Hearing about Your Lost Love

From a blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated by me…

I kept hearing you talk

About her

You kept ranting incessantly on

how good she was

pouring her heart out 的圖片結果exposing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves here…not my photograph…

You Kept Telling Me About Him

How He’s Still, Taking Up Her Whole Heart

I Kept Listening to You

Telling Me about Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Him & Her

With the Beginning, and the End, How Regrettable it Was that the Two of You Met Up Too Late

You Kept Ranting Incessantly

like this, except it’s with her current boyfriend instead of a girlfriend…not my photograph…

On the Second Person Pronouns in Your Life

Belonging to You, Him, and Her

Existed, in My First-Person Regrets

My & My Loneliness

We Keep, Hearing that Rain Falling on the Lakes of My Heart

So, this is on the sorrows of dating someone who hadn’t readied her/himself for you yet, and, maybe, you think that if you wait a little longer, than, the individual will wholeheartedly, give her/himself to you, but, that’s a FAT chance, because people usually don’t get over their broken hearts, especially with the emotional attachments still intact that easily!

 

 

 

 

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Gazing, a Poem

From my Chinese subscriptions, translated by me…

I’d Stored Some Time into My Watch

Filled Up the Fish Tank, with the Morning Light

I’d Put up Ten Clouds Up in the Skies, Leaving Only Five

Plucked Up All the No Entry Signs

like this???  Photo found online…like

I’d Adjusted the Temperature of the Wind to Warm

Painted My House the Colors of the Rainbow

Okay, it’s, all Ready Now!

I’d Planned This Singlehandedly, Some Better Days

At This Time, the Vast Universe, the Universe is Slowly, Navigating

The Fields of My Serene Heart, There Seemed to Be Music Playing

I Want, This Sort of a Life

that moment of intimacy…photo from online still…

Looking, Deep, into Your Life

So, all of that is a set up, to be with someone, to include someone in your life, and this, is pretty dumb, living your own life, according to how it makes another feel!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Malabar Chestnut & Those Memories of Youth

The memories of her first love lives on, in the form of a plant as a token of the guys love for her, translated…

That day as the typhoon came, the potted plants on my lanai were destroyed, especially my favorite Malabar chestnut.  My son told, “This Malabar chestnut is such an eyesore, let’s just, toss it!”  I’d told him, “Nope!  So long as I’m alive, this Malabar chestnut shall never get thrown out!”

Some three decades ago, I’d gone on a fieldtrip with a boy I liked, and on the way, we’d passed a flower shop, there was a Malabar chestnut that was just the right size that caught my eyes, and, the boy, who was very tentative knew immediately, that I liked it, asked the owner of the florist to wrap it up for me immediately.something like this, perhaps???  Photo from online…

He said, so long as there’s soil, just throw in the seeds, or, plant down the stems, the Malabar chestnut will keep on growing.  And so, this plant was seen, as something that’s too cheap, “but life is full of uncertainties, if you like it, then, it’s worth millions.  With this Malabar chestnut accompanying by your desk, you will multiply your speeds in reading and writing, you must, take good care of it, and in return, it will, take care of you too.” I’d kept these words in mind since.

For many years, I’d moved around several times, and, it’s always been, that piece that I must take with me, as I changed it into a bigger pot, it’s like, watching my favorite child getting taller and bigger, needing to buy the new clothes!  And, that small potted plant of no more than twenty centimeters originally, already exceeded my height now.

After I’d asked the experts, I’d decided, to saw off all the loose branches.  Several days ago, I’d found the new buds sprouting out of the edges, I was so ecstatic.  Early yesterday evening, I’d opened up the screen door to my lanai, saw how the Malabar chestnut was flourishing, the freshly grown leaves glistened in the light of the setting sun, I’d felt, that burst of new life inside of my heart.

The world is never the same, and the guy I liked and I, never made it, but this Malabar chestnut, along with the memories of my youth, stayed.

So, this plant became meaningful, because it was a gift from that first love of yours, and, although the two of you didn’t work out in the end, you’d kept the plant, as a marking of your youth, of that young love you’d once had.

He’d Tussled My Hair

Ahhhhhhhhhh, the tastes of love we’d encountered in our schooling days, so innocent, liyet, so surprising at the same time, translated…

I’d walked up the stairs, passed the group of boys, gathering around the entrance, smoking, then came whistling from behind me…………So, this is a cram school, this huge classroom the size of an auditorium, the rows of desks and chairs, cramped in, and numerous “bad” students who were, forced to attend the sessions by their parents.

Several days later, I’d recognized that guy who’d whistled at me, it was, a boy with his sleeves always rolled up, with the elongated brows and eyes, very slim and tall.  Privately, I’d called him “bad student”, felt, that our two worlds would be too dissimilar for us to cross path.

And yet, that day as I sat in the classroom, reading on my own, he’d came to me asked, “You’re practicing math?” I’d kept my head lowered, not knowing how to reply.  Suddenly, he’d, reached his hands out, and tucked the hair, fallen to the side of my face to behind my ear.  Suddenly, I’d, blushed and my heart raced, and my mind went blank, as I finally came back to me again, he’d returned to the group of boys he’d belonged to, and continued joking.

After that day, he’d still continued whistling at me, and I’d no longer dared, go to and from alone.  In my goody-two-shoe stage of cram school sessions, he was the first that’s made my heart skipped a beat in time.

