The Princess Syndrome that Has No Cure, on Filial Relations

Being loved, cherished, and well taken care of by her beloved husband, that, is what all of us, women want to have in our separate marriages, translated…

“My mom has a weird illness, I don’t know what to do.”, I’d heard my son talking to his classmates, I was, very, shocked.  “She is, seriously ill, to the point, of not having any cures.”, my son got more and more worked up.  In his classmates’ pressing him for more, he’d stated, “My mother is diagnosed with a serious case of princess syndrome”, I’d chuckled hard, and caused the coffee I was sipping all come out of my mouth.

At age thirty-five, I’d done what my husband asked of me, being pregnant, I’d, given up on my rising career, waved goodbye to the workforce.  Several months later, as an elderly pregnant woman, after three days and three nights of being in labor, because the pain was so unbearable, heaven only knows how many hospital staff members I’d, alerted; my husband was there, right beside me, helping me, there were, multiple scratch marks on his arms too, and, as I’d finally, “unloaded” this heavy “burden” inside of my belly, I’d already, become totally, wiped out, to unconscious.  And, what happened during my delivery, became the most-talked-about-news of that hospital!

man and wife 的圖片結果like this maybe???  Not my photo…

After a week’s worth of hospitalization, my husband filed the paperwork for my discharge, and, drove me back to our apartment.  Without any warnings, he’d, lifted me up in his arms, in one breath, climbed up five flights of stairs, lifted me to our bed.  As I was placed on the bed to rest, I saw how hard my husband was hyperventilating, how his face was turning all red, I’d felt sorry for him.  And, even now, that scene still, stayed in my mind, like it’d, happened, yesterday.

My husband wasn’t the least bit romantic, nor would he say the words so sweet.  But, being thoughtful, whenever I’d, sneezed, he’d immediately, taken me to the doctors.  Every time I’d had a scratch on me, he’d applied the healing ointments on my skin, it’d given me that warmth I’d lacked growing up, without my parents.

In our sixties, we have totally different personalities, one of us very active, the other, very quiet.  In the over twenty years we’d married, it’s like, we’d danced our tango, in the dancefloor called life, danced to our own tempos.

My husband’s carefully looking after me, had all be observed by my son.  He’d once told me playfully, “Mom, dad’s responsible for your princess syndrome”, my good friend once inquired, “Do you regret giving up on your studies and career, and just stayed at home as a full-time housewife and mom?”, I’d thought hard for a bit, just like that saying of “you can’t have it both ways”, in this ordinary family of mine, it surely, is a blessing, that I had, “contracted” the princess syndrome.

someone to grow old with…not my photo.

So, this woman was, truly, very cherished by her husband, he’d taken good care of her, and, gave her all that she’d needed from him, looked after her like she was a daughter to him, and, the woman felt spoiled, and blissful, that her husband had treated her so wonderfully, making up for her not having a father growing up.

My Father’s Show of Care & Concern, on Filial Relations

How fathers normally showed the love they have for their young, with actions, and NOT words, translated…

It’s the end of the long holiday weekend, riding on the HSR usually, I’d made the exceptions, of driving back to Kaohsiung alone. Being a new driver, it was quite rare, for me, to drive this long journey, with my two children, I’d felt, a bit, nervous. My parents saw it, and, on the night before we set out, dad said, “I’ll head to Xiao-Gang, Kaohsiung, and book a flight for Kinmen, and I’ll, go home with you guys.”, I’d, nodded, thought, that it should make my way easier, with someone who’s, experienced by my side, I’ll take dad along, as a sort of a lucky charm, it’d make my drive home much relieved.

like this???  photo from online…

But, the very next morning before I set out, my dad took the car keys from me, with his swift hands, and, he’d made fun of me, “I’ll be the one, driving, I’m afraid, that I might, scold you if you drove.”, the elder had, stated, and, for the sake of the betterment of this world, I can only, become, his passenger-side driver, and, shouldered up the huge responsibilities of striking up conversations, eating and making criticisms on my dad’s driving skills, and the selection of the routes we should be taking.

As we got past Taichung, it was, about noon. I worried, that my children in the backseat are hungry, we’d, selected a small food shop at random, and went in, early, to resolve our lunch problems. As we’d entered into the shop, the two of us, father-and-daughter worked together, dad in charge of ordering, I, tending to my kids. Not long thereafter, a few freshly prepared plates of food were, served, the four of us, grandfather, daughter and grandchildren started, chowing down.

As I ate, I’d felt, that the food, wasn’t quite in season.

It is, a summer day that’s heated, and yet, dad ordered up, a plate of sliced ginger with lamb. And besides, he doesn’t really like, lamb, why would he order this dish? I’d eaten, and observed, and, surely, pops didn’t, move his chopsticks one bit, as I was, trying to figure it out, dad pushed the plate of lamb toward me, said, “This, is good for me, you need more of it.”

