When the love of her/his father became, conditional, and this still isn’t, how love of a parent to her/his children should be! Translated…
I’m grateful to my parents, for not allowing me to worry over things when I was growing up, and so, a lot of the things, I’d, followed their rules, and, if something happened back home, I’d always, run to them first, as my father would joke on how I’d not achieved, greatness, I’d, just, laughed it off, after all, every job I’d taken, my father would say that I’m earning too little money, and told me to quit, that he’ll, give me the wages instead; let alone on the issues of boyfriends, nobody can match up to my father’s standards. And so, at the age of thirty-something, I’d lacked the working experiences, and I’m still, single to this day.
like this??? Photo from online
Then, my father grew old.
I’d bid farewell to my thirties, and started a family of my own. I’d thought that my father didn’t feel right, intruding in on my sister and her family, and he’d not wanted to get into fights with my mother that often, he could come to my place to spend some nights, and so, I’d found a place that my father liked, bought a property, even installed the handrails in the bathrooms, believed that everything will be fine.
But, before the constructions were finished, my father was, hospitalized. Although, he was lucky, that there was, no after effects, but he’d gotten to the place where he could, no longer manage to make his meals, and do the cleaning, and the washing.
After so many years, I got to, live with both my parents, and I do believe, that this was, a blessing for us all. But, as my father walked into my newly remodeled house, and saw the lamp, and the décor, the first words he’d spoken were, “Throw it all out!”, that I should’ve, decorated my place based off of his liking.
I’d started shaking out of sadness. All those years of, complying with how he’d wanted to live my life, where did it lead me? Too many things I wanted, he’d told me no, I’d always, numbed myself, telling myself, that dad knows best. I’d wanted to major in the arts, switching from the designs major, he was against it; fine, majoring in the arts, the jobs wouldn’t be, easy to find. I’d wanted to become an entrepreneur, to start working creatively, he’d told me, that finding a workshop wouldn’t be safe; fine, if entrepreneurship is risky, then, saving the money up shouldn’t be, right?
like this??? BAD, BAD mommy!!! Illustration found online…
Recently, I’d read a book, “Low Achievers”, and learned, that I’m not, as care-less as I’d thought I was. I was shot down since I was growing up, and, the long-term negligence, has its, bad consequences. After I’d, let my father controlled most of my earlier years, can I, have some of my life back again?
My father who’s, very established in his career, had already been, retired, and as we’d gone out, he’d always, gloated to everybody he’d met, saying how, I am, his cane. But I’d wanted to tell him, DO take care of your cane, DO put it down, and pick it up, lightly, because if you are careless with me, I will, break!
And so, this is the father’s EMOTIONAL abuse toward this person, that’s, caused her/him to end up like this, because this person had been shot down repeatedly by her/his father, s/he now lacked, the confidence to do anything, and, it’s because of how controlling this individual’s father had been, s/he will, always live under her/his father’s shadows, until one day, s/he finally, had enough, and learn to, stand UP for her/himself, but, seeing how things are currently going for this person, it probably, won’t happen, for a long time, or even, at all…