how you were, betrayed by love, so, you won’t, get betrayed by love again!

Teardrops on that note, that hard goodbye that came too soon, but, if it didn’t come when it had, would you be where you currently are? No you won’t! So, you still won, you grew up, out of that broken state already, hadn’t you, and now, those tear smeared markings serve as a reminder………

查看來源圖片or this???  Found online…

 

 

 

 

Hearing about Your Lost Love

From a blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated by me…

I kept hearing you talk

About her

You kept ranting incessantly on

how good she was

pouring her heart out 的圖片結果exposing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves here…not my photograph…

You Kept Telling Me About Him

How He’s Still, Taking Up Her Whole Heart

I Kept Listening to You

Telling Me about Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Him & Her

With the Beginning, and the End, How Regrettable it Was that the Two of You Met Up Too Late

You Kept Ranting Incessantly

like this, except it’s with her current boyfriend instead of a girlfriend…not my photograph…

On the Second Person Pronouns in Your Life

Belonging to You, Him, and Her

Existed, in My First-Person Regrets

My & My Loneliness

We Keep, Hearing that Rain Falling on the Lakes of My Heart

So, this is on the sorrows of dating someone who hadn’t readied her/himself for you yet, and, maybe, you think that if you wait a little longer, than, the individual will wholeheartedly, give her/himself to you, but, that’s a FAT chance, because people usually don’t get over their broken hearts, especially with the emotional attachments still intact that easily!

 

 

 

 

Gazing, a Poem

From my Chinese subscriptions, translated by me…

I’d Stored Some Time into My Watch

Filled Up the Fish Tank, with the Morning Light

I’d Put up Ten Clouds Up in the Skies, Leaving Only Five

Plucked Up All the No Entry Signs

like this???  Photo found online…like

I’d Adjusted the Temperature of the Wind to Warm

Painted My House the Colors of the Rainbow

Okay, it’s, all Ready Now!

I’d Planned This Singlehandedly, Some Better Days

At This Time, the Vast Universe, the Universe is Slowly, Navigating

The Fields of My Serene Heart, There Seemed to Be Music Playing

I Want, This Sort of a Life

that moment of intimacy…photo from online still…

Looking, Deep, into Your Life

So, all of that is a set up, to be with someone, to include someone in your life, and this, is pretty dumb, living your own life, according to how it makes another feel!