The Couple Who’d Been Married for Twenty Years are Now, Estranged

A marriage that’s, slowly, freezing up, oh wait, it’d become, frozen SOLID, and now you want to, thaw it out??? A Q&A, translated…

Q: He’d Kept Wearing that Soured Face Towards Me, is There Still a Chance, to Salvage What’s Left of My Marriage?

Mrs. H had, lived for twenty years in this freezing weather of her marriage, she’d originally thought that she’d become totally numbed out, but recently, she’d started, contemplating, how she can better the interactions with her husband.

Her husband never fought with her, but every time he was displeased, he’d started the cold wars with her; and, even sometimes, what’ had angered him had nothing to do with H, something with his own family of origin, or something at the office, he’d still pulled H into his own storms. Naturally, sometimes, it was the kids, or her who’d made him upset, but no matter what happened, H’s husband treated her as if she were invisible. And after some time, H can only, keep her distance, and, tried to spend as little time as she possibly could with him, even encouraged him to find someone else to love.

查看來源圖片where we’ll be, if things don’t change…not my photo…

Twenty years had, passed like this, from the beginning, when H had, walked of eggshells too carefully, to now, she’d learned, to completely, ignore her husband’s existence. It’s just, she’s not happy in this sort of an interaction with him in the marriage, and she wants to know, if there was something she can do, to change this.

A My Advice

This marriage had begun imbalanced, the husband didn’t fight, didn’t get loud, and, it’d, made his wife scared. If you two were in love before you were married, didn’t he use this before? If it’d started after you two were married, I think, that if communications work, it would’ve, worked, but H had stimulated him, by telling him to cheat on her, I really can’t tell what had happened between them from before. If H wanted to improve her relationship with her husband, she could lower herself and have a heart-to-heart with him, tell your husband that you weren’t happy, that you’d wanted to change, and if he’s willing to go to couple’s counseling, that’s, even better. And, I can only give these advices to you, based off of what I received. H, do open up your heart, and communicate with your husband.

And so, this probably still did NOT happen overnight, it must’ve been how they’d interacted with each other from the beginning, it’s just that from before, there were, things diverting this husband and wife’s attention, work, children, families, etc., etc., etc., that they’d, failed to notice, but now as they’re growing older, and it’s, just the two of them, things started becoming, obvious, and, the husband and wife really DO need to sit down and talk, otherwise, divorce will be the only VIABLE option.

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My Eldest Child

He was born, with that rebelliousness about him, and the parents were patient enough, and waited him out, and finally, this young man became settled, after he’d, tested his own limits, translated…

This was the first time that someone made a complaint!

The elderly neighbor said that my son kicked her grandson, ever since, I was very careful, feared, that I might get “pulled over” by another neighbor when I left my house.

In his first-grade year, the teacher called, my son had, “threatened” someone, told a classmate, that he will NOT see the sunrise tomorrow! And so, as you can imagine, making apologies on my son’s behalf became, normal.

What karma did I have, to have this naughty child as a son? As I was pregnant with him, so many things weren’t right, I’d had to take leaves of absence to stay at home; as I had him, I’d pushed so very hard, and he had, refused to come out, and so, the gynecologist “clamped” him out. Whoa, the long and large face and head, looking so odd, well, that’s my son.

A total killer my son had been, after I had him, I was so weakened I’d gone to see him in the nursery on a wheelchair, and yet, the doctor did the neonatal checks, said that there were noises in his heart, that his head was too big, that they’d suspected that his brain was swollen, skin troubles, and his lips don’t look right when he started crying…………holy! This was only my firstborn, you can torture me all you want to, but, do give my baby a break! My husband, I, and the nanny, took him to the major hospitals many times, and as we waited, we’d become panicky and even, started crying, waiting for the test results, and thankfully, there’s never been anything major.

No big troubles, then, my love for him made its appearance. He hated feeding, and in twenty, thirty minutes’ time, he’d only managed to drink a couple of milliliters, and would start panting as he suckled, and I was so fearful, that he couldn’t catch his breath while I fed him, that he may, stop drinking for once, and for all.

