Sleeping in the same bed, but dreaming of, different, dreams here, and, you know what’s going to, happen, don’t you??? Translated…
I’d Tossed & Turned
In the Nighttime of Springtime
The Fires Already Burned
Waiting for You to Pass Out
In that Moment
I’d, Let You into the Dreams in My Left Eye
Leaving My Right, Skimming Through the Storyline
what the two of you, became…
photo from online
Whether or Not We Wake in-Between
Is it Related to the Quality of Sleep We Have?
A Turned into a Large Gas Chamber
I’m Willing to Be in that Drama of Dreams
With You. Pretending Our Breathing, Even,
I Keep in Mind Your Ears
You, the Scent of My Hair
Awake,
I’d, Lived Through the Land of Your Dreams
And You’d, Died, in Mine
And so, this, is how you two are, on different pages in life, one of you is longing to stay with the other person, while the other already, stopped loving, and, eventually, the two of you are, going to, break up, it’s just, that neither of you is ready for that, so, you’d, allowed this, dying love, to drag out longer…
From watching this game, this woman was slow to realize, that she and this man, aren’t, fitted perfectly for marriage, they’re, too different to work out…translated…
He’d, turned on the T.V. to watch the Olympics, she sat down with him to watch.
She didn’t know the rules of the games, kept her eyes glued on that scoreboard at the bottom of the T.V. screen, she only knew, that the scores are the determinants of who wins and who loses, the rest was, unimportant. And yet, he’s, different, he knew the game, the rules, how it’s played, the details, every time he got worked up, started, fisting the couch called aloud: “that’s a FOUL!”, she became confused, at what the competitors did wrong.
what one of them cared about…photo from online
She thought, that maybe, this is how he was, different than she is, he’s naturally romantic, enjoyed the process, and every step along the way, but she’s, more of the practical sort, believing that it was the end result that mattered the most.
It’s just, they couldn’t discuss all of this, as he’d, focused his total attention, on the game, and so, she could only keep on, staring, at the, scoreboard; as for whether or not they should, get married, she’ll have to wait, until the game is played and finished with, to ask him.
while, the other…
the process of competition, of winning, and of, losing…from online
And, with this doubt in her mind, chances are, this supposed marriage, won’t happen then, or maybe it will, and, they end up, splitting up by divorce in the end, because, these two individuals’ values are, way too different, one of them cared too much about the process, the other, only, the end result, and this will become, totally, problematic after they were, wed!
When you look at me, what, are you, trying to find? A friendly face, that’s, a mirage of your own mind? When I look at you, what is it, that I see? All my faults, projected?
When you look at me, and when I look at you, we’d been, engaging in, this, STARING CONTEST, playing that game of, CHICKEN too long, and I’m still NOT gonna, B-L-I-N-K here! Oh no!
like, this???
only, it’s NOT with a dog, it’s, with, another human being…photo from online
When you look at me, and when I look at you, and there’s, just, nothing, but the, DEAD air, that transpired, between me and you, we ran out of things to say to one another, a long, long, long, long, long (5 longs, oughta be, long ‘nough???) ago already, remember?
When you look at me, and when I, look, at you, yeah, uh, I’m, tired, of staring, into this, LESSER, more CHICKENED, way too, @#$%ING (so???) retarded VERSION of me, so yeah, I’m done, staring you down there, “hon”… (still quite SARCASTIC I am here!)
I ain’t gonna, why? ‘Cuz I ain’t the one, who’d, CAUSED this, FROZEN situation here, you are! So why the @#$% (maxed out!), should I be the one, extending that hand in friendliness out towards you, huh?
Breaking the I-C-E, sometimes, it’s, very hard, because of what happened between the two of you (how the hell should I know what it was???), and because too much went unsaid, unspoken, all the anger, resentment that built up, inside the two of you, which made the two of you, MUTES toward each other…
Breaking the I-C-E, that’s NOT my @$%#ING problem, ‘cuz I did NOT freeze this SHIT up, you had, and, in this lifetime, if I broke it, then, I’ll FIX it, but if I ain’t the one who’d broken it, then, it’s, NOT my problem!
if only, it were, THAT, easy, but it isn’t! Photo from online
Breaking the I-C-E, hell NO, let everything STAY frozen then, I’m too tired of, this, HEAT in this weather anyways, time for, the DEEP FREEZE here…
Breaking the I-C-E, it’s not that hard, but it’s, not that easy, because the two of you still felt that unease between the two of you, that’s why, even as things started melting, neither one of you is, willing, to take that first step out……………
And no, MY ice’s already, CRACKED, and MELTED, I got NO problems of that sort, ‘k??? Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh………hmmmmmmmmmmmm, and “how does THAT make you feel?”
Session’s UP, get out, and PAY my “secretaries”, I don’t have to RE-introduce all of them, do I? Good!
