Wine Glass, a Short Prose

Looking back, perhaps, she had, fallen for him, but, she doesn’t feel that way, now that he wanted a softer place to land!  Translated…what her heart looked like, as she’d gone to his wedding…not my photo…

On his birthday party, he announced he was getting married soon.  Her hands slipped, the wine glass shattered to the ground, making the sound resembling that of a heart breaking.  Everybody thought she had a crush on him, that she’d felt impacted, that, was why she’d, dropped the glass, and so, they’d started, gossiping about her after they finished their meals.  She’d come to the understanding, that if she’d explained herself, it’d only make things worse, so, she’d not said anything.  Several years later, he became unhappy in his marriage, and rang her doorbell, and wanted a soft place to land with her, she’d told him, that she’d not liked him one bit.  Naturally, he’d not believed her.  And so, she’d told him, that she’s, with someone now, and showed him a photo.  Then, he’d, turned around and left, he’d, believed in the lie she’d told him.

what his heart looked like, after he was divorced from his wife…shattered heart 的圖片結果not my picture…

So, maybe, this woman wanted this man who should’ve chosen her to marry suffer, that, was why, she’d turned him away, or maybe, years had gone by, and what she felt for him, was no more, or maybe, she’d come to her senses, in realizing, that what she felt towards him was only, a crush, that it wasn’t ever going to last…and this man showed what a LOSER he was, searching for a soft place to land with this woman who’d shattered her wine glass at his wedding.

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A Hottie in School

It took this woman going home, to realize her own patterns of behavior, and now that she’d snapped out of the vicious cycle of her own pattern of behaviors, she will have, better relationship

As Yun Yeh entered into her freshman year at Hong Kong University, it’d caused a riot.  She majored in finances of the business school there, and almost ALL the male classmates couldn’t wait to set their eyes upon this beauty; an almond-shaped face, delicate features, natural red lips, and milky white complexion, at 5’5, she was very fit, and she’d often worn a light smile on her lips.  The second week she’d entered into the volunteer group to visit the nursing homes, as the news got out, everybody thought, she was, a kindhearted beauty, the best candidate for a girlfriend, and, there were, more men in the business school who became infatuated.

Every time she walked out of the lecture halls, there would be a handful of guys, following her around, some asked her to be in the extracurricular activity they were involved in, some asked her about the assignments, and, some who knew her started asking her out.  Yun Yeh said to them, in her mild matter, and, agreed to go out with them, and, letting them down gently.  In the second semester of her freshman year, she’d agreed to go out with two juniors to supper, one was a handsome classmate of the same majors, Ching, the other, a handsome rich boy, Lin, who majored in international business.  They’d started competing openly.  As Ching learned that Lin had professed his love to Yun Yeh, but she’d not told him yes or no, he’d asked her to the college up the hills in Hong Kong University and told her he loved her in the ancient style bridge, Yun Yeh smiled and nodded toward him.  And the very next day, there was, this extra eye catching couple around the campus.  But what fazed everybody was, in a short month-and-a-half, it was over between them.  She’d still smiled lightly, and he’d, carried his cool flair, worked out at the gym.  The two didn’t mention to anybody why they broke up, it’s just, the other males from the business department no longer fluttered around her any longer.

As Yun Yeh was in her second year, there were the guys in different majors who’d gone to see her a lot, a senior in the electrical engineer major pursued her hard, and she’d accepted, they’d become the pair to watch for around campus, but, in two months, it was, over.  She is, beautiful as she always is, dressed even more fashionably now, just that her smiles, no longer as deep.  In her third year, Yun Yeh got involved with a volunteer trip, the senior from the mathematics economics major from another school fell in love with her at first sight.  This time, she was, more careful, not walked together with him around campus, to cause a discussion by the onlookers.  They’d gone strolling at the parks a lot, then, to dinner.  That very first month was sweet, they’d met up two, three times a week, but after a month, he’d stopped, asking her out, and they broke up at the end too.  Now, Yun Yeh had, stopped smiling, and was often, lost in thought.  She thought, she’d hoped her boyfriend would call her before bedtime to talk, hoped that he could, set up the dates with care, this wasn’t asking too much.  A lot of the other female students asked this of their boyfriends too.  So, what was the problem, of her past, failed relationships?

