The Springtime Hibernator, a Poem

Sleeping in the same bed, but dreaming of, different, dreams here, and, you know what’s going to, happen, don’t you???  Translated…

I’d Tossed & Turned

In the Nighttime of Springtime

The Fires Already Burned

Waiting for You to Pass Out

In that Moment

I’d, Let You into the Dreams in My Left Eye

Leaving My Right, Skimming Through the Storyline

what the two of you, became…

photo from online

Whether or Not We Wake in-Between

Is it Related to the Quality of Sleep We Have?

A Turned into a Large Gas Chamber

I’m Willing to Be in that Drama of Dreams

With You.  Pretending Our Breathing, Even,

I Keep in Mind Your Ears

You, the Scent of My Hair

Awake,

I’d, Lived Through the Land of Your Dreams

And You’d, Died, in Mine

And so, this, is how you two are, on different pages in life, one of you is longing to stay with the other person, while the other already, stopped loving, and, eventually, the two of you are, going to, break up, it’s just, that neither of you is ready for that, so, you’d, allowed this, dying love, to drag out longer…

Don’t Let the Accumulations of Displease Take Over the Marriages

How the love can turn into, annoyance, then, to ANIMOSITY, and I from the Front Page Sections, translated…

There’s a husband who’s, the head honcho in the business realm, forceful, has to have everything his way, never gentle, kind toward his own, wife, would get loud with her often, and, when he was younger, there were, the domestic violence reports on records too.  But, the elderly woman walked with her back straightened, agile, as we commended her on how well she’d kept her health up, she’d said, with that cold air, “I was trained when I was younger, to protect myself, to defend against, my own, abusive, husband.” All that’s left between them, were, the cold, dead air, with the accumulations of upsets, displease, for over decades of their, marriage together.

With the coming of the years, the elderly man’s gotten caught up by the years, while the elderly woman stayed, just as, agile and healthy, but she’d, no longer, wanted, to wait on her husband hand and foot anymore, and the husband can only, hire someone to make his three meals for him, it’s just, that without his partner in marriage with him, without that love and bliss served for the meals, I’m sure, as he’d eaten his meals alone, it must, taste, odd!

When I was waiting for the bus, I saw an elderly couple walking over, both needed the canes to get around, the elderly man was a bit more agile, he’d, clenched tightly to the elderly woman’s hand.  It was at this time, I’d, heard the melody of that song, “Wife” by Jody Chiang sounding off in my head.  They were together their whole lives, and, in their sunset years, are still, more than willing to, hold one another’s, hands, I’m sure, that they’d, accumulated a ton of gratitude for one another, in the course of their, marriage.

this is still, an accumulation through the years…

photo from online

Some experts believed, that what kept a marriage together, was that sense of owing.  As a marriage no longer have the love, the closeness of relating to one another as family members, no sense of gratitude, the only thing that’s left, would be, the angers, the resentments, and, the couple became, strangers, sharing the same roofs.  In the elderly society, a lot of the children are having troubles working hard, to live their own lives, and if the couples are, estranged from one another at old age, then, who will be the one, by each other’s side in the end?

Chinese Valentine’s Day is here, no matter if you’re a lover, a husband or a wife, the occasion only lasts for, one day, while the living is, every day.  I hope, that you all can have the heart of one other person, and in the days of living together, accumulate the love, the respect, the cares and concerns toward one another, ‘til death do you, part, in sickness and in health.

Yeah uh, this is, still, something truly, rare, especially with how our generation and the younger generations are these days, we no longer take marriage as ‘til death, because W-H-O will be willing to, serve that LIFE-sentence, when I ain’t, committed, NO crimes (so???) at all and why should I change, you change, and, there’s not enough understanding, in modern day marriage, not enough love, because, let’s face it, what happens at first sight, with that initial attraction, is still NOT love, it’s the combination of hormones, and the twisted hands of fate, and, seeing how, there’s, no basis of mutual respect, love, etc., etc., etc., and people are procreated, a lot slower these days, with the delayed age of marrying our selves off, yeah, everything runs together and, eventually, we became, these old people who sit alone on our rockers, looking out from our nursing home windows (not me, for I’ll still be, taking my two men out, every single day!), waiting for that next visit our kids promised us to come…and that’s, just, too sad!

