Something You Hadn’t, Gotten Used to Yet…His Goodbye

Something you hadn’t, gotten used to yet……his goodbye, but in time, you will, you must, because, youcan’t, forever, BE trapped, by the memories of love the two of you had, onceshared!

Something you hadn’t, gotten used to yet……his goodbye, and, I won’t tell you, that it gets easierwith time, ‘cuz it doesn’t, in fact, as the day passed, you’ll, only miss him,more and more, and you’re just, gonna have to, weather through it, like therest of us who got our hearts broken too.

查看來源圖片
lovers, parting ways, photo from online

Something you hadn’t, gotten used to yet……his goodbye, but, your mind knows it’s, for the best, it’sjust, that your heart hadn’t, caught up yet. Something you hadn’t, gotten used to yet……his goodbye, there’s, no easyway, but to, keep on going, down this hard road of life, ‘cuz, there’s, NO “good”in goodbye!

Something you hadn’t gotten used to yet……his goodbye, don’t worry though, time will take care of everythingthat’s, lost, it won’t, give it back to you, but, as you’d, weathered these,hard-hitting storms of his goodbyes, you’ll, grow stronger………it’s not gonna be,easy, but, I have faith, that you will, eventually, come back out, of thatdeep, dark hole he’d, left you in, as he’d, kicked you to the curb.�

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The Shadows of Filial Piety

When the love of her/his father became, conditional, and this still isn’t, how love of a parent to her/his children should be!  Translated…

I’m grateful to my parents, for not allowing me to worry over things when I was growing up, and so, a lot of the things, I’d, followed their rules, and, if something happened back home, I’d always, run to them first, as my father would joke on how I’d not achieved, greatness, I’d, just, laughed it off, after all, every job I’d taken, my father would say that I’m earning too little money, and told me to quit, that he’ll, give me the wages instead; let alone on the issues of boyfriends, nobody can match up to my father’s standards.  And so, at the age of thirty-something, I’d lacked the working experiences, and I’m still, single to this day.

查看來源圖片like this???  Photo from online

Then, my father grew old.

I’d bid farewell to my thirties, and started a family of my own.  I’d thought that my father didn’t feel right, intruding in on my sister and her family, and he’d not wanted to get into fights with my mother that often, he could come to my place to spend some nights, and so, I’d found a place that my father liked, bought a property, even installed the handrails in the bathrooms, believed that everything will be fine.

But, before the constructions were finished, my father was, hospitalized.  Although, he was lucky, that there was, no after effects, but he’d gotten to the place where he could, no longer manage to make his meals, and do the cleaning, and the washing.

After so many years, I got to, live with both my parents, and I do believe, that this was, a blessing for us all.  But, as my father walked into my newly remodeled house, and saw the lamp, and the décor, the first words he’d spoken were, “Throw it all out!”, that I should’ve, decorated my place based off of his liking.

I’d started shaking out of sadness.  All those years of, complying with how he’d wanted to live my life, where did it lead me?  Too many things I wanted, he’d told me no, I’d always, numbed myself, telling myself, that dad knows best.  I’d wanted to major in the arts, switching from the designs major, he was against it; fine, majoring in the arts, the jobs wouldn’t be, easy to find.  I’d wanted to become an entrepreneur, to start working creatively, he’d told me, that finding a workshop wouldn’t be safe; fine, if entrepreneurship is risky, then, saving the money up shouldn’t be, right?

查看來源圖片like this???  BAD, BAD mommy!!!  Illustration found online…

Recently, I’d read a book, “Low Achievers”, and learned, that I’m not, as care-less as I’d thought I was.  I was shot down since I was growing up, and, the long-term negligence, has its, bad consequences.  After I’d, let my father controlled most of my earlier years, can I, have some of my life back again?

My father who’s, very established in his career, had already been, retired, and as we’d gone out, he’d always, gloated to everybody he’d met, saying how, I am, his cane.  But I’d wanted to tell him, DO take care of your cane, DO put it down, and pick it up, lightly, because if you are careless with me, I will, break!

And so, this is the father’s EMOTIONAL abuse toward this person, that’s, caused her/him to end up like this, because this person had been shot down repeatedly by her/his father, s/he now lacked, the confidence to do anything, and, it’s because of how controlling this individual’s father had been, s/he will, always live under her/his father’s shadows, until one day, s/he finally, had enough, and learn to, stand UP for her/himself, but, seeing how things are currently going for this person, it probably, won’t happen, for a long time, or even, at all…

The Lessons that Regrets Have to Offer Us…

If you don’t have a single regret in your lives, then, congrats, on being one in a zillion (just like ME!!!  Wow, I feel, so special right now…).