Toward the end of her junior year, she’d finished taking her last exam in the morning, returned to her dorm, to pack up her things, and readied to head to Taiwan for a self-help trip with her roommates the next day for a week.  Suddenly, her cell phone sounded off, it was her younger cousin, calling from Changsha, in Hunan, said that her mother had a stroke and is hospitalized.  Yun Yeh started crying out.  He’d told her that it wasn’t serious, that it’s only a mild stroke from the reduced blood flowing into her mother’s brains, that she was getting out that afternoon so long as she goes to rehab for the months that follow, she’ll be all right.  Yun Yeh didn’t go to Taiwan, that very day, she’d flown back to Changsha.  On the airplanes, she couldn’t help but cry.  Her mother was her sole support for these last five years, her father died in her first year of high school, her father had a huge business, and left her mother and her with a huge sum of inheritance, and a life with no worries.  As her father passed, she was so sad, but this time, her mother only fell ill, and she’d felt that the skies were, falling, she’d, depended so much on her mother.  Last night, she’d just used video conference with her mother, and she’d told her what foods to watch out for when she goes to the night market in Shihlin, because the stand didn’t use fresh oils.

Yun Yeh walked out of the airport, didn’t see her cousin, but someone called out to her, it was her high school classmate, Li Yuan, he and her cousin both studied in the University of Hunan.  Li Yuan took her suitcases, smiled and said, “Your cousin told me to come because he couldn’t.”  His smile was so bright like the sun, a bit, burning.  “Stop wearing a sour face, your mom’s fine, she’d wanted to come with me to pick you up, I’d stopped her, and told her to rest up at home.”

As Yun Yeh got into Li Yuan’s car, he’d chimed, “You know how happy it makes me, to be able to pick you up?”, she’d felt this heat in his expressions and voice, suddenly, Yun Yeh realized, that it’s this sort of warmth that’s made her melt every single time, is she, going to, repeat the same cycles this time as well?  Li Yuan reached over, to help her with the seat belts.  She’d told him, “Thanks, I can manage.”  He’d nodded and smiled, didn’t mind, and that, was when she’d realized, that it wouldn’t hurt people, if she’d, turned them down.

Yun Yeh turned the locks on her doors, her mother walked out of the bedroom, she’d run over and hugged her mother tightly, her mother felt stunned, and surprised, that, was the very first time, her daughter had ever, hugged her.  Her daughter asked flustered, “Mom, how are you?”, the two of them sat on the love seat, Li Yuan sat down on the single.  Her mother held her hands, told, “I woke in the morn, felt my left side go numb, a bit dizzy on the left of my head, and so, I got on a taxi and went to the emergency rooms.  The doctor said it was only, a minor embolism, that the blood made another way around, it’s no big deal now, don’t worry about me, child.”  She’d wrapped her arms around Yun Yeh’s shoulders, “I’ll make you something to eat, spicy dumpling soup, Li Yuan, stay for it too!”

Shame started growing inside of Yun Yeh, she’d said in a muffled voice, “Mom, stop working so hard, be a fitting patient, I’ll go and steep some tea.”  She’d entered into the kitchen alone.  As the kettle was boiling, she’d understood suddenly, that her mother was that surge of warmth that wrapped around her, as she started dating, she’d, transferred this sort of mode of interaction, demanded that the guys she’d dated to pay attention to her, to care for her, she’s the one, who’d, turned herself into the kind of girl that every man disliked.  It’s time, she broke out of the pattern of behavior now, in the future, as she started dating again, she needed to, become, more independent.

So, it took this woman coming home, to visit her mother, to realize how she was, subconsciously carrying the expectations of how carefully her mother looked after her and imposing it onto the guys she was dating, and now, as she realized this, she is going to have a better chance, of having longer lasting relationships in life.

The Love Found in Midlife

A love that’s, geographically undesirable, so, you can’t, hold on to it, and chose, to let each other go…translated…

Young and wild, believed that we’d sought out the love bravely, sacrificing everything, love will be ours to behold; and after we’d ruined ourselves, in the encounter with love, we’d only begun, to learn, that we can’t force anything in this world.

The first time I saw C, it was as I’d learned that a famous instructor from an Ivy League university was giving guest lectures at N.T.U., back then, I was a part-time lecturer, and I’d selected a few courses to audit.  And, based off of my experiences, the western instructors from the U.S. and Europe encouraged the students to voice their questions, encouraged in-class participations, the instructors prepared the course packets, and guided the students in their learning processes based off of the handouts.