Unlikely, Hearts…

These hearts are, unlikely, not easily, fallen!  And yet, when our eyes met, I knew, that I’d, found, the one!

Unlikely, hearts, how did they connect, if they weren’t, meant to be?  Unlikely, hearts, they were, and yet, it was, meant to be!  Unlikely, hearts, that, is what they’d, become, they used to, beat in, complete, synchrony, then, something happened…something that made them, stopped, connecting to each other.

drifting, farther, apart, day, by day…

Photo from online

Unlikely, hearts, they’d become, totally, unlikely, they are, opposites now, they can’t, even, be in the SAME room together.  Unlikely, hearts, they still, connected, and, for a moment, we thought, that our unlikely, hearts would, be something more than their, separate, parts, but turned out, that these two hearts of ours, they are, unlikely, and that, is T-H-A-T!

We’d, part, our, unlikely, hearts, I go my way, with my own heart, while you, you do, whatever the @#$% (maxed out???) you will, with your, own, STUPID, heart!

The Bridge We’re, On…

The bridge we’re, on, it’d, started, crumbling, and, we are, slowly, falling, like in, slow-motion in the movies, but, we both know, that if we don’t, escape to safety quickly, we’d both, end up, in the water, and drowning to death, ‘cuz neither one of us, is a good swimmer!

The bridge we’re, on, we’d been, standing still, with the traffic coming AT us, from all directions, and, we got corners, with NOWHERE to run, only ONE of two ways to respond: fight or flight.  I chose, to stand my grounds (after all, I got here, before ALL those C-A-R-S!), while you’d, selected to, flight, you ran, quick as you could…

instead of this…photo from online

The bridge we’re on, it’d, torn us apart, or rather, it’s because of being on this bridge, I realized, how far apart we actually are, from each other, and, without this bridge as the CATALYST in this love of ours, I might still be, satisfied, being, STUCK with you.  But now I know, thanks, to this bridge that we’re on, that you are, NOWHERE N-E-A-R, right for me!

we were, more like…this…photo from online

The bridge we’re on, uh, yeah, got off of that a long, long, long time ago, while you, you are still, STUCK in traffic, on that bridge where I met you on…

As the Two Hearts, Drifted Too Far Apart…

As the two hearts, drifted too far apart, there’s, nothing that anybody can do, to pull the two separated hearts back together again, it’s just, nowhere near, possible.

like this???  Not my animation…

And, the next step that these two separated hearts will take would be, dropping, five-thousand feet downward, with NO mattress, or trampoline, to catch, or to break their falls.

As the two hearts, drifted too far apart, just, let them separate completely, severing ALL the ties, stop trying to, recombine them back as one, because there’s no way, that that crack that’d come between the two hearts will, EVER be fixed to invisible again.

or this, even???not my photograph…

As the two hearts, drifted, too far apart, let’s just, let nature take its course, see where they both end up, ‘cuz it may not be a bad thing, after all, we’d all, bore witness to how those two hearts were at war with one another, making this “home” a total mess, and now that they’d, drifted too far apart, maybe, it’s, a brand new opportunity, for both of these two hearts that were, no longer, connected, to find a brand new life on their own.

As the two hearts, drifted too far apart, we’d all, wanted to save them from falling apart, but, we mustn’t, because, it’s only right, that fate takes its course with those two hearts that had, drifted too far apart, and besides, nothing good ever comes, of messing with F-A-T-E, you should know that by now!!!

 

Feels, Longer than a Second…

It feels, longer than a second, I know, I know, a second isn’t, all that long, but, being apart for just one second, that’s, way too long already, every time I’m away, I can’t wait, to see you again.  I really can’t explain it, perhaps, it’s, just an infatuation that we’d, found ourselves to be in, who knows???

here’s the time, now P-A-S-S!!!  Not my photograph…

Feels, longer than a second, waiting for this SHIT to reload, god DAMN it, and, during this longer-than-a-second’s time, I’d started, thinking about, us, about what we want out of this relationship, do we even, want the same things in life?  Nope, not really, we’d never actually, been on the SAME page, we just, hit it off, and, mistook it, for something that’s, longer lasting, when it actually, shouldn’t have, gotten, dragged out this god DAMN long.