Finally, he’s fed, let’s rest. I’d put him down, he didn’t feel like sleeping; lying down, he’d become, completely awakened; he’d cried as I held him in my arms, and, screamed as I carried him on my back too; rocked him, he hated it; cooed with him, he’d not cared for me; paced indoors with him in my arms, he’d cried, took him outside, cried even louder………how many centuries of war had passed, and finally, the universe quieted, I’d tiptoed in and put him down in his crib, we’d become balloons, with the air let out, as we were about to lay down to rest with half of our spirts, came “Wahhhhhhhhh!!!”, then, we’d, both bounced right back up again, not again! Son, do give your parents a break, we won’t do it again, we swear.

If there’s something worth something, it would be how smart he is, as he started learning to talk, we’d recited the poetry to him, and soon enough, he’d, recited it bac, and as grandma taught him the Japanese nursery rhymes, he’d picked it up quickly. But he’d refused to sit still and write and study, he would tilt his body this way and then, and, wrote the character that even GHOST would shriek to see. And other than an A in physical education in his elementary years, getting a ZERO in his other classes became normal for him. Was I, not teaching him enough? Was I not a good example for him? Heaven only knows, but, I am an excellent teacher in school too!

He’d told me once seriously, “Mom, I wasn’t born to study.” And, he’d used the money I gave him for tutoring in the fifth grade and spent it in the net cafés, after I sent him to private middle school, his performances was, less than lacking, the assignment books were filled with the grievances from the instructors: he’d forgotten this and that, didn’t commit something to memory, not worked hard enough during the cleaning period, late to class, argumentative with the instructors………and, in this chaotic learning process, he can be at the top of the class, dropping down, to the lowest scorers, how he does in class, entirely dependent on his moods, as his mother, one will be going crazy, if not becoming a fool.

And afterwards, he’d almost gotten into his first-choice school on his calculus grades, he’s scored almost perfectly in every subject, only that on the last final test of social studies, his besties turned in the tests early, and he followed their leads, and, ran off. Ever since, he’d started commuting to Taipei for high school, and, everything is far away, what can the teachers do to him, and thus, he’d, become lost, in the kingdom of the dragons.

And now, he’d grown, because he’d wasted his time from before, he now realized the importance of working hard, I’d often asked him what he did during those days he’d fooled around? He’d told me that I might get shocked to death if he’d told me, then, let’s look forward, he’d planned to put his career first, his relationships second, and live a colorful life for himself.

My eldest, thankfully, you’re only in your twenties, and not in your thirties or forties. Knowing that you’re lost, you’d, found your way back, your dad and I will always hold our arms open, giving you that warmth of our hugs, so you know, how much we truly, really, love you.

So, this, is the coming of age of a young man, he’d had his crazy times in the past, and now, he’d become settled, because he’d tried everything (short of drugs, sex, and some illegal stuff I’m thinking), point is, these parents allowed their son to do whatever he wanted to, because they knew, that by telling him no, it would only drive him farther away, and so, they’d just, waited, for him, to settle himself back down, and to come back, from those wilder days of his younger years.

What If I Want to Be a QUEEN??? The Question that ALL Princesses Have, as They Ride Off into the Sunset

Life surely was, a HELL of a LOT simpler, back in the Medieval times, when men and women just settled in, their traditional gender roles, isn’t it???

What if I want to be a QUEEN??? The question that ALL princesses have, as they ride off into the sunset, and thus, second thoughts, doubts, started taking over, in the princesses minds. What if I want to be a QUEEN? I mean, I’d never needed a man before, I’d grown up, as an independent woman now. Why would I need a man, to care for me?

daddy’s princess, all grown up…not my art…

What if, I want to be a QUEEN??? What if, I’m just, not going to be satisfied, as someone’s princess, what if, I’m, destined to become a queen, and I’m just, settling, as a princess who’s, locked up in an ivory tower, with my one and only BEST friend, my PET DRAGON, who will get slaughtered by some LOSER who made his way up my ivory tower, to ROB me of my youth, huh???

What if, I want to be a QUEEN??? And, I’m just, settling down, as a PRINCESS, who can’t help herself (but, I’m actually, ABLE-BODIED here!!!)? That’s not the life I want, at A-L-L!!!

So yeah, the argument with me continues, until, I finally realize (oh wait, I’d always known it already!!!), that I’m NOT meant to be a “princess” (just like I’d told that elderly man from back in ’08???), that I don’t need anybody to “rescue” me, I’m more of a QUEEN………

 

 

 

 

 

Mosquito, a Poem

The poem on autumn, translated…

How Can the Words Manage to Carry

The Sudden Temperature Drop of Autumn?

