Christmas Cards I’d Stopped Writing…

There are, the Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, got nobody to mail them to, besides, everything is online these days, it’s, faster, and more convenient, no need to wait for days and weeks for the cards to get delivered by the post carrier anymore.

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, bought a whole bunch of these Christmas cards from a long, long, long time ago, that are just, gathering dust in my desk drawers now, there’s, NO use for them anymore. It’s not like I got friends I can send them to via mail, unlike in my schooling years, when we’d still, sent one another cards and letters via the mail, me and my two penpals………like this???  Not my photograph…

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, maybe some things are just better, left behind, like those Christmas card cut-outs made into mini-Christmas trees in my first year to the U.S. from school (and yeah, I still remembered the biodome we made, with the guppies at the bottom and a mini-garden on top, using large soda bottles too!).

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, guess, nobody’s that close to me these days? Or maybe, I’m not compelled to send these best wishes, holidays greetings to those I know, because I keep the people I cared about inside my heart?

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, perhaps, I’ll, start writing them again, perhaps not, we’ll just, have to see then…………………

 

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A Porcelain Named “Marriage”

We’d received that wedding present (yup, unfortunately, we still got H-I-T-C-H-E-D here!!!) from, uh, who was it from again???  Doesn’t matter anyways…

It was a wedding day present, and yeah, she just, sat inside that display case it got delivered to us in, looking so pretty, so white-faced, so delicate too, and because “she” was so delicate, so untouched, so clean-looking, we’d decided, to keep this porcelain we came to name “marriage” inside that display case, in the shelves.

the “before” photo…from online…porcelain doll 的圖片結果

Then, as the kids came one by one (yup, we’d reproduced like them rabbits too, don’t you know!!!), and I had one too many abortions to count, as those little ones, came too quickly!

And, as the kids started getting older, they’d started, experiencing the world through their senses (as all kids should be allowed to???), and one day, one of those RUGRATS got her hands, into that display case, where “marriage”, the porcelain lay in her dormancy, and, that daughter of ours, took her out, and, because she still hadn’t mastered her hand-eye coordination completely yet, oopsy, “Marriage”, the porcelain dropped, and shattered!

I ran into the living room, as soon as “Marriage” HIT the floor, “she” made that huge raucous (fine, maybe NOT loud, but I’d, still heard “her” shatter…), and, I told our daughter, to GET away, ‘cuz I didn’t want her to step on the shattered pieces and cut herself, and, as I pushed her aside, and started sweeping up the mess, our daughter started crying…

And I had to, go and calm my baby girl down, told her it was okay, that marriage is now, shattered, and that I knew she didn’t mean to break “her”, that it wasn’t, her fault, but heaven knows how much she’d blamed herself, and she’s, so very young too!

and here’s the “after” photo, still from online…a shattered porcelain doll 的圖片結果

After “marriage” the porcelain shattered into god only KNOWS how many pieces, I’d, replaced “her”, with a ragdoll named DIVORCE, and, after I gained SOLE custody (‘cuz you are NOWHERE fitting as a father to my daughter!), I’d allowed my daughter, to drag, DIVORCE, the ragdoll everywhere with her………

And yeah, someone D-I-E in this tale: it’s that STUPID porcelain named “marriage”!

If We Only Meet Once in Our Lifetimes

Walking through life, translated…

The masters are lecturing in the CKS Memorial Hall, “If we can turn back the hands of time, I’d rather not go back to my youth, I’d spent THIRTY years learning, studying, finally, I’d gotten, to where I currently am today, why would I want to return to before?  Why must I, relive the past?”, everybody in the audience is composed of the elderly generations, I looked around me, some agreed, and smiled on, and others shook their heads, naturally, they didn’t agree with this view.  “Now is the perfect time”, the master told us.

As the lecture was over, my friend and I walked, down Xinyi Road.  I’d prodded at her with the words of the master, “Do you think this is the best moment too?”, without a second thought, she’d stated, “Of course.”  My friend is around my age, lived for three decades in the U.S., until her husband passed away from illness, and her two daughters found wonderful husbands to marry, then, she’d picked herself up, to return to Taiwan to live.  Because she’d worked hard in her younger years, saved up enough, that was how she was able to not have any worries of money, with more than enough money to spend, she’d regularly volunteered at the hospitals, and took up many classes at the community colleges, and traveled around too.  “This sort of a life, so leisurely, so free, this, IS the best moment in my life right now.”, she’d stated, then, she’d turned to me, asked, “Don’t you think so too?”

We took a rest at Da-An Forest Park, the forefront of this park was the illegally built residents, as I just got married, I’d, lived here once for ten years, the house was so awful, every time it’d rained outside, the roof would leak too.  In the decade we lived there, there were, a total of NINE big and small fires, the most serious time came around winter of 1982, I’d come home from work, shocked, to find over a hundred residences, got swallowed by the blazes, and, our place of stay, destroyed completely, the family of six of us suddenly was, without a place to stay, and yet, my dumb husband carried the stack of photo albums and gloated to me, that he’d, risked his life, rushed back into the fires, to save these.  At that very moment, I’d realized, how blessed I actually was, that losing anything material was no big deal, we’d originally didn’t have anything, and, this, is as WORST as it gets, we can start over again, but, with a soulmate who’d, cherished, who knew me well, that, is precious!

