Lived Our Lives in Agony

Misery still loves company, doesn’t it???

We’d, lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and sometimes, my agony would get in the way of your better days, and bring them back down, and sometimes, your agony would, put a damper on my originally brighter moments too.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, agony had become, this vital part of this life we’d, come to share, and although we both knew, it wasn’t good for us, but, neither one of us was willing to, take it out, because we didn’t like changes.

happening almost daily, not my photograph

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and now, I’d, finally had it with all of this, agony, and you too, maybe, without the agony, you would be better suited for me, but, agony was, that common thread, that’s, bound us to one another.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, I don’t know why, but I’m thinking that this, isn’t, good for me one bit, and yet, I can’t find enough motivations, to take that first step toward changing this ditch situation I got stuck in.

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You Gave Me a Secret to Keep…

You gave me a secret to keep, yours, and you’d not even asked me, if I was, willing, to keep it for you or not, you just, SHOVED it toward me!

Well, what am I supposed to do with your secret, huh?  It doesn’t benefit me, to keep it, within these tightened up, sealed lips of mine, so, maybe, maybe, I’ll, squeal???  Nah!  That wouldn’t work, because if you’d found out I’d, squealed, I would be in DEEP, DEEP, DEEP SHIT.

don’t tell anyone!  Not my drawing…

You gave me a secret to keep, but why?  Couldn’t you just go, and pick on someone YOUR own size?  Or maybe, because I wasn’t able to say no to you, or that I’d needed you, to love me, that was why, you’d, used me, as a vessel, to keep your secret in.

You gave me a secret to keep, well, guess what, I’m done, keeping it, I’d, spilled that huge can of beans now, and, you’ll be left, with the consequences, of giving me that secret to keep, long, long, long ago.

like this???  Exactly, NOT my photograph still

More than One Truths…

Unlike the undeniable truths of sun rises in the east, sets in the west, along with other, scientifically proven FACTS, there are, usually, more than one truths.

More than one truths, because there are, so many, perspectives to consider, and until we can, read through, and see EVERY single side, we won’t be able to, make a sound decision on the matter! More than one truths, that just, confuses things, I mean, why can’t the world just be black OR white, without the GRAY areas, huh???

More than one truths, there will, always BE, and, what you deemed to be truth (i.e. what happened to you when you were growing up), others may deny it, and, when they denied the truths about you, there’s, NOTHING you can do, because EVERYBODY is entitled to her/his own opinion, and we should all, RESPECT that!

More than one truths, unless, it’s, a SCIENTIFICALLY, empirically TESTED F-A-C-T, you will be, bombarded with things every single day, which demands that you JUDGE them, and, you only have, the past experiences, to guide you………

More than One Truths…

Unlike the undeniable truths of sun rises in the east, sets in the west, along with other, scientifically proven FACTS, there are, usually, more than one truths.

More than one truths, because there are, so many, perspectives to consider, and until we can, read through, and see EVERY single side, we won’t be able to, make a sound decision on the matter! More than one truths, that just, confuses things, I mean, why can’t the world just be black OR white, without the GRAY areas, huh???

More than one truths, there will, always BE, and, what you deemed to be truth (i.e. what happened to you when you were growing up), others may deny it, and, when they denied the truths about you, there’s, NOTHING you can do, because EVERYBODY is entitled to her/his own opinion, and we should all, RESPECT that!

More than one truths, unless, it’s, a SCIENTIFICALLY, empirically TESTED F-A-C-T, you will be, bombarded with things every single day, which demands that you JUDGE them, and, you only have, the past experiences, to guide you………

The Flight with Lonely

From a blog I subscribed to in Chinese, translated by me…

not my artwork…

Being, All Alone, in in the Cold

On the Edge of the Never-Ending Night

Desperate for That Softened Ray of Light

With the Messages I Have

Flying, Towards You, in the Passages Over the Wind

This poem has that feel of loneliness all over it, the narrator is all alone, searching for someone or something s/he loves, and, s/he knows that the person or thing exists out there somewhere, which is why s/he is, driven, to keep on searching endlessly, through the dark of nights…

just when you thought you’d found that light,  it turned out to be, nothing MORE than a mirage…Not my photograph…

 

 

You are, Cherished by Us

A love, without the boundaries, on adopting a child with special needs, translated…

In the waiting room of the airport in Kunming, there was a French couple sitting opposite of me, carrying on in conversation, in the aisles separating them, were their luggage, and on the luggage was, an Asian little boy fast asleep. The five-year-old child just played by himself for half an hour in the waiting room, he’d taken the paper airplane and flew it between the chairs, and looked out the windows, to see the real airplanes land and take off, and mumbled to himself, a song, of indistinctive language. That little boy that ran around all over, although, he didn’t look like any regular child, but, it’d not, bothered us at all, instead, it was him and the French couple’s interactions, that’s caught the attention of the rest of the passengers in the waiting areas, including myself. The boy was a Chinese boy who was adopted by the French couple he was, a child with Downs’s Syndrome.

these children have JUST as much love to give to the parents and everybody else around them, not my photograph…

I’d struck up the conversation with the French couple, because that little boy landed his airplane on my knees, and the French mom pointed to the empty chair next to me, and, spoke in French, playfully to the boy, “Come, Paul, land your airplane here, the airport over there hadn’t opened yet.” I’d replied back in French, “It’s okay, it’s opened now.”, that little boy laughed aloud, and, just, bounced his toy plane on my two knees, and, this French couple was interested in how I can talk in French, and the three of us started up in conversation.