These negative emotions, they’d become PARASITES, sucking on us, day, after day, after day, after day, and now, we’d both become, ANEMICS!
The parasites of our emotions, I’m the only one, working hard, to get rid of them, and, if it were only me I needed to deal with, I would’ve, been cured of them completely, but no, there’s also, YOU I need to deal with too.
The parasites of our emotions, they were, passed down from our former generations, and we are still, unaware of them, and so, we’re, also, passing these emotional PARASITES down to our own young, see the way they fight? How they’re, too much like you and I when we’re, battling…
don’t get fooled by how “cute” they are...
photo from online
The parasites of our emotions, I’d become aware of their existences, and now, I’m, working really hard, to DE-BUG myself, and yet, you’re, totally, completely, CLUELESS (get one!!!), of their existence or maybe, you’re just, too deep, in that DENIAL of yours, I really can care LESS now.
All I know, is that I gotta SAVE me! As for you, you can, continue, to get SUCKED dry by YOUR own emotional PARASITES that started, infesting your lives!
Dreams of that perfect love that actually, don’t and CAN’T resist in your, reality! Translated…
Maybe, because you’re the one longing, or maybe
Because the seams of time got sewn by the wind into
The flowers of linen—shaking, trembling, turned into that leaf of life
Slowly, chewed up, by the worms
That broken scene that’s, breathtakingly beautiful————
Those broken down stars, and the ashes of the oceans
Splashed around, you can reach and pick them up, you can, hold it, passionately in your palms
Or, collect them into scrolls, with the running streams, off of the keys of a piano keyboard
the PERFECT TEN of a Man….
The chopped up tears still reflected the caressed dusk
My palms—that wormhole of light
Filled up with, the language that is, you
In the place between time and sex
Fallen, silent, without a word. The sighs of angels, slowly, vanished, into, your, shadows.
In a careless glance
Shocking to find that beautiful but Strange figure
———the Silverware that’s, Reflected on the Darken Colored Wood
The Tears I Couldn’t Cry Burned on
But the Colors were, Too Light
From Baby Blue, Turned Back to the Purity of White
Or, from a Strange Sort of a Blue, Slowly, Turned, into that White Rock in the Rain
Blue, the Ashes of the Oceans———
Can you See Me Longing
Longing to Shine with the Dying Light from the Japanese Red Elder
I’d, Glowed in the Shades of the Waterfall
That Dying Star, Rang the Spindle, Cranking Out the Cloths of, Music
I Held My Breath in, Smiled, Listened Close, without Inhaling
Turned into that Dogwood Belonging to the Butterflies
I Could Fly, I Bloom, but, More Like Those, Fallen, Petals
Staying at Rest, on Your Firm Shoulders I’d Dreamed
You’re, Merely, My Dream—————
And so, it don’t matter what it is that you dream of, that perfection in a mate, it’s only a dream, nothing more, and, eventually, you will WAKE, into this reality, where this perfect ten of a man or a woman, can’t and will, NEVER exist, because there’s NO such thing as someone who’s perfectly fitted for you, unless you’re, talking about yourself!
There’s, that silence that, transpired, between us, that I don’t know what to do with, I mean, I can, almost hear my own heart, breaking inside of me (ALMOST!!!), with this dead silence that’s now, taken over this realm called, our lives.
The silence that, transpired, between us, I keep on, trying to, escape, but I’m like, that pinball, inside that machine, bouncing around, hitting the walls! The silence that, transpired, between us, how am I supposed to, live in the silence for the rest of my life, huh? This was NOT, what I’d, signed on for at all!
the silence, that turned itself, into, space…photo from online
So yeah, I’d, put an end, to this, silence, between us, by making, a WHOLE lotta, noise, and now, you WILL, listen UP!
And, I no longer, feel this silence that, transpired between us, gnawing at me, it’s like, it never, existed, as I’d, moved, this silence, to you. Now, you will, live, INSIDE this, hurtful silence that I’m, giving to you, as a CURSE.
See how YOU like it, huh???
The silence that transpired between us, is NO more, for I’d, taken the liberty (‘cuz, uh, it’s, M-I-N-E!!!), and put everything, including L-O-V-E, OUT of, its, MISERY here!