I’d always loved Xinyi Road, I’d often strolled, and, in a moment’s time, I’d, arrived to Da-An Forest Park, I’d once passed through the hardest time of my life, the darkest, and, those awful pasts, as I’d, touched them, they’d, still hurt, and yet, why am I still, hanging on?  IF I can walk through time, go back to the past, I’d still chosen these illegally built places, with the whole family, cramped together, and dreamed of a better life for all of us, staring up, at that leaky rooftop.not my photograph…

But my friend wasn’t convinced, she’d, minced her lips said, “Are you crazy?  You’d wanted to get back to that?  Then, you’re, willing, to throw away ALL of your hard work through all these years then?”, she’d believed, that now should be, the best time of my life, that I’d already, weathered through the hardships of my life, that I should start, enjoying the rest of my life from here on out.

And I get all of that.  There’s nothing that lasts eternally in the world here, seeing it as is, the skies, either sunny or gray; people, either together, or apart; the roads, high, or low.  Everything that’s past, because but smokes, it’s just, I’d, stopped, from time to time, to trace the steps I took to get here, and I’d often thought: if everything is happening for the very first time in our lives, wouldn’t it, be wonderful?

So, this, is something, that someone with the years underneath her/his feet can come to, because this woman had weathered through the majority parts of the trials of her life, and she’d been through the ups, and the downs, that nothing will ever, scare her, she has her loved ones with her still, and that, is all that mattered to her…

My First Taste of Love

On the one who’s right for you, but got away, translated…

During the era where phones are prevalent, writing letters became, the hottest way of making friends.  It was my last year of high school, in order to balance out the pressures of the college entrance exams, I’d posted a friends ad onto a well-known magazine, and stressed that I will only reply back, if the people interested attached their photographs.

A young girl with bunny front teeth caught my attention.  She’d moved to Tainan with her older brother, was readying for her high school entrance exams.  She has an overly used first name, wrote like a guy would, with forward thoughts, and would often start arguing really vehemently with me using her pen, she’d even warned me, that her older brother belonged to the junior police squads (which was enough to send a lot of the adolescent boys running for their lives).  We’d often wrote many letters to each other per day, and sometimes, we’d even, hoped for the express mail to get delivered on the day we wrote.

Not long thereafter, we’d met up.  She looked just like her photograph, with the paler complexion, and looke, it’d staid very slimly.  With a thick Taiwanese accent when she’d talked in Chinese, and it’d made me feel fresh, I thought she was cute too.  We’d become like two old friends, carried on in conversation by Hoping E. Road as we strolled, as I was very passionately talking about something to her, then came, “Lang!”, she’d frozen stiff, stood where I was.  Out of my peripheral vision, I saw a man who looked really angry, riding a police issued motorcycle, parked right beside her.  I didn’t know what to do, and instead of rushing in to save her, I’d, scattered for my life.

A week later, I’d received a letter from her classmate, it’d stated that her brother was out of uniform, and patrolling, found her with a bad adolescent, and after that, her brother watched her even more closely, and it would be difficult, for her, to even write to me now.  But, we’d, felt encouraged by the hardships that’s come between us, and wrote even more frequently to one another, given each other encouragements, hoped that we will both do very well on the examinations coming up soon.

The results of our exams came, she successfully got into the first All-Girls’ High School in Taipei, and I, into N.T.U.  Having lived my former years in suppression, I’d entered into the open, freer N.T.U., I’d let myself go for quite a while, gotten involved with countless number of extracurricular activities, worked as a tutor to earn my own way, gone to the dances………and, it’d caused me, to lag behind on my scholastic performances too, and I’d started, writing Lang less, and less.

But, we’d, kept in touch over the years, in her last year of high school, she’d invited me to the birthday celebration of her school, my family loved how naïve and untainted she was, and would often invite her over for the meals, and, as we saw one another, we’d, given one another encouragements.  After I graduated college, life wasn’t as well, other than being upset by my own life, I’d, shut myself off from the world, lost contact with her.

After all of these years, I’d gone through countless encounters of love and romance, gotten hurt each and every single time.  And now, in my sixtieth year, everything in my past had, flashed by my sight.  I’d, looked back, and found, that Lang, whose hands I’d never even touched, was the one, that I had, loved most deeply.