There are, however, lessons that we can learn from our regrets, remember how regret felt (doesn’t feel too good, does it???  Of course not!!!), and, wouldn’t you WANT to NEVER feel like that again?  Exactly!  And that, IS the precise lesson that regrets have to offer us.

Now, how to go about living your lives, without ANY regrets, that, would be a form of art, I suppose.  And, because of everything that’s happened in my life, that’s been beyond MY control (hello, hello, hello, how the FUCK do I know I was going to be the one, getting POPPED out???), and because it’s all fate, and who the hell, am I, to argue with fate, right?  So, I’d, SCRAPPED regret, OUT of my life completely.

And, there’s, no right or wrong way to approach dealing with your separate regrets, but, generally, regrets can be, divided into TWO “sections”, one, the ones you have no control over, the other, the ones you HAVE control over, and, the only one you can work on, to MAKE a difference in would be the “section” that you HAVE control over.

There’s, nothing else you can do, after you’d, worked through the regrets you have control over, besides, fate’s in charge, hello, hello, hello???  Haven’t we gone over ALL of that previously???  Exactly!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photos of the Family…

Having these photos, still paled, by comparisons from having each other’s company, translated…

Modern day people, with their cell phones in hand, photos are taken so easily, but, if these photos have the heat attached to them, there would be, more values to them.

which would you prefer, this???  Photo from online…查看來源圖片

The children of my uncle are both married, there’s, just the him and his wife living at home now.  His daughter works in the U.S., rarely had the time to visit Taiwan; their son is also, busy at work, and can only take his wife and children home once a month.  He’d gotten the photos of their family vacations developed, and saved them inside a letter sized photo album.

My aunt who’s now demented will flip through the album at least once a day, and sometimes, she’d pointed to herself in the picture, and asked people around her, who that is?  While my uncle wasn’t the least bit interested in the photos.  As his daughter-in-law told him from before, it took them a lot of money, to have all the photos developed, and my uncle told me privately, that compared to the photographs, he’d preferred that his son can visit him at home more often, or give him a call.  That would have, more heat than these, cold photos!

or this???查看來源圖片

With the advancements in technology, no matter how advance, it still, can’t replace the face-to-face interactions of people.  The photos can only keep the memories, but, they can’t, keep the time that we have with our loved ones.  If we can, take less pictures, spend more time together, the memories saved inside our minds, that, is what’s, most precious.

This, is too true, isn’t it, would you rather, have the photos of all your children, grandchildren, surrounding you, so you can flip through those albums every single day, to remember the times you’d spent together, or, would you rather, have your kids and grandkids around you, to physically interact with?

Flustered

You broke me!…查看來源圖片like this???  Sketch found online…

From a blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…

On the Green Pastures

I’d, Lost My Self

During the Long & Winded Season of Rain

I’d, Allowed Myself Go

On a Night, Populated, by No Other

查看來源圖片hurt, doesn’t it???  Sketch found online…

Thought I Could, Forget………

But I’d Become, Red-Eyed

the Moment I’d, Met You

You’d, Walked Right Through Me

I Know I Should, Give Up

But, I Stood Still

in the Crossing

Staring, at Your Backside

And so, this, is how someone TORTURES oneself, the person your in love with no longer loves you, but you can’t, quite let him go yet, and, there’s, nothing you can do, but to just, wait, and cry, as hard and as frequently as you may need to, until one day, that person, no longer roused up any sort of an inkling of an emotion from you again, then, you’d, successfully, gotten over the person!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flustered

From a blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me…

On the Green Pastures

I’d, Lost My Self

During the Long & Winded Season of Rain

I’d, Allowed Myself Go

On a Night, Populated, by No Other

Thought I Could, Forget………

But I’d Become, Red-Eyed

the Moment I’d, Met You

You’d, Walked Right Through Me

I Know I Should, Give Up

But, I Stood Still

in the Crossing

Staring, at Your Backside

And so, this, is how someone TORTURES oneself, the person your in love with no longer loves you, but you can’t, quite let him go yet, and, there’s, nothing you can do, but to just, wait, and cry, as hard and as frequently as you may need to, until one day, that person, no longer roused up any sort of an inkling of an emotion from you again, then, you’d, successfully, gotten over the person!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Know You’re Quite Uncertain, But That’s Okay, a Poem

The only thing that’s certain here is, EVERYTHING G-O-E-S, away!!! Translated…

The Light’s Sure of the Fuses

The Fires, Certainly Hot

The Wind’s Certain of Hugs

The Flowers, Destined, to Wither

Loss

Certain of the Time

You

Certain of Me

So, this, is the certains of that inevitable goodbye, no matter how close the two of you are right now, everything will eventually, END, just like how the flowers will eventually, wither away, how the fires are certainly always and forever going to be, H-O-T, because everything WILL eventually, come to that E-N-D, as it’s all, supposed to.