How we’re, alike, and how we’re, also, very, different, translated…
Thinking about that Balcony
Aside from the Cigarette Butts, the Empty Bottles, & the Rust
You’d Decided to Put a Few
Pots of Cacti on it
You’d, Loved Them So
here’s one of us…
With the Thorns, Rough &
Quite, Insensitive
The Insensitive
one of us…photo from online
Aren’t They Deserving of Love, Like the Ideals of Pain
Like the Still Objects, Carrying the Electricity
Whoever that Touched, Gets, ZAPPED
& Should Understand
I, with my Stiffened Arms
Still Take that Step Closer to It
You’d Told, You Saw the Roses Too
But They’re, Difficult to Take Care
You’d Arrived Home
here’s, the other one of us…photo from online
Maybe the Next Time
We Don’t Need Flowers, Do We
The Blossoms are Nothing But Smokes & Mirrors
Covering up What’s Rotting Out
And What’s Rotting Out will Have the Worms
One Day the Roses Will Sit Side by Side with the Cacti
& Show Off Their Thorns
Who’s Waving There on the Lanai
Looking from Faraway, I Guess it’s the Shirts
Hung Outside for Days on End
Dumb, Swayed on
Your Replacement
My Former, Shells
And so, this, is how this couple interacted, one of them is the rose, the other one, the cactus, both are, prickly, and, both are, slowly, desensitized to the stimuli in their lives, and, they’re still, sharing, that solitary, living space, like the cactus and the rose they have inside the pots on their lanai…
Let’s, tear down these wall, and let nothing get between us, you said…
Tear down these walls, if it were, that easy, but the walls are built of STEEL, and, they’re now, impenetrable! So tall, getting taller by the day, as we’d, stopped, carrying on in casual conversation daily.
Tear down these walls, easier said than done, don’t you know? These walls are built already, and, it took us, the former years of our better lives together, to build it all up, and now, you want to, tear it down? What the HELL! We’d put in, too much work, just to, build it all up, and I shall, NOT go along, with this idea of yours, on a whim, NOT this time!
what that’s, like…artwork from online
Tear down these walls, you can’t, they’re, made up of, steel now, hard, and, you can’t even make a single DENT it them, by punching it like how I’d, punched those, paint plastered walls from before…
Tear down these walls, we won’t, we’re, comfortable, living together, in this house, separately, you keep to your side of the house, and I’ll, keep to mine, and we shared, the communal spaces of living room (that’s where the T.V. is, by the way), the kitchen space (b/c we both need to eat? Uh, D-U-H!!!), but not much else.
Tear down these walls, I won’t, they’re, the only protection I got, to keep everything away from me, and you should STAY out as well!!!
The love that, grew, colder, colder, colder, until you’re, in, the DEEP FREEZE of your relationship! Translated…
Growing darker outside the windows, nobody is walking around. After she’d made the instant porridge, she carried her cup, walked back into the room. I asked her, how long did the light stop working by your side? She’d turned her face, all I could see was her surgical mask. She’d told me she had no clue, two, three days, perhaps? I imagine it must’ve been, longer. As I’d stopped working and stayed at home, I’d not seen that light turned on once. But I’d not asked her, and she’d, left it.
from this…
Photo from online
I placed the chair underneath the light, heard a light cough. I’d entered into the room inquired, “are you okay?” She’d placed that cup onto the drawers, put her mask back on told me, “it’s fine, I just choked on some water is all”.
If she’d not put on the mask immediately, I would’ve, made my exit. I’d asked her, are you sure? You’d been wearing the mask every day at home.
She told me, I’m really okay. She picked up her cell phone, opened up the communication app, started typing.
I had an instinct, she just, didn’t want me to be there, so she’s, pretending to be busy.
Fine, take your mask off, then I’ll believe you.
She started frowning: why should I make you believe me? If you don’t believe me, you put your mask on.
I thought. If you’re afraid that you might contract something from me, I’d told, state it clearly, and I shall wear my mask on the whole day, and not take it off in front of you.
If you’re still ill-at-ease, then, I shall get myself checked for the virus at the hospital, whatever needs to get treated, gets, treated, whatever needs to get burned, burned.
Don’t be unreasonable.
Are you really, having a conversation with someone there?
She’d stopped typing now. Enough. She’d stated, go away, I don’t’ want to talk to you on this.
to this…
from online
I said, then, wouldn’t it be grand, if you just put that mask on your face at home? We don’t see each other, we don’t, talk to one another, let’s just, use the texts, or, maybe, one day, we will break up completely, and you can find yourself in the arms, of another, would that please you then?e
She’d looked at me for a very long time, suddenly, she lifted her mask off, I saw her lips minced together, trembling.
I walked out of the room, stayed put in the hallway, not expecting to head anywhere, so I got on that chair, took of the light covers. Through the dying light, I saw the holder was with the dead corpses of the moths. I stood perfectly still, carried that tomb, the silence that surrounded me, was covering me up more so than the virus. I closed my eyes, thought of those who committed suicide by hanging.
And so, this, is what your relationship’s got to, with nothing left you can say to each other, and each extra word became, an annoyance, and, this had started, way before this ever happened, it’s a build up, because, the love doesn’t, grow cold overnight, it gets colder, little, by little, more and more, each and every day, until, the temperatures between the two of you, drops to, BELOW freezing like this, the two of you just have, nothing to say to each other anymore, but you’re still, together, why is that???
JUST the Unwinding of Thoughts 