So, this is on the one that got away, this young woman may have been the one for you, but, you got lost, in the colorful life of the university, and the two of you lost touch through the years, and, she’d, stayed on your mind, because she was, the very first girl you’d given your heart to…

Poems for Autum, the Dual Rhymes

Translated…

If the Summers Didn’t Hurry Off so Quickly

The Leaves Wouldn’t Have Fallen, so Sparingly

If the Western Winds Didn’t Rush

like this???  Photo from online…

The Drifting Clouds wouldn’t Have Drifted so Far Off…so Very…Far Off

If the Sails Were Already, Opened Up

How Come the Oceans Still Felt So Lonesome

It seems, as if, Someone, is Standing, in Front of, These Steps………

But the Doorknob Remained Silent

Who was the Candlelight Holding Out for Inside

If the Shadows are Still Here, the Lamplight Didn’t Get Put Out

How Come the Table’s Worth of Nostalgia Feels So Frigid

where the ship’s headed, nobody really knows…not my photograph…

If the Night is Deep Enough, the Stars Gone to Bed

Where did that Gentle Sigh on the Lanai Come From

If it Weren’t for You, then, How Would This Poem be

Written, the Stopped, Repeatedly, and I Just, Can’t Bring Myself to, Finish………

So in this, the poet is finding a reason, for why things happen, but, s/he will, keep on wondering, because these sorts of contemplations usually, leads to a DEAD-END!

Because that Island is Always There

So the Ideals Never Drifted Far Off

The Mountains, the Bodies of Water, Need Not Speak a Word

The Seasons Still, Took Their Turns on the Stages

The Years Always, Bit Down Hard onto My Shadow

The Roads, Hurried off, into the Unknown

a candle flickering animation 的圖片結果not my animation…

All I Know is, You’re Gone, and Had

Arrived, and I Shall, Keep Chasing My Own Thoughts Like This

That was, What, Paved My Path in the Distances

And so, there’s, that scent of, being caught up in something, wanting to move on, but for some unknown reasons, you’re, stuck, and, all around you, things are seemingly, changing, but somehow, it all, stays, the exactly the same as it always had been………

Lived Our Lives in Agony

Misery still loves company, doesn’t it???

We’d, lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and sometimes, my agony would get in the way of your better days, and bring them back down, and sometimes, your agony would, put a damper on my originally brighter moments too.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, agony had become, this vital part of this life we’d, come to share, and although we both knew, it wasn’t good for us, but, neither one of us was willing to, take it out, because we didn’t like changes.

happening almost daily, not my photograph

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, and now, I’d, finally had it with all of this, agony, and you too, maybe, without the agony, you would be better suited for me, but, agony was, that common thread, that’s, bound us to one another.

Lived our lives in agony, side-by-side, I don’t know why, but I’m thinking that this, isn’t, good for me one bit, and yet, I can’t find enough motivations, to take that first step toward changing this ditch situation I got stuck in.

Cats are the BEST Alarm Clocks

Living with a cat, translated…

My friend complained to me, how her college age son couldn’t get up in the morning for class, and was always running late.  I’d thought, and told her, “get him a cat then!  Cats are the BEST alarm clocks.”

Twenty years ago, when Kiki came to live with me, she was only three months old, at first, she stayed in her kennel in the living room, but, in the depth of the nights, she’d started meowing continually, and so, I’d had to let her out.  And, she’d taken advantage of the situation, later on, early at six in the morn, she’d started meowing outside my bedroom door for her meal, and, I’d had to, get up, to give her treats, or canned foods.

Ever since, I’d always, left a crack in my door for Kiki—she’d entered into my bedroom, hopped onto the bed, looked at us, and, she wouldn’t, cry as harshly as she had done, if we’d, left her outside of the bedroom.

a cat waking its owner up in the morning 的圖片結果like this???  Photo from online…

But, this was only, to stall for no more than ten minutes, the purring of Kiki at the top of the bed, she’d, used her nose to nuzzle at our foreheads, and would walk on the bed continually, and would even, start leaping up and down on our headboards too…………and, she’d aimed at us, waking up, to look deep into those bright eyes of hers.

For the nineteen years we’d had her, I’d never waken up late, last year, Kiki died, my wife and I couldn’t get used to, not having this “alarm clock” to wake us up in the morning.

A couple of years, my youngest daughter living in Luodong had a cat called “Mijan”, she was even worse, at six in the morn, she’d gone to my daughter’s door and started purring, if my daughter was too tired from preparing her lesson plans or grading the homework assignments of her students and didn’t get up in time, she’d, RAMMED her body against her bedroom door.

After Mijan finished her breakfast, she’s not taking a break, she’d walked around to keep the grounds.  Once my daughter’s college friends came to stay with her, and they were awakened by the cat’s ramming against the door, they got up, saw my daughter feeding the cat, thought everything was okay, went back to bed again, but, after Mijan finished her breakfast, she’d, done the rounds, to the guest bedroom, and, walked around them on the bed, it’d, thrilled them both, and so, they had to, get up.

all of this cat’s demands shall be met, or ELSE!!!  Photo from online…

Don’t think, that the “night kitties” don’t sleep at night, and they’d become, fatigued in the morning, oh no, they’d be, full of energies in the morning, and, wouldn’t leave you alone, until they get what they wanted from you, they’re definitely, the BEST kind of alarm clocks all right.

So, this, is the stories of living with a cat, and, this just showed, how animals needed you to look after them, to play with them, and sometimes, they’d, waken you up in the middle of your sleep, because they need something from you, and you had best, give whatever it is they’re asking for to them, or, you won’t be allowed to go back to bed to catch up on your Z’s again!