All of a sudden, I’d, gotten it. Turns out, before I set out, mom worried and nagged at me, “You’re so weakened, and you’re wearing, shorts, it would be troublesome, if you catch a cold”. Back then, I’d, just, brushed her warnings aside, dad was putting on his shoes close by, not said a single thing, but, he’d, carried my mother’s words with him, and ordered the foods to show his care and concerns towards me.

like this???  Not my photograph…

I’d, eaten that plate of lamb like a good daughter, as I chewed, I’d thought, that fathers showed their love, in a more covert manner. Unlike how mothers had, showed their love and care, and affections, so openly toward their children. Dads seemed to, show their love for us by actions, very lowkey, quietly, but, with the same amount of strengths. Like this plate of lamb cooked with ginger, or like how he’d changed the flights from Songshan Airport to Xiaogang Airport, or how he’d, managed, to get the keys away from me, and, disregarded the over hundred kilometer road trip, just to, see his, baby girl home safe and sound.

Because men are socialized, to keep their love unspoken, that, is why this father had, used his actions, to show his cares, concerns, and love for his own daughter, and, although, love isn’t spoken between the father and daughter, it surely was, felt!

Once, Inside a Reflection, a Poem

a painting of Narcissus from online…

On falling in love, and the timing was, WRONG!!! Translated…

I Once Saw You in a Reflection

The Skies Then Were, Bluer, than Blue

The Flowers, More Aromatic than Ever Before

And, You Appeared, So Breathtaking

For My Sake

And Those Sorrowful Tunes, Became Like the Funeral’s March

The Marches Became, Like the Whitened Towns

With Each Sunset, Imprinting Those

Elongated Shadows, into the Rivers

You’d, Stepped in the Innocence of Unknown

And I, Was Merely, Passing by, as the Sun Sets, a Careless

Piece of the Puzzle, and Just so Happened

I Caught a Gaze of Your Fiery-Red Hair

Back then, Life Was Multi-Dimensional

And Life Became, Geometric Shapes

Made by the Strokes of Picasso

They’re, All Blue

Not Collecting the Bitterness

Without Any Laws

Just, Taking Over the Heart, that Multi-Colored Arch

Poured the Birds, All Over the Skies

Not Knowing What Sorrow is

Or what Happiness Entailed

Those Heavy Days, the Sorrows

Were All, Separated, by a Thin Film

Why Had I, Seen You

In a, Reflection

The Spring Learned to Be Lonely

The Clouds of Worries, Rose Up to Your Brows

Time Became a Heavy Chain

And Since, I’d, Learned to Look Out

From the Vents

Why is it, that I’d

Met You Inside

A Reflection

So, there’s, that sense of regret, perhaps??? Because, had the narrator not met this other person the way that s/he had, then, maybe, there’s, a chance, for love to keep going, but, because, the narrator had met that person in a reflection, that, is why, the relationship was, doomed, because, unless you want to DROWN like Narcissus, you should KNOW better, than, to fall in love, with a reflection, because it’s NOT real!!!

Poetry that Flowed Through Here, a Poem

The love for someone, how it’d hurt, when s/he isn’t around, translated…

I’d Heard the Stories the Woman Cried Out

Like How the Wind Entered into the Bamboo Forests, Cutting Through the Leaves

how much I wanted to be with you…NOT my art…

Seeking Out Those Burning Ears Everywhere

In the Winters Where the Tears Froze Up

She Cried Over the Desperations Wars Brought

On the Plains Where the Orioles Called

She’d Cried about How Lost the Spring Was

The Sun Shone on the Woman

Like the Ivy Vines in the Midst of the Reeds

Breathing at the Same Rate as the Seasons

thinking of someone she loves, not my photograph…

Passing Through that Rolling Hill

Caring Over that Vine that Hung Over the Cliffs

Passing Through that Wooden Bridge

Sorrows Became a Reed in the Flowing Streams

Not Seeing You for One Day, Felt Like Three Months

Not Seeing You for One Day, We’d Been Separated by Three Autumns

Not Seeing You for One Day, Seemed as Long as Three Whole Years

You Asked Where I Lived

The Wind Was Pacing to and fro on the Citadel

People Were Picking the Grasses, and the Weeds too

In This Place Where Love Was Given, and Received

The Young Grass Caressed that Skin-Soft Ground

My Lover and I Met Up

And We’d, Said Goodbye Too

You’d Inquired Me of My Return Date

The Soldiers are No Longer Gathering Up, Trying to Murder One Another Now

The Silks aren’t Torn to Pieces Either

like this, footage from Miyazaki’s “My Neighbor Totoro”, found online…

Some People Were Picking the Leaves to Feed to the Silkworms, some Washing Up the Clothes

The Stars Trading Shifts with the Dawn’s Light

My Lover, When It Turn Dark, Do Sleep with Me

Do Think of Me as Light Comes

So, this, is how much you want the other person to keep you inside her/his mind, because that way, you’d feel that you mattered to her/him, and it’s normal, that people who just fell in love feel this way, but, this sort of a “If I don’t see you I don’t feel secure” kind of love won’t last! You’d need something more stable and steadier.