What caught my attention was C, who’d not prepared any materials for classes, everything he teaches, was coming from his memories.  He’d used a chalk, started writing the formulas, the theories on the blackboard, with forms here and there, then, started lecturing endlessly, and, after he finished with one section, he’d, stopped, and allow the students to ask questions.  He was fluent in English, very articulate, organized, and, must be the most outstanding of the dozen instructors who’d come to guest lecture.  I’d sighed, on how Asians, if they were to, become outstanding, they must, out-perform the white people tenfold.

At a gathering, we’d met at Yangming Mountain, and I’d forwarded the invite to C, and he was glad to join us.  The meeting place had series of glass pane houses one right after another, gave us a view of the city of Taipei in the nighttime.  The dozen of us gathered there, and conversed on the values we held, and our lives.  As the summer was nearing end, C was about to return to New York, and he’d asked me if we can go up Yangming Mountain again, but, that eventually, never came true.  The day before he left, we’d met up at the café next to the school, for about an hour, we’d chatted away on history, literature, and the topics drifted toward his life, and his values.

I’d just met a man, started admiring, liking him, without having the time to get to know him on a more personal level, and he’s, about to leave.  As we bid our farewells, I’d known, we will, never meet again; we work in different fields, with our separate lives, and, there’s just, NO valid reasons for us, to drift abroad to visit one another anymore.

The love found in midlife is regret, is sigh, it’s an incomplete circle.  Like that gentle summer breeze, it’s something you can’t hold on to.  The love in midlife is quiet, it’s with less passions, it’s, easily forgot; in a corner of our hearts, we’d, wished, that all is well with one another.

So, this, could’ve developed into something more, but it didn’t, because they were from two geographically undesirable regions of the world, and, it’s just not right, that either one of them asks the other to give up their life to join the other, so they can be together, and so, they’d, let each other go, and this affinity became, nothing more than just another, good memory of one’s own younger years.

Watching You, Drive AWay, with ALL of Our Shared Dreams…

I stood, on the front porch, teary-eyed, watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, and I’d thought to myself: why did you, need to be, so cruel, taking EVERYTHING that was once, loved, and shared by the two of us, leaving me, with naught?

Watching you drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I was, left, empty hearted, with nothing inside of me anymore, for, you’d, taken everything and ALL that mattered to me in life away, in less than a blink of an eye.

this, is all you see…not my photo…

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, it’d, dawned on me, those dreams we were sharing, were, NEVER mine, they were, all yours, you just, made them feel like they’re, what I’d, wanted too, but, they’re, actually, not!

And, after I’d, figured THAT out, I’d stopped, mourning, for these, lost dreams, that I thought were (past tense!!!) ours, and, I’d, moved on, so far, from those, memories that, no longer, mattered to me one bit.

Watching you, drive away, with ALL of our shared dreams, I thought, I can’t make it on my own without you by my side, and yet, here I still am, six months, after you’d, left, and I still have, my pulse, and, it’s beating, stronger, and stronger, with every, single passing second you’re, not around.

like this???  Not my photo…

 

 

 

 

Shared My Bed with a Ghost

I had, shared my bed with a ghost, for years on end, it wasn’t lately, I’d started, feeling “her” presence, and how she’d, put that huge DAMPER on our relationship.

She was your first love, the one that broke your heart to pieces, and now, she’s completely, GONE, only, that she really wasn’t, quite completely, gone yet, oh no, you’d, allowed her memories, to linger on.  After we began, I’d heard you mentioned her name, and, it didn’t bother me, until we moved in together (cohabiting before the marriage is still NOT a good idea!!!), and then, she’d started, haunting, various aspects of my life with you.

remembering the one that got away, surely is, painful all right…not my comic…

And now, I’d, shared my bed with a GHOST, for years on end, without even knowing it for so god DAMN long.  I’m just, tired of hearing you tell and retell those former stories of that old flame that’s, left that SCORCH mark on your heart, and yet, I’d still, worked my HARDEST, to ease the damages she’d caused in you, and yet, it was, of NO avail, because I’m so tired, just so god DAMN F***ING (maxed out???) tired, of competing with a god DAMN ghost, and, if she’s that wonderful, why don’t you go back to her?  Oh yeah, she’s, no longer who she was, that young, innocence girl who fell for you, and, here’s that NEWSFLASH (REALITY CHECK anyone???) you are in need of: she got OVER you, while you’re, still, so hung up on her.