So yeah, it’s time, for me, to END this thing, for once, and for all now!!!

Feels longer than a second, doesn’t it?  How quickly, love ran out!  And, love will, keep on, seeping through our hands, like that runny water from that broken faucet that we don’t know how to fix, and, after our water bill SKY-ROCKETED, maybe, I’ll, finally figure out, that you weren’t right for me???

 

 

 

 

Blowing Out Those Candles…

She’d set the dinner table, for a romantic dinner for two, just her and him! And, she’d waited, like a puppy, for her owner, eagerly, by the doors for his return…

And, half an hour, an hour, two hours had passed, and still, NO sign of him, probably got tied up at work, she thought, and so, she got up, in her silky red dress, went around the dinner table, blew out, those candles, and, took the food that she’d used, three hours to make, to the kitchen, and, DUMPED it all, into the sink, then, turned on the garbage disposal systems!

how quickly fire can become nothing MORE than smokes…

Blowing out those candles, he’s not coming home! But, how, can he lie to me like that, this isn’t right! You just, don’t do that to someone you loved! And, she went to bed that night, angry…

She woke in the morn, after letting it all sink in, figured that she’d feel, less angered by his not being there last night, but, she felt even angrier, it’s like, years of having those, false promises, all, crumbled down, and, crushed her!

He finally walked in, dragged his tired feet, ‘cuz business trips were always, a BITCH, what he didn’t realize, was what’s waiting at home for him. The moment he entered into their home, he’d not sensed, that something wasn’t quite right in the air!

And, the moment she saw him, out of the corner of her eyes, she’d, let him have it! And, after getting grilled by his wife, for not calling, to tell her he was coming home late, he felt angry too, why was she making SUCH a big deal! It’s not like he wanted to be away, he was called away, for business, and, he’s only working, so very hard, to give her a good place to live in, in their five-star neighborhood, with the assortments of high-end furniture, appliances, and what-nots!

what it looks like, after love burned out…

And, surely enough, the candles are, completely, blown out by now, as this once-love became, no more! And, it’s still, an accumulation of past displeasures, she’d held it in, for so very long, not letting him know whenever he’d done something, to piss her off, and he, he just, assumed (which made him into a TOTAL ASShole still!!!) that her not saying anything, meant that everything was a-okay…………

And, this once-love became, NO more!

On Love

How their mutual attraction eventually, faded, translated…
There are Always Men, with Interesting Stories to Tell
After I’d only met him a week, he’d already, disclosed a lot about himself.
He said, that since he was a young child, he’d wanted to learn to drive, because at age five, his father placed him on the passenger side, then, DROVE the car into a light pole, threatened this world that doesn’t give a DAMN about them.
There was, a full plate of Mexican salad in front of me, I’d, stopped, chewing my stuffed up mouth, lifted up my head, to look at him.
He’d bitten down a huge chunk of his burger, said it was great (but later on, I’d never seen him eating this sort of junk food), then, he’d, continued, with his story. “So, as we’re all getting into high school, the other kids are riding without a license, and I’d already, driven, without a license, even drove to the northeast corner, to enjoy some sea breezes every now and then already.”
I’m the kind of a girl, who still doesn’t DARE get on the road, after even I’d had a license to drive a stick shift, but I didn’t show how impressed I was of him, because I knew, that everybody has different level of gustiness, and on fears, not everybody shares the same amount of sympathies for.
“Then, do you drive now?”, I’d inquired.