So, this, is your first taste of love, or rather, what felt like love, and, you’d not expected this happening in your cram school sessions, but this boy, he apparently, struck a chord with you somehow…

Summer Dreams

Summertime is the time for love, isn’t it???  Translated…

What would I be like in your dreams of summer.  The countless drops of sweat, washing the sheets.  The bed still held your body heat for a long time, so warm it’d felt like the sun just kissed the bed, the air-conditioning can only continue to malfunction, due to our saving up the electricity.  The summers are mostly filled with, summer skies.  We’d agreed, that that picnic date shall come soon.  That long-time-no-see straw mat, the eating utensils, the weather, sun screen, and, the company, all taken out of storage now, and after we’d, dusted them off, we’d placed them orderly on that patch of green grass inside our minds.  The island you brought with you, giving my small boat, a reason to stay.  We’d naturally become, two of a matching kind, and the earth wouldn’t be laxing in romance.  Actually, our two shadows unknowingly, became merged, we’d, kept each other warm.  You are my oxygen, and I’m the rust that came with you, becoming that birthmark where we once, lay together.  Following, there would be, a few days of rainstorms, making me recall just how sweaty you’d become then, rolling from the memories of skin.  But I believe, that all of this bad luck will soon be gone.  So long as I’d pinned the lighted sky on my calendar, the tears I’d saved, for the window panes, to help it cultivate the summer dreams that it’d longed to have.

圖/陳偉哲the photograph that came attached to this short prose from the papers online…

This is poetic, on the sorrows of not seeing someone you cared for or loved often enough in the summertime, and, summer is a time for love, everything is heated up, including the romance that’s between the two of you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

The Interlude of Love in Our Fourth Year of Middle School

The young and in love, of course, these are, only passages in our lives, they’re not, meant to last, are they???  Nope!  Translated…

Perhaps, This Would be, the Very Last Ten-Minutes We Ever Get to Walk Together………

The Beginning of an Unknown World

This place, “the fourth year of middle school”, it’s definitely, a unique experience for the youths who were involved in it during that era of time.  Regularly, it was after we’d all graduated from middle school, but we’d continued, wearing those uniforms every single day, and pretended to go to school daily, it’s just, that the location where classes held was no longer on campus, but in this 50-centimeter space that’s tightly cramped.  But for me and Jack, it was, the start of our trip away from home, getting to know a foreign world, we’d both believed back then, that this was only, a year-long temporary thing in Taipei, which helped us to become, more adventurous in life as we got older.

young and in love, not my photograph…

That year, we both had our separate failed ventures in love.  We fell for two sisters from Shijr, I think they were, cousins.  Although we’d felt attracted to them, but, based off of the conditions back then, we couldn’t do anything about the attractive feelings, and so, after our cram school sessions, we’d accompanied them on the ten-minute walk from the classes to the train stations in Songshan, during those short ten-minutes we’d come to share, it’d become, the happiest time we’d ever had in our fourth year of middle school.

Jack loved the older girl, but, their differences in height was too enormous, the girl was 5’8, while Jack was only 5’5, every time I’d walked behind them, it was, like watching the temple deities making their parades, but, because they’d bickered a lot, it’d, added to those harder days of our youth, and for the year, we’d both followed behind them, watched how things played out with them, sometimes, we’d laughed until our stomachs hurt, and sometimes, we’d caught each other’s gazes, and, seemed, to have a lot to say to one another, but, we’d, suppressed the urges to talk, and just, walked on quietly.

Don’t Forget How You Feel at This Precise Moment in Time

The final day of our fourth year in middle school, the four of us maintained our usual formation, walked toward the Songshan Train Station.  But we all knew, that perhaps, this would be, the very last time, we walked together for the ten-minutes, and, the tall and short who’d fooled around and horse-played both, settled down.  The very first time, Jack and I bought the tickets, and followed the sisters into the station to wait.  As the train came in, I knew, that if I don’t say something, then, it would be, too late, but I’d not spoken a single word.  Before she got on, the younger cousin turned her head around, said to me, “Goodbye”, god DAMN it, I still didn’t have enough courage to say anything, I’d just, nodded my head toward her.

teenagers in love 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photo…

Before the train started, I’d quickly taken out the sketch I’d made secretly in class of the younger cousin’s side profile, and handed it to her who found a window seat, that was the very first time, that she’d stared me in the eyes, and, flashed that enchanting smile at me.  The train moved, and the older girl tilted her head out the window, and called out “Jack!”, Jack attempted to run to keep up, but the train already, sped out of the station, I saw Jack’s panting backside, and there seemed, to be tears, mixed in his sweats, this was, probably, the very first time I ever saw Jack cry.

Before we left Taipei, we did something together, celebrated our birthdays together.  We were both, Taureans, born in the month of May, eight days apart, we’d bought ourselves a small cake, with one candle on it, we sat at the bus depot at the back of the train station and made a wish together.

“Although we’re dirt poor right now, but, we’d, shared some great times together, we will, NEVER forget how we both feel at this  precise moment.”

“I hope we will sit in different countries, and celebrate our birthdays together.”

so young, these kids, and yet, the love they’d found, are the purest…not my picture still…

“Are we going to be sitting, in the different bus stations of the different countries?”

“Ha, that sounds very cool too!”

“We must work hard, to make names of ourselves, work hard, and we will, succeed!”

So, these are the days of our youths, we’d found that first taste of love, but, because at the end, we’d needed to grow up and part ways, but, the memories of our shared moments will always stay alive in each of us, like it was, yesterday!