And this is bad for me because?  Oh yeah, I am with STUPID (here’s YOUR S-I-G-N!!!), and, perhaps, I’m just, waiting for the effects of whatever the F*** (maxed out???) this had been, to finally WEAR off, then, move on, and, you’ll be left, with MY memories, haunting you, as you found another woman to love, to be with……letting go of a broken heart 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photogaph…

And, it’s, ALWAYS better, to be the one that got away, because, by being the one that “got away”, we get to, come back, at any time we want to, to plague the minds, and, we, a group of “the ones that got away”, will keep on, haunting the ones that let us go, forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever (that’s long enough, isn’t it???).

 

 

 

 

The Dance that Never Ends…

There’s that dance that never ends, even AFTER the music had, ceased to exist.

The dance that never ends, we are, engaged in, and this had been started, since the beginning, of everything.  We’re, engaged in this, never-ending tug-of-war, with neither one of us admitting that we can’t win, neither of us, willing to cave!

The dance that never ends, it’d gone on, for years since it started, long, long ago, and now, I’d finally become, too tired to even mumble a single word, or even, make a sound.  The dance that never ends, finally ended, the day they’d, lain me in the ground.

from this, not my photograph…

The dance that never ends, it’s troubling, I know, why two people keep on, torturing each other, in the name of “LOVE”, when there wasn’t an ounce of it to begin with………

The dance that never ends, that, is what this is, and instead of a pas de deux, I’m performing this TANGO, with nobody ELSE but me!!!

The dance that never ends, well, it’d ended all right, after the music had died, the lights turned off, the curtains drawn, the members of the audience, leaving the concert hall, and there’s, just Y-O-U who’s left………so, where am I?  Oh wait, I’d, left the building (just like Elvis!!!).

To this…not my photo still

Her Fiancée is a Foreigner & a Good Man, But Her Parents Wouldn’t Bless Her Marriage

Her parents won’t approve of the man she wants to marry, and she’s, trapped now, and in need of expert advice here, translated…

Q: A hard-to-come-by love arrived, but her parents didn’t like his nationality

She’s older than forty, Ellie who’d worked in the U.S. as a professor is an only child, other than the few years she’d gone abroad to study, she lived in the same city as her parents; she’d gotten the opportunity to accompany them, and can look after them because they were close in distance.  Ellie is beautiful and outstanding, with a lot of men pursuing her, but, it was difficult, for her, to get close to getting married, because her parents would always question the dates’ family and socioeconomic statuses, and, whenever they’d not met their standards, then, the relationships were, over.  Ellie became, a “withering flower”, seeing how she’s not getting any younger, she supposed it’s, unlikely that she is to be, married now.

But, two years ago, there was, this good kind of a love, and Ellie believed him to be the chance she needed to take, but, her parents not only spoke against it, they’d even, threatened to kill themselves if she continues dating him, all because the man is from a different nationality, has a different skin color, and has different cultures compared to Taiwan.

Ellie made numerous attempts in these past two years, to have her boyfriend “bump” into her parents, wanted the four of them can sit down and have a chat, but none of her attempts were, fruitful.  Her father would always get angered then turned around and left, her mother looked awkward too, followed him close, and Ellie had, finally given up on trying too.  And now, she’d lived in her is with her boyfriend, and on the weekends, she’d spent the days with her boyfriend, but how would this work, for the long term?

A My Advice

Ellie’s boyfriend is a thirty-seven-year-old American physician, they fell in love at first sight, he’d already told his own mother of Ellie’s situation, and her mother’s only complaint was that she’s a bit older than he is, but, seeing how she’s his love, she didn’t have much of an objection.

Ellie’s situation is somewhat dangerous, her parents had a high enough socioeconomic status, and held their prejudices toward the man’s country and thus, looked down on him.  Actually, the man’s country is slowly growing economically, and, in Silicon Valley, where most rich Americans lived, that, is where the man’s countrymen lived, if Ellie marries him, it wouldn’t be her, marrying down.  I hoped, that Ellie can keep her eyes opened wider in love, and examine how much she loves him, and her own determinations of marrying him; and, on the other hand, to keep persuading the parents: that she’s already in her forties, please help her parents help her, to grab a hold of this final chance at happiness, even, a blessing from them would be fine.

So, these parents are what’s keeping their daughter from pursuing the man she loved, she’s an only child, that, is the biggest problem, and then, there’s, the cultural differences of the man she’s in love with, being from different nationality than she is, and, the parents of this woman really shouldn’t stand between their daughter and her happiness, after all, it’s her life, and they have no right, to dictate how she’s to live it, who she is to love.