“As we saw him in an orphanage in Guizhou, he was just two, so thin, so tiny, didn’t cry, just looked at us, with his big eyes. The orphanage told us, that babies with Downs’s Syndrome are ugly, that normally, nobody would want them, that they would usually, wait until the child gets even older, then, send them into a facility. But, after my husband and I visited several children, we’d still returned back to Bao”. The mother of about forty used her voice and said the child’s name, and I was, still, fazed. The orphanage called this child who was abandoned by his mother “unloved”, “Stinky”, because he’d, pooped in his pants, and, there were NONE of the older kids who were willing, to help him change. And, the couple kept the “Bao” in the Chinese nickname the orphanage called him as his nickname, they’d said, that in Chinese, it meant “cherished”, I’d nodded, and all of a sudden, it’d, dawned on me, that the child’s French name is similar in sounding, “Paul”.

just as cute as a healthy infant…not my photo…

This case of the French couple adopting this young child with Downs’s Syndrome had gotten the village’s attention. Some say, that the French, adopting a child with a condition, was to sell them, to make a profit, some said, that this couple had a sort of weird preferences. As the French mom told me, she’d laughed on, “We’d found a house in the village, and took Bao to live there for a month, and every day, we’d taken him to socialize with the neighbors, to pick up some Chinese, until the orphanage saw that we had good wills. An entire month, my husband almost lost his job back in France.”, the French husband let out a sound, said, “The price of the most precious of all things.”, we all laughed.

The precious little Paul was uncomfortable, sleeping on the luggage, his dad carried him up, placed him onto his own chest. “A lot of people asked us, if we were adopting, why not, at least, adopt a healthy child?”, the French mom finally, touched the question that was, almost, overflowing from my lips. “The moment we saw Bao, we only saw how much we loved him, and NOT seen if there was anything wrong with the way he was, nor did we think about the future. The child had NEVER be considered a chip that we’d, saved for our futures. All we need to do, was to love this child, with our love, and sense of responsibility, to accompany him on his journey of life. It’s, that simple.” As the French mom told, she’d picked up the destroyed paper airplane that Bao had wrinkled up, and, she’d taken out another piece of paper from her backpack, and started, folding out, yet, another airplane, with that shine of love and bliss in her eyes.

So, this, is the love without the boundaries, because this French couple saw this child in need, they’d adopted him, and, despite what the future has to offer, they’d decided, to give this young “imperfect” boy, as close to a perfectly wonderful childhood as they possibly can, and that, is the depth of love, that goes into the thought of adopting a child that someone had given up.

An Imbalanced Family, on Filial Relations

It’s really truly sad, to live like this in one’s elderly years that’s for certain, translated…

A decade ago, after my maternal grandfather passed of illness, my maternal grandmother started living alone on her own. My eldest aunt gave my grandfather’s house, land, and car to my two uncles, even the house my maternal grandmother lives in right now, went to her eldest grandson, my eldest male cousin, and still, they’d never discussed the issues of taking care of, looking after my grandmother one bit. Several years passed, my youngest uncle died of an accident, my elderly grandmother thought, that my eldest uncle will get her to live with them, but, she’d never gotten the chance, for the kindness she thought she was due.

And now, my maternal grandmother is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, slightly psychotic, without MOST of her abilities to live on her own, and yet, my elders, they’d made up an assortment of reasons, to make my grandmother live all on her own. In order to keep my illiterate and my unmobilized maternal grandmother safe, my eldest aunt who’d worked away installed a surveillance camera at her place, which she can monitory using an app on her cell phone. I’d also, once, saw my grandmother’s eyes on my cell phone too, and, the moment I met her eyes, my heart started, wrenching in pain, because she looked so defeated, without any light in her eyes whatsoever.

Toward my grandmother, my aunts had constant disagreements with my uncle, and, the matter over the money, of caretaking, had caused the family to become, more and more estranged. I’d gone from my original feelings of anger and hurt, to now, I’m, totally, uninvolved and numbed, I saw, ALL the colors of the world in the way my maternal grandmother was being treated; I’d even secretly thought to myself, if my maternal grandmother died earlier, perhaps, she wouldn’t have LOST all her dignities where she is right now.

I still can’t understand, or condone the way my elders treated my maternal grandmother, or maybe, as an offspring, I shouldn’t, butt in that much, but, I feel, so helpless, of this case that I once bore witness to on the television news in my own life. I can only, hope for myself, that after I’m older, I must, take good care of my loved ones.

Imagine how helpless this “child” must feel, watching her grandmother being left alone by her adult counterparts? And, maybe, there is MORE to what had happened, or maybe, the children felt that their mother didn’t love them all equally, that, is why they’d mistreated her so, we really don’t know, but, one thing’s for sure: that NO elders should be MISTREATED like this, unless, they really DESERVED it, and by that I mean, if the elders had, abused AND neglected, even RAPED their own young, then, they GOT what’s coming to them, but, normally, NOBODY deserved to get mistreated like this, to be left alone, to be NOT cared for in one’s own elderly years.