My First Taste of Love

On the one who’s right for you, but got away, translated…

During the era where phones are prevalent, writing letters became, the hottest way of making friends.  It was my last year of high school, in order to balance out the pressures of the college entrance exams, I’d posted a friends ad onto a well-known magazine, and stressed that I will only reply back, if the people interested attached their photographs.

A young girl with bunny front teeth caught my attention.  She’d moved to Tainan with her older brother, was readying for her high school entrance exams.  She has an overly used first name, wrote like a guy would, with forward thoughts, and would often start arguing really vehemently with me using her pen, she’d even warned me, that her older brother belonged to the junior police squads (which was enough to send a lot of the adolescent boys running for their lives).  We’d often wrote many letters to each other per day, and sometimes, we’d even, hoped for the express mail to get delivered on the day we wrote.

Not long thereafter, we’d met up.  She looked just like her photograph, with the paler complexion, and looke, it’d staid very slimly.  With a thick Taiwanese accent when she’d talked in Chinese, and it’d made me feel fresh, I thought she was cute too.  We’d become like two old friends, carried on in conversation by Hoping E. Road as we strolled, as I was very passionately talking about something to her, then came, “Lang!”, she’d frozen stiff, stood where I was.  Out of my peripheral vision, I saw a man who looked really angry, riding a police issued motorcycle, parked right beside her.  I didn’t know what to do, and instead of rushing in to save her, I’d, scattered for my life.

A week later, I’d received a letter from her classmate, it’d stated that her brother was out of uniform, and patrolling, found her with a bad adolescent, and after that, her brother watched her even more closely, and it would be difficult, for her, to even write to me now.  But, we’d, felt encouraged by the hardships that’s come between us, and wrote even more frequently to one another, given each other encouragements, hoped that we will both do very well on the examinations coming up soon.

The results of our exams came, she successfully got into the first All-Girls’ High School in Taipei, and I, into N.T.U.  Having lived my former years in suppression, I’d entered into the open, freer N.T.U., I’d let myself go for quite a while, gotten involved with countless number of extracurricular activities, worked as a tutor to earn my own way, gone to the dances………and, it’d caused me, to lag behind on my scholastic performances too, and I’d started, writing Lang less, and less.

But, we’d, kept in touch over the years, in her last year of high school, she’d invited me to the birthday celebration of her school, my family loved how naïve and untainted she was, and would often invite her over for the meals, and, as we saw one another, we’d, given one another encouragements.  After I graduated college, life wasn’t as well, other than being upset by my own life, I’d, shut myself off from the world, lost contact with her.

After all of these years, I’d gone through countless encounters of love and romance, gotten hurt each and every single time.  And now, in my sixtieth year, everything in my past had, flashed by my sight.  I’d, looked back, and found, that Lang, whose hands I’d never even touched, was the one, that I had, loved most deeply.

So, this is on the one that got away, this young woman may have been the one for you, but, you got lost, in the colorful life of the university, and the two of you lost touch through the years, and, she’d, stayed on your mind, because she was, the very first girl you’d given your heart to…


Shared My Bed with a Ghost

I had, shared my bed with a ghost, for years on end, it wasn’t lately, I’d started, feeling “her” presence, and how she’d, put that huge DAMPER on our relationship.

She was your first love, the one that broke your heart to pieces, and now, she’s completely, GONE, only, that she really wasn’t, quite completely, gone yet, oh no, you’d, allowed her memories, to linger on.  After we began, I’d heard you mentioned her name, and, it didn’t bother me, until we moved in together (cohabiting before the marriage is still NOT a good idea!!!), and then, she’d started, haunting, various aspects of my life with you.

remembering the one that got away, surely is, painful all right…not my comic…

And now, I’d, shared my bed with a GHOST, for years on end, without even knowing it for so god DAMN long.  I’m just, tired of hearing you tell and retell those former stories of that old flame that’s, left that SCORCH mark on your heart, and yet, I’d still, worked my HARDEST, to ease the damages she’d caused in you, and yet, it was, of NO avail, because I’m so tired, just so god DAMN F***ING (maxed out???) tired, of competing with a god DAMN ghost, and, if she’s that wonderful, why don’t you go back to her?  Oh yeah, she’s, no longer who she was, that young, innocence girl who fell for you, and, here’s that NEWSFLASH (REALITY CHECK anyone???) you are in need of: she got OVER you, while you’re, still, so hung up on her.