 

 

 

 

Don’t Walk into People’s Lives at Random

If you’re not ready to take the responsibilities for another life, then, don’t take it home with you, otherwise, you will, live with the guilt on your conscience for a very long time! Translated…

I loved animals dearly, I’d had dogs, cats, ants, crabs, squirrels, fish, turtle, shrimps, chickens, ducks, rabbits, silkworms, birds, as well as insects too………I’d not had enough allowances, never went into a pet shop, the pets I had, I’d either picked them up at the sides of the roads, caught them in the creeks, or it’s the ones that someone had disposed of.

One day in sixth grade, when I got off at school, I saw a yellow fluffy puppy at the side of the road, about eight weeks of age, very cute, it kept following me and barked, like it was trying to get my attention. I’d turned around, extended my arms, then, the furry little guy kept wagging its tail, and rushed into my arms, I’d carried this furry little guy in my arms. And, I couldn’t, put him back down again, like there was, an emotional attachment that was, so suddenly established, in that split second of a moment in time, I’d felt that it’d needed me, and so, I’d, taken the puppy home.

And, as my family saw how I’d, picked up, yet another creature, they’d gotten used to it, and, nagged a bit, then, left me alone. That very evening, I’d, named it, “Dong-Dong”, found a bowl, and got it its food, we’d enjoyed two hours’ worth of happy time together. Then, Dong-Dong crapped, I’d tried to pick up his soft stool with the newspaper, then, mopped up the floors. Then, he’d, pooped again, I’d cleaned that up again too. At that very moment, I’d lost any enthusiasm for playing with the puppy, and, Dong-Dong’s cuteness was, completely, destroyed by his poop. The very next day, I’d, attempted to train it to go on the newspapers, I’d even picked up a piece of chicken to encourage him, but, being just eight weeks of age, he couldn’t learn yet, just, ate the chicken, and, pooped away from the papers. I’d felt so defeated, felt, that having a dog is so bothersome. On third day, I’d, carried Dong-Dong downstairs, put him out on the road, quickly turned around, closed the door, walked upstairs alone, and ended this relationship I had with him, of no more than forty-eight hours. I stood on the lanai, watched him scratch the door hard, and he’d started, whining too, I’d felt so guilty, I couldn’t even, look into his eyes. Being only twelve, I can only tell myself, that he was naturally a stray, I’d only taken him home to play for three days, and now, I’d just, gave him back to the streets where I’d, found him.

But is it really so? Dong-Dong cried through the night outside, and didn’t leave until early the following morn, I knew that he was crying, not because of how cold it was out, nor was he crying from the hunger, but because of how I’d, abandoned him so heartlessly. Many years later, I’d often wondered, where had life taken Dong-Dong? I really do hope, that he was taken home by someone who truly, loved him who’s responsible, but there’s, that higher possibility of him, becoming a stray without an owner, living on an empty stomach, and, getting caught and euthanized by the animal squad at the end.

This made me think of the Fox’s reminder to the little prince in “Le Petit Prince”, “Always have that responsibility for something you’d, domesticated”. Could it be, that Dong-Dong never really needed me at all, for him, I was like all those who’d passed him by, without any scent of attachment. That I was feeling this from my own guilt, thought that he’d, needed me, and started up a relationship with him, named him, and attempted to, “domesticate” him. And, my meaning to Dong-Dong became, different, as he’d made me into his owner, I’d, needed to hold up the burdens of his life, and, there’s that, invisible sort of a contract between us then, and this invisible contract was “responsibility”.

After that, there’s a long time that I’d not had any more pets. I’d told myself, if I wasn’t ready, don’t enter into someone else’s life, and don’t let anybody enter into mine either.

And so, this, is a lesson, taught by your GUILT, on responsibilities, and, I’m sure, that this experience in your younger years had, impacted you very much, because now, you’ll always be wondering, where is that dog that I’d, taken home once, is he okay? Did he end up finding another better owner than me?