 

 

 

 

A Love, Built to Last

A love, built to last, this, isn’t it! Our love wasn’t built to last, we didn’t set up that strong foundation, and now, it’d become, lopsided, about to, fall to pieces…

A love, built to last, I’d, wanted that, more than anything in the world, and yet, no matter how hard I’d tried, love just, won’t last, and after being bruised one time too many, I’m beginning to think, that maybe, just maybe, I don’t, deserve a good love!

the only thing that lasts would be that diamond, if it’s, real!!!  Not my photograph…

A love, built to last, there’s, NO such thing, it’s the people that are involved in the love, deciding, with their actions, that whether or not love DOES or doesn’t last, and, based off of my experiences, and years of observations, of ALL those god DAMN marriages out there, none of this WAS, meant to, last!

A love, built to last, how, can I find one? Will I get that, in you? And, how can I be absolutely positive, that you won’t, CHEAT on me, huh? I don’t trust you, I can’t, because, my own mother trusted in my father, and look where that’s gotten her…………

A love, built to last, if there’s, only, such a thing, but, there isn’t, because in this war, love will eventually, get shot and, it will, bleed out, be left, on this battlefield, to die, all, alone, on its own.

A love is NOT built to last, not forever, but, ‘til D-E-A-T-H………

Rekindling that Old Flame, and, There are, Suspicions…

Uh…is that, TROUBLE that I smell??? A Q&A, translated…

Q: I’d Recently Divorced, and He’d Fallen Ill, and, Our Shared Pasts Started, Coming Back to Us……….

Closing to age fifty, QQ, who’d divorced for about a decade, about fifteen days ago, went to a concert with a friend. Twenty minutes before the show started, they’d waited at the entrances, carrying on in casual conversations, and skimmed through the crowds; all of a sudden, a tall and slender man had, locked eyes with her from across the way, he’d stared at her, and, all of a sudden, QQ felt that electricity flowing between them, wasn’t that Tai, whom she almost married? But, he looked too thin, like something sliced him down, she was unsure. She’d shifted her gaze somewhere else, but that man walked toward her, and called out her nickname.

QQ lifted her head up, in order to keep her tears from falling down, she’d, tilted her head. “Can’t recognize me? It’s a wonder.” He was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal carcinoma, and in the past three, four years, he’d been, battling his cancer on and off, had several surgeries, and is still going to his scheduled hospital checkups. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’d not known…and, how’s your wife?”, he’d nodded toward her, “You’d looked…than before”, before he’d finished his sentence, Tai was, called away, by a group of people of young and old.

She’d wasted the money on the good seats for that concert, because, other than Tai’s looks from before, nothing else registered into her mind. For the fifteen days that came after that, she’d become an insomniac, and, regretted how she’d not given him the chance to explain himself, and couldn’t let go of how he’d still, married that woman as his wife. QQ broke up with him, because she feared being dumped by him, how, can she let go?

A My Advice:

not my photograph…

That, is how life goes, either than a man leaves a woman, or a woman leaves a man; either that they’d parted in life, or in death. So many years had gone by, and going back to understand, if he’d cheated, or feeling regrets over how you couldn’t be more tolerant, it’s all, useless now. She’s divorced, he was diagnosed with cancer, life is truly, difficult, but, fate would give each of us our separate trials. Not everybody would have the chance, to bump into that old flame, just treat it like that old dress that doesn’t fit you any more, stashed, inside the bottommost drawer of your closets, still beautiful as ever, and serving the sole purpose, of making you nostalgic, nothing more. You still must, cast your eyes, toward your own future.

I smell TROUBLE, not my cartoon!

So, this, is on what-might-have-been, what-could-have been, and, all of that added up to, more and more regrets, and, if this woman doesn’t SNAP out of it, she will find herself, trapped by the past all over again, I can only imagine, how long it must’ve taken, for her, to get over this love of his, especially how she ALMOST married him, but, this late in the “games”, it’s best, that she just, let all of this, fall to gray…

The Air, My Friend

how well do you think they’ll work out, huh???

not my photo…

Translated…

What Color is the Wind?  The Wind is, the Colors of the Rainbow, Blowing

What Does the Rain Taste Like?  The Rain, Sweetness that Fell, from the Skies

Does the Sunlight Make a Sound?  The Sun, Shines So Bright, Like Those Musical Notes

And, I’m thinking, You must’ve, Failed your essay writing courses.

So, this, is the “result” of a PRAGMATIST “mixed” with a “romantic”, they’re totally opposite of each other, and yet, somehow, they, balance one another out.