And this is bad for me because?  Oh yeah, I am with STUPID (here’s YOUR S-I-G-N!!!), and, perhaps, I’m just, waiting for the effects of whatever the F*** (maxed out???) this had been, to finally WEAR off, then, move on, and, you’ll be left, with MY memories, haunting you, as you found another woman to love, to be with……letting go of a broken heart 的圖片結果like this???  Not my photogaph…

And, it’s, ALWAYS better, to be the one that got away, because, by being the one that “got away”, we get to, come back, at any time we want to, to plague the minds, and, we, a group of “the ones that got away”, will keep on, haunting the ones that let us go, forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever (that’s long enough, isn’t it???).





Shouldn’t Have Let You Go

Shouldn’t have let you go, but, it’s too late now, so many years had, passed now, translated…

There’s something I’d kept, locked up deep down, that I’d not dare spoken aloud, nor could I say aloud. That is, shouldn’t have missed you.

You can get back the days that are already gone, there are, so many things you can’t change. I’d intentionally not gotten an IM account from China, wanted to, sever myself from any and everything that’s, related to you, and, in the reunions, I’d always, been absent, I’d lived alone, in a foreign place, and, savored all the aspects of my daily life.

Six months ago, I couldn’t ignore my older sister’s urges, and gotten an IM account, and, the very next second after I’d signed up, you’d, found me, and became, my very first friend on WeChat, naturally, pulled me, into the class groups.

“The Leader” was our head of class, but, don’t know if he’d not known how to keep things up, the group had always been, loosely, populated, like a puddle of water. Once, the head of the class posted something, and, other than your replies, nobody said anything else. He’d gotten angered, and, no matter how you’d, consoled with him, he’d, set up his mind, on dissembling the group.

Several hours later, you’d set up a new group for our class, said that you’d felt compelled, to connect that disconnected interactions, that friendships with the classmates are important to keep, that we must cherish it, then, gave the head of our class the “title” of “leader of the group”; this, was how intelligent, how amazing, you are, at handling things. You’d put me first, not counting the leader of the group, this miniscule move, don’t know if anybody had noticed, but, it’d, surprised me a little.

You are, the most active person in the group, with the marks of a leader, worked hard, to increase the interactions of the classmates, and, connected people. You are, very quick to react, replied each and every classmates’ posts with humor, smart, and kindness. And, this group, because of your hard work, started gaining the momentum, like we’re all, returned, back to the days of our youth again.

The fifty students in the class, more than half worked as government workers, teachers, they’re all, bigshots. And I’d, given up my original good job, came to Taiwan, worked hard, struggled, to make my own living, and, as the classmates started ranting on life, work, learning, I’d found it really hard, to chime in, felt bad about it. But, you’d always, fought for my honor, my dignity too, moved me so.

People, often learned how important something is, after losing it. After I’d decided to leave you over two decades ago, I’d found, that you had, many good qualities, you’re righteous, kind, with a strong shoulder that people can lean on, a strong sense of responsibility, a bit domineering too, you’re very popular, both the guys and the ladies all loved you, I’m sure, that any woman is lucky to be your wife.

We’re each other’s first love, but, we never got together again, that, is the deepest regret I will ever have. And now, seeing how well you are, I’m truly happy for you, but, “I’m so sorry I’d, let you go”, I just, couldn’t make myself to voice aloud. I’d understood it now, “After you’d left a place behind, everything that happened, is no longer, related to you anymore”, and, the wish-you-wells that came from the deepest part of my heart, are all that I feel for you.

So, this, is on the one that got away, isn’t it? Because you were young, naïve, and, still had a lot of growing left to do, and, maybe, the two of you would’ve made it, but, maybe not, because life took you in different directions, and now, you have nothing but the best wishes for the person you were once in love with, that, is an amazing way, to put an end to a love from long ago.