A Game of Hide-and-Go-Seek

Bearing witness to the affections shared by a grandfather and a young granddaughter, translated…

“Ready or not?”, came that youthful voice, like how that nightingale sang her sweet song in the noisiness of the city, it’d, attracted me who was strolling by the riverside. I’d turned around to look, to find where that voice came from, and I’d heard another, “I’m ready”, the voice was low, and thick, and, sounded like the man was, grinning ear to ear.

I’d followed the voice, and saw an elderly who looked gentle and kind, stood behind a big tree in the park, leaned out from behind; and, a few steps away from the tree, was the origin of that very first voice I’d heard: a young girl of about two, a bit small, but she looked focused, trying to figure out where her grandpa’s voice was coming from.

illustration from the papers…圖/無疑亭

The child wasn’t even in preschool, perhaps, she’d not known how to express the love verbally, but, she’d already, showed that affection, that attachment at the beginning of life. As the two played on, the grandpa’s company, playing together, the adventures they shared, the expressions of love, the fulfillment, the simplicities, there’s, NO need for the extra verbal expressions. In the memories of the child, it’d, left this, deep imprint, and I’m sure, that this will be an asset to this young girl’s future as she comes across the hardships in her life.

I’d stared at the two playing that game of hide-and-go-seek, the waves of memories, took me back in time.

When I was a young child, wasn’t I just like this pair of grandfather and granddaughter? Kept clinging on to grandma to get her to play the games with me. And, don’t think that because my grandmother was illiterate and uneducated, she’s, a winner on the chess boards. Only, that she could, never defeat her granddaughter’s “Cry-baby” and “tag-along”, although she kept hollering, “Enough, that’s enough, I won’t play with you anymore!”, but whenever I’d urged, “Please, just one more game!”, she’d played game after game, after game with me, until I was, completely, satisfied. That year, because of how I’d longed to play with grandma, I’d insisted on learning to take the greyhound southbound home to find her. Although, I’d still not learned her tricks, but, learning with my grandmother, outside of the classroom setting surely was fun, plus, her never ending love and care for me, her tolerance, became a part of my need to try, to never allow any limits to place on me, these values had, helped me as I grew up in life.

查看來源圖片lke this???  Photo from online…

“Where are you?”, the young girl asked, with uncertainty, and, led me to the park by the river. “Here you are!”, the grandfather tried moving without being noticed, and just as he’d, concealed himself, the little girl had already, found him. The grandfather complained blissfully, “You’d found me every time. Your turn to hide now.” Seeing how this pair played their games, I’d, taken the love they’d shared that I’d, accidentally found, continued, on my spring afternoon stroll.

And so, seeing this grandfather and grandchild interact, it’d, brought you back to your own childhood years, and, you’d recalled how wonderful your grandmother loved you, how she’d, cherished you, and how she’d, helped shaped your personality too.

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An Unforgettable Feast

A memory of a potluck lunch at your graduate laboratory back from your graduate school days, translated…

That year, I’d gone to the U.S. to study, my graduate school was located at the northern most metropolis in the Midwest, although I’d gone to my orientation in September, but the weather was already, cooled, and not long thereafter, the snows started falling. As my first time in an icy cold winter, other than focusing on my studies, I’d felt, that scent of dreariness.

At this time, because my older female schoolmate was about to graduate and head home, an older schoolmate started the Lunchbox Feast program—we’d hosted a feast for the lunches, hoping that everybody get to make more memories, in the reduced time we were given to share together. and so, every Friday, we’d brought our lunches from home, arrived early at the laboratory, and had our lunches with our conversations.

something like, this???  Photo from online…

There were ten members of this research unit of ours, we were from Taiwan, U.S., Singapore, England, Germany, Iran, India, Pakistan, and Morocco, we’d become, a miniature version of the United Nation. And, because we didn’t want to get beaten by each other, so, we all brought our best game, and fought to make the lunches from our separate countries stand out each and every time. And because of this, our lunch hours were not only filled with the varieties of tastes, and it’d often, given us surprises too, and my scent of desolation started, falling away.