“No, I don’t think it’s convenient at all.”, he’d replied.
He’s not a man of many words, but I can understand it. I’d tried to imagine him, in college, driving his car to circle around the island, then, sold it. When I met him, he was already thirty-five, it’s hard, for me, to imagine him as a college student. But, I’d always, imagined him, driving his car, circling around the island, although I’d never asked him if he’d actually done it or not.
Later he’d told me, that way before he could get tall enough to reach the counters, he’d started cooking already. That time, his mom got very ill and couldn’t get up out of bed. He took a stool, took out the eggs and a couple piece of dried bean curd, and, added in the oil and soy sauce, and, done what he could with it, then, he’d brought the plate of food to his mom, as he walked closer to his mother’s bed, he kept his left hand, onto his chest, that was, way too close to the fire, that’s burning up.
At this time, I’d just, swallowed down my food, I became embarrassed to look him straight in the eyes, and o, I’d glanced at him.
He kept, working on his burger, became sort of funny, likeable. I’d reached out, grabbed him a napkin, pointed to the corner of his lips.
The week we’d just met, he’d waited on me every day to finish up exercising, then, went to dinner with me, told me a lot of things. He talked, I listened. His stories are all, very interesting, and, by comparison, I’d had, nothing interesting enough, to be called stories to tell.
I’d once thought, that if at the very beginning, he’d told me everything already, so that was why, as we’d dined out together, I’d always gotten angry, at the silent atmosphere that we were, eating in.
“Had you not talked to me like you’re doing now from before, I would’ve NEVER gone out with you.”, I’d felt so taken advantage of, and I’d felt, so angered by his silence now, it’d made my eyes looked red.
It’s, as if, he was thinking of something, and was, interrupted, he’d opened up his lips, as if, to say something, then, the silence, drifted, back into his eyes once more, and, he’d decided, to keep his head lowered, to the food once more. I’d decided, to squeeze my teardrops out.
The Alienation that’s Unsalvageable by Verbal Communications
During the period of time I’d spent around him, all day long, it’s shopping for the groceries and preparing the meals. And, after he headed out after his breakfast and left the house, I’d, carried my backpack, and, rode out on the borrowed bicycle, to the supermarkets for groceries, and if I have the time, I’d sat in the café next door, to read, and, I’d always chosen the seat that faced up to that stool outside, and drank my soy latte without the sugars, staring, at that black and white bulldog by the door. And, no matter how cold the weather was, he’d still, drooled on, and, gazed toward his owner, having coffee in the shop. Dogs have the natural-born ability to love humans, and, until they’d died, they’d not questioned that they may have, loved the wrong people.
“You’re not a dog, how would you know.”, I’d made fun of myself now.
And, when I’d described that faithful little dog to him, he’d said, “Let’s get a black Labrador together later on.”
Back then, I had yet to discover, that imagining the future is, way too easy, than living in the present, as if, all of our todays are, for the sakes of getting to our tomorrows, but, tomorrow, it just, never arrives, and so, we were both, mistaken, in believing, that we can, keep on going like this.
There are, fifteen kilometers from the marketplace to our place, back then, I’d enjoy singing to myself, riding and singing, and, after that winter, both my riding skills, and my singing improved. He’d still enjoyed, driving off on his own, it’s just, that the car can never quite get him to, the places he’d wanted to go. Not long thereafter, he’d told me, that he’d wanted to head off afar, to learn to operate an airplane.
Thinking back, no matter how far you can fly an airplane, you’d still have to land, but, driving, you’d get, farther and farther still, and, you’d, vanished from my sight for good. I’d always felt, that he’d always, kept me at a distance, that young version of him who’s frightened by his father, the very young version of himself who feared that his mother might die, they both seemed, closer to me than the man he is right now.
I was, so depressed to beside myself, I’d found a couple of my childhood photographs, chubby, in a pink dress to give to him. He’d looked at him for a very long time, said, “Your mom bought you two exact same pairs of shoes, one in pink, the other, in red.”
I’d lowered my head, looked at the photo, never even realized it, and I have NO recollection of that.
“Can I have this?”
He’d taken the one with me, holding a huge cotton candy, in smiles, with the red child’s shoes on.
Thinking back, the distancing between us, actually, during the period of time when we’d exchanged the most conversations was still, filled with void. The distancing kept, pulling and tugging between us (whether it be mentally or spatially), causing how we both fell really hard, when we broke. We both, sat on the ground, covered in mud, looking at one another dumbfounded, with lips sealed up.
This, is not a love story, rather, it’s just a story about love.
Love stories are usually the same, and, things about love, is what needed to be, expressed.
And so, you still realized, that you weren’t right for each other, that, was probably why you broke up, and, there wasn’t any words of anger that got tossed out toward each other, just this, liking that’s, faded, into gray…

Dear, I Think We’re Ill-Fitted for One Another

Here comes, the SHOCK after the realization, from an online blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated…

As we entered into the workforce, everybody around us is waiting, for our big news, his parents, my parents, along with, everybody else, kept grilling us about when we’re getting married.

I, don’t want to get married.