The Papers Slowly Changed Colors

Just Like Those Standstill Yellowed Leaves

查看來源圖片like this???  Not my animation…

The Water Fowls Left that Final Reflection on the Lake This Year

The Rifles Sounded

We’re on the Race, on the Tracks of Time Now

Imagining How We Can Still, Test the Waters Before the Cold Fronts Get Here

Riding on the Moisture

So You Get to See the Light and Shadows

Made by the Sunset as Well as the Dawn on My Forehead

I Used My Trembling Hands

with the leaves fallen, into this red carpet…not my photo…

Wrote the Words on Your Skins

Hearing Carefully, and Walked Along

To See if I’d Lost the Tempos

Imagining the Differences of Time, It’s a Delusion

Words Became the Matchmakers of Time

We in the Crevasses

Decorating

查看來源圖片looks beautiful, doesn’t it??? Not my picture…

the Sunlight & the Dusts

You’d Told Me

that After the Typhoon

The Drapes Wouldn’t Stop Rustling

查看來源圖片the seaonal changes, not my collage…

That You’d Often Felt that Itch Inside, Because of the Gossips in the Wind

You’d Not Known

that After the Seasons Changed

Those Words I’d Written Down on You in Secret

Already Turned

Into Mosquitoes

So, there’s that scent of how the seasons are changing, how everything is slowed down quite a bit, from the heats of the summer, slowly, entering into autumn, and soon, it will be, winter, where everything is frozen…

Friend, Long Time No See

Bumping into an old friend, and all the memories of your younger years just, all came back, translated…

I accidentally bumped into a classmate of mine from the elementary school years, Hsieh. There weren’t any reunions since we graduated. And it’d been, thirty years since, and, as we’d bumped into one another, “we’re both middle-aged men and women with the bellies now”, we’d made fun of one another.

“Oh, I think you’d not changed at all, you’d been chubby since you were a kid”, Hsieh added, and her words had, roused up ALL those long-forgot memories of my younger years.

“Do you recall once as we were practicing volleyball with the team at school, sudden, there was, a draft…”, before she’d finished talking, I’d hollered out in excitement, “I thought I was the only one who still remembered!”

That day, the sudden draft caused the dust and the dirt to turn into a dust storm on the fields, and, we weren’t worldly yet, and had all, hollered in excitement, “Look a cyclone!”, the few volleyballs on the ground were, rolling all over the places, and this “cyclone” had carried up the hats the students placed by the side of the volleyball court.

Watching those orangy-yellow caps turning in the wind, we’d all become, dumbfounded, treated the hats as people, we’d screamed, “Help! Help!” and the hats were carried off, about a dozen meters, causing this huge ripple in our simplistic elementary school years.

“But, I’d remembered the most, that we were all practicing sports, and you were singing by us, ‘let me tell you a secret place………’ then, the cyclone came.” Hsieh’s memories roused up mine too. Back then, I was nicknamed Fatso, but because they’d needed extra players on the team, so I got called up. And, the practices every morning wasn’t what Fatso was supposed to do, but, unfortunately, I can only help pick up the balls, and used my own way, to self-entertain.

“I saw you on the papers, I’m really glad for what you’d accomplished and what you’re doing now”, Hsieh turned the subject, and I don’t know if I was mistaken, but I think I saw a hint of sorrow from her eyes.

“Reading the news, I knew you still lived in Shulin, and that your parents were gone. I remember, that once a couple of us went to your parents’ shops, and Mrs. Yao gave each of us a bowl of shaved ice, with the toppings filled to the top…”, Hsieh seemed to have been even more immersed in the past now, each word she’d spoken, was with fuller emotion.

“You know, I actually stayed here too, and now, I’d, moved back home. It’s weird, how we’re, living in the same areas, and, this place is so small, and yet, it took us a whole of thirty years, to bump into one another.” What I was thinking of, as I heard this from her, got taken aback, I’d feared, that I may have, roused up something in the past for her.

“What are you doing now?”, I’d inquired, I’d wanted to switch to a more manageable topic, so we can carry on in conversation.