Although this ritual only continued until the older female schoolmates had returned home, but the wonderful memories of this period of time stayed, in every one of us, participant’s mind. On this morning, I’d lifted my head toward the skies, although the clouds were thick, but, I still caught a glimpse of the blue skies, it’d made me suddenly recall, our happy feasts on those Fridays.

And so, this, is a special memory for you, because you were at a strange place, and, you’re new there, and needed a place that you can belong to, and gladly, your graduate lab offered this place that felt like home to you, and you’re, comforted by the thought of it.

Break-Up: a Blessing

At the end of love’s line, when love just, faded to gray, and it’s still, nobody’s fault, translated…

We’d chosen to break up suddenly, because we’d not wanted to drag this love of ours, into the brand new year, when love became like the ribs of chicken, rather than the two of us, guarding our separate loneliness, why not start to, embrace the freedoms of one. I’d started dating my ex since college, we’d gone through the storms of our youths together, this was the reason for why we couldn’t sever the love on the surfaces, but what was really keeping us hanging on to the love, was how much youth we’d, both invested.

I knew that he didn’t cheat, but as he’d spent more time on his cell phone games than with me, no longer was he willing to, look at me anymore, I’d come to understand, that he’d no longer felt passionate about this love we once had. What’s odd was, that I’d not felt too sad either. Could it be because I got so stressed out on the job, that I simply, couldn’t have the mind to bother with it, or the pressures from reality had caused me, to redefine what happiness is to myself? Or, maybe, it’s something crueler, these past years I’d grown up and been tried, it’d helped me bid farewell to the girl who thought love was all that mattered to her.

Only as I’d stared at my reflection in the mirrors, seeing my fading youth, would that thought of stubbornness persist, the magic mirror surely has a way, of making people look. I’d gone past age thirty now, and now, I’d, worked up the courage to break up, not just for the sake of letting go, but also, my way of bidding farewell to my youth, hoped, that I can, really march toward my fortieth, and have no more doubts on life itself.

And so, this man saw breaking up as a lesson of his own life, he’d needed to break up with someone whom he’d dated since college, and, that’s what usually happens, the two of you were together in college, and, as you both started working after college, you’d matured, into separate human beings, and finally realized, how far apart your values were from the very start, and thus, the two of you decided to, break up…

Forgotten, in Three

How goodbye, gets, “finalized”, bit by bit, and eventually, you will, let go! Translated…

1. 

Like a Fallen Teardrop

Wandering Between the Distance of Longings

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo found online…

2.

Being Used to the Pains

Counting Down the Moments I’d Missed You on the Path Toward Goodbye

3. 

All that’s Left, is the Shadows of Your Nonexistence

Pretending to be Loud

or this???查看來源圖片photo also found online…

And so, despite how much you don’t want it to end, it still had, because, it just, wasn’t mean to be, and now, you just, have to wait for your hearts to know that too, so you can, move on, with the rest of your lives…

Don’t Walk into People’s Lives at Random

If you’re not ready to take the responsibilities for another life, then, don’t take it home with you, otherwise, you will, live with the guilt on your conscience for a very long time! Translated…

I loved animals dearly, I’d had dogs, cats, ants, crabs, squirrels, fish, turtle, shrimps, chickens, ducks, rabbits, silkworms, birds, as well as insects too………I’d not had enough allowances, never went into a pet shop, the pets I had, I’d either picked them up at the sides of the roads, caught them in the creeks, or it’s the ones that someone had disposed of.

One day in sixth grade, when I got off at school, I saw a yellow fluffy puppy at the side of the road, about eight weeks of age, very cute, it kept following me and barked, like it was trying to get my attention. I’d turned around, extended my arms, then, the furry little guy kept wagging its tail, and rushed into my arms, I’d carried this furry little guy in my arms. And, I couldn’t, put him back down again, like there was, an emotional attachment that was, so suddenly established, in that split second of a moment in time, I’d felt that it’d needed me, and so, I’d, taken the puppy home.