I’d been with Ying-Tai for five years now, everything about him, I’d known, I’m probably the person who knows him best outside of his own families.

But, Ying-Tai doesn’t get me, he never knew what I wanted, what I’d needed, just kept doing what he assumed I’d liked.

And actually, I don’t, like that, the least bit at all.

I like Ying-Tai, but that liking, is not, love.

And I know, that Ying-Tai, does love me.

I met Ying-Tai, at an office function, I was, deeply attracted, by that depth in his eyes, just, kept staring at him, hoping, he’d noticed me, but he didn’t, and so, I felt like I’d needed, to make that first move.

I wore my usual, business smile, as I moved toward him, took out my business card, handed it to him, said, “Hi, I’m the creative executive of XX company.”

And he looked at me, said, “hi, I’m the sales manager of OO company.”

He has a great voice, a deep, baritone kind of voice, and I’m, truly, taken with him.

It’s just that, he’d never, opened up a conversation with me again, I was always the one, finding things we can talk about, he was only responsible for, smiling, and nodding.  Slowly, I’d gotten, bored, and I’d found, an excuse to, leave, and I had told my boss too, and just, flagged down a cab, and left the job.

As I came home, I’d, taken off my high heels, fell into my bed, forgot to wipe off my mascara, my makeup, my eyeshadows, forgot to take a bath, just, fell asleep.

The very next day, I woke,, to the phone, ringing, I looked at the caller, it was, an unfamiliar number, with an annoyance in my voice, “Who is it?”

Laughter came, from the other end of the line, and, I knew right away, who it was, “Did I, disturb you?  Just wanted to make sure that you’d gotten home safe!”

“How can I have not gotten home safe?  Haha!”, I’d, laughed.

After that day, we’d gone out, often, to eat together, then, three months later, he’d, professed his love to me.

But, I kept feeling, that something’s missing.

Perhaps, it was, that passion!

Or maybe, it’s, my love that’s gone away.

“Let’s get married!”, Ying-Tai told me, with that usual smile of his.

“What made you want to?”

“We’re at that age now!”

“Hmmmmmm, that’s true!”

“Don’t you want to get married?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, I never had thought about that!”

“Not thought about that with me?”

I remained silent.

“Am I right?”

“No.”  Don’t show that sad face, you know how I hate making you sad.

“Then, shall we, get married then?”

“Why do you want to marry me?”

“So long as you’re around I will definitely be happy!  I don’t want to lose you.”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I……don’t want to………lose you too,” you are, my family.

“So, let’s, get married.”

“Okay.”

Dear, how do you want me to state it outright, I don’t love you, as much as you imagined me to.

It’s just, darling, you’d already, discovered, that I, don’t love you anymore!

So, I don’t, want to, marry you.

I want to break up with you, but, I just, can’t bring myself to say it, fearing that it might, hurt you so.  You know, for a long time, I kept, fearing, that I may, hurt you, so that was, why I’d, liked you, in secrecy, and quietly too.

I think, the liking that I take to you, had become, more of a filial kind of love now.

Dear, looking at you, I just can’t, bring myself, to say it aloud.

And now, I, in my wedding gown, standing, next to you, looking at, your familiar smile, I can’t, bring myself to say it to you.

“Do you take, Ying-Tai Cheng as your lawfully wedded husband?”

This, isn’t love, but, seeing how happy you are, I’d become, happy too, it’s just, that this, is still NOT love.

I wanted to tell you that.

“I do.”

Dear, I think, we’re not, at all, compatible.

But, you’d still gone with it, because you feared that you may hurt, the other person’s feelings, and, here’s what’s coming, DURING the honeymoon, as you sit, you will, regret your decision to marry the man more and more, and, your so-called marriage ended up, being, ruined, and, it’s ALL because, you didn’t have the GUTS, to tell the man, that you don’t think you two are right together, and, he may also be, marrying you, for the wrong reasons too, it’s just, that neither of you brought it up…………

 

Discovery, the Haiku of Light

Translated…

Closing my Eyes

I’d, Become

A Transparent Domino in the Marching Forward Rainbow

Falling Towards Love

So, this, is what you want from love, you want love to make you fall, because you feel safe in love’s arms, so, you’d trusted, that it won’t, let you hit the hard concrete…