“Nothing much, I’m a housewife, I didn’t go to college, unlike you.”, ‘d recalled, that in the elementary years, she’d always made the high grades, and gone on behalf of the school to compete in a drawing contest, she was, multi-talented; don’t know if she’s being humble, or that she wanted to divert from talking about herself. As she talked, the wrinkles from the corners of her eyes would become this deep groove, I’d tried hard, to picture what she looked like as a child in my memories, that naturally curly hair, with a somewhat noble look, like the Sweet Girl from the cartoons—what had happened to through the years, and in her life, that’s, made us, into who we are right now?

“You loved to sing so, and, became a mime.”, I recall how we both fought for the first-place title of the singing competitions, we were both nervous, both wanted to win, there was a period, when I’d hummed, “I’ll wait for you by the docks, there’s a light drizzle coming down…”, I’d really wanted to ask this newfound classmate from my childhood, “You’d loved to draw so much, do you still draw now?”, but I just, couldn’t manage it out.

“We’ll see one another more then, old classmate!”, Hsieh, with her shopping basket in hand, and patted me gently, I’d held her wrinkled hands tight, it was, warm, and firm.

I think, everybody has her/his own stories, the way they coped with their separate lives, with a story of our own, it’s just, that it goes, without telling.

So, this is, bumping into an old classmate from your elementary school years, and, over twenty years had passed since, and, you are both, no longer who you were back then, so many things had, changed, you’d weathered through the separate storms of your separate lives, to get to where you currently are in life right now…

The Hesitant Autumn Heat

The heat doesn’t seem to subside, does it, although it’s, already the autumn now, translated…

He’d Taken the Large Strides Step by Step, Walked Along Ren-Ai Road

Recalling Everything that’s Happened in the Summertime

Like the Jungles of Africa

With that Scent of Busyness of Life

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo from online…

He’d Returned by Accident

And, Felt Compelled to Go on a Hunt Now

But Toward the Sudden Return of Summer Past

People Felt Displeased, and that’d Made Him Hesitant

He’d Found a Hiding Place Behind the Trees

Watched the Passing by Lovebirds Fought Because of the Temperatures Rising Back Up

He’d Felt, a Bit, Ashamed Now

Perhaps, He Shouldn’t Have, Returned?

with the sun, still quite fierce in the autumn season, not my photograph…

But, His Bones are Still Quite Strong and Agile

Mind, Clearer than Ever Before———

And Yet He’d Become, the Heated Days of Autumn

A Handsome, But Unwelcomed Guest

He’d Still Followed Ren-Ai Road and Kept on His Way

Recalling the Endless Wonders of the Summertime

Along with the Endless Parties

And, that Unspoken Blood in Trace Amounts

查看來源圖片the autumn sun, firece like the tiger, not my cartoon…

He’d Felt, Perhaps, He’d Gone, Sentimental?

That He’d Become, Too Keen on the Memories

And Became So Doubtful on His Hunt Now

Without Knowing

That that Street He’d Trekked Down Had, Fallen into a Deep Sleep

So, this is on how suddenly, the seasons changed, and although the seasons changed, the heat was still there, and, that is how it’ll be now, the summer gets too hot, and, the autumn that follows it, won’t get cooled too much either!

 

 

 

 

Christmas Cards I’d Stopped Writing…

There are, the Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, got nobody to mail them to, besides, everything is online these days, it’s, faster, and more convenient, no need to wait for days and weeks for the cards to get delivered by the post carrier anymore.

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, bought a whole bunch of these Christmas cards from a long, long, long time ago, that are just, gathering dust in my desk drawers now, there’s, NO use for them anymore. It’s not like I got friends I can send them to via mail, unlike in my schooling years, when we’d still, sent one another cards and letters via the mail, me and my two penpals………like this???  Not my photograph…

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, maybe some things are just better, left behind, like those Christmas card cut-outs made into mini-Christmas trees in my first year to the U.S. from school (and yeah, I still remembered the biodome we made, with the guppies at the bottom and a mini-garden on top, using large soda bottles too!).

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, guess, nobody’s that close to me these days? Or maybe, I’m not compelled to send these best wishes, holidays greetings to those I know, because I keep the people I cared about inside my heart?

Christmas cards I’d stopped writing, perhaps, I’ll, start writing them again, perhaps not, we’ll just, have to see then…………………