And, as my family saw how I’d, picked up, yet another creature, they’d gotten used to it, and, nagged a bit, then, left me alone. That very evening, I’d, named it, “Dong-Dong”, found a bowl, and got it its food, we’d enjoyed two hours’ worth of happy time together. Then, Dong-Dong crapped, I’d tried to pick up his soft stool with the newspaper, then, mopped up the floors. Then, he’d, pooped again, I’d cleaned that up again too. At that very moment, I’d lost any enthusiasm for playing with the puppy, and, Dong-Dong’s cuteness was, completely, destroyed by his poop. The very next day, I’d, attempted to train it to go on the newspapers, I’d even picked up a piece of chicken to encourage him, but, being just eight weeks of age, he couldn’t learn yet, just, ate the chicken, and, pooped away from the papers. I’d felt so defeated, felt, that having a dog is so bothersome. On third day, I’d, carried Dong-Dong downstairs, put him out on the road, quickly turned around, closed the door, walked upstairs alone, and ended this relationship I had with him, of no more than forty-eight hours. I stood on the lanai, watched him scratch the door hard, and he’d started, whining too, I’d felt so guilty, I couldn’t even, look into his eyes. Being only twelve, I can only tell myself, that he was naturally a stray, I’d only taken him home to play for three days, and now, I’d just, gave him back to the streets where I’d, found him.

But is it really so? Dong-Dong cried through the night outside, and didn’t leave until early the following morn, I knew that he was crying, not because of how cold it was out, nor was he crying from the hunger, but because of how I’d, abandoned him so heartlessly. Many years later, I’d often wondered, where had life taken Dong-Dong? I really do hope, that he was taken home by someone who truly, loved him who’s responsible, but there’s, that higher possibility of him, becoming a stray without an owner, living on an empty stomach, and, getting caught and euthanized by the animal squad at the end.

This made me think of the Fox’s reminder to the little prince in “Le Petit Prince”, “Always have that responsibility for something you’d, domesticated”. Could it be, that Dong-Dong never really needed me at all, for him, I was like all those who’d passed him by, without any scent of attachment. That I was feeling this from my own guilt, thought that he’d, needed me, and started up a relationship with him, named him, and attempted to, “domesticate” him. And, my meaning to Dong-Dong became, different, as he’d made me into his owner, I’d, needed to hold up the burdens of his life, and, there’s that, invisible sort of a contract between us then, and this invisible contract was “responsibility”.

After that, there’s a long time that I’d not had any more pets. I’d told myself, if I wasn’t ready, don’t enter into someone else’s life, and don’t let anybody enter into mine either.

And so, this, is a lesson, taught by your GUILT, on responsibilities, and, I’m sure, that this experience in your younger years had, impacted you very much, because now, you’ll always be wondering, where is that dog that I’d, taken home once, is he okay? Did he end up finding another better owner than me?

Pour Me that Cup of Your Solitude…

Pour me that cup of your solitude, why don’t you? You KNOW you want to share that with someone, might as well be me, ‘cuz I’m the only one available, who’ll, lend you, my helping ear!

You’d, poured me that cup of your solitude, and I’d, taken a sip, and immediately, I’d, spat it back out, it’d tasted so awful, so bitter, and acidic that it’d, burned my esophagus, as it trickled down my throat.

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo from online…

Pour me that cup of your solitude, share with me, those lonely dreams of yours, and you will, still feel just as, if not more so, lonely compared to when you’d, come in…

Pour me that cup of your solitude if you will, but, don’t expect me, that I’ll, allow you, to force feed it down into my throat! I won’t take it, I don’t want your solitude, it’s something that’s, B-A-D, I’d much rather, taste that bitter cup of my own solitude, all alone, without you there.

Pour me that cup of your solitude, that, is what you want to do, to SHARE with me, your loneliness, but, I don’t want NONE of that, I don’t want YOUR solitude, I have my own, and my solitude, is WAY, WAY, W-A-Y better than yours!!!

Ordinary, a Poem

The solace, found in the solitude, translated…

The Bird Flew Before the Man

Left the Thoughts Behind

That Man Waited for Inspirations to Come

to Capture Himself

The Muses that Passed by

in the Reflections of Light

Turned into its, Original Form

the Colors, Fading Away from the Solitude

And so, this just showed, how you can only find inspirations that are meaningful, when you’re, locked in the confines of your own solitude, and this is absolutely true, because you can’t hear the silences from all around, when you’re, in the middle of the noisy crowd, you need someplace quiet, where you can, meditate…