How this woman found that sense of peace she’d longed for, without, going anywhere physically, translated…
Since Strong was born, our lives became, like full glasses of water, with the smallest bumps, our emotions, ran haywire, spilled out, getting all over each other, making us both, defeated.
We’d not only needed to take Strong to exercise regularly, games, walks, massages, meals, baths, sleeping with him, we’d also needed to, keep our small bookshop tidy and clean, to set up the events in and out of the shop, to deal with the returned orders, make the drinks, act as ushers for our guests, to prepare for our classes, the lectures, along with cleaning up the beaches, and other duties that we had, and, we’d had to wait until nine or ten at night, after we’d, put Strong down for bed, can we finally breathe for ourselves, to read or to watch television for an hour, to chat with each other, then, we’d, needed to, sort through the e-mails, the maintain our websites until around one in the morn, are we able to, finally, get to bed, and sometimes, when we get too busy, the two of us, didn’t even share a meaningful conversation.
And, this sort of a busyness of scheduling, it’s easy, to miscommunicate. We’d, often wear that soured expression with each other, take a bad tone of voice when we spoke to one another, getting loud, or, started, nagging. When this happened, we’d, both fallen silent, and get through to one another using the internet, to let the emotions, stay for a bit, around our fingertips, so, the words we’d, lashed out at each other, won’t be so harsh.
If the weather’s all right, I would push Strong in his stroller home by foot, that way, I got to look around the streets, to see the stars up in the skies, and, after I’d gone home, put Strong to bed, I could take a very slow bath, and massage my aching muscles, thinking about, whether or not, I should, keep giving Daddy Strong the silent treatment, or to, break the ice.
Recently, because both our workloads were, increased, Strong’s energy level increased, we’d, gotten into more and bigger conflicts with each other, on adjusting the workload, we’d gotten, easily angered with each other. This day, after we fought, I’d, needed to, take an even slower pace, to walk myself home, lifting my head, saw the round moon, and, it’d, reminded of the book by Ryoji Arai, “The Moon is Full Tonight”.
I’d recalled how whatever he drew, adults, children, or animals, they’re all, watched over by the full moon at night, and, the moonlight made the sky looked like the oceans, cause the waves, in every set of eyes that lifted upward to look, and, it’d, massaged every single life that’s, ended, another hard day’s work, allowing the fatigue mind to rest, the imaginations, run wild. I wanted to be like that whale in the book too, take Strong out on the waves in the moonlight!
I’d also, recalled how when we weren’t so busy, whenever Daddy Strong or I discovered a full moon, whether or not we’re, next to each other, we’d, felt, compelled, to tell it to each other: lifting our heads, we see, the same moon. Remembering how we’d, once driven to the seaside, to see the moon shine on the water.
The moon’s so full tonight, I’m not here, I’m, drifting, floating, on the shiny seas.
And so, this, is this woman’s way of finding her peace, she’d, needed that place she can go, to retreat, and, she’s able to, find it, that sense of calm she’d, desperately needed, in her own mind…